How to quickly get over someone- Well, for me anyway!

[Starfishlover]

Hey everyone, hope you had a lovely Christmas and a happy new year!

This is going to be a take that will sort of have some heart-felt moment's and legitimate advice. A change to my sometimes mean-spirited nature. I have sort of changed and don't see the point in being nasty and mean anymore. Maybe God is working in my life? I don't know.

I haven't been on here a lot as I have been in a relationship and surprise surprise, it didn't work out. It didn't work out because something horrible happened to me and I had to spend a fair amount of time and energy trying to fix it, only sparing once a week to see him for an hour or so. Poor dear couldn't handle it anymore and therefore understandably, took to finding a new mate online. I couldn't even spend New Years and Christmas with him.

So I had to work on myself to try and get over him, set my feelings aside, disintegrate my feelings, and move on.

So here is how I move on to salvage my sanity.

1) Cry every single tear. Just let it all out.

I don't want others to see my emotions therefore I just used the shower to cry. I cried in the car on my way to work, in bed. I used any opportunity to have a good sob where I can't be seen.

2) Block and delete them everywhere.

Block them on FB, instagram, every app you have them and if they still find some way to get in contact with you, ask them nicely to please cease to talk to you. He asked if we could try again but I was extremely hurt that he gave up on me so easily when a little downfall became apparent. I mean it only lasted for a few weeks. Believe me had he waited everything would have gone back to normal and I want a mate to not give up easily. But it is understandable. Who knows, I might have done the same thing. So take some time to delete their photos (this process will be so darn painful, but worth it in the end), and block them everywhere. MIB that ISH!

3) Make yourself extremely busy.

Become engrossed in your work. Date someone else. Watch something funny. Do something that will make you not think about them. Because believe me, they are having a good time NOT thinking about you.

4) Time will always heal.

I cannot TELL you how many times my heart has been dragged through spikes, stomped on, beaten towards an inch of its life. But what happened even a month ago really doesn't matter now. You have to tell yourself when you are in a moment of distress the following words "A month from now, this won't matter".

5) Do your best to look amazing.

I have lost 5 kilos ever since the breakup (11 pounds). I have lost it through diet and exercise. I have gotten a new hair colour (got some more highlights in my hair), got some new clothes and just tried my best to look good each day. If you look good, you will feel good.

6) Lastly, please please please don't harden your heart.

For the sake of everything good in the world, don't harden your heart. Someone will love you, just give it time. But please don't punish them. My advice is for you to purify your heart and leave room for the right person to come along. Good luck in the pursuit of love, everyone :).

[OlderAndWiser]

I don't remember any of your previous posts, so I can only respond to what you said in this myTake. It was all good advice. The two best gems are:

1. Block them everywhere. I really don't understand why so many users think that they are supposed to remain friends with an ex. You dated, it didn't work out, that it means it would probably never work out if you gave it 100 chances, staying in touch = wasting your time, and any sane guy will stay away from a girl who has decided to remain in contact with her ex.

2. Don't harden your heart. I hear so many users saying, "I'll never let any bitch stomp on my heart again!" I understand the feeling, and I empathize, but every failed relationship you have is preparing you to be receptive and to be a good partner when The One comes along. Harden your heart and you may miss out on the best chance of your lifetime.

Please keep writing! You write very well and I expect that you giving this advice is probably much more effective than some old guy like me giving the same advice.

[Paris13]

Hi, @Starfishlover and Hope you had a nice holiday... Happy New year, dear as well.
I am so sorry for your sadness but Love your Take on this Break and I agree with everything you Put... Thank you for sharing and caring and also for being so strong.
Please, Allow me to Add Number 7 to Complete the Heavenly Heaven... When you are Ready, find someone who you can have chemistry with but go slow with Joe, Nurse and Nurture a Friendship First.
Good luck and God's blessings this year. xx

[Paris13]

Thank you for the upvote, @Starfishlover :)) xx

[Starfishlover]

You always deserve it baby girl

[Paris13]

Oh, you are such a sweet girl, thank you so much. xxoo

[burlen]

The following works for me:
# Step 1
The first thing I do is embracing I cannot switch off my feelings for her like a switch light. Recognising my inability to effect a desirable change is itself relieving.

