My fiance is upset because I won't take his last name when we get married:/ Is he a sexist? (Page 2)
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Women never question parentage for obvious reasons. To make up for that marriage was given the standard of the woman taking the man's name.
Men are asked to provide 100% for children, satisfy a wife who won't care about him, and now men don't even get the most basic reassurance of at least giving children they don't know are biologically related their last name.
Maybe your boyfriend is sexist. You obviously have made very little attempt to understand his perspective.
Well I am questioning it because I have a working brain. Women can take their husbands name if they wish. I will not
Not true all. Me and my fiancé are a 50/50 couple. We do mostly everything together unless the other is busy. Women most of the time satisfy a man that doesn't even care for her. Your crap goes BOTH WAYS. IT IS BOTH OF THIER CHILDREN NOT JUST HIS. If the woman is working hard to possible die after giving childbirth I believe the child should take her name but that wasn't my point. My point is I want to keep my name and I am
I understand his POV. We already discussed it and worked it out. We're fine now
To question parentage means to know doubt your biological role as the child's father. Women don't do this because... well no duh the mom is the biological mother. Apparently that working brain needs to work harder because you just completely missed my point as to WHY women are asked to take a man's name.
Well if men are sooo insecure about a child not being his why don't he get a dna test? Huh? Sounds smart to me. Why be blind and get the child to have your last name to 'prove' she/he is yours? That's idiotic af. Just because the child has your last name doesn't make she/he yours 100%.
Who needs to work their brain more now? Definitely not me
Fun fact: if the mother doesn't want the dad to get the child DNA tested, they can refuse and men can only test the paternity of their own child if they get a court order, which are virtually never granted.
Extra bonus: many men who have been lied to by their wives and girlfriends and tricked into raising another man's child are STILL HELD LIABLE FOR CHILD SUPPORT because they "accepted a fatherly role"
Fun fact: It's the woman body and she doesn't have to let that happen to it if she doesn't want it to.
Are you sure that's true? That's dumb af. Where's the proof?
falseallegations.com/...-nonbiological-fathers.htm
All this privilege is overwhelming me.
That's pretty messed up
He's not a sexist.. He just wants you to have his last name. Why wouldn't you? Unless there's a serious reason why you won't I don't understand why you wouldn't do that for him. It's important for some people. And if you are honestly about to not marry him because he wants you to have his name when you marry them I think you need to rethink yourself because that is an awful small reason and shows a lack of the ability to compromise on your part.
"that is an awful small reason and shows a lack of the ability to compromise on your part."
Funny you say that considering him wanting me to change MY last name.
Well you're clearly just looking to argue with everyone on your beliefs. If him wanting to share a name with you to help signify togetherness and traditional senses then why don't you just not get married
Getting married has nothing to do with me changing my identity to match his. Besides we already discussed it so people that keep blaming me for not taking his name looks stupid. I didn't ask for sexist people to answer my question with hypocritical nonsense. Sad world indeed
Sexist is the wrong definition for what you're calling people. I'm not going to respond anymore because you're just wanting to argue with everyone about their different opinions on the matter. You're clearly not looking for advice or perspective so I don't know why you even asked.
CHECK THE MHO UP TOP. She gave me good advice WHILE putting how she felt still AND got mho. Talk what you know
Shhhh I don't care.
Than shut up and stop saying I'm not looking for advice and want to argue with people with different opinions than my own
Well you are. Bye !
You're so slow smh
It's not sexist, it's more of a traditional mindset. If he's upset by it then well it's probably a insecurity thing or a feeling of rejection. It may not be logical, but sometimes those feelings crop up. I wouldn't call off the wedding, if being upset over not taking his last name is the only issue you have, it's one you can get over. Maybe consider a hyphen?
Nope. I am going to keep my name
Well that's easy then, maybe just sit him down calmly and explain your feelings as to why this is important to you. He might just need to know that it's not about him or anything like that, but it's something that's important for you because of _____ . Good luck though!
Thanks for the advice. We already talked
Plenty of wives keep their names and plenty change it, so I don't think either option really has any deeper meaning or detracts from the relationship. I don't think that he's sexist, but it should be up to you whether you change your name or not. The issue isn't nearly as important as being in love/married, so try not to let this ruin your relationship.
