Why do we often overlook the good people?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I was reading some of the responses on one guy's forum, bout him not being into partying every weekend and stuff, and wanting to find a girl. He fit into the good guy group, so of course a bunch of guys got on there talking about how all the good guys are passed up until later, and left with the slutty remains of women to call their wives - I was like wtf?

REALISTICALLY - I'd say all the good people are passed up honestly. Boy and girl. So many " nice" guys run around here complaining about girls because they only focus on the conceited self absorbed party girls who demand most male attention.

Then there are these amazing wonderful " nice" girls studying quietly, getting their education, enjoying their hobbies that are so casually and easily overlooked. I've consoled so many of these girls who felt ugly and unwanted because all the dudes flock to the bad party girls - so honestly, it goes both ways. What little girls who lack sense date douche bags, what little guys who lack sense date skanks - the rest of us sensible people just don't f***ing date because we know better than to fall for such translucent people.

So this just boggles me; why do we often overlook the good people?

Is it because they aren't as good looking? Too nice? Boring what?

Or is it that we just don't give them a chance because we have this idea that we can do " better" per say?

What the hell gives? I purposely seek out the " nice" guys because I know they'll treat me right - why does it seem like most people don't do the same?

I kinda wonder if society has made it harder for us to pair up with those who will treat us good, because it's enforced that we should seek partners for superficial things like sex and the inherent fear there is surrounding commitment and love?

And also, maybe it's because people aren't taught to work to make themselves a better person?

And dudes - quit playing the oh poor me, I'm a nice guy and can't get a girl boo f***in who - this case applies to both sexes.

So yaw - thanks for answering ^^

[kheserthorpe]

To be honest, in my experience, the 'female counterpart' of the 'nice guy' is not the sweet quiet girl. Its the slut. And I mean slut not in a 'girl who is sexually empowered and loves it' sense. I mean the low self-esteem girl who has sex with lots of guys, hoping for love in return and not getting it.

The 'nice guys' give love, compliments, shower attention on girls who aren't interested in them and don't give them what they want (sex/love/appreciation) back.

That's the pairing that would be happiest together, but ... they tend to resent each other, and I rarely see them get together.

The nice girls on the sidelines, as far as I can tell, tend to either be not that attractive (often at least partially because they don't _try_ to be sexually attractive) or are uncertain about what kind of relationship they want.

I think some also seem to be unable to filter out the guys who want sex and a relationship from guys who want just sex, and decide that all the guys who are approaching them only want sex.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Hmm - nice girls = sluts? don't know about that - that's more an issue of that individuals insecurity. I agree with the girls not trying to be attractive, which would contradict them going out to seek men for only sex - maybe some, but usually the non sexual girls just dwell in their silent lonliness.

I agree with the filtration thing - but that's based on the individual, as there are good looking women who end up being used for sex so.

So good guys and good girls resent each other?

[kheserthorpe]

I think the low-self-esteem nice guys who end up in love with female friends are the counterparts to the low-self-esteem girls who end up sleeping with guys but not getting love.

'good guys' ... the way people here seem to talk, are rare, and most don't start that way. I think society teaches good boys to be well behaved asexual boys, and doesn't show them a proper way to break out of that and become men.

What is a 'good girl' like to you, in a relationship?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

That's true @ well behaved asexual guys unable to break out;

I'd say a good girl is loyal, respectful, loving, honest and supportive. Doesn't take what she can't give, not a user, etc -

[kheserthorpe]

I wonder if the 'good girls' have trouble being passionate the same way the nice guys do.

In the case of nice guys, they tend to broadcast either a low sexual interest or a discomfort around sex, and I think that's part of why they do poorly with women. In the case of the guys, I'm pretty sure its a mix of being shy, thinking they're not supposed to be that way etc. But the drive is there.

What's your take on 'good girls'? Lower sexual interest, or just hiding it, or repressed?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I'd say it would be either low sexual interest or repressing it, as not to fit into the group of sluts. Like it's so easy for girls to get labeled as sluts for being remotely sexual, so I'd say a lot of good girls tend to shy away from it. I have lots of sexual interest, but I downplay it for that very reason.

The nice guys yea, they don't want to come off as being pigs and falling into the douche group, so I'd see why'd they'd hold back too.

I think society honestly stacked the odds against

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Both the good girls and good guys. There's no middle ground that's represented - your either this repressed bleeding heart good person or some fast slutty player person -

The gray area in between is always overlooked

[kheserthorpe]

Very true about the lack of grey area. I tend to jump on guys who complain about 'nice guys' vs. 'jerks'. As long as you see the world that way, you'll see the jerks 'winning'. The reality is, women like nice MEN. But nice guys have often been brought up as nice _boys_ and a lot of behavior that really is fine gets lumped in the jerk category. It shouldn't. Jerks are lying, or deceitful, or unreliable. Being reliable, honest, open, respecting yourself, not being afraid of your sexuality,

[kheserthorpe]

are all good things, but nice _boys_ haven't been brought up to express all of them.

[Lupianwolf]

Guys saying that do get really annoying

So what if a girl is shallow and goes out with a douchebag it happens

find somebody whose good for you and that likes you

rather doting on the one that got away

Some of these 'nice' guys aren't as bad as the douchebags bit can be annoying and whiny

and then why would any girl wanna date you

These nice guys and girls need to start talking and approaching more and then they do now

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Exactly - thank you, somebody with some damn sense lol that's so true - I think a lot of the guys on here just go off of what other whiny guys say anyway -

But yea, a lot more people definitely need to put themselves out there.

