"Hints" vs. "just being friendly"; girls, how can we tell the difference?

[Prof_Don]

Using yourself or other females you have seen / known:

How do you (or other girls) act differently when "dropping hints" to a guy that you (she) is attracted to...

...versus you "just being a friendly person" to a guy that you (she) is NOT attracted to?

This is one of the most difficult things for us males to do when attempting to decipher female behavior.

When the girl is naturally very shy and passive, this "line" between the two behaviors is even MORE blurred. :-X

Please help us males understand the difference! :)

[v0nDutch]

You made the mistake of giving women a very easy way to weasel out of what the entire world obviously knows to be your real question: how can a man tell the difference between a woman being interested in him (i.e., giving him a hint) vs. her just being friendly, WHEN THEY DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER AND HAVE NEVER INTERACTED BEFORE IN THEIR LIVES?

What a waste of time, space, and letters to pretend to give an answer to the effect of: "oh well, I guess, if she touches you, if she smiles a lot at you, if she shares her most intimate secrets, if she takes it up the @ss, then she's definitely giving you a hint and is probably interested in you as opposed to just being friendly."

Honestly, there is no ONE RULE. That's a good thing, and you'll see why.

If a girl wants your attention, and wants you to come over to talk to her, then why doesn't she just say so? I mean, she could prevent any risk of you not understanding what she wants by just being perfectly clear. So, why the hints? Well, hints allow her the chance of making you come over to talk to her, while avoiding the more important risk that she's worried about - seeming easy and desperate in front of others and coping with rejection.

Cut women some slack. We wake up every day trying to be perfect, trying to look perfect, knowing we're not perfect, but trying to tell ourselves that we are. The last thing our already media-attacked ego and self-esteem needs is for a guy to reject us. We cannot handle rejection, period. So, it's against woman-law to create a situation where a man can reject us. Hints do exactly that. If a man isn't interested, we can always pretend men are just stupid, or maybe he didn't notice, or didn't understand, or was shy, or . . . etc. That's the point, the excuses are endless, and they all sound better than rejection.

Recap: Priority #1 = preserving her own dignity, ego, and self-esteem as a woman. Priority #2 = getting a guy's attention.

So, let's say the girl is extremely shy, she'll do one of two things: (1) look at you once and then never look at you again, or (2) look at you once and then make it a point to look around your area in order to convince you that you're not getting her nervous. Why does she do this? Because she's shy and is REALLY afraid of rejection. So, the best way to proceed is to pretend that you don't notice her and that you aren't interested in her. Why? It'll ease her nervousness, and she'll have some time to compose herself and make longer and more persistent eye-contact with you.

Now, let's say the girl isn't that shy, she'll first look at you until she realizes it isn't working. Then she'll try and find a way to be in your proximity and LOS, dancing or acting cute to get your attention. She may not make eye-contact, but what she's looking for is you noticing her. If you're not noticing her, she won't do anything else. If you are noticing her, she'll start looking and smiling at you, sending you more hints to come over and talk to her.

[alltheabove1212]

Smartest post I've seen in a while +1

[kholland65]

1) guys have to deal with rejection more than women since we have to do the approaching. Giving us the green light, saves both parties a lot of stress. 2) knowing if a stranger is interested in easy, and quite frankly I consider you socially inept if you can't figure it out. It's when you already know the girl that it gets interesting (friend, cooworker, etc.). For example, if a girl you just met calls to hang out, she's likely interested, but if she's a friend, she might just be being friendly.

[HeroOfVillains]

Nice answer. I would say quite true. This highlights the major diffrences between men and women and also why men need to really grow some balls and stop acting like women. In my experience just getting up and having the balls to approach a chick should be more gratifying than any possible rejection she can give you and more gratifying that sitting around doing nothing. Life is short so don't think too much, move in, test the waters, if the chemistry is there keep at it, if it is not, move on!

[lala00sam]

With just being friendly, I would smile quickly and stop again, ie not stand there smiling my head off like I do if I'm with a guy I like! Depends on the situation, generally I wouldn't prolong a conversation if I was just being friendly..I'm not sure if you are talking about strangers or friends?

If it's someone I know and like, then look out for really big smiles when the guy says something funny. It won't be the same as the quick flash of a smile to be polite to acknowledge something was said. If its in a group, check to see who the girl looks at after a joke; I usually always manage to look at the guy I like, even if it wasn't him who said something, just to 'share' the joke. If the girl lingers a bit, like slowly packs up her stuff then she might be hoping either she thinks of something interesting to say to you or the other way around!

