My boyfriend doesn't respect my education?

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone! I want to know what you guys think about this situation.
He's a computer science major, and he also does electrical engineering. Super smart guy, and he's even building a 3D printer all by himself!
I am always so proud of him, and although I am not particularly interested in that field of study, I never question its relevance and always support him. (I do this by asking him questions, letting him know that he can always share good/bad news with me if something happens, etc.) I also make sure I give him hugs and kisses when he accomplishes something no matter how big or small.
But.
He seems to have little to no respect for my field of study. I am a Linguistics major, and he has said on several occasions that we are studying everything wrong, that we are outdated, and that our research questions are irrelevant. I have explained to him several times that we are super necessary for speech recognition softwares, helping people with speech problems, and studying ancient cultures to find out more about them (when we partner with historians). He doesn't seem to be "impressed" with any of it.
I tried to show him a 10 minute video on prescriptive vs. descriptive rules (look it up if you're not sure what they are~), and even though I was visibly excited, he basically said that it's completely irrelevant and that there is no "prize" to learning the rules that make up a language and then went back to coding.
It hurts me so much that he thinks this way about something that's this important to me. How can I make him realize that Linguistics is just as important as anything else? Is this normal for computer science majors or is it just him? Thanks!

[Anonymous]

You know honestly? Like really really honestly?

I think you should take a break from this guy.

Here's why: someone I know who was a girl who was close to me made me believe I am nothing because she had a better education.

Because she was 'above' me I couldn't see her for the bitch that she was.

I fear that if you spend too much time with your boyfriend who I can tell you care deeply about, his words will taek on a kind of damage that will be very hard to remove. Why? because it's the people who are close to you who are capable of hurting you.

He's smart. That's great, good for him. It does not give him the right to treat you or anyone else badly including disrespecting an education that will help you make something of yourself just because he thinks he's better.

[btbc92]

This has nothing to with those who major in computer science. This is just his dumb way of thinking. And this is very wrong of him to disrespect you like that. There is nothing wrong with debating, but he is completely not open minded to your cause. Is he a reserved introverted thinker who likes to analyze things intangibly and make critical judgments based on solid evidence and traditional form, and will only respect the modern ways of things that concern him, but look down on you as a intuitive who's emotions seem irrelevant because you are passionate about your field in a less judgmental way? You prefer to be perceptive and leave judging out unless needed? Because he sounds extremely unhealthy and disregards certain things in your personality and passions if he doesn't connect with them.

[Asker]

Yes, as you say, debates are totally normal. But as you also said, I think what he is saying (especially to his own gf) is not normal.
You just described him and I to a T. How did you know? I actually a little spooked ahahahaha. I don't have a lot of trouble connecting with him, but he can't connect with me easily it seems... how can I change that?

[btbc92]

@Asker Because I am an intuitive person myself and I sense things. I know how to pickup signals from people that are amiss, and your feelings and attitude through the writing was so plain and clear. I can literally envision your perspective and his, so it was very obvious. And spiritual, so it was easy. ^^

I know you don't have the problem and it was him. But you need to understand that you can never change a person. The person has to want to change by their own will. I just believe that your taking this way too seriously and he is not even concerned about it. When you do speak to him, give him the facts, not emotion. He can't understand emotion if it's going to be sounding like whining to him. Other than that, just love him for him. You chose to date him, now you both need to learn how to love each other for who you are, not for what you want to change.

If you two took the MBTI. I would guess he is an ISTJ and your either I/ENFP. Maybe not right. But he sounds like it bad.

[Asker]

I AM AN INFP ARE YOU SHITTING ME? O____________O

But yeah... about the rest of the stuff you said... (sorry... still recovering from the fact that you guessed my personality type...)
I agree 100% with what you said. I have to just accept that he's judgmental. I will find my own way to love what I do, and I just won't share Linguistic things with him anymore. Not that hard, you're right :D

[btbc92]

@Asker Sorry but I'm just laughing about him right now! I know if it was me, we'll clash! I'm too stubborn. ^^

And don't think you'll be able to handle the constant debate, so it makes you upset and emotional that he doesn't feel strongly about your profession as you do. I can understand that. I don't think I've met somebody like him before, before I know from my emotional stand point I can't handle his negativity. But he's with you, so he's definitely loyal and cares about you and what you think. He just can't relate to it.

