Am I depressed? I don't know what's wrong?

Anonymous
Lately I've been depressed. Its hard to explain. I don't know it's like I want to be depressed. But then I get depressed so deeply that I don't want to be, and I just feel so sick. This has even going on for a while. But lately, I don't even feel sad. But I don't really feel happy either. I mean I do feel *better* when I'm around my friend or my sister, but I feel.. Different. It's like I can feel there's something wrong, but I don't know what it is. It's really uncomfortable actually. I do get random rushes of feeling like I have to cry, go example im simply talking to my dad in the kitchen (which is actually hard my anxiety is so bad I'm nervous to leave my bedroom) but anyway halfway through the conversation i get this overwhelming feelin of having to cry. I actually have it right now as I'm typing this somebody please help me. I don't know what's wrong.
Updates
+1 y
Also school is starting in less than a week, and I'm terrified just thinking about it. I feel like I'm going to just have a break down when I get there does anybody know how to help?
Also I've never talked to my parents about my depression or anxiety, I've never been to a doctor so this is kind of what I've figured out what it is myself. I've had these kind of thoughts since I was 8, or earlier, and it's been on and off.
Am I depressed? I don't know what's wrong?
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