Why are some men abusive towards women?

Do you think it is acceptable for a guy to beat his daughters up if he gets angry at them? Do you think that girls should accept the treatment out of respect for elders?

Do you think this may affect the girls and their outlook on future partner prospects? Maybe this could be a reason for her not to trust men for a relationship etc?

Do you also think this might cause her to be unintentionally attracted to abusive men?

What are your thoughts on this? Thanks


Most Helpful Guy

  • All of the above are exactly because of him being abusive to you and abusive men are punk ass bitches. Abuse is a form of control and abusers usually do it to have a feeling of control over someone and over a situation. Usually abusive people have had a form of abuse in their own lives so they don't know how else to act or they believe that this type of behavior is acceptable and the norm. They don't know any other means of dealing with situations that they can not control like the possibility of someone leaving them or not loving them. So they lash out and try to control the situation physically. It's not that they don't love you, it's they don't know how to love you any other way in a weird f*cked up way. But if you don't break the habit of falling for these types of men, then you will either end up in the hospital or dead.

    Abuse affects how you view men and so you believe they are all like this and so this is the norm and so you go after this thinking, well this is what's going to happen anyhow and I don't deserve anything better because I don't know what it is like to be treated by a man non-abusively. I'm telling you, you have to surround yourself with people that show you respect even though you aren't attracted to this type of person sub-consciously. Then you will see how it is to be in a non-abusive relationship and you will make healthier decisions.

    Also, abused people kind of sends signals to abusers on a sub-conscious level so that you tend to attract those types of people without you knowing you are. Probably due to your mannerisms and the way you talk or carry yourself. If you have been abused and have a feeling it is affecting you more than you can control, then you definitely need to get some counselling to help you mentally deal with the trauma you went through.


What Guys Said 21

  • Of course that's unacceptable. Violence is never acceptable. If this is happening to you I would urge you to find some sort of women's shelter or safe house in your area.

    I've read that people who abused have more often then not been abused themselves in the past. It's a cycle that can perpetuate. People who were abused abuse and people who were victims often wind up with an abusive parter. It's not written in stone, of course but it tends to happen. Certainly those who are abusers or have been abused aren't fated to go on that way. There is therapy and programs for this stuff that can help.

    I hope this hasn't happened to you but if it has I hope you find yourself a caring man who will treat you properly.

  • Answers (in order) then comment: IMHO,

    - No, never (corrective punishment i.e. spanking should not be a beating or even done in anger (if you agree with it at all)

    - No, never, a girl should never accept this type of treatment (some places in this world it would be very difficult not to accept it based on "cultural norms" but that does not make it OK)

    - Yes, Absolutely, it has been proven time and time again (although not a guaranty) that children who are raised in abusive relationships generally marry into similar relationships

    - It could definitely cause her to not trust men and will probable (without desire and good help) cause her to have other relationship problems as well.

    - Yes, see #3 above

    - If a woman/girl is in a relationship that is abusive (verbal or physical) unless there is a deep level of commitment and a true willingness on the part of the man (by observed physical acts of correction) then the woman/girl should GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP ASAP!

  • all yes, last no.

    If you need help with that Ill do whatever I can.

  • Do I think this may affect girls and their outlook on future partner prospects? Yes, I do. The girl will do one of two things. Not put up with it, or put up with it. All depends on how she re-acts to her dad. If her dad did this to her and she just accepted it. She will end up dating abusive partners. Also if she hates her dad for doing such behavior, it can cause her to be so sensitive to outrageous behavior that she would leave a guy over nothing. My ex girlfriend had an abusive father, and step-father, and one time when we got into an argument she had her back up against the wall. I was trying to calm her down, and stop the argument. By doing this I was acting like a goof ball, and act as if I was trying to seduce her in a joking way. So I put my hand up on the wall next to her head (her head was facing the opposite way of where my hand was place, not looking straight at me either), and she thought I went to punch her and I missed. If I really wanted to punch her, I wouldn't miss... Also we had a mutual friend who saw this whole act. The friend agreed with me, that I was just trying to spicen up the mood a bit. Now the argument wasn't something serious. Hell, I call it an argument, people who get into real arguments probably just call it disagreeing with one another in a calm manor. But then my ex went out and told her friend several different stories. Now this was a while ago so I can't exactly remember all of the stories she made up, but I can remember two vividly. 1st story: Apparently I backed her up against the wall, and swung as hard as I can and just missed her face. 2nd story: Apparently, I swung as hard as I can and I would have hit her square in the face but she moved like a ninja and dodged it. (she liked to always refer to herself as a ninja) The later when she finally calmed down and admitted the situation wasn't how she was describing it, she told me about how her dad and step-dad are abusive and that she isn't going to put up with an abusive guy. So whenever she THINKS someone MIGHT be aggressive she becomes extremely bias towards what is really happening.

