Things Not To Say To People With Mental Illnesses

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Mental illness awareness is necessary.

"it's all in your head."

No shit. It's a MENTAL illness.

"Just cheer up!" -for depression

Cause it's that easy.

"Just calm down/don't worry!" -for anxiety

It's not that easy. Anxiety is caused by irrational fears.

"You're crazy."

Plain rude and disrespectful.

"What is wrong with you?"

Once again, disrespectful and rude.

"Just get over it."

That's not how this works.

"It doesn't need to be perfect/you're so anal." -for OCD

They literally can't help it. If it means making things perfectly straight or counting 5 blue things before/after doing something. It freaks them out if they can't do/fix whatever.

"Just eat already!" -for anorexia

Anorexia/bulimia is a psychological battle for the way an individual percieves their body image.

Those with Anorexia just can't start eating without wishing to die, those with bulimia can't eat without wanting to throw up immediately afterwards.

"It's not real."

It is very real, as real as cancer. But try telling that to a Vet with PTSD and see what they say/do.

Mental illnesses are a real problem. Whether it's PTSD, depression, anxiety, OCD, schizophrenia etc. These are problems, just as cancer and diabetes are. If you had cancer, you wouldn't berate yourself for it. If someone else had diabetes you wouldn't say "Just get over it!"

Also, the stigma of depression or anxiety or OCD being attractive/something you'd want? it's BULLSHIT.

Those who ACTUALLY have mental illnesses do not want them. Just be nice to them and treat them like any other friend. Anybody can have any of the above, regardless of age or gender or intelligence. They can even have a combination of them, OCD+depression or PTSD+Anxiety...anything.

Of course they may need to be treated in different ways according to their illness but you gotta understand, they can't control it. It's not their fault.

Mental illness is like fighting a war where the enemy's strategy is to convince you that the war isn't actually happening.

[Mustachekitteh]

I have adhd and Asperger's.

I hate the feeling of anxiety, mine can get to were my throat closes up and I become disoriented. It's sort of when you spin yourself so much your unable to walk or even think.

With the OCD trying to break someone away from trying to fix something. That would be like trying to pull a starving dog away from food. Your not going to succeed and it will do everything it can to get away from you so it can eat.

It really sucks when you end up doing things you don't remember doing. Examples and these happen CONSTANTLY: When your typing a message it ends up being nothing like what you were thinking. Trying to remember anything you do takes 5 minutes to 1hour. Your constantly walking back and forth trying to remember why you were going to a room. The harder you think the more pressure you feel inside your head. Needing people to repeat things a billion times before you understand.

The list goes on and on which dealing with normal people is more of a headache than dealing with myself. Since they will yell, scream, call me things, become offended, think I don't care, etc. They drain the living hell out of you!

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I honestly feel it is changing and awareness is growing - I felt it was more a misunderstanding of the problem than ignorance for the most part but definitely in my lifetime with more and more people being officially diagnosed rather than kinda pushed aside because there was no words to describe what was going on in some peoples' lives - It would not be unreasonable to say everyone has experienced mental health issues either directly or through a family member/close friend so that leads to a situation where greater understanding develops leading to greater empathy.
It is still not perfect but it is getting there. As I said I don't think it was malevolent what was happening in for example my teens but then you wouldn't have had on a public forum like this openly discussing their mental health issues. Think about it compared with other topics on the site I would say mental health is the least anonymously used.
I got sidetracked there - Good take, anything that spreads positive awareness about mental health I applaud.

[xobrowneyedbeauty]

the "it's not real" and "just get over it" are terrible. your comparison to cancer is so real - you can't go tell someone with cancer to "just get over it" or that "it's not real." the fact that people don't believe in mental illness is just sad. and the fact that others view it as something that makes you "crazy" is possibly more sad. i had an ex-boyfriend who told me that i was the craziest girl he ever dated and i needed help and i could come try to get back with him once i was better. needless to say, i have not tried to run back to him...

great take!

