My boyfriend toke his baby mama out to eat for her birthday?
Ok my question is..is it wrong to be mad that your boyfriend toke his baby mama out to eat for her birthday while I was at work. He told me that he went out to eat but it was for his dads birthday Because his dads birthday was the same week..but he also told me his baby mama went with him and their son . But the next day we got into an argument and told me well yea he paid for her Because it was her birthday dinner. I know they have child together but am I being to selfish to be mad that he toke his baby mama out to eat for her birthday with his son & his dad? Opinions! Pleaseee!
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
As a girl who has two cousins who have children out of wed lock
(one of them being male), I can safely say that your boyfriend and
the mother of his child being on good terms it's much better for the
kid, trust me!
My male cousin and the mother of his child, basically loath
and dispise each other. It wasn't always that way, but they've
always had rocky relationship. He's got custody of the kids
and she's not a very good mom. They're not together now, but
their eldest son (who turns 13 this weekend) had to watch all
the fights, yelling, swearing, talking smack about one another,
the police being called and the constant moving in and out with
each other. It's been hard on him and he'll probably now have
messed up view on relationships and their youngest ( who is 3)
doesn't talk and is acting out aggressivly, that's probably due to
the fact he's never had proper bonding time with his mom and
she's never around, I mean she's see's them, how often I don't
know. What I do know is, that it's very hard on those kids having
there parents not be on good terms.
My point, is I understand that maybe you're hurt that he didn't
tell you the complete truth, he should have. However, there's
nothing wrong with him taking the mother of his child and their
son, out for her birthday or paying for the dinner. It's a nice jesture
and sets a good example for their son. Also, I noticed how you
said to another answerer in comments, that your boyfriend has said
"I love you" to his childs mom? Just because he tells her he loves
her, doesn't mean he's in love with her. I'm assuming they were a
couple once and may have at one time been in love and now they
have a child together? Not to freak you out, but having child bonds
two people together for life and if they split on good terms, than of
course they might still feel a love for each other. That doesn't mean they're
getting back together or in love with each other. You know what I mean?
My best advice would be, if you're really afraid there's somethings else
going on between them. You should sit them both in a room and confront
them and ask "if there's anything for you to worry about?" And, say "You'd
rather know the truth now, than later on and risk everybody being hurt"
Ultimately, it all comes down to trust. You just have to trust him and
try not to get too angry when he does things with her, it might start to make
him feel like you're trying to alienate him from his childs mother. Obviously,
you don't want that. Just hang in there and I hope things work out in your
relationship. Good luck! : )
What Guys Said 6
wud you prefer that the child grow up hating both his parents and becoming a person that is emotionally traumatized?
think about it this way, you cud be his step mom in the future. your boyfriend is being a good person you shud not make a big deal about it. the one thing you shud complain about is how come they cudnt go at a time when you cud of been there as well.
him paying for her= not a big deal
him deciding to do the dinner while your at work= big deal
Since he has a kid unfortunately you're going to have to deal with the baby mamma. Him taking her out for her birthday and bringing the kid along is perfectly fine. The fact that you over react with him is probably the reason why he twisted the truth a little bit. Now spending money on the baby mama and then not getting you anything at all isn't right. She may be the mother of his child, but he still have respect for you and show appreciation for you on your anniversary and on Valentine's day and get you something or make you something
Your being selfish, the guy spent time with this kid and the mom was there. It was a nice gesture for him ot pick up the bill on account of her birthday. He gave his son a nice memory. You're kinda drawlin' by making a bigger deal out of it than it should be. It's not about you per say. A father needs to have a strong relationship with the mother of his child. It doesn't mean that he wants to be with her. You drew forreal on this. Kinda selfish.
I think it is completely okay for him to take out his ex-girlfriend, who happens to be the mother of his child, and also to pay for dinner. But there should also be very clear communication around it.
He should start by telling you that he would like to take her out for her birthday, asking how you felt about it, setting a realistic start and end time for the meeting, so you need not to worry when he will come home, checking in with you over phone if he runs late. Anything to make you feel secure, that shows he is honest, cares about your feelings and doesn't do it in order to make you jealous or try to get back with her.
You should also cut him some slack, don't drive him away or into lying to you with you jealousy. In my opinion he is allowed to have a good relation with the mother of his child, it could even be a sign that he is a nice guy, taking responsibility for his past. But the situation needs to be dealt with responsibly and there should not be such messy miscommunications like it seems to be the case here. That just creates drama on both ends. Good luck!
You have merit if you're upset he lied. Deceit is a dangerous thing. As far as him taking his ex out, given that they share a kid, it could be considered the decent thing to do considering the circumstances. The girl is going to be apart of his life whether he wants it or not. Things move smoother is you stay on good terms with said person.
p.s. he didn't take her out for a private dinner. He went with his son, his father, and the mother of his son. That's not cause for reprimandation. Also, maybe he lied because he felt you would not see things in such a way. It doesn't excuse him trying to deceive you but it explains it.
What Girls Said 5
I have a 5 year old daughter with my husband and he has a 9 year old from a previous relationship. Funny thing he does is he will take his son and our daughter out to eat and not tell me that his sons mother "tagged along"...NOT OK! I personally think any relationship between boyfriend and baby mama should be kept strictly about the child! There is NO reason why he needs to be taking her out, he should be taking the son out not her! It's a little different be I have a child with my husband as well so I really feel there is no reasoning for anything more than a cordial relationship between the two. Very simple..pay your child support and take your child for visits or weekends etc. there is no reason to play house for the kids sake. Why create a fake setting for the child?
I'm just gonna be honest and tell you something you don't wanna hear: They're probably still f***ing. They went out for HER birthday, not the son's. Mommy, daddy and baby going out to eat is what families do.
And if he did not get you anything for Valentines day or anniversary then that is a huuuge sign. He's not showing the right amount of dedication to you and that's not fair. His actions are showing that he's playing around with you and just keeping you around but he's still with her
Id be mad. I'm dating a guy with a kid and the way I feel is that you two should only really need to talk about the kid. You two decided that you two cannot work despite the fact you have a child together. Plus he lied to you, though I'm assuming that he did because he knew you would react the way you are, which I support by the way. But lied none the less. Plus if this is how you feel its how you feel. Don't try to make yourself the bad guy when I think you obviously know who is wrong in this situation.