    So the very first question you asked on if it is acceptable for a guy to beat his daughter if he gets angry, and if she should accept it. My answer to both of those is HELL NO! It doesn't just affect the here and now, but also will have major reprocutions on future events in the girls life.

    • thanks that was a really detailed answer it helped

    • You're welcome :)

  • It's not acceptable for ANY man to put his hands on a girl, be it a parent, boyfriend or otherwise, & I ABSOLUTELY think this can leave emotional scars! My Girlfriend tells me often of several instances where her father was mean to her, then when she was naked in the bathtub, he came in being all sweet & tender & without warning slapped her HARD across the face! Because of this, she has a phobia of anyone getting to close to her face. It bothers her to kiss or get kissed, & if she hugs anyoone it's at arm's length & as quick as possible. The ANIMALS that do this to girls & are abusive will have to answer for that one day, & their judgement's coming...

  • in most cases its because they are very insecure and they try to pass on their insecurities to other people. Also they tend to go for insecure girls too and once they sense the weakness they capitalise on it. Also they re very manipulative.

    Hence its always important to go for the confident guy.

  • So, you're going to be sexist and talk about child abuse when the child is a girl?

    The topics that you mentioned are pretty complicating and you probably couldn't pin-point one cause, such as their dad beating them as a girl.

    I would say that trust probably relates more to a person's self-esteem than child abuse. And, who's attracted to abusive men in the first place?

    That's a weird question. If anything, I would guess that having an abusive dad would make a woman become more attracted to abusive men.

  • Do you think its acceptable to aim this completely at men? Do you think maybe its sexist to do so since women can also be abusive towards men?

    • Yeah. Too bad women can't cause half as much damage.

    • I know a guy who can't ever have children because his ex-girlfriend kicked him hard in the balls. Women can't cause half as much damage? Bullsh*t.

    • i would have cut her t*ts off and ripped out her ovaries if she did that to me

  • I'll keep it short - Violence is not acceptable!

  • I don't approve of abuse in any form but I understand why it happens. Its the rage.

    Men who suffer with uncontrollable anger just can't help themselves, it gives them no excuse true but they don't enjoy doing what they do. Typically, they will try to forget or ignore what they know is wrong by drinking or other things. Really it doesn't make sense that they do enjoy it, a man who abuses his family doesn't just stand in front of the mirror, laughing maniacally, flexing his muscles, "I sure kicked their a**es good didn't I?"

    Its been proven that some women psychologically develop to pursue an abusive relationship when they date. Not all women do so but the cause is commonly growing up in an abusive environment. The abused adult will find the unhealthy relationship "normal" having a sense of familiarity built towards it, likewise, the abused adult will find a healthy relationship to be boring and will seek out a partner who will bring that action into the relationship.

    So those are my thoughts on it.

  • My father would have been abusive, but not toward my mother had he not been in wheelchair, but that didn't stop him being emotionally so.

    Anyway I have seen some abusive women too, there isn't a monopoly on the abuse.

  • It should never get physical because then it is a crime. But don't verbally abuse them either.

    Trust me honey us guys get more sh*t from women these days. Than the other way around.

    Most home assaults are initiated by women. Plus you can hit us any time you want and the police will usually never believe us.

    Plus you can take us to the cleaners if you leave us. So I think by law and society it is much better to be a Woman. As far as body it is better to be a man but that mostly it.

  • I believe it's wrong but I sometimes feel like doing it eventhough my conscience prevents me from doing it

  • Abusive men have no right to do what they do

  • I think it's sometimes appropriate to yell/get angry if a woman has been misbehaving but NEVER EVER OK to beat them. Woman can also be abusive towards men so this has nothing to do with gender, women sometimes give men a bad rap for abuse but they can be just as bad!

  • I had a girl friend who's father decided to hit her for going against his word... I called the police and had it all taken care of... She has never been touched again.

    Not acceptable, not legal, so it shouldn't be tolerated.

  • Violence is unacceptable weather its sexually, racially or physically. Don’t discriminate against males, females are equally responsible.


    When I was younger, my father would beat me fairly often. It is the most traumatic thing that has happened in my life. I was convinced that he hated me when I was younger and that made me horribly depressed.

    Whoever it is that you're referring needs to be put straight. Let him know that he's damaging his own children for life. You need to let him know that if he doesn't stop doing this, there will be consequences.

    For the sake of his daughters, please get them help and figure out how to solve this.

    If you don't do something to stop this, it's likely that no one else will.

    Their future is dependent on your decision now.

  • Depends on how you define "beat." If you mean he spanks his 7-year old daughter because she was throwing a fit in the supermarket, then yes - that is perfectly acceptable. In fact, I'd say he wasn't doing his job as a father if he didn't. On the other hand, if he hits them in the face or anything outside of the usual concept of spanking and/or he does it just because he is angry at them and not because they are in need of discipline, then no.. not acceptable.

    Keep in mind this behavior is not limited to men. Plenty of woman have bad tempers and can be abusive too.

