Lately I've been feeling frustrated as my boyfriend has never proposed to me in all the years I've been together with him. My partner and I started our relationship long distance for 5 years and for the past 2.5 years I have been living with him. About 3 months ago I had a serious conversation with him about marriage and family and he said it's not about "if" but only a matter of time. Well that was 3 months ago and so far I have heard nothing. I recently mentioned marriage in passing and he got all angry and annoyed about this.
My partner and I have a perfectly great relationship otherwise, he is a very nice person and I like him a lot but I'm confused why he hasn't asked me to marry him and why he is so reluctant. We're both at a respectable age. I am 33 years old and my partner is 38. We have both never been married before! What is going through his mind? and secondly what should I do? - should I wait further or should I call it quits? Is there a way I can find out if he wants to marry me soon?
Most Helpful Guy
Wow...you had a steady long distance relationship for 5 years...
That's pretty impressive. I think he should be more open to talking about the subject. You deserve to know what he's thinking. What are his opinions about marriage? What specifically is holding him back from proposing?
It may be as simple as having to do with his career, or maybe he's still not sure if you're the one. Maybe he's not even sure he wants to get married. At 38, he can hardly think he's too young to be married, so there must be some other reason. This is something I think you have a right to know since you've been together so long, and especially since you're already living with him. I'm not as worried about the fact he hasn't proposed as I am about the fact he hasn't given you a very straight answer on what's going on in his head.
But I also want to echo the other guys' responses by asking yourself how much you really want to be married to him, and how willing you would be to leave him? This is tough. I can definitely sympathize with your frustrations, because men often don't understand how women become insecure about marriage after a period of time. Men, on the other hand, can put off marriage indefinitely without worrying.
There's no repercussions if a man does not marry by a specific age (other than possibly losing you) so for a man, the question simply becomes a "leap of faith". Men look for reasons to take that leap of faith. Certainly, being in a good relationship for a long period of time is one reason, but it's not enough. Sometimes people end up in long-term relationships by circumstances or convenience. You need to ask yourself how strongly you feel he is the person you were meant to be with for the rest of your life, and he is undoubtedly asking himself the same question.2