Sometimes breaking up isn't the end of the relationship for one of you. You may have said the words, but to them, the break up is simply some sort of bump in the road that they are going to help you overcome so you can run back to their arms where they think you belong.
Before the break up...
If you know for sure that you are about to break-up with someone (who may or may not already be crazy), now is the time to erase any and all things that can be used against you in a negative way. If you were bright enough to take nude pictures or video with them, or you have some precious valuables in the house, or jointly share accounts, it's time to protect yourself and your assets. Go on a seek and destroy mission. Get all that you value including your dignity out of their computer, their phone, your bank accounts, your house. Do it now before it's too late and you have no more access to your joint place of living or your belongings. If you live, go to school, or work in the same place or even if you don't, inform security of the situation if things start to escalate so that they can be aware that this is not a person you want to have access to you, as well as this forms a record for police in future, that you did early on seek to protect yourself from them.
1. Make sure you broke up
Seems simple enough, but if you are one of those people who can never directly say what they mean, you may literally have confused your now ex as to what you meant by we need a break. You need to literally say to what you thought was your now ex, that you are indeed wanting to break up with them, and that your relationship is over, here is a box of your stuff.
2. Delete them on social media
A huge mistake many do after a break-up, is to keep their ex on all their social media. Your ex is your ex for a reason. They no longer need to be a major part of your life by having access to everything you are saying and doing via your social media. This is often where people realize the first signs of trouble when their crazy ex starts messaging you or leaving threatening or embarrassing pictures and messages for all to see. This is also one of the easiest ways for a crazy ex to find you, because you're posting things like, "volunteering at the charity event today at 4," with a map so friends can meet you there or "vacationing at the Marriot in New York, going to Central Park tomorrow."
3. Stop talking to them
Along with your social media, you need to delete your ex's phone number and stop talking to them. If things are bad, you may need to change your phone number completely and go unlisted. When you constantly answer every time they call, you could be feeding into their delusions that they still have a chance with you. This also allows them access to get through to you at all hours of the day or even track your phone if you haven't taken them off your family/friends plan.
4. Disappear for a while
If you're noticing that due to mutual friends and things that your ex is seemingly everywhere you are and constantly confronting you, be less visible, at least to them. This is a hard one especially if you are a social person, but distance and lack of contact are sometimes what is needed for a crazy to simmer down. The wounds for them are all too real and fresh and seeing you, brings it up and brings out their anger and craziness.
5. Be blunt
If you are wishy washy and start re-adding them to social media or taking their calls out of some sort of guilt you feel, this may be the point at which your ex simply sees this as their chance to escalate the situation. Do not engage, do not field their calls, do not talk to them anymore if they can't respect your boundaries.
If things truly get nasty...
This is the point at which your ex isn't just innocently calling you and begging you back. This is the ex that breaks into your apartment and is waiting for you, or calls your boss to ask how you're doing at work and where you'll be at 5 o'clock, or finds and shows up at your new gf/bf's house with flowers for you and gets into a physical altercation with them.
At this point, you need to document everything...what time it happened, who you were with, and start a file with the police. Call the police every time they attempt to interact with you in a negative way. They can't do much about minor things, but if destruction of property or physical altercations happen, they will have everything on record and it may even put your ex behind bars or get a restraining order.
Don't travel alone. Always go places with someone else if your ex has been known to just show up or try and confront you.
Let HR or your employer know about your situation. Many a psycho have mass emailed a persons co-workers or made false accusations to try to ruin their exes if they can't have them. Don't jeopardize your job because you're too embarrassed to let your employer know, before they can even do anything, that your ex is crazy.
Inform everyone around you of the situation. Friends/family may still think you are cool with your ex if they don't know the situation. Having friend and family be aware, can add an extra layer of protection around you because if they see them, they too know to call the police.
Do not engage or retaliate for what your ex does. Your ex may be a psycho, but if you go over to their house waving a gun, you may be the one that ends up in jail over them. At this point, your only interaction with them should be through police or your lawyer, or if neither are available, record all conversations.
Move. Moving house, changing jobs, or creating a password only phone number for family may be your only shot at freedom. Sadly this is where some people have to get to to get peace in their lives. Whether this is just moving to another house in town or literally moving out of state or even country, starting fresh, changing your social media accounts, phone numbers, going unlisted...basically self-imposed witness protection may be your only recourse.
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