My boyfriend had an emotional breakdown and broke up with me overnight, help?

[JasmindaJerome]

I had been dating my boyfriend for a couple of months and we were really happy together. He showed genuine signs of commitment, introducing me to all of his friends, making plans with me, making his mum change her plans so he could see me for my birthday etc. Everything was going well and we were really happy with no arguments.

Before we started our relationship, we were both aware he was leaving for a year abroad in eight months. I said I was okay with just seeing how our relationship went, even if we probably have to break up then. He said initially he didn't know whether he could do it knowing it has to end, took some time off to think, but then came back and said he liked me too much to be rational.

So for two months we were happy. He gets an email reminding him that he is leaving, and suddenly instantly goes quiet. I called him that evening to see if he was okay, and he just kept saying how he feels awful that he is leaving (in seven months, mind you) and it looms over him every time we are so happy together. He was crying/very emotional so I suggested to meet up the next day to talk about it. We did, and he broke up with me because he said he just feels too shit even though I tried to be rational with him that it was seven months away and it was too soon to have this conversation. He literally went from one day commitment, planning for my birthday, to this.

I am obviously very upset. I told him I don't stick around after break ups. It's been a few days and I haven't spoken to him. I made the mistake of sending him a snap of me with a guy friend and he deleted me off snapchat after that. But the next day, at 3am when he was supposed to be out drinking with friends, he started liking my photos with my friends randomly.

I really don't know what happened. I didn't think we had to break up. What was he thinking, if we were so happy together and him leaving was so far away?

[America1st]

It sounds like he really would like to be with you, but taking the chance that it gets much deeper before he leaves is too much. As much as it might hurt, he is doing the sensible thing. A year away can change so much and then you feel worse. Respect his wishes and if you can, tell him you are good with being friends. I don't think he will, but it hurts nothing to ask. If it would be too hard for you to be friends, don't do it. Life takes many turns and when he gets back he may get back in touch. I did that when I was much younger. I really liked the girl, so much that I thought about her all the time I was away. It worked out that she wasn't with anybody when I got back and we started again. The funny thing is that to much had gone on in our lives while I was over seas and we mutually broke it off. Another thing that might work for now is if you tell him you can wait for him to come back if things continue being good over the next 7 months. Really think that out before you tell him that. My gut tells me that whatever you do, he will probably not want to continue. You must respect his decision and let it go if he still says no. Think it through before you say anything to him. This isn't just a little thing. There are things you need to ask yourself before you do anything. I wish you the best regardless of what you do.

[JasmindaJerome]

I don't think I can be friends, but I do miss him and I don't understand why we can't just enjoy the limited time we have together?

[America1st]

If I was him and I really cared about the woman, as he seems to, I would probably not go back because it would hurt a lot more after 8 months. My experience in the past would stop me because I wouldn't want to go through what I did before. Do you know where he is going and why. Are you the type of woman that would worry about him cheating there. It's easy to say no now, but very hard say for sure it wouldn't bother you at all. I see girls and women on here who get concerned if their boyfriend doesn't text or call at usual times. If you have any jealousy in you, stop now, you'll never make it a year. I'm not being mean when I say this... It's not that you don't understand, you don't want to because it's not what you want. I think in 7 months you would be sorry you didn't let it go before your feelings grow a lot more intense. Him going then will be much harder even if you both say you'll still be there when he comes back. There is no guarantee it can. He does sounds like a great guy.

[JasmindaJerome]

He did mention that he went through a similar experience where he had to break up with someone he really liked before because of distance and was really hurt. But for me I think having something together rather than nothing at all is better than letting this to to waste, because I don't think he is just using it as an excuse to be single and be with other girls I think? We aren't talking at all right now and it hurts. Thank you so much for being so helpful!!

[America1st]

His reason makes total sense. If he is doing it to go out with other girls, it may be because he won't get the feelings he has for you. Remember, if he does that, it has nothing to do with you. If he connects with one of them, he'll do the same thing. Life is not fair, never has been, never will be. I understand you want this so much, but sometimes we just don't get what we want. I'm sorry.

