I wanna abort the baby but my boyfriend wants to keep it... what should we do?

We've been having safe sex for a long time. I'm 16-turning-17 and my boyfriend is 18. He knocked me up. I wanted to abort it because I'm still in this IB diploma and have a whole future waiting for me-my scores are high enough to get me into Oxbridge/ Ivy leaguesL I was looking forward to university but here comes to baby.

It's been my tummy for about three months now. My parents still don't know-they'll kill me if they do cuz they're super conservative. I told my boyfriend I wanna abort it but the other day he just propose to me and said he'll take care of me and the baby-he'll be studying in Harvard this fall, he even said he arranged an apartment which is near his uni so we can meet up frequently, he even said he'll give up his dorm life if I want to live with him. I still haven't say yes to the proposal but it's very sweet and darling given my boyfriend is more playful/unpredictable before he knew I have his baby.

Anyhow, I don't know how my life will turn out. I love my boyfriend so much and what's worse is I know he loves me lot more than I do. We've been together since high school, he's always this amiable guy who's nice and funny to everyone, always fun-loving and adventurous and he's so soft and sweet to me. One thing I regretted a lot was I cheated on him, we broke up for like three months and I had a fling with this other guy but then my boyfriend had a fight with this other dude and I got back with him somehow. And we've been very happy and maintaining a very healthy relationship since then. He kept telling me fantasies of if the baby's a dude he'll teach him how to make films and make him to next Steven Speilburg and if she's a girl she'll be the next Kate Upton. Now in the summer he's been doing internships everywhere and earning about 5000 a month. Which is pretty decent. I love him to bits but one thing I'm really scared is I really don't know how this baby would change my life. If I abort it though, somehoI'm scared he'll break up with me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Keep the baby. Murder of an unborn child is not justifiable... Especially not when based on a mistake of your own. I'm sorry, I know you've got a supposedly bright future ahead of you planned, but you need to take responsibility for your actions... Let this be your first act of motherhood- putting the child before yourself.
    Anyway, the emotional damage caused by abortion just isn't worth any university entrance and qualification. You've also got a decent man friend on your side, too many guys would've run by now, but he didn't. Although he might have some relatively unrealistic hopes and dreams, it's a start.
    If all that doesn't convince you, then I'd also suggest giving it up for adoption. Whatever you do- don't kill the child.

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    • it isn't anything yet. so it is certainly not murder. but if she waits much longer then I can see the issue getting cloudier. I have 3 boys. I could never ask a woman for an abortion or be part of one. But I would never force my views on another person. Since it is not viable if it were born right now then it is not a baby yet.

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    • You consider a developing fetus to NOT be alive? Why? And why are murderers who kill pregnant women charged with double homicide if the developing fetus/unborn child isn't considered alive, according to you?

    • The minute a baby develops a heart beat, it is alive.

What Guys Said 15

  • I'm don't want to come across as an ass but young people need to take responsibility for their actions. If you want to act like an adult and do adult things then you need to take responsibility for it. When you choose to have sex you know the chances of getting pregnant or worst getting std's. Today's people just take abortion and morning after pills to lightly. Like I said I'm not trying to be an ass but you knew your plans for the future before you got pregnant and you knew what could happen. Does that baby get a chance to decide its on future or does he/she get punished for you actions? Think long and hard about this before you do it. How will you decision affect your life in the future. How will you feel later on know you aborted if that's what you choose?

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  • it isn't anything yet. so it is certainly not murder. but if she waits much longer then I can see the issue getting cloudier. I have 3 boys. I could never ask a woman for an abortion or be part of one. But I would never force my views on another person. Since it is not viable if it were born right now then it is not a baby yet. but you need to tell your parents. you need to get counseling. and you need to do it quickly since you have waited so long. otherwise you need to start making arrangements to live with it. you knew the risk when having sex... you should have been prepared to live with the results

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  • its your call to make :P instead of thinking how it will affect your future, feel from the heart and then make a decision.