People comments are really making me lose hope in everything. Im doing this FOR him and people are calling me selfish because I want to keep my name. Smh it really makes me sad that people are making me out the be the bad person for liking my name and wanting to keep it
Right, it is your name so it should be your option to keep it.
Exactly. Thank you for being understanding
Sure, I hope your fiance changes his mind!
I think it is completely fine for a woman to keep her name, it is her identity! Her name has nothing to do with how I would feel about her, why make it a big deal?
Thank you for your reasoning. I appreciate that. Lots of women and men on here are upset because I want to keep MY name smh
Keeping one's name is such a small issue in life... I think people need to focus on the bigger issue, keeping each other happy!
Agreed
I would say that he sees it as a lack of commitment. Like you would be saying you are married, but you don't even share a name. He sees it as a lack of willingness to go all the way. My advice: Offer to hyphenate. That would probably be the best option.
That's the thing. I can say the same thing.
You probably should have discussed taking of the last names before you got engaged. If you don't think you can marry him anymore, don't. Regardless of who takes who's last name, it's a petty reason to drop an engagement. You don't need to be married to him.
I never wanted to get married that why we never talked about it
Than don't.
I am but not taking his name
I don't think it's sexist to like the idea of sharing a last name with your spouse. It provides unity and implies a symbol of togetherness. You are no longer 2 separate individuals and are now coming together as one. I'd love to take my future spouse's last name for that reason and don't find the idea of to be sexist on any level.
I agree with the unity thing but what about me. Does what I want not matter? I am so sick of people telling me because I am a woman, what I want doesn't matter. I am not the bad person here
I didn't say you are a bad person nor said your opinion doesn't matter. If you don't like sharing a last name with your life partner then it's OK. I just don't see how it's sexist in any way.
WTF what country are you living in where they tell you that because you are a woman your opinion doesn't matter? And why does everything evolve around you? It's a working partnership, thats what marriage is! Just because you are a woman does not mean you don't get equal rights. It also doesn't mean that you get special treatment! and all this because of your name?
@ XRabbitHeartX I just asked a question. I felt like it was sexist because he expects me to change my name
@MissLebanon Everything you said is sooo backwards. You JUST described my fiance but trying to describe me
I live in Texas by the way
"And why does everything evolve around you? "
I never everything evolve around me. Its MY last name. Why I HAVE to change it?"
"It's a working partnership, thats what marriage is!"
Funny you said that. If that was true should he not care about me taking his last name? Since I am the one changing something I have lived with my ENTIRE live. How is that partnership?
" It also doesn't mean that you get special treatment! and all this because of your name?"
I think you're confused. How is that special treatment? ITS MY NAME, is it not? HE wants ME to change MY name for him. It sounds like he wants the special treatment
You are such a hypocrite. You're saying I should care about my name and should give it up. you're basically calling me selfish for wanting to keep my name. he's the selfish one for wanting me to change my name. All you people are hypocrites smh
It's not sexist to want to be in union with your partner and share a last name. If anything it's really romantic.
Yes its very romantic I agree but I dont understand why I have to change my last name. People are calling me selfish for wanting to keep my name. he's the selfish one for wanting me to change my name but no one admitted to that. Thats messed up. Humanity is gone
On one end you say you think it's romantic and you agree with it being a symbol of unity but on the other end you say you don't understand why you'd want to change your last time...
Yes change my name to HIS name. Why can't he change his last name to mine? People are blaming me
It's always been the custom for the woman to change to her husband's because of the idea that he's the leader in the family and the one who is the rock of the household.
Well he isn't the leader, we both are
So? In a marriage it's always give and take. If the idea of sharing someone's last name is so unequal and unfair then maybe you aren't ready to get married cause there will be many times things might not be 100% fair in a marriage.
Just know you are unfair and I will talk to him later
Life isn't fair. Never has been and never will. Secondly it's my honor to someday take my husband's name and I'm happy to do so. It's not about "fairness".
