My guy told me that I'm "pretty but not the prettiest girl I've ever seen". Should I just end things?

[Anonymous]

We've been together over a year. Should I dump him? I mean if he thinks there's better out there, why should I hold him back. He should go do better

Updates

+1 y

I feel like everybody is being really hard on me cause I want a relationship filled with sexual attraction &to feel desired. We're not an old married couple! I don't want him to just like my personality. When I asked him who's prettier than me, he said "girls that he's seen at parties or events". These are actual tangible girls not celebrities, which would be more understandable. If these are real girls, why not be with them?

Updates

+1 y

And I've done modeling, so I know I'm not ugly - to those throwing shade :)

Updates

+1 y

Last weekend he basically went MIA. He told me that he felt "extremely shitty" about things & went on a drinking binge. I told him that I don't think I can get past this & that I don't want someone that thinks I'm mediocre. He assured me that he doesn't & that he's attracted to me. Not good enough!! I'm ignoring his calls

[omoin]

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[btbc92]

The real question is, who was the one who asked the question? Because from your description, you were the one who asked it. No guy would be stupid enough to say something to upset the ones they're with. None, unless their that stupid.

Here is what you're not getting. There will ALWAYS be somebody better looking than you and you may be better looking physically than others. So what. If people are being hard on you is because you are very unrealistic and you have some unrealistic expectations. Don't ask questions you won't like the answer to. And dump him for what? Because you're that insecure? Then go ahead. But now you're going to be left miserable because you can't accept the reality. Looks aren't everything. He is with you for a reason or else he wouldn't be with you. If you keep this up, you can forget about dumping him. He will dump you because no man in their right mind wants to deal with a woman who thinks like this. He didn't think to be wise enough to keep his mouth shut and not answer the question. The next time you ask such questions he won't be normal around you anymore because he will be afraid that he will get you upset about anything. I'm sure he never said anything bad about you before in that year, right? Don't start a fire you can't put out. I don't know what happened in your past to make you believe that you need to be sexually desired and wanted. But your mentality needs to change or else there won't be a relationship. You asked, therefore he gave you an honest opinion.

[Asker]

There's nothing wrong with being sexually desired & wanted. Those are normal things to want in a relationship

[btbc92]

No. These are things that you should be wanting when you're married. This is not needed in dating relationships. Again, you're being very unrealistic. Unless he's been using you, if he didn't like you he wouldn't be with you. Either accept his way of loving you or find somebody else who gives you want. Because the right kind of person gives you what you need. You don't know how good you have it until it's gone or taken away from you. He would not be with you for a year to have this kind of drama.

[btbc92]

what you want*

[XRabbitHeartX]

Your partner SHOULD be the most beautiful person to you because YOU love them and they love you. That already should put you in a league of your fucking own. I can't believe when people say insensitive or stupid shit like that. Did he actually think you'd be like yay woop dee doo my boyfriend doesn't think I'm the most beautiful or what? What did he think logically about saying that? My partners have always told me I am the most beautiful in their eyes not because I am the most beautiful woman in existence (duh I'm not) but because they loved me, I was the most beautiful to them. Your boyfriend clearly doesn't comprehend that concept so find someone who will view you as equally special.

[Battooot]

you aren't ugly at all, in fact, you are very close to my type. So don't let what he say affect you.

But you have to have to appreciate that he is honest with you, the truth is, even though you are my type and have the beauty i'm looking for and appreciate, you probably won't be the most beautiful girl i see, unless i met you and fell in love with you.

I don't know what your boyfriend is really thinking, but the way i understand it; you are not the most beautiful person in the world "looks wise" but he loves you.

Though i don't understand why he would tell you that in the first place, unless if you asked for it. It's still weird for me, because i won't be in a relationship with a girl unless she fills my eyes completely, which means that i will love her and in my eyes she will be the most beautiful girl.

That being said, i don't know what to tell you about dumping him. I don't really know if he loves you or not or if he was trying to shut you down because maybe you were "too full of yourself' back then when he said it. But... i find it pretty ridiculous to dump someone because he basically said "you are not the prettiest person in the world'. If you met someone that told you that... unless he was completely and fully in love with you that he wants to marry you and have kids with you... then he's probably lying to you. One thing i appreciate about him is that he is honest, and had i been in your place, i would appreciate that my girlfriend tells me the truth. But i would also want to know if she is 'SETTLING for me' or not. If she is settling, then my relationship with her won't be for long and just temporary.