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  • Your Boyfriend is very caring and helpful. But to be on safe side just consult a Lawyer that can you give him the full custody of the kid (since you are under 18). If yes then ask your boyfriend for the custody. Then make him sign a legal document about it and in the meantime get a proof of him being biological father via DNA test.
    DONT LOWER YOUR GUARD ON LEGAL SIDE OF THIS !!! because generally it's the legal issues that get you screwed in these cases. AND MAKE HASTE IN DECISION BECAUSE AFTER SOME TIME you cannot get the baby aborted. KEEP YOURSELF HEALTHY BECAUSE DOCTORS DENY ABORTION IF YOU ARE UNDER WEIGHT

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    • wait what why he's the father there could be no one else I never have sex with anyone else I dun get the whole custody thing by the way

    • See you can't rely on his statement that he will take care of the baby in goodwill. He may or not, and only your statement about this will not hold up in court. The Custody issue is that you have a career to build, If you choose Not to abort then make sure your boyfriend takes care of the baby, I say this because this is the best way to protect your future and to protect the baby. If he accepts the sole custody of the baby then you would not be liable for anything legally. It doesn't mean that you will walk away but this will calm you parents down and you won't be labeled as a murderer

  • The child is not yet a sentient being capable of thought or emotion. You really should get an abortion, seeing as you don't even have a job yet.

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  • My opinion? You already made your choice to have sex so you should have the kid. Why punish the child for a mistake that you made? If you are not ready to have a child, you should of thought that through before having sex.

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  • It's you're body and your life. If you feel you aren't ready then do the right thing and abort it while you still can. You're too young to be parents.

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  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/For_Keeps_(film)
    life imitates art..

    Yes Im an 80s kid

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  • An 18 year old is making $60k a year in an internship? At 3 months you're nearing the cutoff for getting an abortion. If you're fine with killing your unborn child, then go for it.

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    • hard to believe for me, but then again I don't know where he lives and who he knows hahaa.

    • he works for a law firm and do really high-priced private tutorings haha and the most exciting part is he works for this director who gets paid quite a lot :)

    • I know some silicon valley firms pay up to 9000$ a month but that's for college upperclassmen/postgraduates not high school seniors. But I've never heard of any firm paying that to high schoolers, especially not law firms which are often struggling anyways these days

  • And this is why kids shouldn't have sex, can't deal with the consequences.

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  • your choice

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  • I'm a parent and honestly I would advise to abort it - you should NOT have a baby that you don't really, really want. Parenting is extremely tough at the best of times and in the best of conditions - if you don't want it now, you're going to struggle to feel loving when you haven't slept for a year, your nipples are cracked and bleeding, you're up to your ears in shitty diapers, you've given up your dreams of a diploma and a future, you have no time to yourself and never a break, you're fighting with your boyfriend because the intimacy is breaking down, you're both feeling resentful because all the other students are having fun and partying while you're bogged down with family commitments etc. etc. .. you could end up resenting the child if you never wanted any of that and then it becomes your life. Personally I would honestly suggest rather go get your degree and enjoy the university experience and then try again.

    You are NO under obligation to "take responsibility for your actions" - that applies ONLY if the lives of others might not be negatively affected, but when "taking responsibility for your actions" could cause a child to have a bad childhood, then that outweighs any silly need to "take responsibility" - the mistake is a sunk cost.

    Of course it is your life and you know better all the details, what kind of guy he is like, whether he will be committed and successful or want to enjoy the party life at university, and so on. So ultimately it is your choice.

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    • "You are NO under obligation" should have been "You are under no obligation"

    • I agree with Anonymous below that if you have loving supportive parents that are willing to help you look after the baby then that would help a lot.

    • I can't stress how much a baby impacts your life. My wife and I could not even so much as watch a movie for the first two or three years. The child is there constantly and needs you constantly 24/7 for years. They are noisy too and when they're awake you're awake so forget about ever sleeping in again. I love my child to bits but it's about the most difficult thing I've ever done, and both my wife and I actually *wanted* this child - if you don't *really* want it when it's just an abstract concept, you're going to have a hard time on those days when it's pushing you to your limits.

