Do women say the opposite of what they actually mean?

this is more for the experts but you can answer too

a girl becomes interested in a guy, and the guy becomes interested in the girl, because they supposedly "instantly connected" the guy asks the girl for her number, and right after he gets her real number, she says to call him. is this a test? I have heard that girls test guys to see if they can get the idea, or did she really mean to call her?

cause I wound up calling her twice (once to get her my number, and once to say hi), with no callback either time

  • Yes, women do test their men, saying the opposite of what they actually mean
    48% (163)82% (253)64% (416)Vote
  • No, women mean what they say, and she really does want him to call
    52% (180)18% (56)36% (236)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
feel free to explain, as well
btw, she just called, I didn't answer as to not make it seem desperate, she left a message..wanting to hang out


Most Helpful Girl

  • See? This is what's wrong with people these days. We've become so focused on "not getting hurt" that we've completely forgotten how to dust ourselves off and move on gracefully (and in a healthy manner) if we do!

    First, stop with the game playing. Forget about "looking desperate." If I was her, and you answered the phone, I wouldn't have thought you were desperate. I would've thought "Oh, I'm so glad he answered after I didn't those first two times he called, now we don't have to play this agonizing game of phone tag!" BUT because she's probably playing "the game" as well, I'm sure that's why SHE didn't answer the two times you called. Ridiculous. You like each other, just leave it at that. You don't have to play all these neurotic mind games to prove it! NO wonder the divorce rate is going up. People are nuts... I'm moving to Canada!

    Second, unfortunately yes. Women (well, I know I sometimes do) say the opposite of what they mean. I think ultimately we want to see how hard a guy will work to pry the truth out of us. Simple as that. Working hard wins our affections.

    • ^That's what I'm saying^

    • Show All
    • Thank God someone agrees with me on the whole game playing, shit. It's fucking ridiculous and people end up getting hurt over it. We're supposed to be grown ups, but were playing the who text who first and who answers who call first games. so pathetic.

    • Soooo right, these paranoid games of interpreting and reinterpreting things is so useless and annoying

What Experts Said

  • 12|15

What Girls Said 78

  • i guess it depends on the woman

  • Girls will not always say what they mean for 3 reasons:

    1. They don't want to hurt the guys feelings.

    2. Its a way we protect our emotions. Sometimes girls can't always tell guys what they REALLY mean because they are worried that they will be judged and that what they actually want to say will not come across well. Or sometimes its a situation where if the girl says how she really feels she could potentially get her heart broken. Really its a self-defense mechanism.

    3. A guy is creeping her out and she is just saying anything she has to to get him away from her.

    • 4. all the above.

      ps. this girl is telling the truth!

    • Okay, so all of those still sound like excuses for lying by proxy. I have aspergers, and just... you know, MAYBE people would be better off if you were more honest with them. Then maybe those guys you think of as creepers would learn better tactics, and wouldn't be considered creepers.

      Be honest, it's all about number 2. You don't want to tell him the truth and be called a bitch, but the thing you're missing is if a guy would call you that for the truth then YOU AREN'T MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING

  • sometimes girls say things as a way to not let out all their emotions, such as, "i'm fine" "no it's okay, you can go out" or "i don't mind"

    however, when a girl asks you to call it means that she really is anticipating the call - some girls just aren't good at getting back to you!

    i'm glad she ended up calling back :)

  • Do men? It depends on the person. I like to be direct but that's because I am emotionally intelligent and articulate so I can communicate what I mean well. Some women, just like men, can't.

  • it depends. if I would tell a guy that I like to call me... then hello, CALL ME!! but here is an example of a test. my boyfriend (now ex) wanted to take his truck through the mud. I told him it would get stuck. do not do it. he kept begging and begging and so I said "fine you can do whatever you want." he took it through the mud. that bitch got stuck too.

  • There is no 'all girls' but

    I say exactly what I mean when I mean it, listen the first time and act accordingly ;)

    Don't play games. If she does, forget about her.