Being friendly would usually only involve the very minimal of questions/smiles, if the girl tries to continue the conversation, especially if she goes off the original topic, then that's a sign of interest.

shy girls are admittedly more difficult to understand, they might hang around without saying anything, hoping you'll start a conversation with them. The more embarrassed they are when you talk to them is a good way to judge too, they wouldn't be that red-faced if they were just being friendly to a guy!

[rockingpianoman]

I find social girls to be more difficult - because they are really friendly , interested and flirty with everyone...

[calialltheway1993]

Depends on the girl. There are girls who only "flirt", some only "being friendly". There are plenty ways to know the difference if you pay close attention, between flirting or being friendly. For example, if she's constantly smiling while talking to you, that is obivously not "being friendly" because she is flirting, probably because she likes the guy. Body language says it all... just follow along. But, 90% of guys say they don't understand girls' body language. Why? I really don't know because I believe that we make it obvious, well... some of us do. Arm touching is a sign of flirting, writing something "flirty" on the guys paper is flirting. Helping with homework is friendly, unless you're flirting and wasting time talking and laughing. Um, hmm let's see what else is being friendly... I can't think of anything else but keep in mind you will ALWAYS get a different vibe when the girl is flirting rather than being friendly. Something will trigger your mind and heart to feel this special vibe.

[SuitsAreAwesome]

That's exactly what I was thinking... That vibe is mostly caused by her acting just a bit more special towards you than anyone else. Tiny things, like how a girl seems to "wait" for you on occasions, she's often standing close to you, she doesn't mind when you accidentally touch her or even how her legs are often (unconsciously) pointed especially in your direction. There's also this thing with how she looks at you, it's just different from girls that are just acting friendly.

[bassman]

Well unless you are attracted to mean girls...this can be a problem. Ignore the good things girls say to you...it only matters if they show you that they like you...there are tons of ways they do this. If they like you more than a friend...in most cases it will be obvious... everything will come so easy...but if they are just being friendly...you will be left wondering..."does she like me or not?"

[kholland65]

The problem is many women naturally flirt to get attention and they don't even know they are doing it. It's like ingrained into their biology to flirt with men and make guys come after them. Since they don't realize they are doing it, the guy will finally make a move and the girl will be shocked, like she never saw it coming because she didn't even realize she was flirting.

[Prof_Don]

I concur with this.

[calialltheway1993]

So true +1

[Ingrid422]

Well you have to be careful with who you're dealing with. I for instance wouldn't be a good example because I hang out only with guys, as a student in engineering. So the way I'm very friendly with dudes might appear to you like a flirtier behavior than I intend. Like I call all my friends pet names like champ, honey, darling and even princess if I want to tease them a lot. I poke them as well so physical contact isn't a great indicator. The thing I don't do with my guy friends though is give them hugs. It feels off in the friendzone. So I'd say if the physical contact is more than plain poking and gentle hitting, the girl would be more likely to give you hints.

That's my input as an outgoing girl who's very comfortable around guys. As for girls that are shy and more into having girls as friends, I'm probably as clueless as you. I'd say as a girl out and offer her to pay at the end. If she lets you (and she's not a selfish money-grubber of course), you're NOT in the friendzone.

[emilyemilyy]

Hmm...I'm not sure exactly what I do. My close friends and my brothers can always tell when I meet someone I'm interested in. We'll be walking away and my brother will lean over and be like "sooooooooooooo *eyebrows*" lol

I think I laugh/giggle a lot when around him, and I touch wherever I get the chance. I'll jump to brush a crumb off him, or touch his arm at a funny joke, tap his shoulder, just littttle physical interactions.

If I were talking to a guy whom I only like as friend, I probs won't touch very much (unless he's my absolute best friend), and if he makes an unfunny joke or something I'd be like "dude your humor is lacking. my standards are higher than this"

you won't like this, but it differs a huge amount from girl to girl

[yauch]

The smile, I can't help the big gawking smile the minute I see him. I never smile like that with someone I'm not romantically interested in.

the other thing would be the gaze, I just go into a mini trance when looking at him, even for just a few seconds - I just sort of go quiet and stare right at him when talking to him - the conversation is almost delayed cos I am admiring the view so much...

between those two I would have thought it fairly obvious - as with any other guy I'll be alert and to the point and on my toes and in control - but with him - I'm a smiling staring gazing idiot!

