How do I stop my mind going blank when I'm talking to him?

[Anonymous]

Usually I'm a confident girl who likes to joke around and has plenty to say without trying hard, and am not afraid to say what I think without being a bitch.

The problem is when I get to like a guy I sometimes get a tad shy and my mind goes TOTALLY blank, which makes me look like a complete bimbo (I have the bright blonde hair to match haha). I don't know what it is, because sometimes I'm fine I'm my usual self but other times I just clam up.

This has caused problems with the current guy I'm seeing for 4 months because I have no problem joking around with everyone else all the time and having a chat but I tend to be a tad more reserved with him. Which led him to accuse me of flirting with his friends :(

What can I do to help me relax when I get like this? AND BE MYSELF AROUND HIM ALL THE TIME WITHOUT RANDOMLY CLAMMING UP?

Thank you so much x

[TheRomantic]

When I was a young man, I had a similar problem. I was talkative, and confident to the point of arrogance, except when it came to girls. The more I liked her, the more I would become tongue tied. One strategy that I employed to overcome this was to rehearse various responses to things that she would say frequently. Often I would find myself thinking later, "Doh! I should have said XYZ!" So I would file these away for later use.

The main reason that I would get stupid (for that is how I felt), was that the girl wasn't just a girl anymore. She was important to me, and because of this, her opinion of me became important, and I became afraid of screwing up. My advice, beyond the rehearsal technique outlined above, is just to relax.

In all likelihood, he was first attracted to you (at least in part) by your wit. Start by talking to him, and explaining the problem to him. Second, Relax! See him as a friend as well as a boyfriend, and talk to him as a friend. Let the relationship take it's course from there, and don't worry about whether or not you screw up.

Will you sometimes say something stupid? Probably (I know I did many a time). Will he run away from you because of it? Probably not, and if he does, then he's not the man you thought he was. I know it's difficult, especially when its someone you care about, but that is the most important time to relax and be yourself around him, for if he can't handle the real you, then there is no future there. That's something that I have always thought better to discover sooner rather than later.

Hope this helps, Marc

[kahlveen]

Maybe you might be feeling a tad self-conscious around your guy because you think he's always scrutinizing what you say. Or maybe it's just nervousness and you scramble for the "right" thing to say, when really the right thing to say is whatever you have on your mind.

Either way, every time you two have a conversation, try this: See him as not only someone you like/have a crush on, but also as a friend, to whom you can talk to about anything. And always remember that you are seeing him because you two have something in common. Focus on that. What sort of things do you both like? Sports? Fashion? School?

If all else fails, get him to talk about himself. Be curious about him, his interests, his desires. Guys love girls who listen.

[RedRoan311]

I have the same problem :( I guess all you can do is try to relax, its helped me a bit. I'd like to see what other people say to this, too. Its simply that you don't want to say something embarrassing.