I found that my boyfriend of 3 years secretly records videos of random girls without their knowledge?

[Anonymous]

I love him, he loves me, we have a great relationship and plan to get married few years after college. We are very attracted to one another physically and emotionally.. But today I found some videos on his tablet when he wasn't there (he gave me his password).

- Video 1: Recording of a girl walking in front of him, wearing black tights that were see-thru revealing pink panties. (all videos approx 45sec-2 minutes long).

- Video 2: Sorority girl walking in front of him wearing booty shorts, revealing her butt cheeks.

- Video 3: Girl sitting across at the same table in the library wearing a crop top.

- Video 4: Two girls sitting at a table, one wearing a tank top with no bra, revealing her side boob. He is obviously standing in this video behind the girl, recording this. (there were several videos, she almost turned around and caught him but he left).

Its like he turns on his camera and closes his phone and just stands there or something. Its pathetic. It sickens me what he does after he walks me to class or while he's supposedly "studying."
ALSO, this isnt' the first time. I caught him with a video once few years ago, he apologized and said he wouldn't do it anymore.

*** So my question is, should I just accept him, and let it go? Or should I confront him and let him know I snooped in his photos?

I don't want to break up over this stupidity.. But its definitely a behavior I want him to change... Please help, THANK YOU...

[redeyemindtricks]

There was a dude who did this about 10 years ago in NYC... but, he actually had the balls to go up to the women and ask their permission. He got a surprising number of affirmative responses, compiled a blog at the domain "idonothingallday. com", and made a fair amount of money through ads on the blog site.

I mean, I think that would be harder to do now, just because cameras are so much more everywhere than they used to be... but, yeah. The creeper part is the secret recording part.
Honestly, if he'd just go up and ask them, he could learn some valuable people skills along the way. I'm not kidding.

As for yr boyfriend, you should try to find out WHY he's doing what he's doing. As others have pointed out, it's possible that he is violating the law.
Lots of cities have enacted very recent legislation against this sort of thing -- some are even considering going as drastic as Japan, which requires ALL camera phones to make a shutter-noise whenever ANY picture is taken, regardless of whether the phone is on silent.
So much risk... so little to gain. You should really try to get to the bottom of this. If you value this man, try to dig through his mind, figure out what IN THE ACTUAL FUCK is going on here, and... try to help him grow into a better and less sketchy person.

Like, really. Good for yr relationship, and good for the rest of us. One less creeper in the street, is that much better for society as a whole.

[lumos]

I would not consider that acceptable behavior. In fact, I would consider it a type of cheating. Looking up porn is one thing. But recording your own type of soft porn of girls who aren't even aware of it is another. It's creepy and disgusting as fuck. I would not be able to be with a guy like that. I would be way too turned off and angry.

[karahiri]

he's a liar and a creep. he will never change. hopefully he'll get caught.

you absolutely should break up with him. this isn't "stupidity". he has voyeuristic tendencies which he lies about and will continue to lie about.

[karahiri]

and no, this isn't normal for guys. it is not normal to record women in public without their knowledge.

[Asker]

Whenever I wear something a certain way, he begs to record it and I let him. Maybe he has a weird fetish thing watching these videos? I was ok if it was just me, but random women in public. It sickens me :(

[karahiri]

clearly, whatever this is spans beyond just you. he's fucked up.

[Anonymous]

Guys are fascinated with a woman's body. Always been that way. It's natural. Recording them is a little creepy and I'd be concerned lol. I'd confront him and let him know that you won't put up with it. You love him but he needs to let you know if he isn't ready to settle down because if he truly loves you he wouldn't be lusting over other women like that (although women dressing like that is pretty much begging for attention). It just sounds like a lust addiction. He needs to be asked how would he feel if someone strange guy was recording his girlfriend or sister etc, and doing no telling with the videos afterwards. And who knows he may just be doing that to show his friends. He may mean no harm but I would sit him down and talk with him about it. Or not it's up to you.

[Red_Arrow]

It is a behavior that you want him to change. You gave him that chance. He did not change. So are you going to accept him continuing that, or are you going to find someone you can trust?

[Asker]

Maybe it's something that is "normal" for guys, and that I should accept him for it? What if the next guy also does this, or worse, cheat?