[Yukey]

Me its easy: I never flirt, EVER, its alway just friendlyness

But of course most girls aren't like that

Apparently from what my friend told me...

She'snice, then if he doesn't react (doesn't get it) she changes her mood and gives him the cold shoulder , so teh the guy comes to her? o.o

If she's asking if you like someone that's a HUGE hint that eyther her or a friend is interested

If she's a friend already it might be a bit more complicated :/

Lmao, I'm a shy girl and no matter how I see it, I wouldn't be able t flirt/drop hints

Im lucky its always been guys comming after me xD

[Anonymous]

That varies a lot depending on how shy the girl is and how much she realized guys suck at taking hints.

Back in the day, when I'd like a guy, I wouldn't dare more than smiling and looking away. Now, I prefer flirting ( my past 3 relationships started online so it comes easier, I wouldn't have the bawls to flirt with a guy in person before I know he likes me) and just showing interest. The difference is quite obvious when it comes to me 'cause I'm rather antisocial, so if I get into deep conversations with a guy and look for his company, sh*t's happening!

[Yeahhbro]

if a girl always wants to hang out with you, or doing favors for you, or giving you gifts and stuff like that, you know giving you extra care when you don't know ask for it, it is very likely she likes you. Also if she compliments you and gives yoy names, then she likes you. Anything else forget it.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

How about the damn women stop "dropping hints" and bring "equality" they so damn well desire to somewhere men get screwed over for once. They need to start being open about liking someone same as men. Sure men aren't always openly saying to a girl "yo, I wanna go out with you" as if it's nothing, I know it's hard, but "hints" are obviously missed. That's why so many girls seem to ask about things in relation to if a guy gets the hints or whatnot.

[Josephiiin]

I really have no idea. I often smile to guys I don't know, just to be friendly. And often they missunderstand and apporoach me. Sometimes it's creepy. Especially in when you smile at someone when waiting for the bus, and then they sit next to you on the bus and you can't escape, haha.

Maybe... if she smiles to you and then doesn't make any more eye-contact she's only friendly. But if you catch her looking at you quite often she might be interrested..

[Anonymous]

If I'm just being friendly then I'll treat him like I'd treat anyone I'm friendly with. I wouldn't flirt with a woman so picture 2 women talking and replace one of the women with a man, that's how I act if I'm just being friendly

when the guy starts flirting with me, if I was just being friendly I will kind of evade the flirt and I won't return the flirt...if I am flirting with the guy my eyes will kinda light up and I'll flirt with him if he's flirting with me

[Anonymous]

Honestly, they could look the same. I have been very friendly and could have appeared as interested, when really I was in a good mood and having a funny conversation with someone who started talking to me.

The only way to really get to the bottom of this is to ask the girl out on a date.

[alltheabove1212]

I would look for physical flirtation and he wanting to be around you a lot. Girls who are "just being friendly" generally flirt verbally more than anything.

Also I have to say again I LOVE the pokemon pictures!

[Prof_Don]

The constantly rotating Pokemon avatars are my trademark...and a way for me to have more fun on this site.

:-D

[May31]

It's not always that easy to tell the difference. Sometimes what could be considered the usual flirting "I like you" kind of thing can actually mean "we're just friends." It really depends on the person

[HeroOfVillains]

It is irrelevant. Try to go for it either way, if your wrong then so what? you are a guy it is normal for you to chase the tail, no one will look down at you for it, if you are right then awesome you might get some!

[hmblmr]

It's obvious when they make a big effort to talk to you! Always smile, are friendly, take an interest in. What you're saying. Want to always be around you, ask questions about you.

[WeaponZero]

I think it is individual to each girl. What one girl does to flirt, another does to just be friendly.

[Prof_Don]

I know you're curious about what the ladies have to say...as I am! :-P

[bittersweet17]

I duno but the girls I know flirt with intention so it's always hints and never being friendly.

[Anonymous]

You don't. And despite what the girls on here will tell you, they themselves don't know. It's just luck.

[Anonymous]

I don't know because there was a girl who I really liked and she would always put her arm around me and stuff and I took that to mean she liked me but I guess not I was just a friend

[Coach1941]

She compliments you, and seems to always want to be around you and call you