When it comes to starting over with dating and relationships, knowing what you don't want is just as important as knowing what you do want. Likewise, after a breakup, it is crucial to know what you should and should not be doing to heal your heart.
If you want to leave the past behind and move yourself forward toward a happier, healthier relationship, here's what not to do:
1. Feel overly sorry for yourself: Everyone goes through a breakup at one point or another. You are not the only one with a broken heart.
2. Focus on your regrets: You can't change the past. If you learned something from the relationship, it was not as waste of time.
3. Stifle your emotions: It is okay (and often necessary for growth)to get angry and cry.
4. Put pressure on yourself to get over your ex on a timeline: As I always say, you can't turn feelings on an off like a faucet. Getting over your ex does not happen overnight.
5. Engage in destructive behavior: A breakup is not an excuse to abuse alcohol and drugs, have random, unprotected sex with strangers, or neglect your responsibilities in life. It is definitely a big mistake to have sex with your ex.
6. Be fooled into believing that you need "closure" to get over your ex: There is no such thing as the perfect conversation that helps mend your broken heart. You'll heal because you want and need to--not because your ex said something that made you feel better.
7. Contact your ex when you are sad, bored, or missing him/her: For some time after the breakup, you should adopt a no-contact-policy. It is too hard to attempt friendship when you are still grieving the loss.
8. Stalk your ex on social media: This is so counterproductive. Remember: Out of sight, out of mind.
9. Stay in close contact with your ex's friends and family: Now is not the time to be painfully reminded of your ex or have the false hope that the people close to him/her can bring you back together.
10. Romantacizing your past relationship; thinking that your ex is "the one that got away": Yes, your ex got away, and that is a good thing. Because your relationship was broken. If you believe there is someone else better out there for you, there will be!
Want to know what else you shouldn't do if you want to get over your ex? Check out my "50 Shades of Forgetaboutit" in my book, How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style for forty more things not to do after a breakup.
Come get an autographed copy of this unique Italian American-themed breakup book at my next book signing event on February 5, 2015 in NYC's "Little Italy". Details about this fun, interactive event here.