Hi guys! Me again! I thought today was an appropriate time to really open up and admit something I've kept a secret for a long time: I'm still not over my last relationship. And it's been three years.
I'm not proud of it. I'm not happy like this, and I don't even know how it's possible. I only know writing about it is highly theraputic. Thanks for being patient! Hope you enjoy.
1. It was my first relationship.
You know the saying "you never quite get over your first relationship"?, that's turning into my tragic reality. Some people think the concept is sweet, but it really isn't.
2. I haven't been in love since.
This is probably the main reason why I'm not over him. If I found someone I could fall head over heels for, I would probably forget about missing him. I wish I could do that, but I haven't found anyone I like. In addition, I fell into the trap of comparing him to all the guys I meet.
3. There was no closure.
I was the one who called it quits. I did it because I was unknowingly suffering from severe anxiety, and I was seriously damaging the relationship and myself by not knowing how to deal with it. My parents didn't like him and constantly told me I would get pregnant if I kept on going. I couldn't deal with the stress, and I ended up impulsively deleting him from everything without giving him an explanation. The fact that there was no closure makes it even harder for me to accept that it's over.
4. When I see him in public, the excitement comes back.
We attend different schools, but I still see him (rarely, though) at times. When we see each other, he smiles and looks at me, and it all comes back. The tingly and warm feeling of excitement.
5. I don't know what he is up to.
This sounds creepy, but not knowing what kind of person he has become or what he is doing makes it harder for me to get over him. If I knew he had a new girlfriend, set plans for the future or is a completely different person I would know where I had him and I could move forward gracefully.
6. I'm generally not a very confident person.
Confidence is really important when getting into a relationship and leaving it. I had neither, and it burned me. Not having confidence after the breakup resulted in me not believing I would find anyone else and that I should hold onto him because he is the only one who will love me. Sad stuff?
- Bottom line -
I'm moving out for the first time in a few months and I'm starting a completely new life at college. I am ready to move on because it's been torture these last years. I think the best way to get over this is to officially leave my area where we grew up together and meet someone else. I am confident that I can do this!