Life may not be but fair but I am standing up for MY name. It's my identity. Shun me idc. You can take your husband's name, its not affecting me in any way
Then why come on here asking for people's opinions? 0_o
I needed good advice and for people tell use their brain and tell me if he's being sexist. WHICH didn't include people calling me selfish for wanting to keep MY name, being rude to me, and hypocritical
Where did I say you are selfish?
Please tell me exactly where I said you are selfish in those words please.
I was referring to the other people. They implies I was selfish.
I don't think he's sexist. He may just think you like everything about except his last name. Plus in a small way it comes off as a woman choosing not to take a man's name means that she's not fully invested in the future of the relationship. At least to their friends and family.
That doesn't make sense. His name is just a name, not liking someones name is stupid. I just want to keep my name since its mine.
"a woman choosing not to take a man's name means that she's not fully invested in the future of the relationship"
That doesn't make any sense. I can also say "him not taking my name means he's not fully invested in the future of our relationship"
"At least to their friends and family."
My family and friends can think the same thing about him not taking my last name
he's not sexist but you are kind of dumb. hell a man gives up everything in marriage and marriage is for women lets not forget that. the least you could do is take his last name.
Is he the only one giving up something? Stfu dumba$$. I am not taking his name now
I wouldn't marry a woman who doesn't want to take my last name or hythenate my last name with hers.
That's part of the classical marriage deal. Men don't get much out of marriage compared to women, and you're taking ONE of the few advantages he gets compared to you.
I totally side with him.
Would you be ok with hythenating your last name with his:
Ex. the name "Leticia Perez" before marriage, would be Leticia Perez-Jones after marriage, instead of Leticia Jones
Have u discussed this compromise with him?
Lmao did you seriously just say men don't get anything out of a marriage? What do women get than? :/ . Also obviously you dont love the person enough to look past them not taking your name. She'll be lucky to not marry you.
Im a traditional type of guy when it comes to marriage.
I mean from all of the comments I've read below, she never wanted to get married in the first place (which should be discussed fairly early during a relationship) and is doing it FOR him and not because she really wants to.
@jwhit oh that definitely changes things, now I feel bad for being an asshole. :-/
Tradition is sexist fyi
@Prof_Don If you get nothing out of traditional marriage then why insist on it? why not have a non traditional marriage and get something out of it then?
@GirlsLie Exactly! Thank you. I dont know why people insist on this, which is nothing. Tradition can make some people happy I guess.
@Prof_Don
Man: You have to take me name
Woman: Why? :/
Man: Its tradition, I love you too so you have to take my name, and you are a woman
Woman: OK
How is that being happy and a TEAM? Its not
Women who have a problem with traditions should then not just "cherry pick" the ones they like and that are beneficial to them.
This... is selfish...
"I want him to pay for the courtship, and pay for all our dates... but I won't take his name when we're married."
"I want him to spend six or more months of his paycheck buying me an engagement ring... but I won't take his name when we're married."
"I want him to get down on his knees when he asks me to marry him... but I won't take his name when we're married."
"I want him to open doors for me... but I won't take his name when we're married."
"I want him to sacrifice his life for me if an intruder breaks into the house at 2 am... but I won't take his name when we're married."
Just a bit of perspective. Unfortunately, there are a lot of beta males out there and women often do pay for everything on dates... and don't get an engagement ring... and their boyfriend can't defend himself let along her. Don't take his name.
@Thor696 "I want him to pay for the courtship, and pay for all our dates... but I won't take his name when we're married."
Who tf said ANYTHING about me making him or expecting him to pay for our dates. You're making stupid assumptions. We can takes turns paying sometimes and split the check so shut up. I have to MAKE my fiancé let me pay for our things because he insist on him doing it all. You don't know sh! t about us or me
"I want him to spend six or more months of his paycheck buying me an engagement ring... but I won't take his name when we're married."
I didn't ASK HIM TO MARRY ME SO STFU. HE begged ME to marry him for 2 freaking years so stop acting like you know me
"I want him to get down on his knees when he asks me to marry him... but I won't take his name when we're married."
I don't value marriage so shut up. I didn't make those stupid marriage rules.
"I want him to open doors for me... but I won't take his name when we're married."