    • no I mean beating teenage daughters, not spanking, that is completely different, if he gets angry, has a bad temper, is unable to hold himself back, most of the time she hasn't done anything wrong, I think some guys get angry watching a girl upset, its like guys want to beat you up for crying or having an emotional moment, I think men are really evil

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    • I don't know of anyone who was 'spanked' every once in a while as a child and that complains about it. I don't know of anyone who has 'emotional' scars because of that. To me it's perfectly acceptable, nowadays there's fear of being human a bit, like everything is politically incorrect. To me, disciplining spanking paradoxically is positive as it makes you undersdand a spank is not suck a big deal, so you don't grow up in total terror of violence. The big deal is gratuitous FEROCIOUS violence

    • Just because the don't complain does not make it okay to hit children - regardless of how hard you hit them or in what context. I wasn't hit, and I didn't misbehave because my Mother managed to teach me right from wrong without using violence. It's not okay to hit children because as I said, all you're doing is teaching them violence is okay. Would you be pleased if they hit you when you did something they didn't like? No. I'd have thought people would love their children - not hit them.

  • Why are their women who think kicking a guy in the balls is funny or even cutting off his penis?

    • wtf, we don't? I don't think its funny at all..

      i actually cried after watching pain olympics :/

What Girls Said 8

  • Do you think it is acceptable for a guy to beat his daughters up if he gets angry at them? Hell NO.

    Do you think that girls should accept the treatment out of respect for elders? Hell NO.

    Do you think this may affect the girls and their outlook on future partner prospects? It does.

    I grew up in an abusive household where I was verbally and physically abused by my Father. I hated that house, I abhorred my Dad for years and myself. I was reminded daily of how horrible I was, how I was a mistake in this world, how nothing I did was right or ever good enough and I was the lowest form of life on the earth. As a result, I developed a very negative self image, I disliked men and didn't trust them, I felt like I wasn't worthy of anything or anyone and questioned my existence. When I started dating, I dated losers who constantly hurt, betrayed, cheated and used me. I mean after all that's what I felt I deserved. I couldn't stand looking in the mirror at myself, it was sickening. In addition, I hated people looking at me because I knew they thought I was ugly and were secretly laughing at me.

    Fast forward many years, I can look in the mirror but not very long. I cannot accept compliments from anyone because I feel they aren't true. My self image is still pretty low but it's better than what it was. I no longer abhor males on the whole but don't trust them or their motives. I never seem satisfied with myself or what I accomplish in life...I keep searching for more and more constantly seeking some fulfillment.

    I no longer abhor my Dad. I actually have a decent relationship with him. He has never apologized to me and I know he never will. He doesn't think he did anything wrong and has said blatantly he wouldn't change anything in his life. I feel he should apologize to me. He should cry like I did many many times. He should sit in the dark and feel chest pains like me, feel physically sick at his reflection in the mirror, be successful in high school, college and in the professional world and have it all mean nothing, date people who sh*t all over you and on.

    Welcome to my hell.

  • i think it's absolutely disgusting that guys do this..

    it's unnacceptable and it makes me sick.

    i will NEVER put up with that.

  • Because they are a**holes!

  • Well, I'll tell you what I think. I think this question is bullsh*t. How WOMEN suffer from abusive MEN. You do realize girls can be abusive towards men, right? Men aren't automatically stronger just because they're men. They have the POTENTIAL to be stronger, sure, but most won't fulfill that.

    It's so typical for people to sympathise against women and assume guys are fine just because they're guys. Most wouldn't' defend themselves BECAUSE of that attitude. Most put their ego first, and know girls expect them to be strong, so why would the admit they can't defend themselves against a girl?

    There are weak women, there are weak men. I don't understand why people can't comprehend that.

    • obviously it seems you haven;t experienced getting beaten up by a guy so I guess this is why you replied the way you did, This is not asking for sympathy. I;m not even going to bother commenting on any of what you just said.

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    • why are you being so rude? wtf.

      i don't know about you, but WAAAAY more women suffer..

      so just relax.. and stop being a biitch.

    • Fuck off. I'm allowed an opinion, so bite me.

  • B*tch









    Anything can be abusive if it is said in an abusive manner. Never put up with abuse, respect yourself.

  • My father was emotionally abusive and I don't think I'll ever get over that. It would probably be worse for a physically abused person though, male or female. Abuse is never OK. No matter who perpetrated the abuse, male or female, and no matter who was abused, whether male or female.

    Abuse f***s you up for life

  • Because they wanna feel like they have power.

  • No its not acceptable I was beaten up by my dad since I was little and now I don't trust any men and its hard for me to be in a relationship even when I want to be with someone I'm scared. And I know loads of girls that got beaten up by their dads or boyfriends/husbands I think its horrible to do this to someone close to us, and I know loads of Asian men do this to their wifes because its just a thing they do in their culture . I feel sorry for these women.