  • So you're telling me you will abort each time you accidentally get pregnant. Face your problem and don't take the easy way out. Killing a child... smh and he's working his ass off to support that child.

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  • You could ask your parents if they'll take care of it. Just because you won't be able to take care of the baby doesn't mean you should deny it life. It just means you should give it to someone who can.

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  • Goodness. I'd abort in a heartbeat if I were you. It'll totally change your life. You'll have all your time eaten up by the little thing, you'll have all your energy eaten up by the little thing, and the two of you will want to do things... but can't because baby. You've got plenty of time to make another.

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What Girls Said 21

  • This is one of those times where you really need to come clean to your parents. They're going to find out regardless, and they have the life experience to help you make a good decision. Also, you should've long been going to the OB/GYN if there's a possibility you might keep it. You're already through the first trimester, and may be toward the cutoff for an abortion anyway.

    Regardless, do what's right for you. A baby will change your life forever, and even if you keep it, there's no guarantee you and your boyfriend will stay together. Make this decision for yourself and what you feel you can live with.

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  • I can't tell you what to do... but if I were in your position I'd have an abortion without giving it much thought... even though I'm 30... my parents are also super conservative and they are religious... so sex before marriage is the worst thing a woman can do. I don't believe in religion... and I'd have no problem with abortion... no it is not murder as others say... it is a parasite and cannot live on it's own without a mother host. People will say it's selfish and wrong to abort a child... but looking at the long term effects... I think it's actually more selfish to have a child a person is not ready for.

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  • That baby will ms just e you unable to go to that ivy league college an c tie you down from your dreams. My sister got pregnant at 18 and she's still struggling. She wasn't able to follow any of her dreams. Its your body don't let anybody try to force you to do something you dont want. That boyfriend will see the reality of the situation after the baby is born and probably will try to escape it. Thats what happens in most situations. My suggestion is to abort it or give it to a family that wants a baby but can't have one.

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  • Kate Upton? I didn't realize that was a dream any father would have for his daughter, but well I guess he is not a father yet.

    Anyways what do you want? You want an abortion, then do it and do it soon. 3 months is already quite a bit along, it's not even legal in all states anymore, I think.
    To be honest from what you say it sounds like it could be worse. 5000 a month is a very good income, where do you get internships like that? I'm sure you could make it work if you both wanted it. On the other hand a lot of what you say sounds extremely naive and immature. So in that regard you don't seem fit to be a parent and since you don't want it anyways, I'd say get an abortion

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    • kate upton was a joke haha and if I know what I want-I woudn't be asking questions here. Yes 5000 is a really decent income, he works for multiple internships that's why :)

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    • ok well, really that's a weird school schedule the UK works on. Exams that early.

      But well ya, still talk it through with him. You have a lot of things to sort out moving to a different continent. Like visa for you and the baby. We don't have universal health care here, are you sure your baby will be taken care off in case something happens?
      Part time jobs here are rare, easier to get qualified jobs as an upperclassman but in the first few years, even at Harvard you'll likely do minimum wage jobs. So a maybe and hopefully isn't really enough.
      What would you be doing? Applying to other boston schools? Stay home? Work part time also?

      And well obviously you need to tell your parents, no way around it

    • good luck anyways

  • Three months is very far into the pregnancy for an abortion I mean the baby has started to develop properly by now.. You need to tell your parents, this is too big of a decision for you to make alone especially at such a young age.. It's good that your boyfriend has stepped up to responsibility but I don't think you should get married yet I understand being engaged is a promise so If you say yes maybe stay engaged for a couple of years so you can sort yourself out and get through school first. The most important thing to worry about right now instead of worrying about the future, you need to tell your parents

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  • Hmm he wants the baby so it's not your choice alone to decide.

    You need to tell your parents so they can fully support you. If you do abort, you will hurt a lot of closed ones around you. The pain is very real. Very real indeed that it could cut them like a knife. Imagine the successful future of your now bf be erased. He could go down a very different path of doom and depression.