WE OPEN DOORS FOR EACHOTHER
@Thor696 "I want him to sacrifice his life for me if an intruder breaks into the house at 2 am... but I won't take his name when we're married."
I never asked him to. He'll do it anyways. If I was physically strong to beat tf out of a burglar I WOULD
@Thor696 Also there are LOTS of things women give up for marriage so stop being idiotic and thinking you know everything because you dont
Glad you can stand up for yourself cause this is some serious bullshit @asker
@aoifeislovable Yes. I had to endure THIS for 2 days smh. Everyone was basically being hypocrites and sexist themselves. This world will never be fair, even the women were being sexist. How sad is that? It made me hate being a woman knowing women lower their standards like this. Nothing is wrong with taking their husbands names but their reasons were fukked up
Fine then dump him. All you're doing is complaining about how you're right and he's wrong regardless of what others say so dump him, be a cat lady and keep your freaking name. He wants to marry you but you don't want to get married fine let him find another girl in all honesty I'd take him off your hands and I wouldn't mind changing my name. You are acting like a spoiled brat and I can't fathom why someone would want to marry a jerk like you. GROW UP!!! It also doesn't make him sexist so please find another reason. You're just a feminazi and don't come at me with the you're a woman you should know about sexism because I couldn't care less about the crap that feminism is rioting for today. Or even what they rioted for in the old days. Let's not forget feminism was all about females and yet it wasn't advocating for women of color. SMH forget you and forget feminism. I never wanted to vote any darn way.
"He wants to marry you but you don't want to get married "
I dont want to get my married but thats not the point. The point is I want to keep my name and people are calling me selfish for it
"You are acting like a spoiled brat and I can't fathom why someone would want to marry a jerk like you."
you're so stupid!! How am I acting like a spoiled brat for WANTING TO KEEP MY NAME. Do you know how you sound?
"You're just a feminazi "
I'm not even a feminist lady
you're just a sexist and a hypocrite smh
You're being selfish what do you expect you don''t want to get married and you don't want to change your last name that's cool then let him go that way he can find someone who will appreciate him as well as let go of there stubborn pride and change their last name I'm not a sexist nor am I a hypocrite. How am a hypocrite I'd change my name you won't.
Do you know how you look going at everyone's throat who doesn't agree with you in case you didn't notice we can see your replies to other's opinion.
You look a SPOILED BRAT!!! As well as an annoying woman how the hell did you even get a man. Why do you care so much if we call you selfish or not it's our opinion you idiot! If you didn't want people calling you selfish you shouldn't have asked this question. Newsflash not everyone is going to agree with you and you're being a brat about it.
Well g my bad for thinking people wouldn't be sooo sexist about me keeping MY name. And I am replying to others because I am suck of people telling me I am selfish for wanting to keep MY name.
Well considering that he won't let up you have two options.
1. You change your name because you love him and then you get married and live happily ever after.
2. You don't change your name he gets fed up breaks off the wedding and you end up wondering what if. Or you get three cats and live out your days in the creepy old house down the street.
Changing your name isn't that bad seriously It's a last name it's not going to kill you to change your last name. Besides once you get married you drop your middle name and instead your middle name is your maiden name so essentially you'd still have your last name it would just be your middle name instead.
Exactly its just a name so why would he care soooo much about it? Hm and loving him has nothing to do with it me not taking his name. I am sick of explaining this to you people
I'd answer, but you seem pretty hostile towards anyone who doesn't tell you what you want to hear on this. Seems you've reached that conclusion already and reject all arguments to the contrary.
No. I am hostile to people that are rude to me. I asked people questions that make sexist claims to make them realize how sexist they sound. Mostly everyone commenting is hypocritical
I don't really think it's sexist
Have you tried asking him why it's so important for you to take his last name?
No. I kinda got upset and didn't ask. I will ask him though
Yes it's best to ask him since it might have a deeper meaning as to why.
Thank you
If I dont forget. I'll let you when he comes back home, if you're interested
What? That does not mean he is sexiest at all! That has nothing to do with that so stop thinking that! He just wants you to be a, lets say a CCrawford. He wants you to be a Crawford like him so you guys will be Mr. And Mrs. Crawford. I would hate not to have my fiances last name! If you want to keep you name and he wants you to have his also you can get both. Example with both last nanames: Angie Belt Crawford and Bob Belt Crawford. Its equal.
