Some people are so significant in our lives that the mere thought of living without them feels incredibly overwhelming and incapacitating. It's something we just can't comprehend . The ending of a relationship is a death of a relationship. Letting go of a relationship follows the same grieving process as mourning the death of a loved one . You feel a great sense of loss,and grief is a natural response to loss. It's loves unwillingness to let go. Not only have you lost the person you wanted to spend your life with ,but you've lost all of the hopes ,promises and dreams of a future you planned together .
One of the hardest things you'll ever have to do is grieve losing someone who is still alive
The grieving process is an opportunity to appropriately mourn a loss and then heal. It helps you to cope with the indescribable pain,the yearning for your ex ,and it helps you to adapt to the emptiness following the breakup. Grief is a roller-coaster journey of emotions. There will be days when you will feel stronger than ever ,and some days will bring you back to your knees. You'll be plagued by many different emotions from anger to guilt ,but it is important not to bottle up these emotions. Never suppress grief, as this will do more harm than good. Never minimize your feelings , or avoid your emotions as this will impede or slow down the healing process.
The hardest part of losing someone,isn't having to say goodbye,but rather learning to live without them. Always trying to fill the void , the emptiness that's left inside your heart when they go
Stages Of Grief
1. Denial Stage
During the denial stage you go into a state of disbelief . You don't want to believe or acknowledge that what is happening is really happening . Many people are unable to handle the reality of their situation ,so denial is a coping mechanism which provides an emotional protection from being overwhelmed by the intensity of the loss. It allows you to pace your own feelings ,and helps to let in only as much as you can handle. So you can learn to adjust to the idea of life without the person you've lost
Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your head already knows
2. Anger Stage
Anger is an outward manifestation of hurt ,fear , frustration,humiliation or being treated unfairly. It usually happens when you feel powerless and helpless. When a relationship ends you feel abandoned because of the loss. You start to fear being alone . Rebuilding your life and making new future plans without your ex being part of it any more can be a daunting thought . Anger can manifest itself in many different ways - anger at your ex or situations associated with the break-up. You may misdirect it toward innocent parties ; such as family members , friends, colleagues,and even strangers. Being angry is a way of channelling energy, of making some sense of the pain. Never suppress your anger, because eventually you may erupt like a volcano. Never internalize it and take it out on yourself - in the form of depression or anxiety. Processing through the anger can help you uncover your pain or fear .It is this pain or fear that you will have to face in order to reach the level of peace and acceptance.
Anger is a symptom ,a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly -hurt ,bitterness,grief ,and most of all , fear
3. Bargaining Stage
Bargaining is really an attempt to postpone the inevitable .It provides temporary escape and hope to allow time to adjust to your new reality. Bargaining can be looking for any possible way to make the relationship work either through; negotiation, begging and pleading for your ex to come back and telling him/her that you will change, move or go to therapy to make it work. You may even attempt to enlist all friends and family to “talk some sense” into him/her. In your desperation you may attempt to plead and negotiate with a "higher power "and try to make a deal by making vows to "change your ways" and promise to be a better person if only your ex would come back.
Love is an unconditional gift .It is not a bargain
Depression can be a sign that you have begun to accept your loss. This stage is when you fully comprehend the magnitude of your loss, because your realization of the inevitable has become your reality. Depression surfaces in many different forms. You may have trouble sleeping or sleeping too much, you may have a loss of appetite or overeat. You'll probably feel disconnected from people even when you’re with them . You will cry a lot ,sometimes uncontrollably, and you may feel confused ,forgetful and be unable to concentrate on anything. You'll feel a sense of hopelessness which can make it feel like you will never move on and that nothing will ever work out for you in the future. You will start to feel self-pity , self-loathing , lonely, isolated, empty, lost, and anxious. This stage is when you will feel the most pain.
Depression is a fight - every thought is a battle , every breath is a war
This is the final stage of healing. Acceptance doesn't mean you're now okay with the ending of the relationship , and over your ex. It means you are starting to accept the reality of your situation and the fact that nothing can change the reality of it. Acceptance doesn't come on suddenly; it happens gradually, little bit by little bit, interspersed with some of the other phases. During this phase you'll come to terms with your emotions and feelings , and you'll able to make peace with the loss. You are finally letting go of the relationship , and slowly moving forward with your life,despite your lingering sadness. Gradually you will start to anticipate some good times to come, and find enjoyment in experiencing “living” again. Even though thinking about your ex will cause you some pain from time to time ,the intolerable ,unbearable pain will finally be gone.
Accept what is,let go of what was , and have faith in what will be
Each individual defines their own healing process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the pain and grief as it comes over you. Embrace it ,don’t resist it , because that will only prolong the natural process of healing. Remember, there is no time limit to the grieving process. Pain is only proportional to how much you love someone . So it's inevitable you'll feel so much pain and heartache after you've lost the person you love so much .
One of the most rewarding moments of your life is when you finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul .Happiness comes when you let go of something you can't change