    Flirting is not playing with someone's emotions by making them freak out that you may not really like them . Gameplaying is just *oh so many bad things I can't list them all *

  • This is just another sweeping generalization of women (once again ( what do we have to do to get it through a guys skull that each and every single woman isn't the same? lol WE AREN'T! for me no means no and yes means yes, i never let anyone call me or give them my number for many reasons (one of those is being my phone number being written on bus shelters by immature people saying "Sex Line" (had it done to me), so you'll know if i'm interested... how do you know? you'll know when we lighten up every time you come into the room... obvious lol, shyer girls may try to hide it but still obvious lol. Girls go more for love at frst sight but not like a guy does where he dies inside with every "attractive" chick walks across his path, we don't know how it works ether realy... it's just instinctual like guys i guess? but more in a choosy way.

    Sometimes a girl wil give you a fake number or your number then not answer to get away unscathed by your disapointment of being rejected (because some guys just don't take the hint or get really pissed straight away lol), sometimes we might like you and give you our number but there then may be red flags about who you are, remember just like guys we are just trying to figure out IF we are a match in personality or not, we can gain instant infactuation on anyone (even idiots), but we don;t know that yet... we don't know what your personality is like... but for some reason we find something really attrative about you. Don't ask us how it works.. we are baffled by how we choose our mates, but for girls it's more about strong and positive personality traits.

  • yes, they do, but not all the time.

    for example. you and her have a fight and she tells you: "I don't want to see you again! I want you to leave right now!"

    your logical reaction would be to leave (she told you so anyway), but if you really leave, she will get upset with you.

    when she is angry she hopes you are going to try to calm her, to be nice to her and never do what she tells you :).

    • Haha yeah, especially back when my ex and I were dating, she got so mad she told me to hit her. That I knew for a fact she didn't want.

      however one time we were tossing a bottle around. and since I'm a baseball player I didn't think I tossed it hard at all, but she thought I threw it as hard as I can... and I hit her in the head, she got mad start hitting on me. went to her room. and told me she hates me and never wanted to see me again. I got up walked out of the house, and she came running to get

    • Me, and told me how she didn't want me to leave and started to apologize. I told her before she attacked me that I was sorry, and it was an accident, then I told her again afterwords to, so yeah kinda long, but just proved your point about why girls do it

  • When I'm upset I always tell the bf to leave. I never mean it and wish he would walk outside for a minute then come back in and sweep me off my feet.

  • you got her #. her telling you to call is not a test. if you had no intention of calling why would you ask for her #.

    this is why i never give out my #. or ask for a #. too many games. its bs.

    if you like her call her. if she plays games drop her.

    and if she does ply games se isn't every woman.

    and just about now you're playing games too, so it discredits your assertion -wrapped in question form- that women are dishonest bc you're playing games with one paticular woman.

    only way to find people who dont lay games is to not lower yourself. be honest and eventually you'll bump nto someone who appreciates it and doesn't want to waste your time bullshitting.

    treat her as though she's being honest. if she int you'll sort it out too enough. then leave.

    i dont see the point in trying to figure of if its a test since if it is you shouldn't bother with her...what would you do if you thought she WAS trying to test you.. would you play up to it?

    just be above board. shell either be glad and follow suite, or be more interested in playing games, than getting to know you, in which case she -hopefully- would not be someone you want to be involved with.

    • IFI ask for a number It means I'll call her

    • if you want to determine if a person is being honest or deceptive you mist be honest and dal clearly with them. the truth will unfold quickly.

      if you ply games you'll never know where truth starts and lies end.

  • Some girls are lunatics yes in some are not. Some girls just want to see what the guys will say and test them yes. But in a guys mind they may not think like this. for example sara is sitting on the bed and her boyfriend her does she MIMD if he goes to the club w his boys and she says its no problem and the bf goes. When the bf gets back home the gf is mad af and the bf is confused the bf ask what's wrong and she gives him the silent treatment leaving the bf confused and upset. This example proves that the gf was trying to test her bf and see if he would make the right decision in her opinion which he has failed cuz he does not think that she is testing him he thinks that she really doesn't care about him going and only confuses him when she's mad.
    So in my opinion I think girls need to tell their man how they really feel instead of playing games w him cuz a lot of guys don't think the way we women think

  • Personally, I say exactly what I mean because I want people to clearly understand me and what I mean. I like being straight forward with people. Some women may like to play games now and then, but I won't. It just depends on the woman because we're all different in different ways.