[Battooot]

He does not think you are mediocre thsts for sure. Or elsevhe won't be with you in thevfirst place. But what about you... what do you even think of him. Is he really that easy to get rid off for you and ignore calls? I know if i loved someone id never treat them that way

[Asker]

No it's not easy but there's just nothing left to talk about for us

[Battooot]

Actually... can you message me for a little bit

[ThatDudeWitt]

If my girlfriend asks me that question this is what I'm going to say...

"You are gorgeous. Not just because you're hot and have a great smile with sexy eyes, but because you are one of the best people I know. I don't really think you can compare random pretty girls you see with the girl you are in love with. I think you're prettier than every girl I see because I know you inside and out and I think you're the complete package. So, no, I don't think other girls are prettier than you. Yes, there are attractive girls out there. But you're the total package for me. And besides, you don't need to worry about who I think is pretty, not pretty, or whatever. Because I love you and you are the only person I want, no matter what another girl looks like."

Your boyfriend is allowed to be honest, but he is also supposed to be a gentleman. If he loves you, and really loves you, then he will make it a point to let you know how he feels about you rather than how you measure up physically to other women.

[DizzyDesii]

Wow love this statement. Lucky girlfriend

[ThatDudeWitt]

@DizzyDesii Thanks Dizzy. She is one of a kind.

[Wertime]

And now try to say the same thing without needing to think three hours to come up with something like this.

This is WAY over the top for a simple question.

[ThatDudeWitt]

@Wertime This did not take three hours. And it isn't way over the top, especially for the person you love. I am a counselor that specializes in relationships. I do this all day.

[Wertime]

@ThatDudeWitt It might not have taken three hours, but c'mon try to think of a similar message in a matter of seconds if you're a guy who's NOT specialized with this kind of stuff.

[ThatDudeWitt]

@Wertime in fact, I'd like to break this down a little. This question was not simple at all. She is looking for security and affirmation from her boyfriend. She wants to be secure in how he perceives and feels about her. The biggest problem I find with males in relationships is that they only tend to take questions like this at face value. So they give shallow face value answers. But if you look at "why" your girlfriend is asking you something as opposed to simply what they are asking you, you will be able to connect with her on a deeper level. That, in turn, will increase trust and security and your relationship will be stronger.

[Wertime]

@ThatDudeWitt True. How the answer comes across, depends on if this was a ''just curious'' question or she was looking for actual motivation.

[ThatDudeWitt]

@Wertime I get that response a lot in sessions. Here is the answer: if you don't know why she is asking or how to answer, then ask "why do you ask?" Don't make her feel stupid or give her a crazy look (which will be hard at times) but just get the motivation for the questions. Even if she says "just curious", that is probably not true (hate to say it ladies). So then you take a moment and you consider what she is probably needing from you in that moment and answer accordingly. You won't be perfect at it, but over time your communication abilities and answers for her questions will be more and more of what she needs.

[Wertime]

@ThatDudeWitt
It's kind of weird for both of you to 'think of an answer', which is not gonna take a handful of seconds again. Most of the time, people just want to answer immediately instead of having to think of an answer for several seconds before finally replying, though I get what you're saying.

And what if you can't figure out what she wants to hear? You're gonna say something like ''You're absolutely the most beautiful woman I've ever seen'' and she might think ''This guy is WAY over the top'', 'cause not every woman is gonna take that as serious as you want it to be.

[ThatDudeWitt]

@Wertime I have to admit, it's a trap/unfair question in most senses and cases. If at the end of the day all else fails, remember to be a gentleman. Simply saying "I think you're beautiful but I'm not going to say that I don't find other women attractive. But you're more beautiful to me than they are. Especially because of how I feel about you." should be enough. If she can't be satisfied with that, she will likely not be satisified even if you do say "no, all other women are nothing compared to your beauty." Ladies with this complex don't need a boyfriend, they need a therapist. Trust me, I have had to say that to several ladies and they tend to not like it so much.

[Asker]

Even I would've been content with that lol. I know he finds other women attractive. That's ok. Putting others before me is not ok

[D_Bone_Steak]

WTF is your feelings? You've based the probable conclusion off of just not being the best looking he's seen... which has nothing to do with the best for him.

