Why Do Girls Want to Get Married?

Starting at birth, our heads are filled with images of our wedding day.

Parents dream of seeing their little girl walking down the aisle in a beautiful wedding gown. Even if we do find the cure for cancer, we better be married when we do it! While I'm sure parents equally dream of their sons eventually getting married, it is a bit less exciting to plan for the day they will finally get to wear that rented suit and patent leather shoes.

What naturally comes along with this pressure to get married is the guilt, particularly from our mothers, when we aren't yet wed. As we get older, the level of guilt is ratcheted up exponentially with each year that passes without a set wedding date. With every family gathering we attend without a "fiance", we are forced to endure a sort of Chinese Water Torture that involves hearing about every other relative or friend who is getting married soon.

"When it comes to the thought of going through life as a single woman, a chill shoots through our spines like ice was dropped down our shirts."

We must invent more creative and believable excuses to answer the inevitable, "When are you getting married?" question at parties. Like, "I want to finish my time in the Peace Corp first", or "I have a pact with my best friend that we will not get married before the other and she cannot find the right man." In addition, we are endlessly subjected to the hushed whispers of how we must be lesbians or just do not know how to cook.

Another thing to keep in mind is the constant barrage of images we see our entire lives which place us all on the inevitable path towards marriage. Barbie, the symbol of unattainable wealth, beauty, success, and happiness always looked her most beautiful in her long white wedding gown as she walked down the tissue constructed aisle in our backyard ceremonies to Ken, her handsome groom. Every book, television show, movie, or song that is marketed towards girls always focuses on falling in love, getting married, and living happily ever after.

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From Cinderella and Prince Charming, to Luke and Laura, to Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, we are inundated with the idea that we will never be truly happy until we find that perfect man and walk down the aisle. It is almost like some sort of cultist mind-control that has been ruling our destiny since we were old enough to say the words, "I Do."

While guys do not seem to think that these issues are that big of a deal, for girls the decades of pressure, guilt and marketing have taken their toll and we start to feel as if we are actually going to explode if we do not get married soon. This certainly does not apply to all women but it does apply to most.

Ultimately, we all just want to have that feeling of safety and security. Women today are capable of doing just about everything a man can do. We are doctors and lawyers and builders and athletes, but for some reason when it comes to the thought of going through life as a single woman, a chill shoots through our spines like ice was dropped down our shirts. Our minds drift back to our "old maid" Aunt Mary who everyone else felt sorry for. (Although in retrospect, she did seem happier than all the other aunts).



So remember, girls are not obsessed with getting married because we want to be. We are obsessed with it because that is what society expects from us. We are merely the victims of a lifetime of mind control and advertising dollars. So, give us a break and just propose already! It will make us all a little less stressed and our mothers happier too.



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What Guys Said 24

  • You talk about society, as if it is this monolithic entity that overshadows every aspect of your life. This catch-all name for "All people are telling me to do this." Now, it's "Not All", that goes without saying; however, it is a large majority of people. You are not a victim of mind control, you are simply being given constant reminders about something which biologically has an expiration date. I realize that this sucks from a fairness standpoint (as in, "why me and not them"), but that's life.

    Who really benefits from marriage? On the whole, women benefit more--surprise, surprise--because men's entire role in the circumstance of marriage has been and essentially remains to provide for the mother and children. Which part of this is oppressing women? Is it the part where women, for some reason, can't do their own thing? Because they certainly can, and in fact they are. So much so, that a men's right movement called MGTOW (I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's kind of a big deal) is now advising all men everywhere (yes, in this case, it is ALL) to steer clear of women and marriage entirely. Why? Because marriage is no longer a viable option for men. See, before, men worked and women stayed home and took care of the youngins; in the event of divorce, the woman took half the man's earnings and accrued alimony, which was necessary because she usually had no job. Motherhood is an extremely exhausting job (just ask my mother), but it is also a necessary one. There are consequences to having children grow up without parents, and we're now seeing the effects of this, en masse.

    However, when women started working and getting divorced, the marriages laws hadn't, and still aren't, amended. So, now, women can work independently of their husbands, divorce him and take half his stuff, on top of the money they already make. And women are "69 percent of all divorces, compared to 31 percent for men..."(https://www. sciencedaily. com/releases/2015/08/150822154900. htm).

    So, again, I ask you, who really benefits from marriage?

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  • So it goes with society, women are abandoning family-related things and are just pursuing their things. The result, the destruction of men and that good ol' thing we called "family."

    So what do people with this kind of mind want to achieve? Just be a single woman forever? Or marry, have kids with a man you want, then divorce him? I mean, not even men ever had this kind of thinking. I'm sorry, but in America, women were always capable of becoming whatever they wanted to be. Amelia Earhart e.g.

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  • Did not see that ending coming lol. Whatever happened to people getting married because they love one another and want to spend the rest of their lives with one another?

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  • Marraige is over rated anyway. I think people should just work on being happy and if it happens great, if not, well that's great too.

