So we're always bitching about all the bad stuff in life like bills, work, school, Islamic terrorists, feminists, that question from every day asking which Indian girl is prettier etc etc the list goes on and on forever.
So I decided to do a myTake - which is a first for me by the way - and do it about positive stuff. Yes, here's a stinking pile of random shit which is positive about life.
Hopefully it smells like Chanel Number 5 Which I don't actually know smells like...
Seriously how good is your smart phone? Let's face it, they're the best! You're probably using one right now.
Whether you have an iphone, huwei, samsung, HTC or whatever, these things are the best friends you ever had.
You can do anything with your smart phone whether its check the weather, map a route to find your way, play pokemon go, listen to music, god forbid actually use it to call someone or even watch pornographic videos on the sly while facing the screen slightly away from those around you.
Smart phones are great right?
How could I do a myTake without including beer? in more ways than one if you smell what I'm brewing...
So we've all seen that fat guy at the mall with the "beer helping ugly people have sex since 1862" or whatever. That's true! research has proven that beer helps ugly people gain the confidence they need to get laid by dulling the senses of those looking at them.
Well... it helps them get someone home anyway. Whether or not they get the dreaded brewers droop is another story...
Anyway, next time your in the bar or as I like to call it "down the pub" or even if you're at work or at home, have a beer for me.
Just remember to not go to the toilet. You go once, you're going 10 more times in the space of an hour. Maybe an exaggeration but you know what I mean.
Babes. Say no more...
So many people are "not the club type" and they prefer to stay home and play computer games or watch a TV show on netflix or whatever but come on people, just give it a go because it's fun!
You can meet girls (or guys if that's what you're into), dance like an idiot and let off some steam.
You'll find yourself soaking in the atmosphere and wondering why you don't go out more before you know it.
And then you'll turn around and someone has stolen your beer...
Yep, its so bad for you but tastes so fucking good!
Muslims and Jews can't have it. If you ask them about it they don't want it and that can only be a good thing if you ask me because it means more heart-stoppingly goodness for yours truly.
There's so much you can do with bacon. Chicken and bacon salad, bacon and chicken salad, salad and bacon chicken, the list goes on.
However, if you could do me a small favor - and I know you want to ;) make sure that when you buy bacon, it comes from free range pigs. It will taste better and it means happier and cleaner animals - until the final moment of course...
I only get to see this on very rare occasions but I love this show. It's laugh out loud stuff. The absurdity of America on display in this show makes it comedy gold even though it's not meant to be.
Watching this makes you realize just how fantastic your life actually is.
Just hope if you ever appear on this show that it's in the audience.
They're so simple. Just loud bangs to your ears likely causing permanent damage and pretty colours to your eyes.
They symbolize the beginning or the end of something and they give you that warm feeling inside.
You just watch them. There's nothing else you can do other than marvel at their beauty and wonder how much this is going to affect climate change and how many parts per million carbon dioxide is in the air now.
Just a sight to see.
If you're lucky to live in a country which isn't a nanny state, you can set them off yourself and maybe light somebody's roof on fire or cause their livestock to stampede.
Either way you'll be creating fond memories.
And the number one random good thing about life...
Laughing is good for you. It's better for you than being a miserable arse wipe. So put the toilet paper down and DON'T wipe the smile off your face. Leave it there and let it develop into laughter.
You'll feel much better after you finally lighten up a bit and stop seeing everything as some kind of attack to your lame as fuck politically correct existence.
Watch a funny movie, go to a comedy show, play a practical joke on somebody or even just troll on G@G. Whatever it is that makes you laugh.