Be careful dishing out an unqualified diagnosis on your Ex and what Personality Disorder you "feel" they have. This is dangerous..

Be careful dishing out an unqualified diagnosis on your Ex and what Personality Disorder you

This is a response, (previously posted as guidance and subsequently blocked), to an individual, who posted a vindictive person's "false victimhood narrative" to explain why consecutive ex-girlfriends removed him from their lives and there by absolving himself of any responsibility, (which is actually a narcissistic thing to do in and of itself).

IMPORTANT Preliminary Notes:

Firstly, unless you are a mental health practitioner you are not qualified to diagnose your ex's mental health and nor can you accurately declare they have a personality disorder, (e.g. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), or Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) ). Doing so can expose yourself to civil court action for slander. Not to mention the psychological harm it can cause to both your ex-partner and you.

It is very easy when you're an angry emotional mess to label people and lose sight of the common denominator in your failed relationships. Sometimes, it's easier to project faults onto others without accepting any personal responsibility. That is extremely unhealthy and won't help with "closure" and neither will it enable introspection to improve yourself to enable sound future relationships. If you don't know what YOU did wrong, you will carry those faults with you and be a prisoner to your own lack of self-awareness.

Secondly, making mytakes declaring this is ultimately showing that you are exhibiting traits or criteria of personality disorders... personifying the very thing you denounce.

Thirdly, BPD affects 1.5% of the population while NPD affects less than 2% of the population. The likelihood that you will encounter consecutive ex-partners with these disorders is extremely rare indeed.

Finally, this Mytake is for guidance. I hope people find it useful.

RESPONSE TO That Mytake, (which I will not cross-link to save this being a source of embarrassment for the poster of that mytake)

Point #1
You youself have just done this by writing this mytake...

Point #2
If they feared being abandoned (BPD), they would not abandon you. They moght threaten you with abandonment but wouldn't in all likelihood go through with it.

Point #3
Narcs don't ever show low self-esteem or self-loathing but the opposite. So great is their delusion of grandeur that they portray themselves above others... almost always, particularly in the devalue stage of narc abuse (before the discard phase).

Point#4
Financial dependence on parents is not uncommon these days and doesn't reliably indicate daddy issues. This is particularly the case if they have a strong relationship with their father, and who knows they may only have one parent.

Daddy issues come from being raised in a fatherless home predominantly and the scientific data and literature proves this.

Point #5
Yes, this is a trait of narcissism but is also a trait of assholes.. period. Especially after a messy breakup. Persons can exhibit narcissistic traits without having a personality disorder. (Everybody has narcissistic traits from time to time, but it doesn't mean they are high on the narc spectrum).

Point #6 (1st point 7)
You aren't qualified to make that diagnosis.

Point #7 (2nd point 7)
This is true for narcs but NOT true at all for BPD. In the case of Narcs they would have used your friends and family as flying monkeys to smear your name. They would not typically use their own friends and family due to risk of exposing themselves.

Below are from the DSM V for diagnosis of both NPD AND BPD:

Note: These are to be used as warnings or red flags, however; unless qualified, you CANNOT diagnose someone... EVER.

To be diagnosed with NPD a person must satisfy at least 5 of the 9 criteria listed:

1. A grandiose sense of self-importance

2. A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

3. A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions

4. A need for excessive admiration

5. A sense of entitlement

6. Interpersonally exploitive behavior

7. A lack of empathy

8. Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her

9. A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes.

To be diagnosed with BPD a person must satisfy at least 5 of the following criteria listed:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment; this does not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

3. Markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (eg, spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) [5] ; this does not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (eg, intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights)

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

From your descriptions neither can be diagnosed off the above criteria for either condition.

Don't be an OLD infant

Sometimes... YOU are the problem

Bad relationships can CHANGE GOOD PEOPLE

Be careful dishing out an unqualified diagnosis on your Ex and what Personality Disorder you "feel" they have. This is dangerous..
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Most Helpful Guys

  • That's a quite rational rebuttle.

    Point about looking at one self is correct. I had a counselor who thought I had dated two BPD's in a row. Not fact, but it is the behaviors and issues going on that look like patterns. I think these terms are being slung around as if black and white when there many gradations of issues within a person and reactions to the other person. It's a formula of emotional stuff in relationship coming together. Bottom line, something wrong, look inside for what one owns and learn and grow as best one can...

    Is this still revelant?
  • I don't know if this aimed at me or not, but it took a specialist's assessment to understand what problem my ex had and a scrape with a glass shard on my gut for me to decide to end the relationship.
    I'm still supporting her as a friend and in some other measure thought.
    Is this still revelant?
    • bloodys2

      It's not about you, did you read it or just barged in to make it about yourself? 🤔

    • @bloodys2 now I understood it wasn't aimed at me

    • bloodys2

      by the way are you still giving money to your ex and your sister?

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • Great Take Dear
    Adore you
    Is this still revelant?
  • Dude you rock!!
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

42
  • Beautifully and accurately written. Thank you for your scholarly reference to the DSMV
  • coralee
    I agree but you seriously need to stop using Narc as slang for a Narcissist. It completely devalues your whole post. Narcs have nothing to do with Narcissistic Personality Disorder if you want to shorten it use NPD. Narc is a slang for a Narcotics Agent.
    • Grobmate

      The fact that Marc is slang for narcotics police in some countries does not devalue anything. Words can have multiple meanings given the context.

      The drug I've does not stop me from r3naming ice cubes now does it?

      Thankyou for your input though

    • Grobmate

      The drug ice does not necessitate me renaming ice cubes now does it?

    • coralee

      Why not use the proper medical abbreviation (NPD), though. Not only would it have given your post more authority it also would avoid confusion. Narc being used as slang for narcissist is a really new development and isn't wide-spread. It's like using Bi as slang for Bi-polar. If you really need to cut it down the medical abbreviation is shorter and doesn't have prior associations.

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  • Kit_Kat88
    Lol I lost count on the number of different mental disorders people have called me in the past. They want to categorize someone to victimize themselves
  • bloodys2
    Good take, hope someone actually reads it because they really need it!
  • markscott
    I don't think any of my exes had disorders.
  • Steve37
    One of the best myTakes ever!
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