Will he ever marry me? We've been together for 7.5 years now.

Lately I've been feeling frustrated as my boyfriend has never proposed to me in all the years I've been together with him. My partner and I started our relationship long distance for 5 years and for the past 2.5 years I have been living with him. About 3 months ago I had a serious conversation with him about marriage and family and he said it's not about "if" but only a matter of time. Well that was 3 months ago and so far I have heard nothing. I recently mentioned marriage in passing and he got all angry and annoyed about this.

My partner and I have a perfectly great relationship otherwise, he is a very nice person and I like him a lot but I'm confused why he hasn't asked me to marry him and why he is so reluctant. We're both at a respectable age. I am 33 years old and my partner is 38. We have both never been married before! What is going through his mind? and secondly what should I do? - should I wait further or should I call it quits? Is there a way I can find out if he wants to marry me soon?

Thank you to everyone who has replied!I am still feeling a bit frustrated but have decided to wait until the end of the year. Hopefully he's got the hint! P.s my profile is wrong I'm not from US not that this matters! Not all American woman are the same!
Well to give you an update: New Year came and gone and still he didn't proposed. I went balistic on him on New Years day and was close to packing up my bags and leaving but after a lot of bralling he said marriage was on his mind and that we will get
Continued...married to me within the next 2 years. Well I am still staying with him for the timebeing but in my mind I still think it is wrong and if he truly wanted to marry me he could do so already. I don't deserve to spend another New Year like this
Once my mind is stable enough & my financial situation has settled, I'll leave. I've decided it's just not worth waiting on someone who, although is a great person doesn't share my views & I do believe in loving just one person you're entire life.
Thank you to every one who has shared their views on this matters. It's nice to know you care enough to write.
Hello all, well I just wanted to write to you all to say that I am now engaged with a big rock on my finger! He finally proposed to me and I feel more at ease. It's really nice to have the security that the guy you've been spending your time with really wants a future with you!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow...you had a steady long distance relationship for 5 years...

    That's pretty impressive. I think he should be more open to talking about the subject. You deserve to know what he's thinking. What are his opinions about marriage? What specifically is holding him back from proposing?

    It may be as simple as having to do with his career, or maybe he's still not sure if you're the one. Maybe he's not even sure he wants to get married. At 38, he can hardly think he's too young to be married, so there must be some other reason. This is something I think you have a right to know since you've been together so long, and especially since you're already living with him. I'm not as worried about the fact he hasn't proposed as I am about the fact he hasn't given you a very straight answer on what's going on in his head.

    But I also want to echo the other guys' responses by asking yourself how much you really want to be married to him, and how willing you would be to leave him? This is tough. I can definitely sympathize with your frustrations, because men often don't understand how women become insecure about marriage after a period of time. Men, on the other hand, can put off marriage indefinitely without worrying.

    There's no repercussions if a man does not marry by a specific age (other than possibly losing you) so for a man, the question simply becomes a "leap of faith". Men look for reasons to take that leap of faith. Certainly, being in a good relationship for a long period of time is one reason, but it's not enough. Sometimes people end up in long-term relationships by circumstances or convenience. You need to ask yourself how strongly you feel he is the person you were meant to be with for the rest of your life, and he is undoubtedly asking himself the same question.

    • > There's no repercussions

      There are legal differences specific to where you live.

      Eg: no maintenance obligation to the partner if one of you walks, no rights to the estate if they die (can be appealed but not automatic), no automatic custody rights to any children if one dies (but these are usually granted by the courts when you explain the law to them simply enough).

      Bar these, if the license won't change your conduct to him/her (and it shouldn't after 8 years), what is the benefit?

    • I was referring more to the psychological and social aspects of marriage than the legal issues.

      I think it is normal and healthy for both men and women to want to be married at some point in their life. Eight years means nothing without a commitment that two people will stay together through both good times and bad. Studies show that the peace of mind that comes with having that commitment leads people to live longer.

      My point however was that men don't have the urgency that women often have.

What Guys Said 10

  • It's time for another serious conversation! Clearly he just put your off the first time.

    I've no idea why he would hesitate after this much time and given your ages, but it's certainly time you found out! It's time to fish or cut bait, as they say.

  • There are so many factors that could be going on with him, he could have it planned, he could be saving for an extravagant ring...etc. Just relax you guys are practically married now, minus a ring. He told you it's a matter of when so go back to your happy life and be caught off guard when it happens. It can be a big deal for a guy and I know he has the feeling of getting one crack to make it perfect. If you are really that concerned go buy a ring get down on one knee and propose to him!

  • give him a little time say the end of the year.. maybe he could surprise you on christmas.. just a thought.

  • wait broken the bridge down if it just for companionship then you don't need to be marry I know most women believe that a guys don't love me if he won't marry me but if it's just to make you feel whole and as one with you mate then I say go for it but if it's just to say I'm married then it think it's pointless have you asked why is that he won't marry you or is it just not yet

  • ugh, stop worrying so much. Your thinking about leaving this guy after you've been together for almost 8 years simply because he doesn't want to get married right now? He already told you that its just a matter of time. If you love someone then marriage is just a piece of paper, it really should'nt make much of a difference.

