Are Shy Men Capable of Being "Real" Men?

Question

Yesterday I got into a discussion with my sister and her boyfriend. I have liked a shy guy for some time now and they said that they don't think he is for me because since he can't come up and say hi (he stares a lot) then he would not be capable of handling real life situations or he would let me run all over him in a relationship. I totally disagree with both of them and I told them so. Shy guys (and guys in general) do you agree with me or my sis and her boyfriend?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Honestly, "shy" is just another way of saying "fearful", just as "nice" is. Women have nothing against nice guys. It's the traits people blame on being nice or being shy that annoy women. There's a reason shy guys usually don't get the girl. They aren't capable of approaching women, holding conversations, sending the appropriate eye contact and body language, defending themselves and the things they believe in, and rarely have the confidence to assert themselves, believe in themselves, or have a point of view. A shy guy will procrastinate and just watch another guy come along without a problem and pick up the girl they are after. Haste makes waste. Shy guys send out massively mixed messages. They don't look girls in the eye often, they don't make a move when a moment presents itself, they usually have some type of closed off body language, they don't say what they should or do what needs to be done, then they get upset that they don't get what they want. Getting a woman isn't rocket science. Whether a woman is strong or not, they all want the same thing. A guy who can be interested and actually show that he is, someone who is confident and assertive, complimentary, open body language and eye contact, have opinions and thoughts, and be able to take a stand and be passionate. If you can do these things, you'll be fine. If you are second guessing yourself or going for a pity party every time you date a girl, you aren't going to see her again. If you actually have to ask if she likes you or if you have a chance with her, you don't. If you don't believe in yourself, a girl isn't going to do it for you. You really need to work on yourself prior to trying to date a girl, she isn't going to want a guy who is half there, for himself or for her.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think that you are right because they just nervous around people. It does not mean that he can't handle situations.

The-Nash · Accepted Answer

This is a tough question because everybody is different.

Example 1: Eli Manning, QB/ NY Giants-people were saying up until the last football game of the season, if Eli would ever come out of his shy shell of letting his teammates speak for him, when was he going to be like his big brother Peyton? Then in the last game of the regular season, he faced the patriots, and damn near beat them, and in watching that game - you saw Eli take over the team with his body language, his tenacity, and his courage, he wasn't giving up. And he went on to win the Super bowl. This was because he was faced with a choice of "do something about losing, or just lay down for the NE Patriots, who were undefeated. Now, it took two tries to gain the glory that Eli Deserved, because if he didn't win the super bowl, he would still greatly be compared to his older brother, instead of making a name for himself, and sitting in his brother's shadows.

So, I can't come up with any non-sport related examples, but mainly I think it comes when a person is faced with putting themself in an uncomfortable situation and rising to the occasion, or just settling for being content with being uncomfortable. *Oh I got it! , say you got a wallflower at a dance, and the next dance, he can either learn how to dance (so he can, with a girl) or remain a wallflower. It's really how comfortable he wants to feel, if it makes him really uncomfortable, he may not go to the next dance.

DeanW · Accepted Answer

Another thing to keep in mind is the question of authenticity. When dealing with personal relationships, most people wish to be able to be themselves, with the good and the bad included. This creates an extra vulnerability that makes a shy person even more frightened of rejection.

In "real life" most of us have little plastic characters that we use to do our jobs, argue with our mechanics, etc. One's emotional core is rarely on the line so people who are timid in one domain may be quite assertive in another. I worked as a bank teller in my younger and more poverty stricken days. I spent about a year working in a rich community and about a half year in a middle class community. The men from the rich community were, nearly to the lost one, softer, quieter, and more considerate compared to the middle class group.

As for sexwiseman's comments, I see his point, but you, as the woman, are in a position to determine how you act in a relationship and what you value. Some women view getting their way as a man's weakness, others perceive the relationship as emotionally fulfilling. My guess is that difference is largely related to where the girl is at in her life and what she wants or needs from the relationship.