[Red_Arrow]

Some guys do take videos of unsuspecting girls. We do not call that normal, we call it creepy. But more interesting is that you confronted him about it and he stated that he would stop it. But he did not. So you cannot trust him.

[Asker]

The worse part is I know he has wandering eyes... But he denies it. But now I have proof and I am in denial... I just need to figure out whether or not it's worth letting him go. He has good qualities too.

[abc3643]

Are these videos taken during the time of your relationship? If so, he needs to go because you have no expectation that he will ever stop even after you marry him.

[Asker]

Yes, the videos were just 1-2 months ago... I'm just not understanding whether or not its "normal" male behavior.. Or he's just a freakin creep?

[abc3643]

He's normal and a freaking creep. We love looking at women and would record them if we could - it's like watching porn - but, unlike porn, these women don't know they are being filmed. Furthermore, it is a violation of privacy rights and he may in fact be violating a local law or two. I vote creep and he needs to go.

[Asker]

Hmm ok, curious though why everyone thinks I should let him go? What does his behavior indicate to you all?

[abc3643]

It indicates that he doesn't understand the boundaries of acceptable behavior. For instance, you might think your boss is a douchebag, so you think it, but you don't say "Hey, Boss, You're a douchebag!" because drama ensues and bad things happen because your boss doesn't like it. Well, filming women without their permission is one such activity which crosses a boundary for acceptable behavior. Now, each of us does that from time to time because that is human nature and we can be weak, but what he is doing tells us 1 of 2 things:
1. He doesn't understand that what he is doing is unacceptable. If he doesn't understand that at his age, he's fucked in the head and should have no children to soil our gene pool. OR
2. He does understand what he is doing is unacceptable but doesn't care and keeps doing it. At his age, that is unacceptable because he is behaving like a child rejecting authority out of selfishness. He's fucked in the head and should have no children to soil our gene pool.

[Asker]

That is a very good opinion, thank you for taking the time to write all of that for me. I want to weigh out the pros and cons of our relationship. This is one of his weak moments, and I want to believe it's something he could change or grow out of. But I guess time will tell.

But I just think what if I didn't snoop through his photos, I would have never known. Why should my snooping ruin our relationship?

[abc3643]

Because sometimes you need to know. What if what you found wasn't him filming women but filming naked kids? Or what if you found out about his positive HIV test? Don't turn a blind eye to this...

[Asker]

Okay. Not sure if you've already answered this question but, should I confront him and give him a chance to explain? Or just accept it's his character flaw and a) let him go b) accept him and love him regardless of creepiness (ha ha..)

[abc3643]

I would confront him in an accidental manner. You discovered these videos by accident, right? We "rediscover" them while he is nearby. Drama may ensue, but the point is that you initially are not coming across as confrontational. Never be confrontational directly with a man because they will instantly get highly defense and feel they are being attacked. It is better for you to "discover" and issue because 1) it doesn't look like you were directly attacking him on purpose (like a deliberate confrontation) and 2) since he wasn't on the defensive, he'll feel more guilt.

[Asker]

That is very good advice, I will definitely try that. He does exactly what you described, he immediately gets defensive and feels attacked. I think you're very wise, and I appreciate all your help so much! I hope things will turn out well...

[abc3643]

you are welcome

[julesabi98]

Break up with him. You already talked to him about it, he didn't change. He probably won't. And I'm also pretty sure that whatever he is doing is illegal.

[GingerGuy]

There are also privacy laws, he could get into a lot of trouble. Yes confront him. This is a fetish of his and if he can't control it for you then you'll have to move on.

[Anonymous]

Not okay... You should get to the bottom of this. Clearly, he sees women as objects. Either break up with him, fix him or get him professional help. A deeper issue could be at bay. Careful.

[soe11]

I think he want you to wear similar outfit publicly.
If you do trust or relationship not smooth theen do depart peacefully.

[NYkid27]

I think you should break up with him. It's kind of weird and creepy that he takes videos of random girls without their consent

[Anonymous]

that's not normal, you should confront him. this could be a problem later in your relationship if you just let it go. it might even escalate into something worse.

[Anonymous]

thats what you women get when you dress like naked prostitutes. some horny guy will record you and put you on the internet for the whole world to see... .

[abundantlyrich]

Peeping toms dont change their wAys

[Anonymous]

It's too bad... so sad...