Guys, he seems nervous around me; is he shy? Is he flirting? Or am I clueless?

[Anonymous]

I'm clueless and confused. I met a guy earlier this year. He talks to people but from my observations he doesn't talk to girls unless they are married to his friends or old enough to be his mom.

He won't do anything other than acknowledge me or say hi briefly. I have to go up to him. Sometimes he won't say hi or even look at me. Other times I catch him looking at me from the back of the room etc...

He seems nervous around me. Fidgety, stumbling over words and other times he talks too fast and add unnecessary details...

Sometimes he will touch me on my back, arm or shoulder very lightly. Is that flirting for him?

He seems to talk lower to me and I know I have his attention. He does face his whole body toward me. Once when talking we locked eyes deeply for like 10 seconds of silence. That threw me.

Also he said some things that made me think he isn't interested. He said he doesn't like to talk on the phone. Which is a blow off right? But at the same time he did the touchy thing and said he enjoyed talking to me.

I'm so confused. Is he just shy? Doesn't know what to do with me? Not interested? Men... Any thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions?

I'd appreciate it. Please be nice. I just don't know what to do right now.

Updates

+1 y

Any other ideas?

Updates

+1 y

Update...

Updates

+1 y

Thanks. I haven't seen him in a bit. Giving him some space and time to figure out what he wants.

[Rloco]

He probably likes you but has very little dating experience or has had very bad ones. This could have made him extremely shy and insecure. He probably has no idea how to show his interest and freezes up when talk I to you. If you want to know for sure you'll have to take the chance and ask him out or approach him about it. I completely understand this guy because I was just like him just last year. This sounds like how I used to be so there is a very good chmace he's I to you. of course everyone is different so I it a risk of course.

[Asker]

Thanks.

[Rloco]

Your welcome

[Asker]

I appreciate how most people have given real answers and thoughts and not been mean or condescending. Girls can be just as clueless as guys. 😁

[Rloco]

Especially with shy guys. Shy guys will do everything in their powertoo make sure you don't know they like you due to fear of rejection. But the fact that they like will leak out sometimes completely confusing you lol. This guy seems like he's trying not to show it but he can't help it. At least that's what it seems like.

[Asker]

Thanks. Any suggestions for when I see him? Should I try to look excited or show extra emotion?

[jacwat25]

na just be causal, I guess you could make sure he understands you didn't try to blow him off or something. The one lesson ladies need to learn with guys is say whats on your mind. If you get mad at him b/c you want something and your hinting to him but he can't pick up on it, it will cause a big argument bc you weren't clear with him. Seen breakups happen sooo much b/c of that very thing. say what ya feel, even if he doesn't like it he'll appreciate you later for it!

[Asker]

I don't hint. My father is the king of not getting it or not noticing his hand in front of his face. (I love my dad btw) so I did grow up realizing hints don't work. We aren't dating or together which is why I'm confused by some of his behavior. One guy mentioned grabbing his hand. I'm a little uneasy with that. I mean what if he looks at me like I've lost my mind? I'm sure he won't hit me. He's too nice for anything like that.. But... He might think I'm too fast or something.

[Rloco]

Definitely start conversations with him whenever you can. And seem really happy to talk to him. If you are feeling really brave ask him to hang out after talking more. Unless you show clear interest or make him comfortable talking to you his feelings won't show.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot. I appreciate it.

[BrianSmith]

He's nervous and shy around girls. He touches you which shows he likes you. I'd say he's pretty inexperienced. I think he doesn't like talking over phone because he doesn't know what to say. Probably prefers texting so he can think about what to say. Ideas, if you're interested in him, touch him back, that will probably put him at ease. Ask him if he likes texting.

[Asker]

Really? He's like 32 I've been told. I'm not sure I believe at that age he's not experienced at all.

[jacwat25]

Hey dont hate i haven't dated much myself. partially because of being shy. i dnt have much experience either!! Lol

[Asker]

He's very handsome so it's just hard to believe.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

He may be shy and can't open up to talk to you,
he doesn't talk to girls unless they are married to
his friends or talks to women old enough to be his
mother well it sounds like you could have a chance
with him but his shyness for now is stopping him from
opening up to you maybe suggest to him you two go see a
movie or go to a Cafe and have coffee or maybe to
dinner to make small talk, some people whose shy
can go for years being single cause simply their too
shy to open up to a woman/ girl.