    You do know abortions can have a risk of damaging your womb later. There was a post by a guy here who spoken of his wife not being able to have a baby after she had a abortion.

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    • *an abortion

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    • Complications from abortion are actually fairly uncommon in 1st world countries these days. Many women have abortions without any complications at all--some of them even have abortions to *preserve* their fertility in cases where something is wrong in a way that could damage their health and ability to conceive later. The horror stories of the rare women who did experience complications just attract more attention. Sort of like vaccinations.

    • We can't assume things will be peachy. Mistakes will and do happen. That guy who posted isn't from a third world country.

  • what? your parent haven't yet noticed your pregnancy? so you're good at hiding its signs.. anyway... do whatever you think is good for you

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  • No one on here can tell you whether or not you should have an abortion. However, both of you are young & you cannot put a 100% guarantee on anything that he says. Just because he says he's going to propose to you & be there for the child, doesn't mean he actually will. Trust me, I have heard that line a million times.

    Have your baby or an abortion because YOU want to, not because someone else wants you to. Either decision can greatly affect your life, or how you feel, in a negative way.

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  • My friend's mom works at a rehab place for mothers who are emotionally unstable because they aborted their babies, so I can safely say that although having the baby won't be easy, you will be much better off. When the baby grows up, they will look up to you as a hero of a parent for going through the hardships. Besides, at 3 months, it could be dangerous for you to abort. Aborting after 12 weeks could result in blood loss to the point of death.
    Your baby is now growing a quarter inch per aeek. She already has a heart, currently beating 150 bpm. Most if not all of her other organs and tissue are developed by the end of the third month. Their arms, legs, fingers, and toes are all fully developed.

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  • Keep the baby, there is also adoption available to you, so when you have it, you get to go home and the new mommy and daddy stay to take care of it, murdering a newborn child isn't fair, the child did nothing to you it was Your mistake not the babies and there is no way in hell you can blame it on the baby when it came from your bfs sperm, so DO NOT KILL THE BABY.

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  • Talk with him about it as open as possible. Make sure you understand his feelings and he understands yours. Both try your hardest to find a mutual solution.

    If you decide to keep the baby after all, that's then. But don't keep it only out of fear he might break up with you otherwise. Keep it only if you are sure it's the right thing for you to do. And don't abort it just because you are unsure either. Only abort if you are 100%.

    You have a lot of thinking and talking to do now. But don't wait too long.

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  • if you abort, you will regret it. at least take it to full term, and if you still do not want it, give it up for adoption. give someone else the chance to be a mother or father. some people are not blessed with the ability to conceive. Give your child the chance to be someone else's little miracle.

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  • Anyone who thinks a 3 month old baby in utero is not alive has got to be kidding themselves. Just because it cannot live outside the womb doesn't make it any less of a person. Its absolutely your life, your body, and your choice. If you are feeling bad about considering an abortion then maybe look into adoption. Just an idea. Or tell him you want him to be baby's primary care taker because you want to go to school.

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  • Get an abortion and lie about it. Say you had a miscarriage.

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  • You are understandably so torn with all these feelings. I hope you have been seeing a GY/OBN to make sure everything is in good health for you and baby. Go get some counselling, you can't go through this alone.

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  • A long time? You must have started copulating at 14? You grew up too fast. I think u both will be mature to handle the finance and the baby. Your bf seems really determined and ambitious.

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  • I'm not going to read this all because it's a lot and my attention span is small. anyways having been in situation where i was too young to have a child on multiple occasions. Here is what i say The first time i was 18 my bf was way younger then me so we decided to abort it and it was so hard but it couldn't be that way i went on bc and then i got pregnant a year later. we decided to abort again and the way things happened that day it was like fate that my child was meant to be i kept it and i can't explain how happy i am today that i did. In your heart you will know what to do. raising a child at a young age is extremely hard and it takes a lot out of you. But my child made it so i wanted to better my self and go to school and stop being an idiot and i thank him everyday for making me grow up he truly is a blessing.