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Good, stay away from him, far far away.
thanks :)

[xobrowneyedbeauty]

hahah yes for sure! my current boyfriend is very supportive :)

[notbrxthing]

as someone with an anxiety disorder, things like this just piss me off. also, I really hate when I tell someone about my anxiety and they're like "omg I understand I have such bad anxiety" yet they go out with friends all the time, go to school, do whatever they please, etc. just because you get nervous before a test does not mean you have an anxiety disorder. an anxiety disorder is when you can't even find the strength to leave your house. when you feel trapped in your own home. when you can't go to school. I haven't been to school in 4 months, i can't leave my house without feeling severally ill, and it's ruining my life. no words can describe how lost I feel all the time, especially when people pretend to know how I feel when they don't. thank you for saying this. it needed to be said.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Exactly! The stigma of having anxiety/depression/OCD is something people think is cool to have but that's because they don't actually have it.
If you need to talk you can PM me.

[BaileyisDarcy]

Not to put down your experience, but having anxiety does not mean you have to stop life. I have anxiety, i still go to school, i still hang out with friends, i can still laugh and smile to the point where i have literally been told that if anyone were to see me sad, the whole world would have a bad day. And at that point, id been on one of my really bad days (ive since learned that days can get so much worse than that one).

Im not saying that you should be going to school and seeing friends, anxiety can be a debilitating disorder. But telling someone they dont have it just because it isn't as bad as yours is just not cool.

I know the point you were trying to make, but I've been accused of not having it before simply because i dont let it show as well as some do. So you hit a nerve.

[notbrxthing]

@BaileyisDarcy I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come off that way. I'm speaking of the people who act as if getting nervous before a test or trying something new qualifies as an anxiety disorder. while it does not have to be dibilitating, anxiety disorders do cause serious distress or impairment in multiple areas and situations [otherwise not meeting the criteria of an anxiety disorder]. so again, I should not have said it must be dibilitating. I meant it must actually impact them in more than one area (if that makes sense). personally, I am unable to leave my home most of the time, so for me it is dibilitating. once again, I'm truly sorry if I made it sound as if I was invalidating what you feel. I would never intentionally do that to someone.

[BaileyisDarcy]

No worries. Its just the way you worded it, i knew you had no intention of actually implying that. I just had a bit of a knee-jerk reaction.

[Ginnyweasley97]

I remember in middle school I was a quiet kid and didn't have a ton of friends. In class, I didn't mess around or constantly talk, I just did my work quietly. Anyways some guy asked my brother if I was antisocial. I was so embarrassed and I wasn't even there for the conversation. I went out of my way to talk to people after that but I realized it made me unhappy because I didn't like those people. And it took me a while to accept that I am naturally a quiet person and that's OK and it took me even longer to accept my anxiety. And that it's OK to get nervous before a big speech or being enrolled in a new class where I don't know anybody taking it. Honestly I am probably going to be on this site for a while because it's the only place I truly for in. Along with the geeks/nerds at my local library and my Facebook book lovers group.

[DarkIndividual]

I hate when people don't try to understand. I attempted to explain to my mother how I felt, but she just yelled that it was all in my head, and made me look up "the pressures of being a teenager." Yes, it is in my head (you can't physically see what's wrong with me), but that's what makes everything worse. It is constantly in your thoughts, so you cannot catch a break ever or "heal" from it easily. Not to mention the fact that I don't feel the same way as most teenagers do. They worry about boys, illegal activities, and their looks, but the only thing I worry about is whether or not I can convince myself to live through another year. And in truth, I still don't wish to live, but I can't dare say a word to my mother. She will just yell at me again.