[Asker]

Yeah. He's over 30. Like 32 maybe... Not completely sure.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Yeah that's something well i wish you good luck
on that one :)

[Asker]

Lol. I know right. You'd think a grown man would realize girls don't bite...

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Yeah i agree with you but i am like
one of the shyest guys and I'm 47

[Asker]

I bet you actually talk to women though.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Yeah after i get warmed up

[Asker]

How long does it take you? Assuming you see her say once a week...

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

I start opening up like about a week or sometimes less..

[Asker]

Hmmm. Ok. Yeah he's shyer than you or something.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Yeah, i know how it goes.. I'm just thinking he
can't open up to you yet.

[Asker]

Thanks for your insight.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Your Very Welcome :)

[ROBERTHOOKE]

He's not really shy. He likes you and I say this with utter conviction as I too behaved the same around my crush. Get to know him, once you do, he'll stop all that stumbling and will gain some confidence. He could then even open his feelings to you.
best of luck!

[Asker]

Thanks.

[Asker]

You say he isn't shy? What makes you say that?

[ROBERTHOOKE]

Well, I haven't met him in person, so I cannot conclude. All I was saying was from my own experience. Whenever I was around the girl who I liked, I used to feel a little funny. I would stumble upon speaking, act as if I was not very sure, point is that I was nervous. That's pretty much why I think he's getting a little nervous but of course, he could just be shy.
Happy to help!

[ROBERTHOOKE]

I believe if you could dig in deeper and find out whether it's his nature to be shy or not, you could then really find out whether he likes you. His actions do show that he likes you (From that "touchy" thing you mentioned about him).

[Asker]

He doesn't seem that way with his close friends but I haven't seen him interact too much with others he doesn't know well.

[ROBERTHOOKE]

Well, even a shy person can never be shy towards his close friends. That's just what I was telling you, whether he's shy or not, a frequent interaction with him will eliminate the shy behavior. It's completely your call
best of luck!

[Streamhopper]

Yup yup. He's shy. I'm the same way. I'll talk to you all day long on the Internet. Put you in front of me? *gulp* I couldn't do it. I'm way too shy. This may be his attempt at breaking through to you. It's up to you where it goes, though.

[Asker]

What about not wanting to talk on the phone when I gave him my number and he said he didn't like to? That doesn't make sense.

[Streamhopper]

No, it does. I'm super shy. Like to an extreme. I'm paid to be social so I do, but I don't like it. I'd be nervous, at best, to talk to a girl on the phone. You're obviously more open than he is. I'd tell you my life story on the Internet, but in person I'd be lucky to get 3 words out. Some guys are like that.

[Asker]

Hmmm.

[ChinChinati]

he is one of those guys who don't know what the hell they are doing and are confused of things and never have a clear idea of anything
but they are loyal in relationships unless he is a complete jerk
you need to find your way in through his weird talking and i am sure once you are there he will start sharing things with you :)

[Asker]

Lol! That was clear as mud.

[jacwat25]

to be honest this sounded like me a little a few years back, heck sometime I still have trouble talking to women I find attractive. I think it could be two things, I think he could be really nervous around you. So i think the best thing to combat that and make him feel comfortable joke around with him, and let him know your joking!! Two I think he might need to know your interested, if you are, because he could have a confidence issue.

[Asker]

Sounds simple.

[Asker]

I have tried to show him and I've told him I care. I won't say love as I don't take that lightly and I haven't known him long enough for that.

[jacwat25]

Ya def dont say love that freak me out n him im sure. Hell get the point if u try n reschedule

[Asker]

Reschedule?

[jacwat25]

definitely!! trust me;)

[Asker]

I'm confused. What do you mean reschedule? Reschedule what?

[jacwat25]

a time for you guys to go out. tell him a day your available!! lol

[Asker]

We never got that far yet.

[mordecai]

yes he is shy and he likes you 100% and i also know that because that behaviour is just like mine would be

[Asker]

Really? So you would tell a girl you don't like to talk on phone when she asks you to call her? I'm confused with that one. I didn't even have the guts to ask for his after that. Made me feel bad, like a rejection, except he kept touching me which really confused me. And they say us women are confusing...