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  • Wow I was cheering along with that right up until the finishing sentence...I really don't know if I want to get married...ever. I mean dudes get the whole "oh he doesn't want to commit" thing when we say things like that. But truth be told I'd totally love to be in a committed relationship with that one special girl for the rest of my life. It's just being married puts so much more on a person. If me and my SO need some space I want that to be possible without all the legal drama.

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  • "[girls] are merely the victims of a lifetime of mind control and advertising dollars" - you are then saying that girls are weak and men are strong. now if you want to admit that, despite equal worth, there IS a big difference between men and women, and that a lot of old-school chivalrous things still apply, then fair enough - I'll agree with you. but if women are the self-actualised independent creatures they keep saying they are, then they should rise above 'advertising dollars' and social crap

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  • imarriage is stupid

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  • Oops didn't see the last paragraph. Hmmm. So the point is that it's all the pressure is unfair, the magazines, and financial side of it causes bad side effects, but hurry up and propose anyway.. hmm. Hence my problem. Somebody above said marriage is "the only true way you can show you love someone". Divorce rates? My life experience has been different. Some of the happiest couples I have seen (envied) have lived with each other for years, acted as a couple, without marraige.

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  • I need to find a girl/woman like you. I hate the institution of marriage. I think it fails on so many levels and yet it is expected. I worry that I will meet the right person, and she will be dead set on getting "married" and my heart will break into pieces.

    I want a gay relationship. By that I mean that being gay breaks the society norms, and it becomes less about following outdat traditions and customs and more about two people caring for each other. I want a straight version of that

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  • All of my married friends tell me that they envy me and then ask when I'm going to get married and join them in Hell. If that doesn't keep a man single then consider what my friends tell about arguements and disagreements: "You can be right, or you can be happy. It's your choice". I'll stick to bachelorhood for a while longer thanks.

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  • I hate it when asked why I am not married yet. Its really no ones business but my own that I chose to remain single and have yet to meet that women who I know who is the "one" for me. I think marriage doesn't work in todays society as its not taken seriously. I have friends who are married and they seem happy and content and good for them. Then I have friends who aren't and they are enjoying life to the fullest and don't even think about marriage but do wonder about it.

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  • Well being a guy , some say its sad but I dream of getting married and plan it out and how special it will be in the same way as most girls dream about it. I cannot wait untill I meet the right girl :)

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  • Why girls want to get married?

    I would no doubt say ''Eternal Love''.

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  • I wouldn't remarry again. I just want to find a nice girl to live with and then I'm happy. Marriage has a great deal of risk to it, and in today's times a marriage contract isn't necessary.

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  • I definitely agree that the pressure comes from the parents. Biologically speaking a person's life isn't complete until they have grandchildren. (Until they've raised a child that can procreate on his/her own). For girls, that goal is so much more potent!

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  • This article doesn't mention the REAL reason girls want marriage: ALIMONY. They can marry some guy, then after 2 1/2 years divorce him and take half of what he owns (even if he owned it before he ever knew her) AND half of what he'll make THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

    Marriage is a bullsh*t concept that only worked in the old days because women had no rights and couldn't own property so they had to marry a man to survive.

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  • And by all fake I mean that marriage is built on a house of cards. Men will never get the amount of sex they want, as women withhold sex to try to make their man better than their girlfriends'. Women constantly gossip and compare themselves to one another... A man is just another chip on the table they use to make each other jealous. Men are no saints... we care about sex, not so much about the women... as a women gets older and unattractive the marriage becomes more and more strained.

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  • I've always hated the idea of marriage, but most people in society seem to be sold on it. If it did not appear on the surface serve both parties interests, it would not exist. Women are pressured to marry sooner since their beauty is the most valuable asset they bring to a marriage and it fades with time, so they are pressured to capitalize on it. Men have a constant need for sex, which makes marriage seem like a good idea.. In the end everyone gets disappointed, because it's all fake.

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  • "hi my name is such and such...will you marry me" hahahaha

    also. check out the song "mind control" by tantric. might help you better with this kind of thing

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  • I don't know whether this is a feminist article but it certainly has the same axiom they do -- "if you don't agree with me your opinion doesn't matter because you've been brainwashed".

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What Girls Said 31

  • Am of a marriageable age but never once have I thought of getting married. I don't daydream or obsess about it either. If anything, I agree with the stressful bit from the mum, yes. But I rather do more important things like earning tons of cash, buying my own luxe house, driving a sports car, studying subjects I've always wanted to and working in my dream jobs. Travelling and hanging out with friends and family. That' enough to satisfy me.

    I totally agree with Marisa above.

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  • Eh, I suppose this applies to some girls, maybe most. I never dreamed of a white wedding, though. As a little girl, I dreamed of making piles of money and changing the world. I hope more women grow to focus on things other than walking down the aisle.

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  • I, um, I'm actually one of those rare females that hates the idea of marriage. It could be a long-term thing, as when I was younger I also tended to get very angry at Barbie for having everything she wanted, or could be me rebelling against the status quo. But I do feel what you're saying, as many of us have been there and been pressured to "get married" and "start a family."

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  • (continued ...) feel like they are running out of time. Many also feel sad and neglected, because it seems like all their friends have found true love, except them.

