Can you have a purely sexual relationship?

Guys only - Can you have a long term sexual relationship, (just sex, not dating or hanging out) without developing feelings for the woman? I'm talking about 18 months, of having sex with her and only her.

This question has a poll!

  • Vote A I'd have deep feelings for her after that long
  • Vote B I'd want more than just sex at that point
  • Vote C It's just a booty call, keep it that way
  • Vote D I'd have some feelings but not want anything more
Updates:
Well apparently you can go 2 1/2 years without feeling a thing or at least that's what he told me the other night, that it meant nothing to him, so we are done! thanks to everyone for there comments and votes.
 

What's Your Opinion?

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What Girls Said 7

What Guys Said 18

  • throughout the 18 months that you were together, while spooning/during sex have you ever had any really intimate conversations? that may be one way to assess the situation. ?

    • I wish I had some answers for you, but sadly I don't. I want to advise you to walk away before your heart get too far involved, but he sounds like he is more evolved then the man I am seeing yes still it's been 2 years 3 months and I'm still no closer to him, but now I can't let go, or I feel like I can't I have too much time invested in him, and I love him more then he will ever know, or want to know for that matter.

    • As I am reading your story, I feel like it's my situation. I am in the same situation as you are, just less time. (6 months) he talks about the future, plans a vacation with me, has made refrerences to moving in someday, marriage....his family and I are close............But he freaks himself out, doesn't want to committ, but says he doesn't want to see anyone else.... we will spend a lot of time together for weeks, then he pulls away and I don't see him for a week....it drives me nuts...

    • We have deep meaningful conversations, as well as just the normal chatter between people. As for intimate conversations, we have those too, he's asked if we were exclusive, he's made references to himself being my boyfriend (such as what did your other BF's think of that) he's tender & sweetand full of passion too. Then other time it seems like he puts distance between us on purpose.

  • what if you are currently in a relationship and this guy comes around and tries to hit on you.then on and off you talk to each other!and you become frustrated and don't know what to do about your current boyfriend?do you mess with the guy that you you are attracted to or do try and forget every thing and keep your relationship on track?

    • I'd have to break it off with the guy I was seeing before starting anything else with anyone else, but that's just me.

  • Its called friends with benefits...

    • What I was asking is if they could have a LONG term FWB relationship without developing feelings for the person.

  • I am in a similar situation. I have been sleeping with a man for 3 years recently sent an email to him telling him I couldn't take what he was doing anymore. The vanishing acts etc. For extended periods of time. He writes back and tells after 3 years that he isn't looking for love, or a "relationship" he just wants a friend that's all he can handle. So after 3 years all he wants is f***buddy and yet he knows feelings are involved. Sad but a true story.

    • I so relate to what you are saying right now. I too am currently in the same drama I have been with my frienefit for 4 years next feb. The only difference is that I some how initiated mine! Now I'm stuck because I caught feelings and I'm to stubborn to say anything about it. I just feel like if he has feelimgs then he would have said something by now, I mean it has been nearly 4 years!

    • There are lots of people who get sucked into relationships like this I feel for you, I know exactly what you are going through if you ever want to talk to someone who can relate or want to vent just drop me a line at wtf_new@yahoo. Ca. Hope to hear from you

  • Yes, I think he can. Obviously you are asking this question because he has not shown any feelings towards to you. He is getting what he wants and than leaving you. Let me ask you something. If you found a guy you loved how would he feel about this relationship? You are hurting your longterm happiness here. You are attached to a guy who uses you. Get out of this relationship now, and try and find one with a guy who will love you. Anything else is just not worth it.

    • There is just no one else I'm interested in, I've had different opportunities with other guys but there was just not chemistry I know that sounds funny but if I can't even feel a spark of attraction it's just not worth pursuing.

  • I am in the same boat as you. He leaves in 5-6 months, and he has yet to say a thing about what has happened between us over the past 19 months. I know I am hooked, and every time I get up the nerve to say no and end it, I cave in, every single time. I am starting to believe he has a heart made of stone...

    • See mine opens up and we have a real deep conversations and then I won't hear from him for 3 weeks, until he thinks I've forgotten what he said. He is not totally without feelings.

    • I hope that your situation works out better than mine. I don't think my guy will open up, he has only once, and that was our first night together. He hasn't said a thing about it since then.

    • I can feel your pain sister..lol Does it help to know your not the only one who's caught in this trap?

  • I was in this kind of relationship for 6 years (on and off) and he said he didn't love me, but claimed he was addicted to me. (We had amazing sex and I was crazy for him.)


    All my friends and his friends too told me that he loved me, but he himself said if he'd loved me he would want to commit which he didn't.

    • Hehe, I guess not since I probably live in the other side of the world:)

      My guy had issues with expressing his feelings, and so did I. I have looked back and thought that if I hadn't been so insecure I could have gained his trust to open up to me..

