Will he ever marry me? We've been together for 7.5 years now.

Lately I've been feeling frustrated as my boyfriend has never proposed to me in all the years I've been together with him. My partner and I started our relationship long distance for 5 years and for the past 2.5 years I have been living with him. About 3 months ago I had a serious conversation with him about marriage and family and he said it's not about "if" but only a matter of time. Well that was 3 months ago and so far I have heard nothing. I recently mentioned marriage in passing and he got all angry and annoyed about this.

My partner and I have a perfectly great relationship otherwise, he is a very nice person and I like him a lot but I'm confused why he hasn't asked me to marry him and why he is so reluctant. We're both at a respectable age. I am 33 years old and my partner is 38. We have both never been married before! What is going through his mind? and secondly what should I do? - should I wait further or should I call it quits? Is there a way I can find out if he wants to marry me soon?

Thank you to everyone who has replied!I am still feeling a bit frustrated but have decided to wait until the end of the year. Hopefully he's got the hint! P.s my profile is wrong I'm not from US not that this matters! Not all American woman are the same!
Well to give you an update: New Year came and gone and still he didn't proposed. I went balistic on him on New Years day and was close to packing up my bags and leaving but after a lot of bralling he said marriage was on his mind and that we will get
Continued...married to me within the next 2 years. Well I am still staying with him for the timebeing but in my mind I still think it is wrong and if he truly wanted to marry me he could do so already. I don't deserve to spend another New Year like this
Once my mind is stable enough & my financial situation has settled, I'll leave. I've decided it's just not worth waiting on someone who, although is a great person doesn't share my views & I do believe in loving just one person you're entire life.
Thank you to every one who has shared their views on this matters. It's nice to know you care enough to write.
Hello all, well I just wanted to write to you all to say that I am now engaged with a big rock on my finger! He finally proposed to me and I feel more at ease. It's really nice to have the security that the guy you've been spending your time with really wants a future with you!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow...you had a steady long distance relationship for 5 years...

    That's pretty impressive. I think he should be more open to talking about the subject. You deserve to know what he's thinking. What are his opinions about marriage? What specifically is holding him back from proposing?

    It may be as simple as having to do with his career, or maybe he's still not sure if you're the one. Maybe he's not even sure he wants to get married. At 38, he can hardly think he's too young to be married, so there must be some other reason. This is something I think you have a right to know since you've been together so long, and especially since you're already living with him. I'm not as worried about the fact he hasn't proposed as I am about the fact he hasn't given you a very straight answer on what's going on in his head.

    But I also want to echo the other guys' responses by asking yourself how much you really want to be married to him, and how willing you would be to leave him? This is tough. I can definitely sympathize with your frustrations, because men often don't understand how women become insecure about marriage after a period of time. Men, on the other hand, can put off marriage indefinitely without worrying.

    There's no repercussions if a man does not marry by a specific age (other than possibly losing you) so for a man, the question simply becomes a "leap of faith". Men look for reasons to take that leap of faith. Certainly, being in a good relationship for a long period of time is one reason, but it's not enough. Sometimes people end up in long-term relationships by circumstances or convenience. You need to ask yourself how strongly you feel he is the person you were meant to be with for the rest of your life, and he is undoubtedly asking himself the same question.

    • Report

      > There's no repercussions

      There are legal differences specific to where you live.

      Eg: no maintenance obligation to the partner if one of you walks, no rights to the estate if they die (can be appealed but not automatic), no automatic custody rights to any children if one dies (but these are usually granted by the courts when you explain the law to them simply enough).

      Bar these, if the license won't change your conduct to him/her (and it shouldn't after 8 years), what is the benefit?

    • Report

      I was referring more to the psychological and social aspects of marriage than the legal issues.

      I think it is normal and healthy for both men and women to want to be married at some point in their life. Eight years means nothing without a commitment that two people will stay together through both good times and bad. Studies show that the peace of mind that comes with having that commitment leads people to live longer.

      My point however was that men don't have the urgency that women often have.