He completely broke me down to nothing. How to move on?

He was so into me for 3 months, even met a member from my family and they became cool. As soon as his ex came back who had destroyed him and cheated, he took her back. Then said to me he never had feelings for me which is a lie because I knew he did and 2 others told me he was borderline in love with me. I just don't understand why he would hurt me so bad and then lie about his feelings to my face.

Now I've met someone new, but it's so hard to move on from that. Everytime I think about it, it hurts. Having someone you're positive you'll have a great relationship with, then they want to maintain the close friendship where we tell each other everything and buy gifts for one another, but you can't even tell me you had any feelings? Are you kidding me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He is lying to make a clean break. He may have feelings but he does not want to pursue it and does not want you to think about it.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 34

  • You need to realize that this guy was ONE guy - he isn't ALL guys, or even many. Most people would never do what he did. Unfortunately, sometimes you just get unlucky with a choice you made, even if you did everything right. I'm not sure there was any way to see this one coming - if the guy hid his feelings/intentions for his ex like that, then there's really nothing you can do.

    But you MUST remember that just because ONE person was incredibly selfish and mean does not mean that most people are that way. In the future, you might want to move a bit more slowly, though, so that you don't get too attached too quickly, before you really know what's going on with someone.

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  • You can never really know what motivates someone to lie or cheat or be a dick face. His actions and decisions stem from a lifetime of experiences that are unique to him and that make sense to him.

    How he treated you, and how you interpret that treatment, isn't your fault... but it IS your responsibility.

    How you move on, or don't move on, is on you. It's not your job to fix him, or to understand him. Nor is it your responsibility to make him accountable. Your only responsibility in life is you.

    It's also completely unfair for you to be dating someone new when you're still wrapped up with an ex in your head. What if this next guy you meet is completely into you and all he's getting is half of your attention because you're stuck in your own head?

    It's your responsibility to heal these past dating traumas before you open yourself up to someone new, at least in my opinion.

    Fretting about some ex who wasn't worth your time only gives him more power and encourages you to feel sorry for yourself.

    I've heard of this type of thinking as "looping" ... this is where you sit and think about the same things over and over again without every developing resolution. It's a type of mental masterbation.

    You deserve to heal and move on and that requires you to let go.

    Give yourself permission to still have feelings for this asshole. It's okay that you wanted him and that you wanted more than he wanted to give. It's okay!

    But it's not okay to continue to wallow in the self pity, or to continue to think there's some how a fix.

    It takes practice to refocus your thoughts, but it's your responsibility to do just that. Each time you find yourself was thinking about some past missed love then stop yourself, not in anger but with love, and think about something else that's just as exciting... like tomorrow night's date night, or some project you're looking forward to working on.

    Life is too short to waste "looping" about some past jerk. :D

    ~ Robby

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  • I'm so sorry for you because I know how much it hurts. I'm going trough the same thing right now.
    I can tell you my story. Well she had a boyfriend but cheated on him with me and I only went along because at first I didn't know and then we were both in love with one another and I knew she wasn't in love with him. He was her first love. Anyway 7 months later she told me she was completely in love with me and couldn't imagine her life without me and that she needed to leave him and wanted to be with me. Well she did the other way around and got rid of me and really hurt me. Well a couple of months later she came back and told me that she was wrong and loved me so much she couldn't be without me so she broke up with her boyfriend and was with me for a full week and it was great we were both completely in love and really happy. But you guessed it she got scared of something and broke it off with me and was really mean to me and went back to her boyfriend. We haven't spoken since and this was almost two months ago and she still keeps hurting me just recently by deleting me of her Facebook or by people telling me that they're so happy now and everything. It's like she used me or didn't even feel anything and I feel so horrible and just can't get over it.
    The sad thing is I've also met someone who seems really nice but I just can't seem to get close to her or open up because of the experience I've had because I'm just afraid that if I felt that she loved me that much and still hurt me how much can someone who doesn't care that much hurt me and I seem to be trying to isolate myself from feeling anything. Witch is so sad because I used to be a really open and in touch with my emotions kind of person and that what drew the girl to me in the first place.

    Hope you can get over it I know for me it's going to be tough.

    Message me if you want to talk some more...

