John sighs a bit “No one, Kyle…” Marie grabs the phone from John. “You fucking asshole!! Fucking all of us all at the same time! Without a fucking condom!” she breathes violently waiting for a response but Kyle has already hung up. Terry laughs approvingly, since she is one of the many girls Kyle has lied to.
He has led each girl on with promises of love and a serious relationship. Finally Kyle’s fragile house built of lies collapsed around him and even his guy friends feel alienated .
Fired from my job
The first time I was fired from a waiter job it was crushing to me. I was 19, when the news was coldly delivered I shamefully teared up in front of everyone. I escaped the restaurant that night but kept in touch with coworkers. “I didn’t do anything wrong! He is such an asshole!” Some avoided me, some agreed with me, one crusty older chef said, “Yeah he really had a hard-on to fire you” I agreed, not understanding but eager for support. I longed for that job, wanting a second chance.
"When you insist on being right and refuse to accept what IS, you are doomed to repeat it until you learn the lesson."About one year later new management took over and I applied again. The fact I was fired was still on file and crushingly I was turned down. I left thinking what the hell is wrong with me? What did I do wrong? I don’t deserve this!
A few months ago I walked by the closed wreckage of my old restaurant. Even the prime location against the surf of the pacific could not save it. I felt a sense of nostalgia and loss. A hole inside of me was still there yearning to be accepted by the boarded up shell of this old building.
One of the most important lessons I have ever learned
When I lost my job at the restaurant I didn’t move on. I didn’t learn, I focused ONLY on being right. I wanted to catch the manager in the parking lot after work and beat the crap out of him. I AM RIGHT DAMN IT!! I AM A GOOD GUY! PEOPLE LIKE ME!! I didn’t do it, instead I found another job just like it and got fired.
Found the same job again, again and again about 6 times before something started to sink in. Am I responsible? Am I choosing this kind of job, manager, situation on purpose??? When you insist on being right and refuse to accept what IS, you are doomed to repeat it until you learn the lesson.
The power of next
Everyone demands to be right because they refuse to shake up their framework of how the world works. This leaves most of us gasping for vengeance when a relationship crumbles around us.
This was not the first time Terry was treated terribly by Kyle, it was the third… She kept going back to him because he left a huge hole in her ego by dumping her again and again. Terry kept trying to get this piece of ego back from him, desperately needing to fix what he had damaged. Maybe the third time around he would finally show her that she was worth loving. NEXT!!! Is what she should have said the first time. NEXT!!! She should have screamed at the walls. She should have moved on right away.
- It just didn’t work out. Why? Not your business! NEXT!
- Let him/her keep that part of your ego, it will come back when you no longer need it
- Focusing on being right is in the opposite direction of peace
- Will you still care a year from now? or a month? Just move on…NEXT!
When you yell NEXT!! at the a bad relationship, you may not understand what went wrong. You many not know what you are responsible for but you will avoid the vicious cycle of repeating your mistake. Eventually you may understand, it may take years BUT you must have faith. Moving on from something ugly and letting go of the desperate need to preserve your ego is probably the best advice I will ever give on this blog.
Mike Masters writes a blog for women about relationships at MikeTheMasterDater.com. Traveling the world and dating every single girl he met along the way allowed Mike to make an uncountable number of mistakes in relationships. These mistakes led to a fluency in the psychology of dating that could only be gained from radical immersion.