    • Geeze I was hoping this was not the case. Could it be that we were sleeping with the same guy cause it sure sounds like it lol.

  • Selected as most helpful

    Well.... I couldn't. Not for 18 months, I start to get attached after about 3 months. See, that's the big secret we (good) guys don't like to let on... it's not so easy to keep having good sex with the same woman and not fall in love with her.


    Now, like many guys, when I was younger, I used to have sex with women maybe just once or twice, where it would be purely physical. I used to call this "getting work done" (since back then girls used to just do "jobs" - handjobs, blowjobs, etc.). At my age sex isn't just F---ing, it's about sharing physical and emotional intimacy with my wife, since we see so little of each other during the day...


    So, to answer your question? No. I don't think it's possible for a (real) man to carry on a healthy, long term sexual relationship with a woman for 18 months, and feel nothing for her -- unless he's some sort of truly vacant guy....


    • You speak about 18 months. Let's talk about 3 years of sexual history. This man knows feelings are involved and yet and still is only looking for a "friend?

    • I think he is attached to me that's why we still get together, but I think he just does not want to reveal his feelings because I would have expectations of him if he says "those three words"

  • Dang Girl sorry to hear that, best of luck with it anyways

  • only sex. I don't think I could.

    • I voted "a"

    • So what was your answer on the poll?

  • yep, absolutely. it takes time to get over the guilty/wanting it to be more-feelings, but absolutely, I had a gorgeous friend with benefits for years!

  • I don't think it's possible to not have any type of feelings for the woman whatsoever after sleeping with her for a year and a half. However, sometimes I have been in relationships where the longer I was with her, the more I started to dislike her even though we were strongly attracted to each other for a long time at first. I'm in a relationship right now where we have played cat and mouse games for 3 years and only slept together once. We keep playing those games though.

  • NO when my hormones start all I want to do is be around her hang out and have sex...

  • Only if he's was a sociopath then yes. Taken into credibility he's not than its impossible. And stupid at that.

  • Probably not. If the sex is really good, and we've been doing it for a year and a half, I think I surely would develop feelings for her. But, I've never tried that situation, so, I don't know for sure.

    • At that point would you want more or is she forever just a booty call

  • I really don't think so, for me I have to at least be attracted to you before I get with you,so sooner or later I would probably give it .

  • No I don't think so you would start to have strong feelings

  • Well when I was younger (about 3 years ago) I would have meaningless sex all the time and there was a point in my life where I had this girl who was the only one I had sex with (it stayed this way for about a year) and I enjoyed it but every time I started to think we could be more she just tell me all I was to her was a booty call and I'd stop caring.


    So having some experience in this scenario no I would start to have some feelings but why ruin a good thing if she doesn't want anything more then why do I (that girl really hurt me bad relationship and bad idea to base one on just sex) did that should bitter? Yeah well that girl was a heartless b****

    • Sometimes you have to put him on the spot and just confront him we don't know just who will come into our lives so when you find someone like you who has a lot to offer you better go for it cause someone else may not come its all about living without regret

    • I get the feeling sometimes like he does not want to settle for me, cause he thinks there might be someone better coming along, I have a lot to offer this guy but even I won't wait forever.

    • If you want to get close 2 him give him space and if he still don't respond tell him point blank he got hurt and that's bad but get over it 'cause it seems like he gots a truely wonderful girl and better get serious before loses you

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  • No way, feelings would definitely arise, couldn't go 18 months having sex with the same girl and not have feelings for her.

  • Yes, I wish I could find that myself.

    • I guess maybe it's just on my to do list. Why would I want that? Because it would be a way for me to get much better at sex.

    • The reason you can't find something like that is because it doesn't work so well on a long term basis. People end up developing feelings that end up being unrequited for the most part.


      Can I ask why you would want a relationship like that?

  • Are you serious? No, hell no. What kind of a freak can do that?


    "Don't you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not!" (Vanilla Sky).

    • I think it's true. The same body that has physical needs is naturally going to respond when those needs are met. And the body's response will be emotional.

    • No I've never heard it put quite that way before.

  • Only heartless guys can...

  • I couldn't, but some men could. That's why it's a bad idea to have sex in an uncommitted relationship. If one partner eventually wants commitment, the relationship will probably end.


    If you really wanted something more, you should have been up-front as soon as those feelings became apparent. It couldn't hurt to be straightforward with him now. Even if the relationship ends, at least you had 18 months of physical attraction.

  • I voted for "A". I don't think you could have sex that long with someone without developing feelings, and wanting a relationship with her.

    • Well one could always hope that's the way the thinks

  • Honestly I cannot do that. I will develop feelings for them over the course of time. Other guys may say differently, however subconsciously they will develop feelings. Or else why would he just sleep with you in that year and a half span?

    • I know he has feelings for me, but he just does not want to share them with me, I think he thinks it will make him vulnerable

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