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  • First of all sorry about what you're going through! Break Ups Suck! Second, if he's foolish enough to go back to someone who cheated on him and hurt him then that's on him. Second, as much as it hurts maybe you're better off without him if he's telling you he never had feelings for you you deserve someone better, someone to treat you with respect. I just got dumbed about 6 weeks ago, her reason was that she felt like I wasn't happy, and that she felt as though I was ashamed her, that I was pushing her away. All of this came out of no where the night before we were over at my brother and sister in laws having dinner next day she tells me that. And that she needs time and space because "I used to be "the one", and she wasn't sure she felt the same way anymore."... That she has a lot of mixed feelings and doesn't know what to do. Since then... its been every hot and cold. She'll reach out to me, If I reach out to her she still needs time and space. She'll reach out again, If I ignore her she said "Oh, so are we not talking anymore?" I haven't reached out anymore kind of just let be. Last week she liked some of my pictures/post on facebook. This week I liked some of hers and she Blocks me...

    Bottom line and I know its hard cause it still is for me but its been helping go and have as much as you can. Do things you enjoy. Do things you did before you dated. Call a friend and talk. Or even write down how you are feeling.

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  • Breakup hurts! But its on us that how we take it..

    Breakup teaches us a leason so that our future relations and the final relation can be best.
    It makes us strong too. So when it gives us these good things then why to remember your ex who wasn't even meant for you.
    You had a breakup that means he was never for you.
    You have a brighter part of your life ahead so leave the darker part of past in past and live in the present cause you must have heard that present is a gift and past is the thing which is gone and is not with you.
    So make your smile your best friend and GO LIVE YOUR LIFE AND DATE AS MANY AS YOU CAN TILL YOU GET THE BEST AND I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!

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  • I know this is going to sound harsh, but you're young. Life goes on. Pick up the pieces and move on. You lived your whole life except for the last 3 months without this guy and you did fine. You will do just fine again, you just have to decide to move on. Focus on your new man and the memories of the last guy will fade away.

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  • If a friend is telling you at a time like this "borderline in love" it means it def. wasn't full-on love. Sounds like he wasn't over his ex in the same exact way you're not over him, meaning you're doing the exact same thing to the guy you're with now, that he did to you.

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  • I understand how you feel, a girl did a similar thing to me, she played me and hurt me. It is going to hurt, but you will get over it eventually. Try and focus on other things, whatever you do, don't let get you down. I am afraid to say that is one of the bad things that comes to the dating game. I think next time don't try to fall for someone so quickly and take your time to get to know them first.

    Try and do your best and move on, he is really not worth thinking about. I hope you will be alright. good luck

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  • Don't do anything with the new guy until you get over your ex. I know people will tell you to keep yourself busy and try not to think about it and it'll go away, but that's just you running away from your troubles. Pain is a part of our lives and experiencing it makes you a stronger person. So if you want to move on, then sit on it; think about all the bad things he's done, all the reasons he doesn't deserve you, all the pain he's caused you, and although you may sit in and cry for a day, a week, maybe even a month, when that's all over with you'll have fully accepted that he's beneath you, you'll be emotionally free from him (so if at later times he does come back you won't make an irrational decision of getting with him again), and most of all you'll have moved on being thankful for the good times and experiences you had together and without any spite or hatred for him. He'll just be another page in your life and you'll accept that he wasn't and will never be enough for you. Hope that all made sense.

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  • Sounds like it is a "you" issue. You need someone to complete you which is a wrong feeling. He has the same problem, she cheated on him and the next time she cheats will be easier for her. He was traded so there is someone more important to her in the moment. It may be a bottle of chardony or glass of beer that will make it easy for her to leave him.

    You have a guy and are using him as a place holder.

    The fact that he was about to speak the love word is just mechanics.

    Spend time alone and get to know yourself.

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    • The new guy and myself have our first date tomorrow, so we haven't quite started anything, I just know he is very interested in me. As far as your advice goes, you're fairly accurate. Thank you.

  • How to move on? You already met someone else! You're better than most people who get crapped on and stay single for years afterwards.

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  • Well, this should teach you never to have too much trust and faith in another human being. Some is alright, but if you get into a state of co-dependency, things may eventually turn sour.

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    • The biggest upset was him lying about his feelings. Would you be able to possibly tell me why he did this?

    • Well, he is both telling the truth, and he's lying. He's honest in that when he's saying it, he doesn't really care about you much, he's just happy to have his ex back. But he's lying in that when he did feel these things, they were genuine and native and real. In short, he's a fickle beast, with very low capacity for empathy towards other people. Selfish, narcissistic, and malicious. You're better off without him if he can sink to such lows like he's doing. Yes there's good things about him too, but that hardly matters when he has so very much maturing to do.

  • You have to learn to look passed the lies. Three months is a long time. It is obvious that he hasn't gotten over his ex, but the fact still remains that he wanted you. Don't think so much about the words because people who make decisions like that are never to be trusted by their word.

