Heartbreak is excruciatingly painful. It can have a detrimental affect on your emotional,physical and mental state. It is a sad and disorientating time.
When couples part the pain can be profound because it represents the loss, the absence of them from your life. Not just of the relationship, but the things that you thought would happen, the promises that were made,also of shared dreams, commitments, and hopes for the future...basically any fantasy’s that had built up as a result of your relationship or connection to them
The end of a relationship can also bring changes to responsibilities, living arrangements, other relationships, and even one’s identity. You now face the prospect of a future without the person you love. That's a daunting thought . The thought of rebuilding your life without them being part of it anymore is much too unbearable to face....it's inconceivable to you. So you start to shut down emotionally from the reality of it
After a breakup people go through a grieving process.Grief is loves unwillingness to let go .Grief is a process of healing, However, grief is a normal and expected response to loss.It is important to work your way through the loss and process what has happened and grieve the loss of them and the relationship , otherwise you will get trapped in your feelings of rejection
Accept your feelings. So, go through the pain, not around it. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings.Create time and space for your grief.
Stages of Grief
Denial and shock help you to cope and make survival possible.
Denial is rejection of reality and a storage of feelings . You deny the reality of the loss , in order to avoid the pain.It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as you can handle.
Shock is the body's natural protection against pain. It provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once.
You feel devastated, dazed, frightened and numb. You are in a state of disbelief. If you don't accept the heartbreak, then it didn't really happen
The numbing effects of denial begin to thaw, and your pain emerges. Frustration gives way to anger. Your heart goes from sad to raging mad. Anger is a sign of suppressed emotions, so anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Anger is an outward manifestation of pain ,hurt and frustration. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotions.
You may project your displaced aggression onto anyone who crosses your path.You may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the breakup on someone else.It can be extended to your family, yourself and your ex ,but also to God for the injustice that was done to you
During this stage of the breakup, you may find yourself burning pictures of her/him, holding her/his belongings hostage, cutting up clothes or slandering her/him to their friends.
Underneath anger is pain, YOUR pain. It is natural to feel angry when you've been deserted and abandoned.
After a loss, bargaining may take the form of a temporary truce. “What if I devote the rest of my life to helping others?" Guilt is often bargaining’s companion. It is about absolving your own guilt, if you did something wrong that caused the breakup.
This stage is often about getting your ex back. You want life returned to what is was; you want your relationship restored. You want to go back in time: .You become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements. You may irrationally blame yourself; you think, “If only I had said or done something differently.” You will do anything not to feel the pain of your loss. You remain in the past, trying to negotiate your way out of the hurt.
Desperate to negotiate with yourself or your ex, you may go to extreme measures to make deals or become something else to make amends.So sometimes the bargaining stage involves prayers. You plead with God, you bargain with yourself, and you beg your ex to take you back to avoid the painful reality of your loss.
You bargain in vain and offer up prayers to a Higher Power,begging ,and pleading for a way out of your despair .You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?"
After bargaining, your attention moves squarely into the present.
You realize the magnitude of your loss in this stage of grief, and it can feel all too overwhelming. You wind up in a state of deep sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness and helplessness. You have feelings of despair, emptiness, yearning and intense loneliness. You may feel guilt, fear and regret too.
This stage of grief has you in withdrawal; you withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone? Why go on at all? You may refuse to get dressed , washed,or shaved . You may draw your blinds and not even want to leave the house. Sitting in silence, in darkness, overthinking and over-analyzing
Even getting out of bed feels difficult, and you may even feel physical aches and pain. You cry uncontrollably. You may have weight loss, weight gain, panic or anxiety attacks, insomnia, or acute fatigue. You are unable to function at work, home or school, or perform normal daily activities.
You may isolate yourself on purpose, by shutting out your friends and family. You reflect on things you did with your ex and focus on memories of the past.You feel guilty about your failed relationship, thinking you could have done something to prevent it.
You may replay the relationship over and over in your mind, trying to pinpoint where it fell apart and how it could have been saved
Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters your life on a deeper level, deeper than you ever imagined. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. It’s important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. Losing someone you love is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response.
Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about a failed relationship . This stage is about accepting the reality that the person you love is no longer part of your life , and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality.You learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation.
You come to realize what the past meant and what the future can hold .You begin to feel like yourself again, ready to move onward and upward.You come to terms with the loss of your relationship: the loss of his/her love, security and companionship and your future dreams together
You'll learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which you must learn to live. You must try to live now in a world where the person you love is missing.
In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, you see that you cannot live in the past. It has been forever changed and you must readjust. Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones .
You can never replace what has been lost, but you can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new inter-dependencies.
Instead of denying you feelings, listen to your needs; you move, you change, you grow,you evolve,you adapt .You invest in new friendships and in a new relationship with yourself . You begin to live again, but you cannot do so until you have given grief its time.
Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this heartbreaking time,but you will find a way forward.
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Whenever you think about your ex you may feel pain and sadness ,but that heart-wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and even find joy again in the experience of living. You will finally see the hope of a new future ahead . You'll feel free from all the pain of the initial breakup You now have hope to cling to....the hope of a new life,and a new future. You can now envision a future without your ex. You finally find a way of surviving without him/her ,despite your pain and loss
There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept,things we don't want to know, but have to learn,and people we can't live without, but we have to let go.
Some people experience “complicated grief" Complicated grief a proposed disorder for those who are significantly and functionally impaired by prolonged grief symptoms after a loss. They become plagued with an overwhelming feeling of constant anger, excessive bitterness ,and deep endless resentment , so they can’t move onto the next stages of grief. Those who face "severe grief" would benefit by seeing a licensed Psychologist. A councilor who specializes in grief will help them to build their resilience and develop strategies to get through their sadness and help them to rebuild their life and regain their strength.
Feelings and emotions will fluctuate ,and this pattern repeats until, over time, it reduces in intensity and frequency.
Occasionally, your feelings and emotions can be triggered, for example, upon hearing a familiar song or seeing someone that resembles our ex-partner ,re-visiting places you went together
Emotions can become stronger around significant days such as birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. These feelings are normal and not an indication that things are not on the mend.