[btbc92]

because*

[btbc92]

@Asker Please try to bare with me I'm in shock I got it right. But I have a confession to make:

I'm an INFJ. ^^

[btbc92]

@Asker Also I believe that at the same time, he needs to learn to be more open and understanding of your feelings and try to have compromise instead of him thinking he's always right. Because news flash, he isn't. And he needs to learn that or else it will hurt you. Then when your quiet all of a sudden, he's going to want to know why. This is your chance to take an emotional break for yourself so that you can recover until he sees how badly that way of thinking is effecting you.

[EllieLexis513]

My ex was the same way, except he didn't have a college degree and I did. He didn't respect my degree or my career and always downplayed it. I personally think he did it because he wanted to feel superior and I think that's what your boyfriend is doing. He may not be doing it to hurt your feelings or anything, but I think he actually believes he's smarter and superior than, at the very least, your professors.

[Asker]

Although I don't think he's trying to hurt my feelings, he should definitely know how he would feel if the reverse was happening... he would feel so shitty.
I definitely know that he is superior than me. The stuff he is studying is literally alien language and my brain hurts every time I look at it.
But everyone has their own interests and talents, and if we always judged people that way what would we accomplish?
I just don't know how to get him to stop thinking like that.

[EllieLexis513]

You just said you know he is superior than you, so the fact that you personally believe he is means that you'll ever get him to stop thinking like that because YOU think that way yourself.

[Flurr]

When I studied mathematics and statistics it did seem that there were many in the science fields that looked down on other fields, to be honest.

[Asker]

That's so bad... every field is relevant in its own way in my opinion. I have never looked down on anyone studying anything, as long as they like it.

[HonestWhiteGuy]

Yea he thinks he's smarter/superior to you and doesn't respect your major

[MimiK98]

It is not normal. Everyone should respect linguistics. It is necessary for communication and it has been proven for centenaries to be valuable to study. Without it then there is no communication. We do not need computer science for our survival. It is just a plus to have-entertainment. I think u should show him data and proof it is valuable. He is an asshole for no respecting your studies.

[Asker]

Wow, thank you so much for saying so!!!
Not a lot of people even know what Linguistics is around here, so I always feel happy when people know about it!!
I will try to look for some data, but I feel so hurt that it actually has to get to this point... *sigh* you gotta do what you gotta do I guess.
Thanks for your help!!

[MimiK98]

Yes, You are welcome. I know what it is. I took lots of history, liberal arts and language arts classes. I believe it is a necessary field of study, so is medicine for society to function. Keep studying it cuz we need people like u. Yes, I know it should have not come to this but some plp need proof. Seeing is believing.

[Luminifera]

He has a major in AAAAASSHOOOOOLEEEEEEEEE
He's an ASSHOLE. And yeah, unfortunately, it's common for computer science majors to be super judgmental of any major that's not in STEM - and even then, they probably shit on Geology, Biology and some Engineering branches, too.

[Asker]

Well, you are entitled to your opinion, but just because he was being a jerk about this I don't want to go so far as to call him an asshole... anyone can be an asshole if you catch them at the wrong moment.
But I agree with the second thing that you said, it's probably just the way that they think that makes them this way.
Thanks for your opinion!!!

[FakeName123]

It sounds like he isn't respecting you. Definitely a major red flag.

[Asker]

Yeah... that's what I thought too...
But a red flag for what?

[FakeName123]

If he isn't respecting you in a relationship, he isn't respecting the relationship itself either. There is no healthy foundation for a proper relationship. Imaging you build a house on a broken foundation. The house might be staying for a while, but eventually the foundation will be crashing down.

He might have a point that your education doesn't do too much. There aren't many well-paying jobs for it. The key is how he brings it across and there he is clearly disespecting you in his way.

And if you accept such kind of disrespect, it will go on. Additionally it hints to you not even respecting yourself. The point really isn't about how important linguistics is, but about how you interact with each other.

[Asker]

Wow... that comment hit me hard but I think you are right.
He is super into money, yes! So maybe that's part of the issue too.

He already knows that I want to be a teacher. An English teacher for foreigners, actually. Everyone knows that teachers don't make a whole lot, but anyone could also tell you that anyone who knows anything knows that thing because someone taught them. Teachers are invaluable.

I actually agree that I haven't been respecting myself. I guess it can be easy to doubt yourself when someone who's important to you tells you something like this. But I love Linguistics and I want to keep doing it. I will keep fighting for what I like :)
Thank you so much!!!