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    • It hurts he tried to keep our strong emotional bond. He's not the cheating type by no means, and is such a wonderful person. I don't like to think he keeps me around in case he wants something on the side, but sometimes it seems that way though I know it's probably because he values me and trusts me. :/

    • It isn't an easy situation to be in, but when things like this go south then you have to put your foot down.

    • And when you're feeling like nothing, there is nothing to do but be something :D

  • My ex left me for another guy. I loved the person, but I realize life is so much better without her. She wanted something else and in my opinion the fact that he lied about his feelings and just bailed makes it easier to move on. At least you can see through their actions who they really are.

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  • that kind of guy likes to play with others feelings. its the kind ya need to stay away. plus he's a liar, if ya said he actually loved ya and then turned and said he didn't. but well, if he lied that time, he must have always been a liar like that, and ya should realize that.
    I feel so much for ya have met a guy like that but, if ya want to know, the best way to leave him, its to put someone else on his place, like that guy ya said ya just met.
    wish ya the best dear ;D

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    • who's the bitch who voted negative here? I was super polite
      shit :/

    • I don't know, it wasn't me. Thank you for the advice and sorry for whoever down voted you.

  • To me if you said 2 others also told you he was borderline in love with you is bullshit. I have psychology major. The way I see it he is keeping his own face and 'showing some heart' so it will not look like he is a complete jurk get it. He tells you his gf destroyed him and cheated on him ask him so what have he done wrong in the relationship. If he keeps telling you its all her than he is hiding his own ass.

    If it is a real relationship there is good and bad. No one can be that bad right. There is always reason to something. May I ask you, you been with him for 3 months and what about his break up? When he broke up? Than I can follow up the story.

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    • He told a member of my family he never wanted to get back with his ex and that she was pathetic. Then the next week was when he started hanging out with her again, a lot! Then once I gave him the silent treatment for a few weeks, it hurt him deeply and I guess that's when he made it official with the ex.

    • Ahh you see he himself told a member of your family about himself all about him him keeping his face clean. But his weakness he did not realize he is contradicting himself lying to himself. Its not about you giving him silent treatment that he got hurt. It is just him. He only see himself. I don't think he is hurt. When u gave him the treatment it makes him easier to use that against you and as an excuse and easy back up for himself again. It is not your fault. He keep taking your actions making you at fault (most fuck up guys do this) and this guy is really fuck up. You sound like a nice lady. Don't get yourself emotional over him. Don't use the term moving on because it will effect your mind more but people does not see it coming. Just have a good learning experience and to be step ahead next time. Trying to move on is not even happening. Example if I ask you to 'try' to pop the balloon with a needle. You can't pop it you just have to hover the needle around trying to pop it.

    • Now that you have someone new to go out. Go see how beautiful life is. Everything happen for a reason. You had your learning experience and you know how to tell and read the next guy in future. I hope you understand what Im trying to explain here :) Always know your step ahead.

  • Some people in this world have mental issues. Just pretend he's one of those. Eh who am I kidding, he might be one of those.

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  • He sounds a bit unstable. Realize that he has his own questions like this in his head about that other girl. Keep your chin up and don't pass the craziness on

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  • make your self more better than him, this is a best revenge and a hope to move forward. GOD BLESS YOU

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  • You were his rebound girl.

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  • fuck him, you know you deserve better, so get someone better

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  • Sounds heartless, you shouldn't even acknowlege his existintence

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  • guys face kind of situations everytime (not exactly as yours), i mean girls broke us apart many times but we just accept it and move on but if its a girl who is the victim, it always seems to be a bigger problem.

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  • he's an immature bratz u can say

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  • Try and focus on the present. Don't worry about the past or the future, just the now. Otherwise, you'll get bogged down by what happened with that other person, or you'll be come to worried about what may happen with this new person.

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  • Dont Worry Just Remember That He Lost someone Who Loved him truly To whom He was Most precious than anything aNd You lost Someone who Never Loved u :)

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  • Writing what you have you a really half way to getting back on your feet for certain!

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  • what every his happen u think its good for u so u shuld move on... dont think for ur past think for ur present and feature

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  • If he never told you he did, he never did... you can't go off of feelings and what other people have told you

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  • Do not listen to anybody telling you it is your fault or you did something wrong!

    The good news is although you may not be able to see it and believe it (due to all the emotions and attachements etc. that both sexes deal with in these situations) he was not the right guy for you at all! Let me explain why..

    Any guy who can't be honest with you from the outset about what he wants, is not confident in himself (although he may appear so) and is insecure, whether he says it in words or with his actions. i. e. being pally with your family when he clearly wasn't that interested in you is not confident in himself and is weak and fake.

