Why is being a stay at home mom looked down upon?

[Anonymous]

ok so basically I was talking to my friend who's pregnant and we were talking about how she would handle having a career when her child is born and she said that the childs grandmother (her boyfriends mom) was going to help them out with taking care of the baby and then she asked me what I was going to do when/if I ever had children and I told her that I would most likely quit my job or if we couldn't afford that then just work part time because I wanted to raise my kids myself and not have my mother in law or my mother do it for me ( not that there's anything wrong with that..) when I told her that she said that it was stupid to do that and that I've worked hard for my career so why would I throw it away, also later that day when my boyfriend came home and asked me to make him something to eat, I did and she gave me a weird look and said people like me were the reason why " girls are looked down upon" so basically is she a bitch or am I stereotyping myself?

[Anonymous]

To be honest, I don't think many women care aside from those of us who identify as feminists or believe in womens options to do more than exist within the traditional context of wife and mother. I know that I couldn't accept that for myself, its not right for me and I do feel that I would betray my values and beliefs if I were to live that way.

Having said that, I don't "look down on" housewives/stay at home moms. I just don't want that to be the end for most women. And I think that's where it comes from. Because we came from a point where that was all women were allowed to do. And it isn't uncommon for those sexist, traditional ideas about femininity or what women "should be doing" to inform and influence decisions to be housewives and play that traditional role. That's my only issue. But not all stay at home moms derive their purpose from those roots...that doesn't mean its not linked to that history and those views on some level. For some women, it really does have nothing to do with it, but I don't think that's true in most cases. I think the decision relies on some traditional/sexist vision or archetype of what is an ideal mother, what are duties of wife and mother, women have to choose between the two more than men, etc.

So those are my issues, and I guess if anyone thinks I look down on housewives, that would be why or what theyre picking up from me.

However, most women don't share my appetite for feminist opinion, my values, views, or even my analytical way of tying together history, psychology, politics, etc. in every day life decisions. Most people dont. So I don't think most people look down on housewives or stay at home mothers. Probably only a certain group of us have a certain distaste for the history, tradition, and psychology common behind it. But that's other people. If you don't agree with my views, then why concern yourself to the point of caring if people look down on you. Oh well, theyll get over it and so will you. Trust me, when youve got a screaming baby latched onto your breast and drowning in diapers, I'm sure you'll find very little time to care what liberal, feminist, whatever women think about your life decisions. Do what makes you happy and what aligns with your values.

There are pros and cons to both options. I could never be a housewife or stay at home mom. I'm 99% sure I would actually shoot myself in the head. Not to mention that thinking of my purpose as just being a mother...idk it doesn't sit well with me. Having said that, you could invest all your time and energy in nurturing your kids. That's a benefit for some women, if that's how you want to be with your family.

There will always be people who don't agree with your life decisions. Simply being curious about perspectives is fine, but you should figure out for yourself what you want to do. Don't feel insecure because people look down on you. Own your sh*t.

[Anonymous]

I think she's a bitch, but at the same time her hormones are raging! Some people just feel that it's a waste of time and money! Time because you could be doing other stuff and that's why there are grandparents, and money because you could be making money, and because you spend all that money on college. Personally I have a LOT of respect for stay at home parents (yes that means BOTH mom's and dad's). Its a HUGE sacrifice and people don't realize how much time and effort they put into parenting. It's like a full time job, plus! They often times cook, clean, prepare meals, give baths, read, try to get kids down for naps, change diapers, and MUCH more aside from taking care of themselves. And just because their partner may come home after work doesn't mean anything they still have to continue to help with the kids!

I think the reason it's so looked down upon is because stay at home mom's are giving up the rights that have been worked hard for us! I disagree with that but that's how some people see it, they figure if women want to stay at home, they why did they need to fight for all those rights?! I agree with you when I get older I want to be a stay at home mom, unless my husband feels called to that! then I'd support him 100% I want someone home for those short years of our kids childhood, maybe once they are in high school and can drive on their own they I can start my career again! until then enjoy those years because they go fast!

[pickledxtofu]

She's a bitch

I personally want to be a stay at home mom because 1) I do want to breastfeed for at LEAST a year (unless the kid weans off before), 2) I don't trust anyone around children and 3) I want to be involved in their childhood and life.

No one can raise a child better than a loving parent who wants to raise them.

ehh, some of my friends make comments about how I cook/clean for my boyfriend but it doesn't bother me anymore. It works for us...

[pickledxtofu]

Why was this question removed? And then reinstated? it's not offensive

[Asker]

i have no idea..

[Anonymous]

Studies have proven that children who have a parent at home when they come home from school turn out better than latchkey children who come home to an empty house or a babysitter because both parents are at work. I honestly don't care if it's me or the women that stays at home, but if it's me staying home I'd have to work a job from home. If it's the women staying home, I'm fine with her working a job from home, and sharing the household duties with her when I come home from work.

[kheserthorpe]

My partner is a stay at home mom.

I think some women feel like she's sort of betraying their push for equality.

I also suspect some women want to be stay at home mothers but think they 'should' work, and resent stay at home mothers because it tempts them with a life they think they're not supposed to want.

Meanwhile the stay at home mothers feel like they're boring and nobody respects them.

Lose-lose for everyone.

[blackkid4]

Combination of both. She's insane and you're in fairy-tale land. Nothing is wrong with either.

[hannibal214]

you should live your life the way you (and you husband) want and tell everyone else to drop dead

[Anonymous]

I have no idea. I personally don't care. But stay at home moms actually -aren't- looked down upon really.