My ex and I broke up last September because he met someone else. It hurt me a lot because he lied about her, but I was not an idiot, I knew about her and that he was lying. When we broke up he wanted to help me heal and came to see me a lot on weekends and made it clear he wanted to be friends. But...
My ex and I broke up last September because he met someone else. It hurt me a lot because he lied about her, but I was not an idiot, I knew about her and that he was lying. When we broke up he wanted to help me heal and came to see me a lot on weekends and made it clear he wanted to be friends. But I asked for space because it was too hard knowing he was with someone else (even though he went out of his way to hid his new relationship). I didn't talk to him for a month, but after a week of not talking things feel apart with the new girl and he started messaging me a lot.
After a month I saw him again and we slept together, it was Christmas and we ended up spending the holidays together. I was hoping we could work things out again but I realized he had no intention of getting back together. I tried to walk away and cut off contact, and I have tried a number of times now. Every time he ends up pulling me back in.
Now, I am going home for a visit and told him I am thinking about moving back. I said I don't want to talk to him while I am away so I can figure out what I want. He got really upset and kept trying to get me to agree to talk to him while I am away. He doesn't want me to move but I told him I can't stay here because he wants me too.
Why is he so upset I want to move on with my life? Why does he still want me to talk to him? It not like he can have sex with me while I am out of town. He's not interested in a relationship so why does he want to be my friend so bad?
Ever heard of "wanting to have your cake and eat it too?"
Be candid with yourself, it took two of you to 'sleep together'. And no one can "pull you back" into anything without you being willing to go along.
If you want to move along then be strong and move along. It's REALLY tough to remain close friends with anyone after the relationship is over and it sounds like your was over a while back but now he wants some sort of "Friends with benefits" kind of deal and that is too painful for you. (As it should be)
Get out and go find someone who wants ALL of you. This guys will always have one eye trained on the other pasture just in case something willing should happen along.
Have you asked him any of these questions yourself? Its hard to know exactly why he's acting the way he is, but if you are as close as you sound, I think it'd be a good idea to just ask him why. Maybe he really does want a relationship, or maybe he just isn't ready for commitment but doesn't want to lose you, or maybe he just doesn't want to see you with someone else. I would try asking him; be straightforward. Say something like, "I'm really confused. You've acted like you don't want a relationship with me, so I'm trying to move on, but you seem really upset when you hear that I'm going away. What are you really feeling?"