You're being jealous. Do you really expect to always be the best looking? If I was banging Jessica Alba I'd be thinking lustful thoughts about Beyonce... AND VICE VERSA... You'll never be the one and all... that's just life and fact. Shit... I have multiple women and I'm still rubber necking the thick chick that lives 3 doors down... she's hawt. Yet, I have dudes coming up to me to tell me how lucky

You posted this question and I personally think looking at your question and asking yourself to answer this question would make you more woke to yourself. It bleeds selfishness... other dudes around for you maybe? It seethes his appreciation for other humans... jealous much? It purposes vengeance out of spite... do you happen to just be a bitch?

Not trying to be mean... just analyze it for yourself and you'll see what I'm talking about.

[Asker]

I'm not jealous of anyone but I have self respect. If he thinks there's better, he should just go find better. If he really cared about me, I would be the most beautiful TO HIM

[D_Bone_Steak]

So if I care about my cat... it's the most beautiful cat TO ME? ... That argument should show all the bullet holes and why people have been shooting them into this tired old argument left in the middle of the dessert since the 1800's.

You're not jealous of anyone but you have self respect. If he thinks there is better, he should just go get it. <-- really? So if you happen to find Brad Pit or literally anyone better looking than him sexually attractive... do you see what you're entailing here? You're basically stating that one should just go get what's better looking despite any other factor.

[Asker]

I don't want to be some "cat" that he just cares for & settles for

[D_Bone_Steak]

So you'd prefer to be nothing if you can't be everything and all?

Nobody will be the "prettiest" or the most "delightfulest" at all times... if you expect this from any other, you will never find it.

[D_Bone_Steak]

No one single human can be all things at one time... they can be the best though. 1 factor doesn't outweigh several others... numerically impossible.

[Asker]

When that 1 factor is physical attraction, it carries a lot of weight. Who wants to fuck somebody that they feel like isn't attracted to then? Not me

[D_Bone_Steak]

Pretty not the prettiest... doesn't hold weight to physically unattractive and wish I just had something decent to have sex with.

I mean if you're aware of being completely unattractive physically and you have nothing to offer I would advise a downgrade. If on the other hand you're just fine, but just not Jessica Alba...

See he wasn't stating a lack of physical attraction... just described a scale and news flash... you weren't at the bottom of that scale despite not being the tippy top of it.

[D_Bone_Steak]

A man can have a perfect 10 and not be able to put up with her as a person. Any somewhat intelligent man will pass a crazy nutt-bag 10 up for a 7 that doesn't mind some beer and video games. Nobody is perfect, but perfect for the individual isn't based off just a particular ideal like attractiveness.

Again... He didn't scale you as ugly... you're pretty. Do you really expect to be the prettiest? ... and again I will reiterate, even if I had Jessica Alba... Beyonce would start looking better. If I had Beyonce, Jessica Alba becomes evermore enticing looking. You'll never win at being "the one" when it comes to attractiveness. You can win at being top tier top shelf material... but you'll always lack something... humans are just like that. Nothing can be perfect.

[D_Bone_Steak]

If it were perfect... it would be imperfect.

[D_Bone_Steak]

After update response: My first baby mama is a model... I'd rather bang my current wife... and she'd never get the chance to be a model. Just being real about that. You're basing so much on looks alone. Figure out why that might be wrong and you'll see why people disagree with you. Jessica Alba is real by the way... she is in love with me but she just doesn't know it yet. lol

[Jay-Are]

Let me tell you this. I’ve dated very beautiful women. But I also loved someone I didn’t find so pretty. A 6 at best. Nevertheless I loved her with all my heart. I was madly mentally and physically attracted to her. I wouldn’t trade her for all the models in the world. And if by someone miracle she had become a perfect 10 I would not have loved her more. What I am trying to say that the looks did not affect the love at all.

So my question to you is if it’s more important to be found pretty by your boyfriend than to be loved.

Sure it’s nice you are the most beautiful girl. And sure he could say that to you but just like me he has seen prettier. IS he the most handsome guy you have seen. And if not, why are you not with them? That will be the same reason he is with you.

What you want is unrealistic. It is the stuff from romantic movies and novels but not of real life. I read your comment, you are not becoming and old couple. Change this whole thing because to me it sounds that you are screwing up a perfectly good relationship for absolutely no reason.

[I-am-a-nobody]

Yeah you're so plain looking, I can see why you'd feel insecure about it.
(ha ha... joking)

Anyway, your boyfriend was stupid to say such a thing, but he IS speaking the honest truth. There's ALWAYS someone prettier. If you were the most beautiful woman in the world, it would probably only last 20 seconds or so until a hair was blown out of place or you got a zit or you had a bad hair day.
Honestly being the most beautiful or the most ANYTHING is overrated.
(For me it was being the smartest...)