[talloak]

Only indirectly related: I have a lifelong problem with insomnia. When people find out about it they offer simplistic suggestions as if I haven't tried every known home remedy. Everyone has had a sleepless night sometime in their life and they think this very limited experience makes them an expert on sleeplessness. I suspect the same applies for chronic mental conditions. People know what it's like to be sad and why and they assume that must be what it's like for those suffering from depression. I would guess that most people simply can't imagine what a mental state that is out of their control would be like. Such ignorance is quite a blessing, actually.

[BlueEyedHipsta]

I get anxiety attacks every now and then and one time I was walking with my boyfriend up a hill to his friends house for drinks there we're going to be about 10 people there that I had never met and I was flipping out I was having an attack on top of not being able to breathe because Im so unfit and I almost passed out on the side of the foot path. I sat in the shade and just cried and my boyfriend not knowing what to do was just telling me over and over there is nothing to worry about and I tell ya I have never wanted to slap someone so hard and yell at them. he understands a bit more now but he is very forgetful.

[orphan]

do you avoid walking up hills now? lol

[BlueEyedHipsta]

Unfortunately no. But I am very good at avoiding too much contact with his 4 flat mates much to his dissapointment.

[WantAnswersNow]

I have schizoaffective disorder and I fucking love it. I've come to terms with it and I embrace being different but yeah you are right there are times I dont like it so much but Realizing that its only 'a different way of thinking and processing information' Its not so bad. People love how I think and LOVE my points of views. I get praised for my thinking a lot. Its all about the people you surround yourself with... Any negativity and i stay the hell away from you. ain't nobody got time for that.

[Waffles731]

I've got ADHD , major depressive disorder and ASD.
Its sad how this take actually needs to be written.
I would say that mental illness can actually be just as bad if not worse than a physical due to the combination of some people considering the mentally ill less than human, thinking it may be made up, and the fact that it can prevent someone from being able to live the life they want.
The reason that I want to be a writer is that every other thing I wanted to do in life I was disqualified from doing even though I'm functional.
Hell, I attempted suicide twice and my family while accepting and acknowledges mental illness. The fact is they really don't know what its like

[ThatJarHead]

I don't know of anyone who denies that mental illness exists... also I suggest you look at the DSM-5. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Anorexia are considered behavioural disorders not mental illnesses. Things like Bipolar Disorder are mental illnesses. A mental illness must have a direct effect on a person mental stability. And it can be argued that those two do have an effect but the effect is extremely mild. They exist and they are horrible but you are misrepresenting them. You also put across the idea that people don't think mental illness exists which is entirely false.

[dragonfly6516]

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and Histrionic can actually be "inflicted" upon others in the care of one who has those disorders, especially children who are conditioned into thinking that way. I would know because this is exactly why I have BPD, I was raised by someone who has it.

I'd also like to point out that those living with an abusive addict can also develop addictive tendencies. The disease of "addiction" is shown to have strong genetic ties.

Yes, mental disorders CAN be "contagious" to anyone under the direct care of a mentally ill person.

[Soulife]

What if I told you that the ones that have a mental illness are the ones that consider a group of people to have a mental illness? We put these people into cages called psychiatric institutions just as an excuse to encage the ones that actually feel and see reality! What if it was us that were the sick people of the world? What if we are the maniacs, for puting them into those cages in the first place? I'll tell you: the ones that are mentally ill are those that create these places and those that let them create these places. In other words: the ones that govern this world and us.

[Waffles731]

Have you ever known someone who has had to be institutionalized, usually they know they need to be there

[Soulife]

@Waffles731 I believe that isolation from the world won't solve anything. I don't know, it's just values I guess.

[Waffles731]

They aren't isolated, there is this misconception that an institution is like a prison however they aren't actually supposed to be one,
Most institutions in my country allow a person to bring personal effects, even a laptop and textbooks for online classes.
Even if the person is committed involutarily the idea is that they are in a hospital and not a prison.
The ones that are actually a supposed to be prison-like are the ones for THE CRIMINALLY INSANE, there is a big difference.