    Well, in my case, I have always dreamed about the 'fairy-tale' wedding and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I want to take care of my husband, have children and live what I consider a fulfilled life. I still wanna have a career and job , that's why I'm just waiting to graduate college to get married (already engaged)

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  • To a certain extent I do believe what the article says. I can certainly say that in really catholic countries like Brazil, girls are expected to get married. The pressure is usually created by the girls themselves, usually when they are around thirty and unmarried, because they have not fulfilled the 'task' that society required of them. The pressure is also build up by the fact that most girls at this age are married and seem happy with their husband and possibly children, and also because they

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  • As women we have lost sight of what is really important, and I couldn't agree more with the statements SeanE have already made. I think we get so focused on "having the same rights" as men that we forget that men don't always have the same rights we have either. If we want equality that is fine, but we shouldn't hide it behind a veil of prejudice and double standards. "we are merely the victims," so men should continue to be the enslaved fixers they are and make everything better for us, right?

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  • Men are under pressure to propose to their girl friends, to buy an expensive ring, to face the woman's father to ask for her hand in marriage (and if not, he still gets a stern talking to buy the father of the bride). The government pressures us by giving benefits out to families that single people do not enjoy. They are pressured to be the bread winner and get called a dead beat dad because of it. I don't think there is anything wrong with family life. I think in gaining our rights as (continue

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  • I don't think loved one's pressure us on marriage because we are women. I think our loved ones pressure us in general because they believe they know what is good for us and they want those good things in our life. I was pressured not to marry early. I ended up waiting an extra two years to get married because of this. I was under pressure to have a wedding and for my parents to be present during vows, and now I am under pressure to have children. Men are not exempt from this pressure. (continue)

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  • I truly want to get married some day- not because of stupid media pressure, my family/friends/mother, or because of Barbi. I want to get married to have a day so everyone can celebrate that I have found the love of my life (I know you don't need a special day to do that,everyday should be a celebration, but I want one anyways) and so I can have that one dream day of my partners and my life that will only get to happen once. It's the closet thing to a fairytale that a woman can experience.

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  • I agree for the most part that we are fed the idea of marrying our prince charming and live happily ever after fairly tale. However, I know a few women that vow never to get married by choice. They just don't care to deal with dealing with another person's BS and know they want to be selfish and only be concerned with themselves. I think there's nothing wrong with choosing to be single or married. Just be your own fabulous version of self. But regardless I do think everyone wants love.

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  • I never dreamt of a white wedding and didn't think I'd get married. I didn't stress over it. Met a good guy--we married in a court house. Women should have the right to choose, just as men do and not stress or be labelled.

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  • because they think the only alternative to being married is being single. Very far from the truth. you can happily live with someone without marrying them, and without the pressure of tolerating the bad times, just because of the "vows"

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  • Don't know. I'm a girl and have never been phrased with marriage, I find the whole concept scary

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  • I've never really dreamed about my wedding, in fact I've never seen the attraction of marriage save the possible tax cuts. Marriage is a religious thing it seems, and not being religious, I find it a pointless waste of money. Divorces all have one thing in common, and that is marriage.

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  • Liked the article however I would have to disagree. I was never pressured to get into a realtionship, get married etc. I want to be married, but that is because I want security and I think its the only way you can show how much you love that other person. And society doesn't expect us to get married. I know tons of older people that aren't married. And I wouldn't say obessed with getting married, people just want to get married more then others. And its a shame people are pushed into marriage.

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  • So I don't know what happened durring your child hood but my mom always said to be happy and sucessful before I even considered marriage(other wise she will kill me). I think this next generation has been more focused on jobs and careers than boys and babies. Marriage is a serious thing and moms preasure should not be a factor in the decision. Chill out on the wedding thing if it happens awsome if not, there are better things to do anyway. ps do most women really feel all this preasure?

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  • I want to get married till I'm financially stable and he's stable in his job too. But right now I don't have a boyfriend. Also be with the person that I love. I don't believe in a big wedding. It's just way too expensive. I'm kinda leaning towards a small wedding or married at court.

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  • (sorry ran out of space). If people are pushed into marriage then it is the wrong meaning of marriage (which I hate, marriage is for life). I respect women that don't want to get married but at the end of the day, if I didn't want to, I'd stand up for myself, and just say marriage isn't for me. Even if there is guilt, your parents etc. should respect you for your decision.

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  • Marriage is double sided. Its not just the women finding true love, but also the men. It is stereotypical to assume that men aren't just as inclined to want to find their soul mate.

    As a woman, I want to get married to start my life with my love and show my commitment to him (vice versa). Its not about impressing my family at all (who never pressured me). Its about the two of us expressing that we are willing to work to stay together and love each other. I am engaged and marrying after college.

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  • My-uh-"Aunt Mary" is actually the one who is putting the most pressure on me to be with someone, to the point where she said I'm not allowed to bring a friend to the family Christmas party if it's not a man. I do have to admit I have often thought of my ideal white wedding, but until recenlty when family has started pressuring me to "bring home a man" and friends have semi-jokingly said that I will be a cat lady soon if I don't get dating, it hadn't really bothered me that I haven't dated.

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