I hope I'd never be stupid enough to tell her so, but...
My wife of over 20 years is NOT the most beautiful women in the world, (by definition only one woman is). She wasn't the prettiest on the day I married her either, but she still... uh... meets my needs... if you know what I mean. There is still sexual attraction yet we could probably be called, for GaG purposes, an old married couple. Not to get too graphic, but she still looks hot to me.
Anyway, I'd prefer my wife over that semi-mythical prettiest woman (or ANY woman for that matter).
There's way more to life than exterior beauty.

And so, because I want to help... I offer one of my favorite verses...

Luke 11:40
You foolish ones, did not He who made the outside make the inside also?

Hope things work out for you.

[ausername88]

This is Awesome to hear!! Amen!

[babylips14]

Any guy should tell his wife or girlfriend that she is the most beautiful woman in the world even if he doesn't mean it. Just like parents should tell their children that they are the most beautiful kids in the world. If he's "being honest", then he's being an asshole. Or just trying to make asker feel insecure.

[rubyrose83]

Ah... then why is he with you?

And, by the way, please realize that it is not you "overreacting" by being upset by this.. I have never heard of such a thing.

If you are in a relationship, the other person should be more than attracted to you.. both physically as well as emotionally, no exceptions, and if they don't? and even verbally TELL YOU that they don't? (Which this boyfriend of yours sounds like he obviously does not) then he certainly does NOT deserve you.. so yes, I would say, you should indeed break it off with this jerk.

Secondly, just the fact that he told you that you aren't the "prettiest" girl he has ever seen, is just plain wrong.

* Even if he thinks it and it's true.. just out of RESPECT like any decent human being should do, he should consider your feelings he should not tell you that.. and TRUST me, I tend to be a brutally honest person myself, but that is a universal thing you NEVER say to the person who you are suppose to love and cherish... I'm quite honestly shocked. Do yourself a favor and move on, he sounds very rude and quite immature, it's obvious just by him saying this to you that he does not care about your feelings, otherwise he wouldn't of said something like that, even a friend shouldn't say that.

No one deserves that shit

[Anonymous]

At least he's honest. When someone's that frank it generally means that they are more trustworthy. From my own anecdotal evidence, the guys that tell their girl that they're the most beautiful woman they have ever laid eyes on and all that crap, they are usually the ones that are going behind the girls back and telling other women the same exact thing.

Now, unless you specifically asked if you were the prettiest girl he has ever laid eyes upon, him just saying that outright is uncalled for, but shouldn't be a deal-breaker by any means. But if you asked him if he thinks you're the prettiest girl he has ever seen and his response is that you're pretty but not the prettiest girl he has ever seen then you can't be mad at the response because you asked an honest question and he gave you an honest answer. If you wanted him to lie to your face then either A) Let it be known you want to be lied too or B) DON'T ASK QUESTIONS IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE ANSWER!

Lastly, prettier is not the same thing as better. Stop using the terms interchangeably. There are plenty of girls that I think are hotter than my woman. I had a choice to go after the hotter girls vs the person I'm currently with. Even though she's not as hot/sexy/pretty as those other girls I'm still attracted to her physically. I wouldn't be with her if I wasn't. And despite the fact that she's not the prettiest girl I have ever seen, out of all of the other women, in my own eyes, she was the best choice. In my own eyes she's better than the other girls that are prettier than her.

[qveensoll]

First of all if thats you in that picture you are very pretty! and I'm going through the same thing. My whole life there was not one person that said i look "decent" or "ok" it was always beautiful and really pretty by girls and guys. and now i havnt really asked him but i straight up said "i hope yk that im the prettiest girl you been with compared to what I've seen" it was kind of in a jokingly kinda serious way and he gave me a face and said that its not that i dont look good but he seen better and since he is an ass lover also said he seen better and bigger ass too. and one of the girls he talked to he started saying something along the lines "not sayin she is prettier than you but y'all almost the same" excuse me lmaooooo? why you over here then? why you not with something that you like like a fat ass? or a girl that he put us both "almost" on the same level? stupid stupid stupid. and then he tells me i need to be more confident. oh yeah for sure feel confident and not insecure and actually pretty after hearing all that bs from the person u need the confirmation and love the most. im stuck too i dont even know i honestly have no clue what to do lol. i know im pretty as hell and i can't literally be with any guy i put my finger on too i just can't put the puzzle together yk what i mean?