[Anonymous]

Nice guys and nice girls usually aren't that attractive. I'm a nice girl and admittedly not as attractive as some of my party girl counterparts. So I'm not going to expect a guy to choose me over them because that's not how they work. And a lot of girls are the same way. We're young, most of us aren't looking for a spouse right now so they date to have fun and fulfill their wants.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I dunno, there are party girls who aren't very good looking, and still get more guy approval. It varies, like there are good looking nice girls out there, just as there are good looking nice guys - but for whatever reason just don't have as great a chance as the other people?

Yea I agree with the last part. I just wish more people would have your logic on that :)

[Applefan1]

I would so date you! Maybe I am different but I am looking for a girl that is nice to me and treats me well.

[Phoenix52]

Girls want to have fun. The douchebags provide that fun by keeping the girls on their toes and being mysterious.

Nice guys are indeed, boring. Or too desperate to get a girlfriend just to feel whole.

Women are not attracted to the nice guys. No matter how nice they treat you, you will never feel attracted to them. Maybe affectionately, but not sexually. Infact, if he treats you too nice, you'll get annoyed by it and start treating him like sh*t.

That's why nice guys tend to find the bad girls. So that the bad girls can keep treating them like dirt and reinforce their ego to treat MORE men like sh*t.

And the jerks will go after the good girls. To influence them, manipulate them, and take them for granted. Then move on by dumping them, leaving the good girl hurt and miserable. It will take her a long time to get over him, and the nice guys will be overlooked quickly because she's still in love with that bad guy who gave her a thrill of a lifetime.

Go out and observe a situation like this:

A baseball game. 2 guys are sitting together. One of them is a good guy, the other one is a bad boy. The good guy sits in his seat and claps for his team. The bad boy, however, is standing up and saying how much the visiting team SUCKS. When a player strikes out, he says 'sit down loser!' to the player.

So which one has the attention on him?

Let's change the sexes over. Good girl and Bad girl.

Good girl keeps her seat and minds her manners. Bad girl gets out of her seat and shakes her butt. She says "you're so hot Derek!" (to Derek Jeter)

Who's got the attention?

There's a reason. Regardless if it's wanted or unwanted. If I go out in public and be nice to girls, they tend to act aloof and indifferent. But if I tease them, or act like a cocky jerk, they will remember me for a longer period of time.

By the way, even nice guys who DO look good are not attractive enough.

[taster]

LOL You have long been a favorite of mine...I know this probably sounds weird to u..but you are approaching an age where...things are going to (slowly) change...and..others are going to go at lightening speed...if you continue to remember who you are..I think that you will do just Fine!...Your admirer here is bucking for u.. make sure that, in your efforts to save the world...that you do yourself justice...and..if you have difficulty ...doing it fo yourself? Please do it for me...:D

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Thanks XD

[Whistling_Dixie]

Look around you! Many people are pairing up! The ones who are complaining are the ones who haven't (No offence, your's truly included). Do you see that ?

My theory is that whether we like it or not, looks matter. The boring looking folks (Not necessarily ugly) won't get any actions. The exciting looking ones are! That's in our (you and I ) world. But then, some of us get wiser and seek the so called good people (How do you define good people, now that's another topic).

The point is, everyone needs to go through this learning cycle. And they are! By the droves! Again, look around you!

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Yea there is a good amount of pairing going on - I have no problem picking up guys - but this is why I asked this question because so many people act like the nice / good people don't get anything as far as love in relationships - which couldn't be further from the truth.

I just wanted to know why so many people think this way -

[Anonymous]

There is no real equivalence between the male and female experience in good people getting overlooked! If a woman looks fairly decent and shows up where men are, she will be quickly accepted just for existing! The reverse is not true at all!

The attached video graphically shows the difference! Women's choices decide it ALL! And most women are basically choosing THE WORST MEN THEY CAN FIND! Susan Walsh from Hooking Up Smart. Com lays it out very clearly with her statistics. Check it out!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESYK8fCEHUQ

[terry2k]

Nice guys tend to be annoying and whiny. They also lack confidence which is a major turn-off.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Yep indeed - I mean the girls do too;

Confidence is definitely key - but so many people have a hard time building it up for themselves :(

[terry2k]

All the part of learning and growing up.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Definitely

[jimmy217]

uhhh good question first off. I think people overlook nice people because its a easier way to live. I don't know if that's the best way to put it... I notice the "nice ppl" way more and I don't notice everyone else.

[myspacemybroke]

Haha, yeah I know what you mean. Though I've tried seeing how I got on with both "good" and "bad" girls and had pretty much equally miserable results, so I suppose I've yet to find the correct one...

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Yea, that's usually how it works - have to find that special connection.

You'll find her :D

[myspacemybroke]

Heh, hopefully.

[Applefan1]

I don't know and I hate that nice people get overlooked. I don't just get overlooked, I get treated like scum. Hows that fair? :/

[Anonymous]

i don't know any sweet good looking girls that are single and unwanted.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

They're everywhere. Just always overlooked because guys want a model for their girlfriends.

[dwiller943]

There are some. Guys overlook us.

[NerdInDenial]

Most nice people are somewhat boring.