  • Girls are normally pretty honest and she might be nervous to answer so just wait.

  • In your case, she does seem interested, otherwise she would never call and you would probably not hear from her again...
    It depends on the girl though, and the situation. I'm really bad at not giving my number, still working on it, but I don't think I can really say "call me" seriously, like I mean it... If I'm interested, I might joke a bit "Okay, so now that you have my number, be sure to call, haha" or something along those lines but, if not, more likely the guy will say "Ok, I will call you!", and I'll just reply "sure, I'll be waiting", but in reality hoping he won't...

    To be honest, I think it's really easy to see the difference, in one you're giggling as an idiot, in the other you're smiling politely, yet guys never seem to pick it up. Maybe I should just be straightforward, but I got a bit scared of doing that after being insulted a couple of times. If anything, this apparently easy-going attitude only manages to attract the oblivious guys (being truly friendly isn't a good thing, guys probably think you're stupid or something) who are truly convinced they stand a chance with the super cool you, for some unknown reason.

    I'm sure other girls are fairing better (I hope so!), so they must have learned something that I didn't yet.

  • It depends on what you mean but lying about what they say. If I told you to call me, I would probably be testing to see if you would actually call me. She called you back, obviously pleased that you did end up calling her.
    But like you want to know if we mean what we say. If you ask a girl how she is, and she isn't fine, most of the time she will still tell you "I'm fine." If you tell a girl you'd like to go hang out with a girl that is a friend, she may get jealous and even if she says, "I am fine" when you ask her how she feels about it, she really does not mean that most of the time (if she feels the woman is more attractive than her).
    I try not to lie and try to be really honest and open with my man, but for most girls, what what I said above is true. Us girls are greatly confusing lol but you men are very hard to read as well. :p

  • Well we give our numbers out to a lot of people and most of the time yes we do say the oppisite of what we actually mean and in this case sounds like she likes you or she would never ever ever call you.

  • So pretty much...

    You failed the test.

  • It depends on the woman. Some say what they mean, others don't. It's that simple.

    • Scientifically speaking, humans are much more complicated than we make them out to be. You can't just try to simplify it like that

  • Well, everyone is different of course, but I have always been a stern believer in honestly and I loathe the whole manipulation and games-where-you-don't-know-the-rules kind of dating. If the girl is testing you like that, she is not worth your time because that is cruel, unnecessary and just childish. IF that is the case, it might not be, you would do better to move on and find someone who respects you enough to at least be honest. But that is just my opinion.

  • Sometimes yes sometimes no you have to tell threw her eyes, look for that bit of hope if its there it's a lie (in specific situations)

  • I can't speak for all woman but, I dont. I come out and say what I mean and won't beat around the bush. If I don't like something I'll tell you.
    Don't worry about hidden meanings... There usually isn't one :)

  • I don't understand the question.

    How is it a TEST to tell a guy to CALL.

    If not sincere it is a trick. A test would imply she CARED about the answer.

    If she cares enough to tell yo to call, then she said that so you would CALL.

    How is it a test. Like she wanted to know if you liked her enough to call her, but she did not really LIKE you, or really WANT you to call, then why would she even bother. I guess if that excites some people maybe they could go get a hobby or something.. Why mess around with a guy she has no interest in talking to.

    What if you turned out to be some psycho, & left so many messages she had to get a new voice box, or change her phone.

    She probably IKES you, & if not, well then she is freak for telling you to CALL.

    Do you get that SUSPICOUS of ALL girls, or was there something seemingly insincere about HER?

    I just noticed you said she called back.

    Do not do to HER, what you just wrote to US about HER doing to YOU.

    LOL... She will be on here about YOU, you will be on here about HER, & you all are going to confirm the myth that EVERYONE PLAYS GAMES...

    So do her, yourself & ALL of us a favor, & just CALL her when YOU feel comfortable... NOT, cause you WAITED long enough for her to think you are too busy & aloof , detached to bother considering her.

    Just treat people with respect, then you have the RIGHT to respect it, & if yo do not receive it, you never have to question the reason.. Life I much more logical & easy to understand that way.. You find if you keep being real, after a while you can answer questions yourself, the WORLD makes sense to YOU cause YOU make sense to the WORLD.

    hahaha, I just noticed this is more then a year ago.