[JasmindaJerome]

Thank you so much for the help. Should I try to be friends with him/tell him it's okay or just leave it? Right now I told him it was goodbye because I didn't stick around after breakups, and he said he still cares about me and if I ever forgave him we could be friends. But I don't know if I should allow him to have my presence in his life if he didn't commit

[America1st]

I seriously doubt you can just be friends. You are too invested in him to be able to do so. Think about what you said in the last sentence in your last message. You guys have been together for one month. What kind of commitment do you mean? One month is not near long enough to real commitment. My gut tells me you know what the right thing to do is. Your problem is that you are allowing your heart to keep you in this turmoil you are in. Sometimes it's best to follow what your head is telling you. Also, I seriously doubt he would be capable of being just friends any more than you can. I know it hurts and is not what you want, but letting it go and moving on is what will be best for you. If you have more questions, feel free to ask.

[JasmindaJerome]

I cracked today because I saw him liking another girl's photos and after a week and a half I messaged him saying quite aggressively "please leave me alone and stop liking my things, I know you think you're being friendly but its insensitive" while deleting him as a friend. He replied later being like "oh i didn't even realise. Sorry" and then blocked me on everything. I didn't ask him to block me but just to lay off... does he hate me?

[America1st]

No, I don't think he hates you. I think he can't handle dealing with you because of his feelings for you. He doesn't want to go through what he did before with someone else and talking with you is too hard on him. I think he is really hung up on you, but his fear is guiding him, not his heart. Let it go, not for his sake, but for you.

[JasmindaJerome]

So it's not because he just doesn't care/has moved on? I was thinking of texting him an apology because I have been insensitive too since the breakup, but I might not

[America1st]

I would bet that he cares! That does not mean you should contact him again. His actions have clearly shown he does not want to go through what you want and he may be getting upset that you will not let it go. By blocking you, he's saying I'm done. It is probably what he has to do to get by his feelings. And no apology is needed on this. It would not be taken as you would like it taken. It will just upset him more and he is working real hard to end contact. You will get over this even if it seems you can't or won't. I promise you will.

[JasmindaJerome]

I want you to know I read over these posts whenever I feel awful and it really helps. Thank you.

[America1st]

Thank you very much. I don't post questions on GAG. I only respond to others questions. I love helping people and derive a lot of satisfaction when I do help someone. You made me feel good. You can private message me if you have questions I might be able to help with. I have 6 women who do that. It's up to you. I wish you the best!

[JasmindaJerome]

Hello it's me again. So it's been about a month now since we broke up and I am doing a lot better generally. However about two weeks after he blocked me on social media I texted him late at night "You didn't have to block me." And he replied instantly "I thought that war was what you wanted..." (melodramatic?) And I responded quite angrily that I wanted him to just leave me alone and stop pretending we are friends when he dumped me a week ago for a bullshit reason (I was a bit drunk). He responded a couple of hours later at 3am saying "Okay well I'm sorry you told me not to bother you and this seemed like the best way" and I didn't respond. We have a compulsory class together the next day which he always/has to go to but he didn't turn up. He is too scared to face me?

[America1st]

Good for you! I'm so glad you are doing better now. As far as him being scared, it's definitely possible he is uncomfortable around you. He probably didn't expect you to be so strong. His responses to your texts are pretty sad. It's his loss, not yours.

[America1st]

@KiaraLemon I tried to message you, but it said you weren't active.

[America1st]

@KiaraLemon I'm following you, but it still won;t let me message you.

[America1st]

@KiaraLemon Maybe if you follow me with this name. You have the block on. I'd much rather go into more detail privately. Publicly isn't meant for long conversations.

[sodaa_popp]

He sounds a little dramatic... Wouldn't recommend you reach out to him. Give him an opportunity to see if he misses you or not (he can't miss you if you're around). Ignore what he says, and pay attention to what he does.

[Anonymous Asker]

Yeah friends have commented he is being dramatic. I really don't know how to get through to him or whether this is actually all BS

[petew123]

I've been through a really similar experience to yours - this time last year I became close to a guy I had met recently but after about a month of dating he decided that he was going to buy a one way ticket overseas because he needed a change of scenery. We both really liked each other, but he refused to make me his official girlfriend or define the relationship because he thought it would be too hard to end things when he left (in about 6 months time). We kept the 'relationship ' going for a couple more months, but we ended up having to break things off because we knew that it would be too hard to leave each other, and he couldn't guarantee that he was going to come back.
I think that your boyfriend's excuse was somewhat legitimate, but I don't think that he broke up with you due to a lack of affection. In my opinion, he feels very strongly about you, and probably ended it as quickly as possible to avoid forming the attachment that would come with a few more months of spending time together. Leaving after becoming more attached to you would break his, and your heart, and it seems like he was trying to protect the both of you by ending the relationship so quickly.
Keep your chin up, I know how hard this is to go through! Remember that if you two are meant to be, you will find each other again in time 😊