[cafeSOL]

so let people be ill, because it's some mystic conspiracy. mental illness is a crock, and only fools believe in such a concept.. lol.

[Waffles731]

@cafeSOL You are so incredibly ignorant

[cth96190]

I have had major depression since before I was a teenager, but it was not diagnosed until I was 42.
I grew up surrounded by ignorant retarded idiots (my family, especially my parents) whose attitudes and actions made my problem much worse. They made the sort of simplistic and ignorant statements listed above.

[mrsingle]

Some People call me retarded and avoid me because I admitted I have social anxiety and have been unable to work. If they treated me like a human, and stuck by me, I'd probably not have anxiety of people, but seeing all these assholes just confirm my anxiety is more like an aversion to bullshit because this world is full of bs people and I have a right to fear them!

[FakeName123]

"Of course they may need to be treated in different ways according to their illness but you gotta understand, they can't control it. It's not their fault."

Personally I disagree. While the common notion right now is that for example depressions are caused by a chemical disbalanced I am convinced the chemical disbalance is the result of the depression.

[FakeName123]

www.clinical-depression.co.uk/.../

[FakeName123]

And I think this accounts for the very majority of mental illnesses.

[Waffles731]

Not most,
For example I have ADHD and not just he is so hyper but before I was on medication I would forget where I was and what I was doing in the middle of class,
You know the place I went everyday.
I would then get up and wander out in the hall because I forgot where I was and what I was doing.
The teacher had to fetch me back on some days once an hour.
But ADHD while having somethings to do with chemistry also has to do with how brain structure
In children with ADHD, there is a general reduction of volume in certain brain structures, with a proportionally greater decrease in the volume in the left-sided prefrontal cortex.[97][101] The posterior parietal cortex also shows thinning in ADHD individuals compared to controls.[97] Other brain structures in the prefrontal-striatal-cerebellar and prefrontal-striatal-thalamic circuits have also been found to differ between people with and without ADHD.[97][99][100]

[SirenDep]

I 'd appreciate a Take on how to deal with a person who has a mental illness, or even various mental illnesses. I have many questions.

What can I do to help them feel better?
When they behave in a bad way due to their illness, should I tolerate it or get angry?
How to explain to a person with a mental illness that they should improve their behavior and avoid triggering their illness at the same time?

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Oh I can't believe I've never thought of that idea! I'll do that take soon.

[lopflodin]

"have you taken your medication today" really annoyed me in school

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

I shoulda added that

[Ginnyweasley97]

Omg I had a girl ask me that on this site. I wanted to slap her through the internet.

[ThatJarHead]

I've heard this one for my manic depression (Bipolar disorder) that and "Go take your chill pills"

[BaileyisDarcy]

Im not sure if I've been told any pf these other than 'youre crazy' though that one I've accepted as fact so it doesn't bother me anymore. In fact people dont even call me that now, theyve given up on any kind of category. I am simply just Bailey to them. Nothing more, nothing less. There is no box.

[ResonantGuy]

I can relate to most of this. Actually in past it used to be worse for me because local public treated my introversion as a mental illness. It's root of some of my anxiety. Now I can handle public opinion well so it's not too bothersome.

[Pilulu]

I remember when my brother said to me,"Isn't being 14 a little! e young for having depression/anxiety?". I was pretty upset.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Yea it's stupid that because no matter WHAT age there will always be "Aren't you a little too old/young to have *whatever illness*"

[Pilulu]

I know right? It's ignorant to think that you have to be a certain age to have a mental disorder. Adolescence is probably the place where things like depression and anxiety start.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

exactly, and schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder can start as early as 5 years old

[ThisDudeHere]

So I have to walk on eggshells when around them? I say these things to anyone doing/ not doing them, regardless of whether I know if they're mentally ill or not.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

No of course not, they're normal people but you can't exactly be like "Hey, I know you have Schizophrenia but there's no reason for you to be freaking out over these voices you're hearing, or 'people' you're seeing"