# Step 2
I feel the hurtful feelings of breaking up rather than diverting attention from them. It doesn't matter if it takes a day, week or month. Diverting focus from the hurtful feelings only decelerate the recovery process.

# Step 3
I accept she is no longer with me, instead of nursing hope and fighting for her to come back. This is the biggest mistake I made in my first breakup. It only heightens the pain and prolongs the recovery process.

# Step 4
I focus on the good memories she brought to my life, and on things I would have loved to experience with her. This shifts my mind from hurtful to positive emotions. The mistake I made with my first breakup is I focused on her frailties to convince myself she wasn't beautiful enough. I was merely lying to myself because if she wasn't good enough I won't have been with her in the first place.

# Step 5
I remove items (e. g. clothes, cosmetics, pictures, etc.) that I associate with her. I also block and delete all her phone number, email address and other forms of communication like whatsapp, etc., including the contacts of some of her friends.

# Step 6
While carrying out the above five steps I engage quite a lot in activities, such as meditation, running, gym and strolling in the woods and park. I set important activities to do daily, and focus on completing them.

# Step 7
I draw inspiration from my first breakup. I flash my mind back and challenge my behaviours and thoughts. My world didn't crumble. I dated beautiful girls after that. I then flash my mind back to current breakup. It then suddenly changes my perspective, confidence and mood. It's like telling myself I have been through this before, and came out stronger 6 to 12 months after the breakup.

[KDA20]

Great take - It is not a nice time for you but as you say some positivity came from it - I am so glad that other people will get to know the beautiful sensitive Noora that I have gotten to know over the last few months and I have come to realise how special a young woman she is.
(1) "I don't want others to see my emotion" - Is that so wrong? - If I talked to you and you cried over something upsetting, I wouldn't think you were any weaker, I would still think you were an amazingly strong independent woman with a big heart that can get bruised a little like the rest of us. Sometimes talking it out or sharing with a friend/family member is a good way to get that particular emotion out of your system and helps you move forward. Point one while admirable in ways as other girl says
makes me just want to give you a hug and say there is nothing wrong in sharing with someone, to talk about your feelings.
(2) I might do something similar.
(3) Good advice
(4) Yes it feels hard but in time it should ease
(5) Improving how you look does help with your mental attitude
(6) Excellent advice for anyone heartbroken
As I say it was number one that jumped out at me, I have so much time, respect and affection for you. You don't even have to tell me what is going on, you can message me anytime and say I don't feel great, believe my regard for you won't drop one iota.

[Itsjustkeyitsme]

I appreciated this as I just went through a break up that happened out of nowhere. And people say oh that can't happen but it did. We went to meet his family had an alright time made plans for next year, we were ordering tickets and plan in for next Christmas. We got back from vacation and when I came inside from walking my dog he was taking his stuff out of the apartment and said he didn't want me, it wasn't going to work and he was unhappy since the beginning (7 almost 8 months in). I was devastated and at times I daze off trying to realize what the hell happened. But reading this article- it really helped. Because you always feel alone when those things happen and it's good to have another outlet to say guess what it really sucks right now but it's gonna be ok.

[Starfishlover]

Oh my gosh... I am so sorry this happened. It's good that you didn't get married otherwise you would really be in trouble. But you are so gorgeous, I can bet someone will want you in their life in a week!

[mooky06]

That is some really good advice you have above in your mytake. I agree, crying it out and just eliminating them from your life is the way to go. It's hard to get over someone, but time will heal it all.. Sooner then later.