    • great excuse...also famous last words. If it's just a piece of paper, then why not give the woman who's been devoted to you for 7 years a damn piece of paper if it mean that much to her? This guy sounds selfish...

    • LOL, are you personally gonna pounce on me?

      Take a good look guys, "hehatesme" is a good example of a girl you DONT want to marry. Notice how viscious she is about how this guy should marry her just because that's what SHE wants? How selfish is that!? If she actually loved him, getting married or not wouldn't matter that much. Its more about her wanting a wedding for HERSELF. HER special moment etc...

      And you know how these girls get you guys? They judge you as selfish and you squirm!

  • If he says it's only a matter of time, then I wouldn't recommend calling it quits just yet. It's hard to say what might be holding him back, though. Perhaps express to him the anxiety you've been feeling about the situation and tell him that if he wants to wait longer, that's fine, but you just want to understand why he's not ready. Best of luck.

  • Just wait, getting married is an ENORMOUS step for a guy. He's definitely thinking about it and playing it over and over again in his head, trust me. You said the relationship is perfect so don't waste it by getting anxious. Just hold out a little longer.

  • Why would a guy marry an American woman nowadays? That's like hitting yourself in the balls with a tackhammer.

    • We're not all bad. The American women who are good are the ones who are taken advantage of by assholes, and those assholes never realize that they are throwing away happiness with both hands. THEN they want to settle down with lousy American women, and develop the attitude you have.

    • Show All
    • I think you're a whiney bitch. I'm a gorgeous young girl who gets gifts from random men simply because they think I'm amazing. What are you? A misogynistic bitch with a penis you're never gonna get to use. Merry (lonely) Christmas!

    • I hope you get breast cancer =) Merry christmas.

  • Why are you even thinking of calling it quits? Do you think you will find another guy that's going to be nice and all to you. I haven't heard you complain about the relationship itself! like he said, its a matter of time. Instead of worrying and stressing over when this man will pop the question, use that energy and make your relationship even than it stronger! You've been with him 7 years. People have gotten married and not make it past the year mark. Please stop dwelling on this, this only can cause you to become distant and destroy a great life you may have with this man


What Girls Said 25

  • I think you should listen to the guys on this one and hold out a little longer. He wants to marry you someday, and he's probably got a timeline and a plan already in place. Men hate to be pressured or bullied into doing something, and the more you try to push it the more he will resist or get second thoughts. Just be happy you have a good guy who wants to be in a relationship, and the ring will follow when it's meant to! Also, Christmas is coming up! Maybe he's planning to ask you on Christmas!

  • Watch the movie "He's just not that into you"

    Don't get discouraged!

    She gives her boyfriend (of SEVEN years) the ultimatium

    She asks if he EVER was going to marry her...he didn't answer...so she left him

    He came back later and helped her when her father was ill from just surviving a heart attack and her sisters husbands were sitting on their butts being jerks...

    and did the laundry, shopped, and the dishes..

    They got back together and he proposed...

    IF he loves you...he will realize it one way or another...

    Cause I'm sorry...that movie has a lot of truths I've experienced myself...and I'm never waiting days by the phone waiting for a guy to call first

    or Calling a million times to never get a reply EVER again.

  • If he said it only a matter of time, it could be that he has it all planned, but the time hasn;t come yet. maybe he seemed annoyed because he feel rushed to do something that he already has worked out in his mind... I don't know if that makes sense, but I hope he proposes soon!

  • time to have a serious conversation.

    You want marriage, and he doesn't ..this means you two already have principle difference no matter how perfectly your relationship is.

    Be ready to take the consequence if you have to split with him. He may realize his mistake and be back to you in the future, but he also may never return to you.

    No matter what happen, you have to be strong and move on. Find a man who wants to marry you. Leave him to find a woman who doesn't seek marriage. I know, it's easy to say but difficult to do..but that's the way it works: Find your compatible, not the opposite.

    Good luck!

  • I just wanted to share that my cousin was with her husband for 12 years before he proposed. I don't know if your guy will ever propose, but I'm guessing that ultimatums aren't the best way to get a guy to propose.

  • You go girl! You show that rock off!

  • he's wasting your time. Maybe he has a fear of committment because of his last divorce, but that's his issue. I say leave him and let him know you are serious. If it was meant to be then he'll come back...WITH a ring. Good luck. Stay true to yourself. Keep us updated, I'm curious!

  • why does it have to take a man 7.5 years to figure out if he wants to marry someone! It only takes one date for a man to figure out whether or not he wants to go out with you again, a month or two to figure out if the realtioship is still worth pursing, and a year maybe two at the most to figure out if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. If he his still ancy about it, its not his fear of commitment, somethings wrong with this picture!

  • If you've been dating for 7.5 years & he still has proposed, mayber there is something wrong. He either doesn't love you or he has committment issues. I'd tell him about your concerns & if he avoids the subject, maybe it is time to move on.

