Want to break up with your girlfriend but not do it yourself? Here's how to make it happen harmlessly

Want to break up with your girlfriend but not do it yourself? Here's how to make it happen harmlessly

Breaking up with a girlfriend will 80% of times bring her to tears and she will likely cry and be in pain. Most of the times no normal man is ever proud of it but only misogynists and sadists. Making girls cry is really no laughing matter, we don't like doing that and it's best avoided.

So you want to break up with your girlfriend but you don't want to be the one doing the break up? I have some very useful tips for you and she'll be gone without you hurting her at all!

Cry when she is around and at your place

Say you are depressed, distressed, whatever. I am sure you have reasons to be sad just like everybody else, so it's not hard to find one. Crying will make her dump you because you're a man and women want the heroic and strong men. She once saw you as one but you can always "prove her wrong" :)

Crying men are just as attractive to women as very fat women are attractive to us. Makes sense? I thought so!

Stop spending money and gifts on her

Women measure our love by how much time we spend with them AND more importantly they ESPECIALLY measure how much we love them by how much money we spend on them. Simply stop doing that. She'll be gone.

Start drinking lots of strong alcohol

Drink the strong alcohol whenever she is near you. Be drunk if you have to be BUT NEVER HURT HER regardless. She may even try to take away your bottle and that's fine. You'll drink again next time whenever you can.

Blame it on depression, tough life, temporary overwhelming hardships...

The internet is for p o r n! Grab your D and double click: P o r n, p o r n, pooorn!

Always have p o r n videos and p o r n sites open on your devices. Literally surf through the p o r n sites like it's 14. February. Show no shame in it and be proud of it. Fill your browsing history up completely (in case she snoops you). Save a ton of p o r n videos and p o r n pictures. If that isn't enough, then start talking about sex as much as those blue anons asking whether X inches is big enough. Make all your conversations about sex, sex, sex, sex, sex...

Simply overdose on p o r n and sex topics! You pig! :)

Stay at home and don't go out or anywhere

Blame it on depression. You not going out with her will make her detached from you. Refuse any help from therapists.

Declare yourself being childfree and/or anti marriage

Tell her you made up your mind. Too many examples of failed marriages (especially those horror divorce stories) as well as overpopulation and the economy not improving. You will never marry. You will never have kids. Tell her you're saving up for vasectomy.

Stay stubborn about it!

Join the military (and stay there)

Very easy! Nearly no woman in history waited for their boyfriend to come back - especially if he's deployed somewhere like the overseas. At least you'll work on your future rather than sitting in depression.

However if you're into money, there should be better alternatives available, that will drain your time. Consider working overtime on a weekly basis or even 2 jobs. Be home only and only to eat, shower and sleep.

Want to break up with your girlfriend but not do it yourself? Here's how to make it happen harmlessly

And what after the break up?

You return back to your normal self. She has seen the dead end of you but that doesn't mean you should stay this way. Cover yourself up like you have successfully recovered from depression. Some things you did are reversible.

Want to break up with your girlfriend but not do it yourself? Here's how to make it happen harmlessly
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Most Helpful Girls

  • kim45456
    To be honest all those are not a reason to break up. I dont have a problem if he cries, stays at home, watches porn although I hate porn.. If he drinks too much and gets depression, i would try to help him. If you want to break up, just break up with her like a normal person
    Is this still revelant?
  • MzAsh
    Haha good one however I think a man who is strong enough to be vulnerable and cry is actually very attractive. Also love a man who doesn’t expect me to pop out a bunch of babies because I’m not doing that.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • neptune88
    If you want to lose a girl, treat her right! And adore her.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Best advice ever... seems most love the dogs... smh

    • neptune88

      Lol but that doesn't mean that girls are dogs, its that guys who adore women are more to the submissive side, which is something agianst the female nature to get attracted to.

    • Very true.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Hamsteroids
    This is the worst thing I have EVER read. Terrible advice; very juvenile approach to this. Be a man, grow some balls, and tell her in person that it’s not going to work out. It’s that simple. Doing all that extra shit is stupid. Hopefully this wasn’t a serious post smh 🤦🏽‍♀️
    • Really? You dont think it's a good idea to run off and join a new branch of military after every breakup to avoid the hard task of a conversation? You got no big picture thinking and definitely didn't get the joke

    • I thought this was a joke but the guy said this was a serious post

    • He lied

    • Show All
  • R_Cakes91
    This is terrible advise! Be a man and tell her it’s over. Beating around the bush like that is cowardice
    • Your giving terrible advice, this is great advice where both parties win. Girl gets to leave with head held high and done by her own decision. And guy gets to get out of a relationship he doesn't want to be in.

    • R_Cakes91

      Yeah... in a very dishonest way.

    • And one that doesn't hurt the woman.

    • Show All
  • Stingray444
    Eh, only read 2 and stopped there:

    1. If you cry (actual tears) around your girlfriend then it's not really your fault. If she dumps you then that's generally on her. But if you literally do it All the time then that's just annoying her on the other hand, but that Generally can't really be the cause of a breakup tho. A guy wants a girl who's there for her as they are too, if I Can't even cry around her whenever I even have to or not, then I'm just breaking up with her first.

    2. It's nice to gift someone gifts as I gift things to general friends at times, but how can not giving someone physical gifts cause a breakup even if you didn't like to give regardless? That seems selfish if the girl is always waiting for a gift from you anyway...

    Maybe if it's Christmas and you didn't get her anything at all but she got you a loving gift from her heart... (That'd Make Her Cry Just As Much As A Breakup Anyway!)