[faithandpixiedust]

Some guys might not be able to handle a long distant relationship. Something similar happened to me, I was in a relationship with a guy and I got accepted in an internship in Florida for what was supposed to be 8 months. He knew I was leaving but told me it didn't matter to him and he wanted to try anyways. He changed his mind after 3 weeks and said he couldn't handle me being so far for so long.
-I ended up extending my program for the rest of the year and the second I came back he hits me up on Instagram.
It sounds like he really does like you but it sounds like awful timing. I'm not saying you should put your life on hold, but maybe give him so time to himself to think and see if he contacts you.

[CrystalChild]

Nope nope nopeity nope. The best thing here is to cut ties if he is going away and doesn't want to have an ldr. Think about it. You two are this attached now. Imagine how much more you'll be in seven months. It makes it ten times harder to say goodbye. If both of you were sure you'd continue the relationship then I'd say sure, make it happen, but since your plan is to just hold off the inevitable, it'd be unwise to make this even harder than it already is. Shame on him for not following through and leaving you alone so you can move on though. I don't know. If you wanna have an ldr and he's willing, then sure try to talk it out, if not, move on girl! Don't show your seeds in fruitless soil.

[NyomiMcClinton]

Yeah I would reach out to him. He sounds like he may be moody and depressed at this time due to the move. I would stay clear of forcing yourself on him. If I was him, I would definitely like my space until I am able to think clearly for the moment. But I would like someone to talk to and understand. You can reach out to him, and suggest that you will be there for him if he wants to talk and that you understand that he will be leaving for 8 months.

[Anonymous Asker]

But if he broke it off, how do I know if he wants to talk?

[ThisDudeHere]

There is no such thing as illegitimate reasons to break up - people can and should be able to break up for any reason. If he saw it fit to do so, then it is what it is. Perhaps he has other underlying reasons, you can never know. But you don't really have a right to say that he had no 'real' reason at all.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, girl but that's how many people are. The change their minds in an instant. Anyway, you need to move on. Stop thinking about it, there is no point at all.

[Anonymous]

He misses you and he broke up with you due to him being spontaneous. That doesn't mean you should take him back though.

[Ayshea]

You kinda already knew it was most likely going to end. You just decided to risk it.

Although I do believe if he truly liked you, he would make it work. Perhaps he was not as happy as you thought he was.

[reptocarl]

He's full of shit. The tears were an act. The truth is he wasn't as happy as he made you think and he's found someone else but is too much of a pussy to just say so

[JasmindaJerome]

But why was he so committed just days before, telling me I'm his priority etc... surely there would have been warning signs?

[reptocarl]

I'm sure there were that you didn't pick up on. He was telling you what you wanted to hear. It was all a lie

[Borginborg]

he broke up with you to save you both the heartbreak that will come (and the distraction, depression, etc) that will come with distance.
but what do I know that is just my opinion

[Anonymous]

You made a mistake of sending him a picture with a guy. It must have hurt him very much. He loves you but he fears something, something must be done to fill the hole in his heart. Long distance relationship is very hard you know, maybe that is why he broke up or to test you. Guys act the way they are driven. Something happened to him.

[Anonymous]

he's trying to be realistic but he can't bc of dem feelings. which is normal, but that doesn't mean that it is okay. tell him how it made you feel when he was the one who broke up and how you are like wtf bc he's now doing shit on fb and insta.

[Opinion Owner]

and just delete him from social media pls

[thierryMUG]

if he really wants to be with you, he'll make every excuse whether legit or not to be with you. i know it sounds crazy but its really that simple.

[NerdInDenial]

He only saw the writing on the wall and knew it would only be harder. So, he went cold turkey.

[Anonymous]

I mean you did know this relationship was pretty doomed to begin with so you entered it at your own risk.

[Anonymous]

That snap made a big hole in his heart.

[Umar991]

To long to read xD

[Anonymous]

Maybe he does

[Anonymous]

You haven't moved on