[Vesuvius87]

I don't think that was necessary for him to say. Unless you guys are in a very rocky relationship and about to break up, that's about the only reason someone might come up with that.

It's not about being insecure but rather not wanting to feel you're below others in your relationship? Who wants to feel that way? Would a guy like it if we tell him:
''You're fine but you don't compare to Justin Timberlake, he's the most handsome man I've ever seen and boy he sure is big too... bigger than you''?
I doubt it.

[Asker]

Mmmm, Justin Timberlake 😘😘

[Anonymous]

Gosh, why all the hate? Can we focus on the question at hand and just leave her alone? If you don't like her, if you think she's attention-seeking or bitchy, just leave.
First off, you're gorgeous, holy shit, I would KILL to look like that.
Second, he might have said this without really thinking. Maybe he thought you would like for him to be honest, but I think it was kinda tactless. I personally don't think it's too big of a deal, though, but at the same time, I can definitely see why you're upset.
As for whether to break it off, I think it all really depends on more than this, e. g. how he treats you normally, whether he's said things like this before, etc. But also remember that looks aren't everything. You might not be the prettiest girl to him, but if you're the girl he loves the most, that's what matters the most. I think the best thing to do is to just talk it out with him, explain why you're upset and stuff. Sorry this was so long, haha. Hope this helps!!

[Asker]

Thank you for the kind words :)

[Opinion Owner]

No problem :))

[Sam19XX]

That is not even her
https://flipagram.com/SophiaRose_625

[caligirl03]

Girl, is that you in the photo? If so, you are drop dead GORGEOUS! Even if it's not you, I'm sure you're still absolutely physically stunning, and I get the feeling your boyfriend telling you what he did has FAR more to do with his own insecurities and trying to bring you down a notch rather than being the actual truth. I once dated a super controlling guy who would spew the same shit to me who later confessed he actually just saw me as out of his league and would say asshole things to try and keep me "in check." Either way, it's NOT ok and is a major mind screw that can have long-lasting effects on your self-esteem. The guy I'm seeing now can't stop telling me how beautiful he thinks I am even in moments when I KNOW I look gross haha- and that's the level of admiration every girl deserves to have! Because ladies, we are ALL beautiful!!!

[yunali]

Girl your guy just wants to provoke you. He is getting off on making you feel like shit and you are stupid if you think he doesn't know what he is saying and stay with him after that. Don't be the "hot dumb chick", be a queen and dump that evil bastard.

[yunali]

I'm getting a whole different vibe here now. That you got into his face first insisting he tells you, all serious about this, and he just responded honestly at a loss about what you're doing, asking him that. If you did that just to mess with his head, that's seriously effed up and I feel bad for the guy. You didn't do that, right?

[Asker]

No I didn't. I did ask what he thought when he first met me. I didn't think it was that bad of a question to ask

[yunali]

It's bad to ask that, because it's impossible anyone will genuinely and seriously say yes to that question. That's called setting up a trap so you can torture the guy.

[Asker]

Say yes to what? I literally said "What did you think when you first met me?". Not a trap. Not a yes or no question...

[yunali]

Ohhh, then it's not a trap. If he WENT OUT OF HIS WAY to point out there are prettier girls, you should be dumping for good reason. That's purposefully trying to kill someone's confidence

[fabulouspancakes]

Normal people don't say that kind of thing to someone they're supposed to love. Backhanded compliments like that are a red flag for a narcissist/sociopath/manipulator, or someone who is destructively insecure. While it may technically be truth (there's always someone prettier out there), that kind of thing doesn't need to be said, and that's NOT why he said it. It's intended to make you feel insecure and become more dependent on him. Dump him now, it will only get worse.

[babylips14]

Best answer so far. I agree with you 100%. He's probably insecure and he may not even be telling the truth.

[Asker]

Yeah I was surprised when he said this because he had always told me I was out of his league. I don't even believe in leagues lol. He followed it up by telling me that I'm still better than him cause he always thought he was below average looking. He's admitted to being insecure. I wonder if he was being honest. When I asked him what about me makes me not the prettiest, his reasons were so trivial. Maybe he's trying to get rid of me lol

[babylips14]

Sounds to me like he's playing games. If he's an insecure guy, he knows how insecure that kind of comment would make you feel.