    Oh well.


  • Call her. But not right away or she'll think your desperate

  • I hear its quite common

  • can you get an accurate answer from the girls here? You'll never know if they mean the opposite of what they say!

  • not all the time but some girls don't want to hurt a guy so they say something but they mean something else.

  • when I do it, I think of it as a test. I tell them to call me

    just to see if they really are into me.

  • i just say what i mean... sometimes i can come across a bit cold if i don't like someone but would you prefer that or a fake number? but anyway as i said i just say what i mean.

  • I personally don't as I have been raised by guys all my life. So when I need to say something or get something off my chest, I am pretty up front.

  • yes they dooo

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What Guys Said 54

  • so in other words if a girl says she's hungry, that means she's stuffed? LOL

  • Good be a challenge... keep up the good work!

  • Well if I felt we were both that interested I would've called her on the spot so she'd have my number to begin with lol. Then we could chat it up in stereo and have a good laugh and I'd be like... sooo how bout lunch tomorrow and a movie? LOL

  • Okay, a lot of women play games. But there are some out there who don't. So what you have to do is figure out which women are playing games and which aren't. It's pretty easy to figure out as long as you don't play games.

    Women play this game because they don't want to seem to desperate. They want to make a guy work for them. Whatever. That's high school crap. If a real woman tells you to call her, she means to call her. No remember that real people also have real lives and real jobs and real bills to pay, so she may not answer because she's doing stuff. But she'll call you back, which she did.

    Best thing to do is be honest and straight up with her and tell her you don't play games.

  • Changes between woman so too difficult to depict

  • Personally, I think it's up to women to say what they mean. In cases where things are flirty, might have a little wiggle room based on non-verbal communication, but otherwise, her words were her choice.

    Especially in sex, if a woman ever says "no" and actually means "yes", it is your prerogative to act completely based on that "no" regardless of her non-verbal cues towards a "yes". If she wants something and she says no, hoping you will read her mind, too bad for her. she missed out. This is non-negotiable.

  • Hi guys and girls, I can explain to some extent why this happens, as I am a dating coach in real life.

    On the "Do women test guys" subject this is what I can say:

    Men are stronger (physically) then most women, men are logical beings.

    Girls are stronger (emotionally) then most men, women are emotional beings.

    In the world we live in today, lots of men have a set of "techniques" and gimmicks that get women for him. Some men are very good at manipulating, others at disguising, others at conveying to people a totally different person then who they really are.

    So, knowing these things, women HAVE to test men. Basically, because they need to find out if the man they just met is the REAL THING or just another FAKE.

    For all a woman knows, the man can turn out to be a serial killer, axe murderer, rapist or even a stalker. So, in order to protect themselves and their feelings, they TEST men.

    It really isn't that hard to understand once you get these principles.

  • There was a study one time where some psychologists video taped women and men flirting. In the study they found that women when they flirt, its hard to distinguish whether they truly like the guy or not. But when guys flirt with girls its easier to spot the differences. So yes, women do say the opposite of what they mean sometimes. Some girls just like the attention. And some girls, when they like a guy will just flat out be blunt about it and say they like the guy and even initiate the texting and phone calling. Yet other women will like guys but won't budge until the guy makes his move.

    Basically I would just drop her a flirty text telling her who you are. Sometimes, if its your first time calling a girl, she won't pick up the phone. It has everything to do with the whole surprise of getting a random phone call from a stranger. (Before she knows its you whose calling) and you don't know what situation she's in (she could be taking a dump, sleeping, or in a class or at work) so the best thing to do when getting a number is to wait a day or two then drop a flirty text reminding her who you are by mentioning something special in the initial conversation you shared with her, it will give her time to think of what to say and won't catch her in awkward situations. Of course after writing all this, I just realized your question was from a year ago so now I feel like dork for commenting on it. Sorry, hope things worked out with you two.

  • Yes they do especially when they are angry or playing hard to get

  • lol. No. my girl is pretty direct. if she says no, she usually means no. I can't even remember a time when she meant the opposite. I think it depends per girl. on the flip side, I often say things when I mean the opposite... and she is CLUELESS EVERYTIME!!!