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  • My sister recently got her IB diploma and knowing how much hard work and dedication it took to get there, do not give up that opportunity. If your boyfriend really loves you he will stay with you no matter what your decision, I would say to get the abortion.

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    • yeah? I got 38/42 for predicted fortunately at this point I think I'm keeping the child, he/she'll be born in March so I'd still have two months to prepare for the big exams hopefully

    • You will not have time to prepare for the exams. You will be sleep deprived and busy taking care of the baby. If you decide you really don't want to abort, but you still want to pursue your IB diploma and career, you should look into adoption. Even then, pregnancy and recovery will probably impact your academics.

  • Its your body first of all, but you also have to think of what ifs. The baby could bring you closer together or it could cause trouble later on. You could do well in school or you could do horrible. Think about what lies ahead. Do you think you are prepared for motherhood? For all the doctor appointments, waking up to change their diapers, teaching them to walk? And what happens when the child has disorders? How would you handle that? You have to think of how your child would feel. If you want an example, my mum had me at 17, I had my first surgery at 5 days old and then I would be in and out of the hospital till I turned 10. My mother says I saved her life, she would of been going into the army right before 9/11 happened. But my mother also did not reach her full potential like she hoped. As for my "sperm donor" he left my mom when I was 1 and out of my life when I was 4. But If that didn't happen then my mum would not of met my step father and they wouldn't of had my little brother. Now I am 15 and we are living a good life, my mom works as a office manger at a family eye clinic, my brother is healthy and plays multiple sports and is great, I signed up for a fire fighting class at my school. So you see, you can never tell what will happen in the future, you can only take a guess. But everything happens for a reason, and every cause has a effect. Its very hard to make these decisions, but always think of the out comes. I hope that helped somewhat

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  • Sweeite, firstly I am very sorry that you have found yourself in this position.

    You have two options, and I am afraid neither one is particularly good

    1) You could abort the foetus, but suffer the emotional consequences. Most women who abort their babys spend years dealing with the guilt of what they have done. Some never get over it. But this will give you chance to go to college and build a good life for yourself, and then have children down the line when you are more financially stable.

    2) You could keep the baby. This ultimately eliminates your chances of going to university and could leave you financially dependent on others, especially at your age. Buy you won't have to deal with the emotional consequences of aborting a baby.

    Im really sorry to say, but I think you boyfriend is living in fairy land. I do not think either of you realise how physically, emotionally, physiologically, financially draining a child is. He might have all these plans about going to college and brining you and the baby with him, but once the reality hits, his plans will no doubt change. Both of you seem to be well educated and want to experience college life, which you cannot both do with a child. This means you might end up breaking up.

    Just remember at the end of the day it is your body and your decision. I do not know what country you are in, but in most places the father of a baby has no legal right to the child until it is born. Therefore he has no right to stop you getting an abortion.

    I know this is a hard confusing time, but there are many support services for women out there in you situation.

    Good luck with every thing. And just remember everything will work out for the best. xxx

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    • I don't know he's earning 5000 a month now which is quite enough but the thing is yeah the baby will inhabit us enjoying college life fully and genuinely-thank god both of us quit partying and clubbing already or else the baby will be a pain in the ass. Frankly, in the stage I don't think I'll be able to abort my baby because it's three months already. I'm contemplating what'll happen is-I'll have to drop out of high school for a year because my baby will be too big for me to continue my studies-alfonso will stay in harvard, the best scenario of course is him staying in that apartment with me and the baby and even marriage, it's actually not bad of an idea cuz I can hv more time writing when I'm home with the baby. but then college life... I don't know I often fantasise about it. Guess that's gonnna hold me back haha

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    • UK :)

    • In the UK you can terminate a pregnancy up to 24 weeks. Also do a list of your finances. On average it costs about £4000 a year for a new born baby.

  • 3 months is a little too late to abort it, but it sounds like you should.

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