[Asker]

Well his games are going to backfire cause I really feel like I'm done :)

[Elarra]

Well, in response to your update, you don't have to be pretty to be a model in this day and age, though I do think you're pretty. But you being a model doesn't really mean anything.

But back on that topic, that was rude for him to say. I wouldn't leave him over it but you should tell him how that made you feel and tell him that it's making you think that maybe this won't work. I mean, if you're not the most attractive woman to him then it may not work in the end. Your SO should be the most attractive person you've ever been with period and that goes beyond looks. I've dated a lot of assholes, but none of them ever once told me they dated girls prettier than me or have seen girls prettier than me.

[Machiavelli]

Leave him!!, that's what I'd do. I am no where near as pretty as you are and I turn heads. My exes did the same things to me because they want to kill my self esteem. You are very beautiful and probably should date very handsome guys in your league to minimize these attacks.

[Asker]

Thank you. You're gorgeous girl :)

[Machiavelli]

Thank you darling, I see no need to argue with men, they respond with put downs and attacks. I will suggest you don't take them seriously, they are self destructive and can't help it. You are very beautiful and WE don't see girls like you everyday, they are just trying to kick you while you're down, you kinda look like Ariana.

[Chico_brah]

You sound like a misandrist here. Kind of goes against the grain of what we would call rational. We all as individuals have different values and those values are accumulated throughout a lifetime. What defines those values are life experiences and everyone's life experience differs. Considering that, we as individuals differ.

I understand there are differences between men and women within a societal dynamic, but to sit there and say that all men are so horrible to the extent of putting all women down in attempt to validate point is just false. it's false on so many levels. You indirectly said that all men are incapable of rational thought or just being a quality human being. As if it's just inherently out of our control. You brought it to the extent of not even taking us seriously. That's false and I don't do that.

I see women attacking me in the midst of arguments on a personal level time and time again. My ex did it. Do I think women are all like that? No. That would irrational.

[Chico_brah]

Wouldn't *

[Machiavelli]

@Chico_brah Okay, but her dude is a jerk and no matter what my beef with others girls could be, I will stand up for them in instances when they are being wrongfully dragged by the opposite sex. And I think a lot of dudes are bad, inherently... so yeah sorry.

[Chico_brah]

So your solution to all of this is to never take men seriously? This sort of correlates to stereotypes. Stereotypes exist for a reason and that reason is that we as humans are wired to recognize patterns. There's some truth in every stereotype for that reason. Judgement under the correct circumstances is completely justified and smart. Example, if I'm in the hood working security, I always have my gun on me. When I was first getting into law enforcement they taught us in the academy to have our hands at almost chest level at all times because you can reach for your lethal or project yourself from harm much quicker. Whenever I saw a sketchy looking gangbanger, you better believe my hand was ready to pull the trigger. Did I just shoot him though? No and I'd avoid that at all costs. This is my point though... what you're doing is using preconceived judgement as the determining factor of what that person is about right off the bat.

[Chico_brah]

You're essentially shooting all men down due to preconceived judgment.

[Machiavelli]

@Chico_brah Okay Chico I won't beat up all the men, I changed my mind and I will spare them.

[Chico_brah]

Ahahah good. Glad I could help.

[martyfellow]

He's just telling you the truth! Why hate him for telling you the truth? Maybe he wasn't very diplomatic about it, but hey.. we don't know the context of the conversation.

And of course, it's silly to say he should be with the girls he's seen at parties that he's never actually met!

[Asker]

How's that silly? If they're better than me & obviously local, why not have the best?

[martyfellow]

He's never met them and probably wouldn't be interested in meeting them! Probably nothing in common...

He's just telling you the truth here.

[Asker]

The truth being that I'm just a consolation prize. Who wants that?

[SnowyOwl]

He should say you are the most beautiful girl there is. Because beauty is about your personality too. And if he doesn't think your personality is beautiful then why is he with you? If he only bases beauty on looks, then youĺl have to be strong and move on to someone who knows better.. I know its hard when you are emotionally attached to someone, but if you dont respect yourself than your are setting off a bad example for anyone you are in a relationship with

[SnowyOwl]

I saw your last update. And well done! Igonere those calls. He needs to seriously apologize to you in person. It is not ok to try and manipulate you by victimizing himself and hurting himself and being childish through drinking... Sorry if I sound overwhelming, I'm just upset a guy would do this to a girl, even though it happens a lot, its not ok

[Asker]

Thank you :)

[photoguy111]

speaking from an entirely honest point, I've said similar things and not meant to be offensive. guys and girls are wired differently In the brain. I don't know the context of the compliment/insult but it could just be a passing thing and he really did have no second thoughts about his words or he was purposely trying to be hurtful.

you can go about this in two different ways.