It is sexist. its not equal. His name will be at the end while my last name will be my middle name
I'm just curious where'd you come up with Crawford?
@Octavius thats my actual last name lol but "Diehl" is my future fiances last name so yeah.
Stop blamming him for wanting you to take his last name. Its not his fault at all and its not sexist. If you are going to accuse someone for being sexist then point your finger at the person that made up the taking the last mans name in marriage. It is not his fault, taking the mans last name has been tradition for many many many years so stop thinking that way and stop being a jerk to him! Just take his name.. thats the least you can do for him!
I am doing a lot for him first all of and I'm not taking his name. We already discussed it so the people that keep blaming me for not taking his name looks stupid. You people are all sexist hypocrites smh
I am not sexist. Don't get an attitude with me. You are just over dramatic or some shit. I am sorry for being a bitch but I'm just trying to give you advice. I wish you and your fiance the best of luck and hopefully the two of you can work things out.
Thanks for wish of luck BUT of course I am going to be
upset about people telling me I should take his name because I am a woman. Sounds pretty sexist to me. And this is a big deal. Sexism IS a big deal
I am sorry. I really hope you guys can Work things out! This shouldn't hurt your relationship!
We worked it last night. I am just replying to people because they are still being hypocritical. And it's fine. I am just annoyed with people on GAG now
Oh I'm sorry
You're good. I don't agree with you but you're good
Well we have our own opinions lol.
Agreed
Why don't you want to take his name.. Are you sexist? Or are you just so indoctrinated into the feminist fallacy that you think you need to keep your name to make yourself feel powerful.. If you love him.. Why the he'll wouldn't you want his name.. If you don't want it.. You clearly don't love him.. Or understand what love entails, is and what it contains..
You're idiotic af smh. How does me wanting to keep MY name make me sexist? Retard people LMAO. THIS has nothing to do with feminism. It have to with KEEPING MY NAME!! If he love me he would take my name dimwit
"You clearly don't love him.."
you're simpleminded lmao. Who th actual says that smh :/ :/
Lastly he's taking my name. Suck on that
It's pretty normal to take a man's last name when you marry him.. why don't you keep yours and take his..
Actually it's not normal, it's just considered normal and he's taking mine
well duh
Then don't say it normal -_-
it's actually normal, but whatever.. you have your views of the world and I have mine
Fine think it's normal for women to change their identities for their husbands
jesus it's just a last name not a cure for cancer chill.. if you want to keep yours keep it, no one's forcing you to change it
That's the thing YOU don't know the rest of the situation that happened FOUR DAYS AGO
last name thingie got you little upset? chill.
Of course it had my upset. Read some of the comments and you'll see why
I am read some of the comments and i have to ask, would you call me sexist because I would take my future fiance's last name?
Of course not. You can do whatever you want. Me personally will not but I won't bash another woman for doing it. More power to her. Idc. We are strangers. What you do with your life does not affect me
Okay thanks for the clarification. As for your question I believe it's only sexist if he forces you to take his last name. I believe that he wants you to take his name because if you don't, it leads to awkward questions if you're divorced or separated if your kids are adopted or even if worse, if you're brother and sister do want you want but you can always hyphen your name.
So because I wanted to keep my name, you thought I'll shame a woman for not wanting to keep her name? Wow ok
We know what we are. Those are terrible reasons to take your husbands last name by the way
no honey i thought you would shame a woman for wanting to take her husbands name because you think its sexist which is hilarious because i am a feminist. call it what you want but there are bigger problems in the world including child marriage, genital mutilation, or having your family member forcefully hold another member down and flatten her breasts with a hot iron. but again do what you want. and if you're going to argue over a last name maybe you shouldn't get married
Please. Gtf. Tell that to men that want their wives to take their last names
again its only sexist if he is forcing you or thinks you are inferior to him and i do what i want
Whatever. It's sexist and people on here are soo darn hypocritical
Seriously while people are getting beaten and abused mentally and physically by partners you find this to be worried about. Maybe he is just proud of you and wants future children in his name too. Why is it so important to you. Why is it important to him. Instead of labelling him sexist for one thing why not find out his reasons.