    So you should thank the lord you discovered this so early in the relationship, he clearly strung you along emotionally because of his own insecurities only to jump back with his ex as soon as she said how high. Let me tell you getting back with you ex 99% of the time does not work in your 20s so he will be back.

    This is why I'm of the opinion that relationships should start with sex from the outset, this way you discover faster who the real person is rather than a few months down the line, you can also decide whether it was just a one night stand or a friend with benefits situation or up to a boyfriend girlfriend thing (and no you are not a slut for thinking like this!).

    So my advice to you now is this, realise that you were played by an insecure guy, don't get jaded about it just be aware of it in the future, that doesn't mean closing up. In the meantime work on yourself in the love department i. e. if you are not in shape get in shape etc. etc. that and find a new lover!

    Do not look back and do not give him a second chance I guarantee you he will be back eventually with more emotional entaglement and pitfalls for you!

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 27

  • People don't deal well with break-ups. Instead of being honest and straightforward about why we are breaking up, we often lie in an attempt to make either ourselves or our soon-to-be ex feel better. It's part of our survival mechanism.

    In your case, if he told you he never had feelings for you, it's possible that he was trying to make himself feel better. If he justifies to himself that he never cared about you, he doesn't have to feel bad for leaving you.

    Not cool, but it happens. I'm sorry he lied to you, I'm sorry he left you for his ex, and I'm sorry you are still hurting. Try to keep in mind that he was lying, that he did have feelings for you. And remember, it's likely when he was with you he was trying to move on from being hurt by his ex, just like you are with your new guy.

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    • Hahaha so lame and childish no wonder 5 dislikes from people. Wondering how can u have expert icon there when your advise is just pure fuck up lol

    • This is good advice and pretty on point, but it doesn't answer her question of how to move on...

  • I know exactly how you feel! There was this guy who promised me that he would be there for me, and that year he got expelled from school, and i was so mad at him!!! It took me almost a year to move on from him. One of my friends had to tell me a few months ago that this guy wasn't made for me, and that i could try harder than him, and that was what i needed to realize that i needed to leave him behind, and i needed to move on. It takes a moment for the brain to realize that you need to move on, but the heart takes forEVER to realize that. But if that guy comes back to you with feelings for you, make him talk to the hand! He's just making you a rebound relationship. Rebound relationships are the worst. Plus with any small nick-nacks (i don't know how to spell it) that he gave to you or love notes, either 1) burn them !!! or 2) put them in the closet or anywhere that you won't be able to see them and figure out later as to what to do to them. I did #2, and that phrase "out of sight, out of mind" is really true!!! Hope this helps!!!

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  • I agree with the 1st anonomyous answer, he basically said he was a coward.

    So think of it this way. If a girl does the same thing (goes back to a terrible ex) she doesn't have much confidence/respect of herself. I was hurt for almost a year about my ex and wanted to go back even though he was a jerk to me. I've been realising lately that as soon as i stood up to him he ran away... why? because (atleast to me) he was a coward and maybe he'll be not a coward to someone else in the future but he was to me. I will not settle, you don't settle for that flaky guy. He was weak and lacking you'll realize it soon. You were blind to it because you liked him and it happens.

    Dont feel like you miss him and want to love him he is undeserving of your love and you are not to be played with. Does any person willing to just walk away from a gf/bf deserve there love? No way!

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  • I know how you feel because i went through something similar to that... i was dating my ex for 3 years and 7 months. during those 3 years and 7 months we had our BIG downs 4 times (yes little break ups) but the last time we fought he went for a 3 week vacation, and when he came back everything changed the whole relationship changed then 2 days after my birthday i found out he cheated on me with this girl where he went on vacation. but i was stupid enough to forgive him but no longer then Easter day we started arguing again and then a week later i break up with him without asking him what i always wanted to ask him and out of no where my ex starts acting like the relationship never happened but then i found someone new and we're happy together and the relationship is so different that i catch my self sometimes thinking about my past relationship and every time i think about it, it hurts a lot. what i'm trying to say is that i understand you truly loved your ex but don't let him come by the way u and your boyfriend now be happy with this guy and try not to think about the past. the past is past for a reason live the future with your boyfriend now.

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  • That girl must of been his first love. You never forget your first love and you never stop loving your first love, you would always care for them no matter what. Which probably means why he went back to her, he was still in love with her when he was with you, having said that he must of had some sort of feelings for you but not as strong as for his ex. His not worth it and I'm sure you will find someone new soon. I know it's hard now but trust me soon the pain will feel less painful and you will be able to be happy again. Hope this helped :)

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  • Concentrate on the new guy. Anyone who runs to an ex as soon as they come back are not worth the trouble of chasing after. If they truly cared for you that much, they would not just go with someone else while with you.