1) talk to him about it and tell him that when he said that you hiit offended and wanted to clear the air
2) hold a grudge, let anger set in, fight, break up.

[Asker]

Why have you said similar things? What did you mean by it?

[photoguy111]

like one of my exes at the time took me shopping and asked me if I thought a dress or shirt (can't really remember now) was cute and i said "yeah it's ok but it doesn't look that good on you"

what i meant was i didn't like the shirt design
what she thought i meant was "you don't look good in that"

there are small differences guys and girls puck up on and miss out on.

[Anonymous]

He could be purposely trying to get a reaction out of you or lower your self-esteem because he's afraid that you'll find someone better and dump him. It seems like he's really insecure. I had a guy say the same thing to me once and he turned out to be very insecure/possessive who was aware that he himself wasn't so attractive; whereas I get attention everywhere I go. Any confident guy who is in love with his girl will tell his girlfriend that she's the most beautiful woman in the world even if he doesn't mean it.

If he truly feels that way, then yes you should dump him because at the end of the day, you don't want to be with a guy who makes you feel insecure and or believes that he can do better. I'd say have a serious conversation with him first and have him explain to you how that comment made you feel and ask him why he really said it. After he explains himself, you can decide what to do next.

by the way, you're extremely beautiful so don't listen to any hateful comments.

[Asker]

Thank you. Yeah he's said that he's extremely insecure & thinks that he's below average looking. I don't see that in him though. He used to tell me I was out of his league lol. I don't even believe in leagues :)

[Opinion Owner]

Then there you go. He's purposely doing that to mess with your mind. I would never tell a guy I like that other guys are better-looking than he is.

[Phoenix98]

Look I get what your saying about the whole attraction thing and wanting to be desired.

But you also need to realize that he wasn't saying your ugly just that he has seen women prettier then you and to be frank so have I. It doesn't mean your not lovely looking though.

Instead of over reacting just talk to him and tell him what you said in your update about wanting to be desired.

Also in regard to this.

If these are real girls, why not be with them?

If he wanted to be with them don't you think he would be? But he isn't with them he chose you, ask yourself why that is.

[Asker]

Thank you for at least not attacking me like others have lol. I never said I was the prettiest. And, in reality, just because he's seen prettier doesn't mean that he could actually get those girls. I'm what he could get, therefore I'm what he's settling for not what he's actually chosen

[Phoenix98]

Your welcome and I know lol.

Well that's both true and untrue probably I can't make that assumption just like you can't and i've seen some really beautiful women with men that were average at best lol.

And you can't make that claim that your what he's settling for only he actually knows that.

[janeyjaney]

Girl. you sound insecure. And you think negative and are self sabbotaging.. You are beautiful. Don't ruin your relarionship like this. There won't be a guy left, this way ;)

[Hello1216]

He was just being honest thered 7 billion people in this world and I keep seeing people better looking than my boyfriend. I'm sure he does too. When we broke up I kept dating guys who did look better but I didn't have a sexual attraction even close to what I had with him, so we got back together (obviously for other reasons too) . So if he shows he's crazy about you that's the key. I feel like from personal experience you don't want a dude that will worship/think you are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.. it's nice at first but it gets annoying af later on.

[IwanderIwonder]

In my opinion, Nobody's the prettiest (or whatever positive adjective) girl anyone has ever seen. Nobody's the handsomest () guy anyone's ever seen.
It's all a matter of perspective. Like they say, "Beauty is in the eye (s) of the beholder."
The issue here, if I understand correctly is that He (being the beholder) should be infatuated by you and believe that he's hit the jackpot instead of saying what he's said.
I have to say that his response to your question actually hit the nail... For me. If he was being honest, then he obviously has his eyes (& mind) elsewhere or he just isn't that smart.
If he wasn't being honest, maybe he just was trying some reverse psychology stuff with you, maybe trying to bring you down to earth or whatever reason.

You don't want to be "settled for".
To answer your question, Yes, dump him. Assuming you weren't settling for him either.

It doesn't mean that it's the right decision but it's the answer.