Sexism is a BIG thing. you're a woman, you should know that. Guess not
OH MY F*CKING GOD! YES SEXISM IS A BIG THING BUT I HAVE BEEN READING THROUGH THESE COMMENTS AND YOU ARE A GOD DAMN FEMNAZI! YOU aren't EVEN TRYING TO FIND OUT HIS REASONS YOU ARE JUST SITTING HERE COMPLAINING ABOUT IT! "you're a woman, you should know that. Guess not."
OOps apparently a women who doesn't let every single little thing that no one gives a shit about and there are pretty good reasons to piss you off? EVery woman experiences sexism. Im trying to join the armed defence force and i do mma and i love my guns and my motorbikes and my cars and quads and it is so freaking hard. Harder than it has to be. Life happens okay, and this is the way it is. We are changing the social injustices done to women and laws are changing. You are complaining about changing your last name when surprise surprise its actually not about you. It's about your husband. it doesn't affect decision making in your family sweet heart.
@MissLebanon Ok yes I am only getting married because he wants to but that didn't include me talking his name. I am not a feminist. I asked someone else this, How am I a feminist for not wanting to change my last name? Thats very confusing. Is has nothing to do that feminism. I just dont want to change my last name. Why is that sooo bad?
Don't change it then don't get married if you don't want to. Why is it such an issue. And no I don't experience sexism too much because I don't look for it. If I hear a snide comment etc il stop them in their tracks but anyone who knows me respects me. You do realise it works both ways. You asking him to move a fridge or pull out a washing machine or change a car tyre can be considered sexist!! Or are you one of those feminists that pick and choose what part of sexism bothers you?
@MissLebanon hey best wishes on joining and keep going there are many guys that will encourage and support you to get you there too. Well said by the way :)
Its an issue because its my name and people want me to change it. I dont look for sexism either but if someone is being sexist to me I will not hold my tongue like most women.
"You do realise it works both ways."
I know sexism goes both ways. I never treated him like I was better than him, ever. I love him too darn much for that.
"You asking him to move a fridge or pull out a washing machine or change a car tyre can be considered sexist!!"
How is that sexist? if I am busy, I'll ask him to do something for me. If he's busy, he'll ask me the same. He's strong, of course he can move it. When I try to help him he refuse but I still help, may not be much help but we are a team.
"Or are you one of those feminists that pick and choose what part of sexism bothers you?"
Again idiotic lady I am not a feminist
So it's selected feminism I see. When it suits you then you throw the word sexism around
By the way I don't care if you take his name you could always use a double barrel name but people that choose not to its not because of sexism. You're using a word you don't have a clue about
LMAO you had nothing else to say because you KNOW am speaking the truth. Sexist women like you are just... ugh smh
Lol you think I'm sexist now. I'm beginning to feel sorry for your fiancé now but seriously iv nothing else to say because you can't argue with thick psychotic dramatic bitches. Common sense and logic doesn't work also stating facts doesn't work so good luck with everything wish you all the best
Idiotic bi+ch you are the dramatic one. I am speaking truths while you are being a sexist dirty a$$ trick! Suck on that ho
I don't think it's sexist. If it's that big of a deal breaker then don't marry him and let him go. But just know you'll possibly lose the love of your life over a last name.
Im SOOOO going to laugh my ass off if she loses the love of her life over not taking his last name, over some stupid feminism bullshit.
Its not a deal break. What is a deal breaker is sexist people. We agreed to talk later when he gets home
@Prof_Don It's not feminism. Its me wanting to keep MY last name
Okay so since your finance is sexist, DON'T marry him then. Why marry someone with "sexist" views that you obviously don't agree with?
The thing is I think I blew it out of proportion, I don't know. I'll see later
Maybe, maybe not. But if that's truly how you feel then roll with it, don't change for others. Let him find a woman who'd gladly accept his sexist ways and take his name. You can also find a guy who doesn't care about marriage and even if he did, will let you keep your last name.
We already discussed it. Thanks for the advice
No problem, hope everything worked out.