    (I didn't even read anything after this other than half the 3rd example involving "alcohol"... Good luck losing All your friends and maybe even your job buddy 🤦‍♂️
    • There for him*

    • About the first example: I mean, sure.. A girl wants a guy who's heroic and strong.. but everyone is only human, if a guy can't cry even for just generally speaking, then I know that I can't be myself around her. Tho I don't go around crying everyday lol duh... But you get what I mean

  • ClearerAtN1ght
    I'm going to guess this is just a troll question. Because you know most people just man up and deal with breaking up.
    • Philyouup

      I don’t think it was a troll. I think he was trying to say how to break up And not hurt anyone’s feelings. Although he’s completely wrong, I think he just does t like hurting anyone. Not realizing being dishonest hurts just just as much in a different way.

    • Possibly hard to tell given he didn't say if it was a sartircal or honest post

    • Anonymous

      It's not a troll article

  • yoganshB
    A real woman will never leave his man when he's in trouble. If you show you have trouble means she will try to make your bond even stronger. I guess that makes sense at least to the girls. My opinion is show you have problem with her but not directly. Your can always avoid her and make her feel they she is not so important to you. Now if you choose things like career, etc to show more importance than her then it will go again wrong. She may accept that and have more respect for you as you know what's right and when. Talk to other girls whom you like. That way you'll be able to keep you journey to get the next partner and also keep in mind to lie good. Tell her you're just friends with them but do the opposite. Keep doing such things until you can make a deep crack then comes the important part of the end. Give her Just a slight shock like kissing other girl, etc. If you worked well making the crack then surely the relationship will break like an ice berg but while falling apart it won't make any noise. I prefer girls leaving peacefully. Congratulations! Time to move to the next.

    Disclaimer-Sorry I'm not a player because I will never do the things mentioned above. I won't choose someone to ruin either me or her.
    • yoganshB

      And you know what I'll only leave when she deserves this. And if that's ever gonna happen then I'll just say - there' s no us anymore! Move on I'm going my way you choose your way. It's over!

  • Liam_Hayden
    Funny stuff. I am naturally child-free (congenitally sterile) and because of my studies vehemently anti-marriage under current laws. But really, if it isn't working out I just tell her. I must do it somewhat well because three members of my best friend group are women I previously dated.
  • Browneye57
    Cute. Sad but true.
    An even easier way... just tell 'er to "FUCK OFF". :)
    • Anonymous

      No. That's not harmless.

    • That's for sure! They're liable to go absolutely ape-shit, stalk your job, claim they're preggo, cut your dick off, or slash their wrists. Totally unhinged.
      We have a saying..."Don't stick your dick in BSC." LOL

  • Philyouup
    This is pretty Juvenal. But I get your point. You don’t want to hurt her and feel bad for doing that. But honestly, as sucky as that is. It is just better to be an adult. Break up, yeah there may be tears and some name calling. But then it’s over And everyone recovers.

    Rip the band aid off. It’s adulting time...
  • megaman242
    If i find a problem i Will talk about it. If it's something that can be fixed then I try and fix it. If non of that helps then I break it up. Don't matter if any one cries it just have to be done. Grow up and be an adult.
  • PrudentGuy
    Reminds me of Seinfeld: "it's not you, it's me..."

    OMG! You're wicked! 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆
  • 1truekhaleesi
    This is terrible advice. If someone isn't mature enough to break up with someone, they shouldn't be dating.
  • Dongtai
    If you have to do all of this to get out of a relationship you don’t need to be in one. Just breakup. How she handles it is her problem.
  • TonyBologna25
    Lol are you that spineless to where you have an actual system rather than saying “Hey, I don’t want to do this anymore and I wish you nothing but the best.”?
  • matthewpaino
    This is very manipulative and unhealthy. I hope no-one takes this seriously. Maybe you should mark this as Satire.
  • stiletto93
    You are you and I am I and this isn't working anymore
  • HeartheSound
    Y'all, by doing this you help her seek greater life. Just don't let her see you flip the switch when she's not around.
  • KieranByrne
    Sounds more like a temper tantrum for an overly spoiled person!
  • Andre2154
    I think these tips are terrible. if you want to break up with your girlfriend , man up and break up with her and go through the motions because the pain is inevitable for both of them
  • YHL6965
    I'm not sure if it's an ironic way to tell people what not to do if they want to stay in a healthy relationship or not.
  • JesseTheMan
    You have a pretty unhealthy view of women my dude.
    • Unless it's a troll in which case it's pretty good lol.

    • Anonymous

      Why do you think so? Don't you see women dumping men for as much as him crying or do men never cry in your area?

  • SongBird3
    This is a lot harder than just simply breaking up
  • nerms123
    Lol or just dump her over text and move on
  • DeeDeeDeVour
    Thanks for humoring us.
  • Royalsarcasist
    Hopefully a good troll
  • SomeGuyCalledTom
    lol good satire
  • Hurlyburly
    Nice satire dude 🤣🤣
  • coolhandroo
    Fucking epic
  • CT_CD
    I agree
  • Gottabsavagee
    You are a player
  • OhThatsMorgan
    That’s ridiculous tbh..
  • Anonymous
    Absolutely, simply horrible advice! Horrible!
  • Anonymous
    I always had a theory but never tried it out but I always thought the perfect way was to suggest ever kinkier things that you wanted to try from curiosity- she will either break up with you or try it. Greek, threesome, whatever. If the threesome doesn’t do it then tell her to recruit specific GFs of hers that you always thought were hot. Eventually she will break up with you and feel rightous about it and you’ll have some great stories for bachelor parties.