And what's a "real man" anyway? Where did that idea come from? Is it coming from human nature (which is full of gentle men and aggressive women as well as aggressive men and gentle women)? From the Fox Network? (:

ionlife · Answer

I suppose the answer to your question lies in what your definition of a "real" man is... Many individuals are at first awkward in social settings or one on one meetings. Does it make them any less of a man? I doubt it. Does it mean they can't handle real life situations? Doubt that as well.

You'll find seemingly confident people who would falter at the first sign of an emergency or any stressful situation.

As for you running all over him in a relationship... Your sister and boyfriend may be right if he is particularly shy around you as he may be afraid to stand up to you or worried to hurt your feelings hence he'll repress his own.

Question, are you dating this guy or you are just both admiring each other from afar for the time being?

sexwiseman · Answer

For sure you would run all over him cause shy guys don't understand how women function; if they did, then they would come up and talk to you. I used to be one of the shy ones, and yea, when I was shy, women ran all over me, and that's what finally led me to come out of that shy shell. As far as handling real life situations, it depends. If they are only shy with women, then I don't think is a problem; but if they are shy over all, then yea, they might not handle certain situations well. And yes, with 'training' shy men can be real men, but they must wake up and smell the coffee as they say!

johnsmith2116 · Answer

If he is shy in his youth, he can break out of it by his adulthood. But if he is still that shy by 20 or 22, chances are good that he'll be that way for a long time, if not all his life.

If you don't have a problem with that, that's fine. But if you don't like it, you may want to keep your options open when it comes to guys.

bryanspitz · Answer

As a painfully shy guy, I feel fairly qualified to answer this question.

Shy guys are not always, or even often, incompetent at dealing with real life situations. This is an image problem. By being shy around women, we project the image that we are equally timid in all areas of life. Not true. While I have a great deal of trouble with people, I am extremely competent around systems. I'm known as "Mr. Fix-it" around the house. Computers, plumbing, you name it. If you're willing to pick up the slack in social situations (or teach him how to handle them himself), this really isn't an issue.

As for letting you run all over him in a relationship, I don't think this is really predictable right now. How a guy behaves in a relationship can be totally different from how he behaves outside of one. If you want to find out what this particular guy is like, you'll just have to ask him out!

Hope this helps.

kenzo · Answer

Do agree with you! Some times a real man can be shy not only certain shy guys. Some times a man is shy because he is so polite or so confused because of the girl. I believe in the effect of the first look and believe me some times it makes the bravest men unable to say any thing :-)

Cheers

shf84 · Answer

Not sure where your sister is coming from. Why would you "run all over " someone? Only an ass hole does that, surly she doesn't think your an ass hole? As to handling real life situations I don't know what exactly she's referring to there either, the man is obviously alive and well so he must be doing pretty good .

As to "real" men a real man is a person who was born with male anatomy. That's all there is to it. Any one who want's to force a person to act a certain way because of there sex is a bigot pushing harmful gender roles.

mike101 · Answer

I think it depends on the guy, but I don't think being "shy" have anything to do with how you handle real life situations. there are outgoing guys that messes up just as much if not more, and they are probably more blatant about it.

If the guy is only shy around a certain girl, it just means he likes her but is afraid of being rejected. If the guy is shy in general, then that's something he needs to work on if he wants to have a "normal" life experience, but it doesn't mean he is incapable of handling his business. "Strong, silent type" or even "mysterious" could be associated with the shy persona.

Curlyfries316 · Answer

im very shy and I have had multiple women tell me that I more of a man than the outgoing, shallow guys that they know. shyness has nothing to do with being a "real man" just because somebody talks less that does not make them weaker or less capable of taking care of a woman.

Superstrength79 · Answer

No, I stick up for myself just fine in situations. Approaching women is just a situation of being afraid of rejection.

archer86 · Answer

There is an old saying:  If pushing does not work, try pulling. Meaning: if he won't come to you, go to him instead.  Easy for me to say, I have been known to be overaggressive with women. *sob*

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