[mordecai]

I thought you would ask that :)
So this is the thing personally I feel awkward speaking on phone with people especially if it is some girl I like...
I would be so awkward that i wouldn't know what am I saying hahaha
Maybe i would say it and come clean and maybe i wouldn't (because i would be too afraid that she might misunderstand) but one thing for sure I would feel awkward speaking on a phone with a girl I really like, my brain would just be too messed up to have a conversation (as u know shy guys are messed up a bit)
You really have to be very persistent and be patient with shy guy
and yes we are confusing,

[mordecai]

even to ourselves

[Asker]

That mean us clueless girls are even more clueless around your type.

[mordecai]

hahahah that combo ;) that is why i said that you need to be patient and persistent
You can try being playful, outgoing, feel free around him so he opens up a bit (stops being shy a little), try to understand him and get in his minddd xD
That is my advice, feel free to ask me anything

[Asker]

I have to work on patience. Not one of my virtues. 😁

[Anonymous]

Yes shy and interested but not got much experience. Kiss him that will make him relax. If you aren't willing to then either get drunk together and let him try haha or maybe just be a bit more outgoing with him. But don't lead him along and then when he does try a move knock him back. That is the worst thing you could do and knock what confidence he has. If you like him then make something happen. If not then just leave him alone.

[Asker]

I wouldn't lead anyone on. I've been raised better than that.

[Opinion Owner]

That's nice to hear. Then just play it out and see what happens. Life is full of opportunities, sometimes we take them sometimes we don't and to be fair he is the man, he should make the moves. Good luck.

[Asker]

Really? I understand some shy guys won't ever make the first move.

[Opinion Owner]

Well exactly, maybe he won't but that is also how we learn to make the move. The problem is that once he does decide to take action, it will probably be too late. He will be so obsessed by this point he will probably be more interested in you than you are him. Which is futile from his point of view. But once you begin to see that you lost a girl through not taking action, you learn to take it, sooner or later. And once you then learn that action needs to be prompt, in order to remain aloof, you begin to just take action. This continuous through many different aspects of the relationship. Especially once you realise there is nothing to lose. But if you want to make a move then do so. It's up to you. There is no shame in a girl taking action. Personally I think it is great to see a girl who knows what she wants too, and doesn't let assigned gender rules control her life and so takes some initiative too, especially when it is a case that she knows a guy likes her but is too shy to move.

[Asker]

Thanks. I don't know anything for certain though. Nor can anyone on here actually tell me one way or another.

[OnionsNstuff]

that definitely sounds like someone very shy. especially the part where he doesn't speak to any single girls in his own age range

[Asker]

So you don't think he's just not interested? Any suggestions? I tried to give him my contact info and that's when he said he didn't like talking on the phone... So that confused me. Did I scare him?

[OnionsNstuff]

it makes sense - i mean being shy and talking on the phone dont really go hand in hand
i do think he's interested, he's showing some clear signs

[OnionsNstuff]

i mean im not very shy at all myself and i would still get a bit nervous if i had to talk on the phone with someone i liked

[Asker]

Really? Like what? The touching? Help me understand. Also, what should I do?

[OnionsNstuff]

the touching is a very obvious one - if he wasn't interested in you i very much doubt he would do those things

i think the only thing you can do is just treat him like you would anyone else. shyness is merely the fear of messing up. if you like him chances are he's already past the stage where he could mess anything up with just words - he just doesn't realise it yet. he will get easier in time.

[Asker]

Ok. Thanks.

[OnionsNstuff]

no problem, i hope it works out for you!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's shy and likes you. He may even have low self esteem making him think you wouldn't be interested in him.

[Asker]

What makes you say that? What actions?

[Opinion Owner]

Intense eye contact, subtle touching, looking at you from a distance all the things I do when I like a girl.

[Asker]

What about the he doesn't like to talk on the phone thing?

[Opinion Owner]

Did he tell you that face to face or actually on the phone?
I wouldn't read to much into that comment, maybe he genuinely doesn't like talking on the phone, doesn't really change whether he likes you or not

[Asker]

It was face to face when I asked him to call me about something. I was gonna ask for his number but after that I kinda felt discouraged.

[Maverickj]

He seems shy. If you like him, try asking him out. You have a very high chance of success.

[Asker]

What makes you think I have a high chance?

[Maverickj]

Because a girl asking out a guy is rare. He'll love it even more, simply because it's seen as such a special thing.

I speak from experience. I'm very shy myself, and nothing makes me happier than when a girl asks me out.