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    • Would you be able to possibly tell me why he lied about his feelings? It's all just so confusing, and I've been in over 5 relationships, but this one was so odd.

    • He was most likely confused about his own feelings due to being hurt. Don't worry about the amount of relationships you have had. What really counts is the quality of the one you are in now. Don't lose sight of today for what you had yesterday. Yesterday is gone and today is what you have.

  • This is why it's always a risk to date guys or girls on the rebound. I am sorry to hear about you going through this.

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    • Plus all she will do his f**k on top of his face with another guy anytime again soon. His loss, not yours.

  • he could have been scared of falling in love with you because of a previous relationship or something.
    try to move on, it'll do no good dwelling on it.

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  • I think the ex used sex to get him back.

    Get away and live in another city? and burn all his stuff that he gave you.

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  • How to move on? Know your worth girl!! Know that you deserve better than being a second thought to someone. I know you had strong feelings for him & It sucks that he bullshitted you & led you on. He's not over his ex unfortunately. In time you'll heal. Stay strong! :) You dodged a bullet! :)

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  • Hey that sounds horible i have been in one of those i was never into u but i was so totally into u monents but urs is cerious i think that u should do some thing to get ur mind of of him take the new guy in ur life to an amusement park or on some fun adventure/date to get ur mind els whair just try to spend as much time as u can with the new guy in ur life just think of this as a next chapter and make it a good one to remember;)

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  • He is a dick head. It's ok to be sad it's ok to realize it hurts for a little but but then u need to move on.

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  • You probley were a rebound but for real he's a loser and he will get his good when his ex cheats on him again and destroys him cuz he obviously didn't learn anything the first time

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  • That sounds bad and i wish i could say its going to be okay but the truth is i can't say that its going to hurt for a bit but time will pass and you will start to feel better just try and have as much fun as you can and don't let this drag you down have a smile on your face and hug some people hugs are Amazing and they make you feel better talk about it with a friend xx

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  • I know the feeling hun. It's so hard to move on., only time can help you heal. One day you will look back and it won't hurt anymore. Stay strong ! ❤

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  • That`s his fault. And when that girl cheats on him again, and he tries to take you back, tell him no. He doesn`t deserve you. And he is stupid. You should keep telling yourself that and find someone who treats you like a princess.

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  • Girl you deserve someone who will treat you right. Don't sell yourself short. It may hurt for a while but time heals and eventually you will be able to move on. You're worth more (:

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  • Sounds like what I am going through, 2 months we were dating and I leave for a week and he tells me he doesn't like me anymore and he didn't miss me. I am just taking it day by day.. that's all you can do.

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  • it won't take u long to move on plus u met a new guy he'll make u forget everything don't worry

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  • You can't help you love and its obvious that he is so in love with his ex ever tho she's probably the worst girlfriend ever you have moved on so focus on making the relationship that your in now to work

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  • move on he sounds like a player forget him you have someone new now don't ruin it over some jackass

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  • I went through a similar thing, although his ex didn't cheat, and am still dealing with the pain several months on.
    He broke up with me then hooked up with a girl for a few weeks, went back to me then dumped me out of the blue and recently moved in with her. It has really shattered my self confidence and faith in men.

    All the people who have shared their advice to help this girl out thank you. As this advice has given me a much clearer outlook on my situation too.

    If only there were just as many helpful people on gag who are willing to read long posts rather than just short ones.

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  • Dang so basically you were a rebound? I know how that feels. I've been through that before and it hurt really bad. I don't think he was in love with you seeing as to how easily he left you for her. The only thing I would advise is to move on for now and if he wants to get back make him work for it or better yet don't take him back at all. Then from now on before you start dating a new guy make sure you ask them if there's someone else in their heart and stay away from the ones that are hung up over their ex.

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  • Time heals all wounds.

    Just focus on this new guy. Shake it off. You've been sucker punched, but you're not dead. Pick yourself up, go one day at a time, and try to be a better person than you've ever been before. This is a growing experience and it will make you stronger, tougher, and more disciplined. Do you need this guy's acknowledgement of something you already know? No.

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  • I think that a lot of guys think that if they say that they never cared about the girl, the girl will find it easier to move on, like there isn't any hope of a relationship so the girl won't want them back...

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  • You were the rebound. You weren't together for that long. It won't take you long to move on

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  • He is a jerk if you ask me and he deserves to be with the sleeze who cheated on him if he's willing to drop you when she comes back lmao.. what a loser? Girl you dodged a bullet LET. HIS. ASS. GOOOooooo.. Don't feel sad over some sorry piece of shit who dates whores. You can do better than that I'm sure.

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