  • It's a scary thing to commit the rest of your life to someone else. I understand your frustration but you have to see things from his point of view- it's a big step, no matter how much he loves you.

    Try not to pester him about it, seeing as he's already said it's only a matter of time, he's probably got something planned :) No point scaring him off by being pushy!

    Good luck with everything, I'm glad you guys waited a reasonable amount of time before making this decision (people rush into marriage way too much).

  • Im on the fence. I guess marriage is a convo to have earlier than almost 8 years in. If you throw your relationship away over this, then you have just thrown away almost 8 years which you could have been with someone else. *blank stare* No one is getting time out of my life unless we are the same page.Im not saying I HAVE to get married, but I am saying communication is KEY. If your relationship is great, I don't see what the problem is. Your actions before now, have said that marriage is not a huge deal, or you would have pressed it at 2 or 3 years in. My parents were together over 25 years.My dad wanted marriage and my mother did not. There was more love between them than married couples. It's all about what is really important to you though. *shrugs*

  • stop waiting. propose to him

    it's what you want and you'll know your answer of whether or not he really wants to be married to you.

  • i don't know about you but I'm not waiting 7.5 plus years. that's just too long he already knows if he wants to marry you or not I mean you have been living together for 2 years already, that's like being married without the peice of paper. I think you should think about if he really cares about and wants to be with you. maybe he doesn't want to marry you because he wants to be free to leave the relationship whenever he wants to. we can't keep letting me dictate how this will work out. and I'm sure you want to have children you are already 33 and I'm sure you don't want to be and 50 year old women caring for young children. you need to set a time frame for him and be serious and firm. if he does propose by the time you get married it would be almost 10 years together but at leat you know that the relationship is going some where. and if not more on and find someone who truly does love you and wants to marry you and share a life with you

  • my boyfriend said to me that he won't marry me unless weve been together 10 years +

    maybe he's kinda like that...

    and anyways if you guys are happy now, a ring shouldn't change things...

  • my parents dated for 8 years long distance. they met at a college football game but went to different colleges. when they graduated they lived in different places eventually in different states. and they still dated and finally my dad proposed after 8 long years of long distance relationships. and then were engaged for 6 months! ha ha and their wedding was during a blizzard and only half the people invited actually made it. and theyre still happily married with 3, amazing kids, if I do say so myself:)

    • its just a matter of time. just be patient with him. good luck

  • well...why don't you try popping the question yourself, I'm sure it'd be a different experience. ^_^

    • I know from experience, I've been dating my guy for nearly 5 years now. and I know our issue is that we are in school and money is tight. could possibly be the same for you too. good luck hun.

  • Is he another Mr.Big

  • What would be the difference if you guys were married or not? if you love him you would wait a lifetime. Many women want the marriage just for that special day.. Why do you want the marriage?

    • Most people want a marriage..who's the person who decided marriage wasn't important any more? It is important and it's also a valid desire. I think sadly most people have just settled for less and made it okay in their heads...if that piece of paper means so much to her, then he just give her that..she's given him 7 1/2 years after all...it's not asking much.

  • sweetheart. You need to be sure of whether marriage is a must to you. signing the paper having his name, legal binding and the dress. If so why are you still with him, especially since you just "like him alot"

    You obviously have a lot of good and if you have been together this long and he doesn't want to make an honest woman out of you then it's not so important to him.

    if you do make it up the aisle do you want to feel like you had drag him there?

    On the other hand you could just propose and see what he says if you are cute about it you could propose an engagement and have a whole night that will tell you one way or the other.

    Lastly I have an anecdote, I had a friend whose Girlfriend told him he had to propose as she had already set the date and booked the church, they are now married. Take what you will from that.

  • If you went into this relationship knowing each others values and goals in life then you would have been already. Your clearly with the wrong man.

  • you deserve the wedding of your dreams..not for the dress, the cake, or even the guests...but to celebrate and honor the devotion and commitment you have given this man for so long. It's not bad for you to desire these things either...don't settle. You have lovingly given him all these years of your life, why can't he give you one day and let you be the princess he fell in love with? Your dreams and ideals are just as important as his...

  • I am in the same exact situation you are in...my boyfriend got very angry and acted as though I carry the plague when I shared my dreams of marriage with him..I am 4 years in...it's not about a piece of paper..it's a public vow to love and cherish one another the rest of our lives...I know how you feel girl. It almost becomes embarrassing to be around people because everyone is married...time just keeps ticking and were not getting any younger. Sounds like we have a lot in common, let me know what happens...and good luck sweetheart! BTW: I am 29 and he is 33...please tell me gentlemen, how long are we suppose to wait?

  • Wow that sucks. It doesn't sound like he's going to because he's too comfortable with the situation you guys have now.

  • if he hasn't proposed by now, I think you either need to push him or call it quits.

  • Why would you call it quits if everything is else is perfect besides this?!?! You both have made it all this way and have history...and you would be willing to throw it away, because he's not quite ready for marriage/family. I'd understand more if he said HE DIDNT want these things, but he does..he's a man, just give him his time, and don't pressure him. He will come around. G'Luck!