  • bahahaha... looking at the poll

    girls guys

    A 25 73

    B 47 15

    it's either because most of the girls are saying the opposite of what they mean or guys don't get girls. I'm going to go with girls say the opposite of what they mean.

  • Depends on situation and the girl, there is no rule for girls. But usually I don't lost the opportunity, I think you should pay attention to the conversation in the call, may be you will get the answer.

  • The problem is more they don't even know what they mean themselves.

  • Girls and guys both do it,so it ain't just girls.


  • With somethings yes, others know. The only times I've had a problem with this is getting a woman to be honest about her intentions in a relationship. If I want something casual, she'll pretend that she's not looking for anything long term. On the other hand, if I'm look for something more serious, she will say and do things that both imply and directly state that she sees things as long term.

    I often get flamed by girls saying "it's just because girls don't want to seem casual or they'll be labeled as sluts" or "girls don't want to look like they're just crazy and desperate for marriage and babies." Also, I'll get a girl telling me: "she just doesn't want to hurt you." It would hurt me more to find out that a girl who I had been seriously dating for months, who also said things leading towards a long term relationship just saw me is a fling. It also hurts when I find that a girl wanted things to be more serious or progress more quickly than they did. It hurts, because then I have to make the painful decision of whether or not to stick with such a, usually, good and sweet person. If I tell them to slow down, that would severely hurt, but it would have been avoided if they were honest.

    So like I said, many girls will lie about some things but not others. It's not a black and white yes or no. But then again, maybe I've just been dating the wrong girls.

  • The test is only there if your presence needs testing. Know that for now the tests will be there but as you begin to become more evolved and. overcome some of your fears your prescense will naturally portray that. At that point it doesn't matter what you say because your presence is enough to create the sexual arch of polarity between masculine and feminine

  • theyll say no... but thats the oppisite yes they do

  • i wouldn't say that she is testing you just didn't call back and stop doing all these stupid games of not wanting to seem desperate she was probably doing something and her phone was in her room then she called you when she saw your missed calls

  • Not always because that would mean that every women hates me secretly^^

  • 60% of the time, they do this everytime

  • When a women say this, does she mean it?:

    Women say that size doesn't matter.
    Women say they don't like sex.
    Women say they like nice guys
    Women say that they don't care how much money a man makes

  • YES, they never say what they mean. Especially when they're PMSing!

  • Ya Women do test guys all the time

    some of them don't even realize it ,but its just a part of growing up,it becomes second nature to them.

    As far as girls saying opposite of what they mean is concerned:

    Women are emotional creatures.what they feel now,the next moment they may feel completely different.


    When a girl says "NO" the first time,its just that she is not emotionally charged up to say yes.

    "NO" means "NOT YET".You change her mood and try again ,u get a yes.Its quite funny though.

    When you ask her what kinda guy she likes?she'll reply a nice guy,who treats me like a princess ,...blah..blah...blah.

    but the very next day you can find her flirting with the jerk/badboy.

    this is because the nice guy isn't able to produce those emotional spikes that the jerk does.

    when you ask her why she fell for him?she'll be like "i donno,it just happened".

    women are not to blame for the same because its just hardwired into their DNA just like we are hardwired to have as many sexual partners as we can.

  • neither answer is right.. yes they do test but its not about what they said to you, its how you respond ..

    • btw, don't "not pick up to not seem desperate".. your screwing up your chances if you continue playing games like that . just be honest and keep everything in the open and clear

  • woman give thier number to anyone bit quite often change thier mind

  • most women don't know what they want so yes they do say things for no reason

  • IMO: Girls say the opposite of what they really mean UNLESS you really want them to mean the opposite of what they say IN WHICH CASE they mean what they say. Clear? No, me neither.

  • this is mostly found in married women. Because they have nothing to lose & also if the hubby is a nut. Shy girls some times say no, but they mean it because they are afraid/shy. Under such case one should make repreated request and usually girls oblige to the request(say for kiss or intercourse).

  • No woman state the truth of the exact moment. Where men claim rationally they decide what is true and what is not and stick to it woman FEEL what is the truth of the moment. If she says she never wants to see you again in all truth that is what she was felling at the moment.

  • yes . I agree with what you said .sometimes the girls saying the opposite of what they actually doesn't mean that she didn't love you . they just want to satisfied their needing .

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