Hope you are doing ok *hugs*

[Starfishlover]

Thank you xx

[mooky06]

Of course :) x

[francesca93]

I think if you find a guy who is: much better looking than your ex, much more successful than your ex (has a better job and earns well), good education, better background and family, more affectionate, better lover, bigger penis, better in bed, much better sex, much more caring and loving then you will have an INCREDIBLY easy time moving on!!!

[Starfishlover]

In a sense, the next person can be a better person for you!

[Ragnell]

When you leave room for the right person, you're also leaving room for another. Leaving room in your heart only leaves room for someone wrong to take advantage of you and hurt you. How can you trust everyone, or anyone, if that anyone will hurt you? Once you've come from a dark place to the light, you don't want to go back to the dark place again. I always get hurt when I try to love people, they just never return it. Might just be the people I've met but can this seriously be all the girls I know? I'm just done with it, it being trying to love and be loved. It's too taxing, and besides, once you've come from depression once, you don't want to go back, even when the scars are still fresh.

[pavlove]

Lol i've heard you are the Devil on here... this seems pretty tame

[Starfishlover]

Hahaha, I have changed I guess.

[FlutteringFeelings]

Sorry but feelings doesn't work that way.
They have a time when they arrive and a time when thet leave. Our actions cannot control our feelings... External emotions definitely won't change the internal. Its a step by step process honestly.

[Starfishlover]

I also forgot to mention to blog or write a diary.

[PT1911]

I don't really cry, I just listen to music, music that reminds me things aren't so bad

https://youtu.be/JDRt_qZ8s9Y

Honestly one of my favorites.

The lyrics pretty much sun up my opinion :)

[theegreat017]

My best friend rejected me a couple of days ago, and it's hard to digest but i would rather have her as a friend than be without her. And well that was my fifth time getting rejected. Everytime, i am like, 'Hey, what's wrong? Don't you like love? It's the best thing ever, come on, it will be fun relationship'. I feel kinda desperate now and well thanks, it's a great my take. Fingers crossed.

[Luci92]

Brilliant advice *prints 10 copies off, takes notes*

[Anonymous]

Well I'd say don't date until you're over the person, otherwise you're basically using the next person you date as a rebound and it sucks being on the receiving end of that shit. If there's anything I've learned, it's that dating someone on the rebound can put you in their shoes.

Otherwise great take.

[tony72722]

Are you the same one who posted that women shouldn't settle and said he needs to have money looks and big cock or something?

[Starfishlover]

Unfortunately, yes :( But I am not made of stone.

[tony72722]

lolol. I can respect that to an extent but it sounds shallow as fck just saying.

[Starfishlover]

I know

[mrsingle]

I've tried everything you listed and I'm still not over her. I feel worse as the 7 years, yes years, have passed. It doesn't help I have to see her multiple times a year, and I've been single.

[Starfishlover]

You have to ask yourself, did you really love her or did you hurt your ego?

[mrsingle]

I never got to know her too well and she barely knew me, though between her looks and how she acted she had potential, but she had so many guys liking her and no girls like me so for that my ego has been shattered.

[WineAndWhiskey]

I completely agree with your theory. Breaking up is always hard, but I think the fastest way to move on is to block him completely. Keeping busy with hobbies or spending time with your friends will keep your mind from thinking of him, and soon enough you'll realize you are happier without him :)

[RainbowFanGirl]

Great advice. 👍 It was hard to get over my ex but I eventually did, and replaced him with someone better.

[WantAnswersNow]

DONT EVER TRY SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE TO GET OVER SOMEONE ELSE ITS NOT WORTH IT!! I TRIED IT AND IT MADE ME FEEL MORE EMPTY AND ONLY LEFT ME LOOKING STUPID! IT DOES NOT WORK!!!

[Yeahhbro]

How long would that take? It has being 6 months and i haven't got over her.

[orphan]

on point. precisely the same advice i dish out to everyone who asks.

[Honeyyy]

That was beautiful. I agree to everything... Such great advice.