Why do men always want what they can't have?

Question

I have friends that are mostly men, we hang out playing pool, downing a few beers & joking around. At first, things go really good and it's comfortable being around them then all of a sudden things have changed and they start that flirting stuff. I don't dress sexy and never show any interest other than winning at whatever sport we are playing. I only want to hang out and have a good time. It's so many women out there that flirts with them and they just ignore her, giving me their sole attention. I don't want it, I have one love in my life and that's good enough for me but I am tired of losing friends because of lust. I don't really get along with women cause I am too rough around the edges and I don't take no s**t and don't do the drama thing so I guess I will just be friendless forever huh?

MeltedCheese89 · Accepted Answer

Made an account just to answer this question.

Man, if there ever was a "guy" thing to do, it's this. Hanging out with a woman, and after a while, I want to be with her on a level more intimate than just a friendship.

And it really sucks that you're in a situation like that. Because a lot of guys don't really realize that what drives us in those situations is a sense of entitlement. We figure "I am a guy and she is a girl and guys and girls are supposed to be in relationships together, so I deserve this" on a really low, basic level, and we just stick with that. It's got nothing to do with our instincts and everything to do with the culture we've been raised in. And the worse thing about it is, you end up getting harassed and us guys end up feeling like we're incomplete or somehow less of a man if we don't have a woman doting on us.

Talking to some of your friends and making them aware of how it makes you uncomfortable could help with your situation, because many of these guys probably aren't fully aware of how uncomfortable they are making you. Of course... I'm sure talking to them is no easy thing to ask of you either. At any rate, I wish you luck in finding yourself... and I hope I didn't just necro-bump this thread!

jusabarasida · Accepted Answer

well.. if you have one true love, then why are you out drinking with other guys? the whole drinking with a buncha guys scene is so college .. so they flirt obviously.. how do you think they will take it? its not that hard to understand that.. to them it seems like you might have interest in them too and you are playing hard to get.. if the girl flirts with them all the time, they don't care for her. she is too easy.. but you seem like you are not.. and that's why guys want what they can't have.. they believe they can have you.

Rosina · Accepted Answer

Sometimes men just can't help it, they're not doing it on purpose and they often do not have any kind of plan/agenda.  If you spend a lot time in male company, whether it be at work or socially, some of them will develop "crushes" on you, or get interested in you physically.  I had a male friend once who revealed after a year that he was in love with me.  He had never given me any indication, and he said he wished he didn't feel that way.  It was just something he couldn't help.  I'm in a relationship so he knew nothing would ever happen.  I just had to try and be understanding and hoped it wouldn't affect our friendship.  So yeah, sometimes it's a male ritualistic "hunter" thing, but sometimes they just can't help it.

mrsvincenoir · Accepted Answer

I have a lot of guy friends because I get on with guys better...and I know how frustrating it is when this happens.

I can only guess its a mixture of being a "challenge", getting to know you well,in a natural way without all the b.s and games dating can bring,and decideing they like you,and being close to you as a friend...there is no relationship polititcs and you are just chilled.

Its easy-going and natural...obviously must an attraction there to.

It brings up that old question can a man and a woman ever be just friends? Yes I think so,but you are bound to get exceptions.

It sucks doesn't it,especially when you think of them like a big brother or something...not cool.

the-love-guru · Accepted Answer

Everyone is programmed to want what they cannot have. It creates a healthy competition. We crave the adrenaline rush of a chase.

Alcohol is a social lubricant, and liquid courage. Chances are these men are sexually attracted to you, but fear that when sober they will be shot down, or perhaps just feel that since they've been drinking, they can use that excuse to hit on you. It's quite common. They feel at ease around you (when sober), and are able to let their guard down when intoxicated. It's natural. Casually let them know they should remove their hand from (body part) and continue the game. That, or tell them they're like a brother. That should stop them dead in their tracks!

MrTinker · Answer

I think you are forgetting human nature, females flirt and men flirt to attract one another, and to also test their charm both sides. Not to mention your talking about beer, people get silly, if your having a hard time with people flirting with you then be a woman, stand on your own two feet and get along with it. IF you can't understand human nature, ie male female = sex or male female being playful, funny, trying to give friends a kick. Well, you'll learn, we are all students, even the master :p

nymphoman · Answer

Nah, you just are finding the wrong friends that's all.

If they just want to be around you to get into bed with you then they aren't friends just users.

There are plenty of people out there who don't see every person of the opposite sex who is friendly as smile=sex, you just need to find them and filter through the sleazeballs.

Swampwater · Answer

well I've heard it said that you have a greater chance of staying with a person if you are friends first.

people can't help if they think they are in love with you. you shouldnt be a bitch and make them feel bad about it, just let them know politely that you're not sttracted to them in that fashion.

canadiannick · Answer

It's human nature to want what you can't have. There's something I heard a famous psychologist say..."you fall in love with someone who isn't in love with you, when you already have the love and support you need".  The majority of people don't need real love. And the people I know who are really in love aren't in to the game of wanting what they can't have. If your the type of person who falls in love with those who don't love you...then you don't really need love, and should just be looking for sex. Done!

JohnRJ · Answer

If one only wants what they already then they will get anything more. LOL Just kidding.

Actually, most guys I have known are into monogamous relationship, but sometimes the flirting game is fun. Having somebody else display an interest is a welcome change. I would not do this if I were involved however. If your involved with the other in question, then the other was likely out of bounds. I also wonder however if jealousy is not an issue here however.

Subotai · Answer

Well men flirt because its fun because their drunk  because they think your attractive.   Some people flirt with no intention of going anywhere its just fun.  Its hard to expect people to not be human.  I guess that's why most of womens friends are other women and mens friends are other men.  The whole interacting with the opposite sex thing can be so awkward

TexPlayboy · Answer

Men are hunters by nature, and always enjoy the challenge.  Sleep with them all, and they will leave you alone.  :-) Good Luck, James

pervect · Answer

men are dumn even me, mostly

thats true men wants what they can't have , why don't know

but when men are close to are hot women they can tolk normaly

but there is one time that they feel like they have to flirt, he are addicted

how to avoid bby don't know wish to !

weyto · Answer

its because your there...it seems like such a chore today for us guys to chase women, when your already there, your a friend we can trust, and your a woman, it just logically makes sense to us...depending on the type of guys you hang out with their motive may just be sex, or it could be genuine and they want a relationship...eithe rway that's what I think it sounds like

quantumdefender · Answer

sounds like shutting doors without even looking what's behind em.

Anonymous · Answer

i guess that's just what we rly are not guyz or girlz just all people they always want what they can't get..i guess you just need to find a friend that are like u, that's all..

kalixxooxx · Answer

I am the same way. I hang out with some females but my crowd is mostly male. Just be honest when meeting new people by telling them you are strictly platonic.

Anonymous · Answer

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