He completely broke me down to nothing. How to move on?

He was so into me for 3 months, even met a member from my family and they became cool. As soon as his ex came back who had destroyed him and cheated, he took her back. Then said to me he never had feelings for me which is a lie because I knew he did and 2 others told me he was borderline in love with me. I just don't understand why he would hurt me so bad and then lie about his feelings to my face.

Now I've met someone new, but it's so hard to move on from that. Everytime I think about it, it hurts. Having someone you're positive you'll have a great relationship with, then they want to maintain the close friendship where we tell each other everything and buy gifts for one another, but you can't even tell me you had any feelings? Are you kidding me?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He is lying to make a clean break. He may have feelings but he does not want to pursue it and does not want you to think about it.

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What Guys Said 34

  • You can never really know what motivates someone to lie or cheat or be a dick face. His actions and decisions stem from a lifetime of experiences that are unique to him and that make sense to him.

    How he treated you, and how you interpret that treatment, isn't your fault... but it IS your responsibility.

    How you move on, or don't move on, is on you. It's not your job to fix him, or to understand him. Nor is it your responsibility to make him accountable. Your only responsibility in life is you.

    It's also completely unfair for you to be dating someone new when you're still wrapped up with an ex in your head. What if this next guy you meet is completely into you and all he's getting is half of your attention because you're stuck in your own head?

    It's your responsibility to heal these past dating traumas before you open yourself up to someone new, at least in my opinion.

    Fretting about some ex who wasn't worth your time only gives him more power and encourages you to feel sorry for yourself.

    I've heard of this type of thinking as "looping" ... this is where you sit and think about the same things over and over again without every developing resolution. It's a type of mental masterbation.

    You deserve to heal and move on and that requires you to let go.

    Give yourself permission to still have feelings for this asshole. It's okay that you wanted him and that you wanted more than he wanted to give. It's okay!

    But it's not okay to continue to wallow in the self pity, or to continue to think there's some how a fix.

    It takes practice to refocus your thoughts, but it's your responsibility to do just that. Each time you find yourself was thinking about some past missed love then stop yourself, not in anger but with love, and think about something else that's just as exciting... like tomorrow night's date night, or some project you're looking forward to working on.

    Life is too short to waste "looping" about some past jerk. :D

    ~ Robby

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  • First of all sorry about what you're going through! Break Ups Suck! Second, if he's foolish enough to go back to someone who cheated on him and hurt him then that's on him. Second, as much as it hurts maybe you're better off without him if he's telling you he never had feelings for you you deserve someone better, someone to treat you with respect. I just got dumbed about 6 weeks ago, her reason was that she felt like I wasn't happy, and that she felt as though I was ashamed her, that I was pushing her away. All of this came out of no where the night before we were over at my brother and sister in laws having dinner next day she tells me that. And that she needs time and space because "I used to be "the one", and she wasn't sure she felt the same way anymore."... That she has a lot of mixed feelings and doesn't know what to do. Since then... its been every hot and cold. She'll reach out to me, If I reach out to her she still needs time and space. She'll reach out again, If I ignore her she said "Oh, so are we not talking anymore?" I haven't reached out anymore kind of just let be. Last week she liked some of my pictures/post on facebook. This week I liked some of hers and she Blocks me...

    Bottom line and I know its hard cause it still is for me but its been helping go and have as much as you can. Do things you enjoy. Do things you did before you dated. Call a friend and talk. Or even write down how you are feeling.

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  • I'm so sorry for you because I know how much it hurts. I'm going trough the same thing right now.
    I can tell you my story. Well she had a boyfriend but cheated on him with me and I only went along because at first I didn't know and then we were both in love with one another and I knew she wasn't in love with him. He was her first love. Anyway 7 months later she told me she was completely in love with me and couldn't imagine her life without me and that she needed to leave him and wanted to be with me. Well she did the other way around and got rid of me and really hurt me. Well a couple of months later she came back and told me that she was wrong and loved me so much she couldn't be without me so she broke up with her boyfriend and was with me for a full week and it was great we were both completely in love and really happy. But you guessed it she got scared of something and broke it off with me and was really mean to me and went back to her boyfriend. We haven't spoken since and this was almost two months ago and she still keeps hurting me just recently by deleting me of her Facebook or by people telling me that they're so happy now and everything. It's like she used me or didn't even feel anything and I feel so horrible and just can't get over it.
    The sad thing is I've also met someone who seems really nice but I just can't seem to get close to her or open up because of the experience I've had because I'm just afraid that if I felt that she loved me that much and still hurt me how much can someone who doesn't care that much hurt me and I seem to be trying to isolate myself from feeling anything. Witch is so sad because I used to be a really open and in touch with my emotions kind of person and that what drew the girl to me in the first place.

    Hope you can get over it I know for me it's going to be tough.

    Message me if you want to talk some more...

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  • that kind of guy likes to play with others feelings. its the kind ya need to stay away. plus he's a liar, if ya said he actually loved ya and then turned and said he didn't. but well, if he lied that time, he must have always been a liar like that, and ya should realize that.
    I feel so much for ya have met a guy like that but, if ya want to know, the best way to leave him, its to put someone else on his place, like that guy ya said ya just met.
    wish ya the best dear ;D

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    • who's the bitch who voted negative here? I was super polite
      shit :/

    • I don't know, it wasn't me. Thank you for the advice and sorry for whoever down voted you.

  • Don't do anything with the new guy until you get over your ex. I know people will tell you to keep yourself busy and try not to think about it and it'll go away, but that's just you running away from your troubles. Pain is a part of our lives and experiencing it makes you a stronger person. So if you want to move on, then sit on it; think about all the bad things he's done, all the reasons he doesn't deserve you, all the pain he's caused you, and although you may sit in and cry for a day, a week, maybe even a month, when that's all over with you'll have fully accepted that he's beneath you, you'll be emotionally free from him (so if at later times he does come back you won't make an irrational decision of getting with him again), and most of all you'll have moved on being thankful for the good times and experiences you had together and without any spite or hatred for him. He'll just be another page in your life and you'll accept that he wasn't and will never be enough for you. Hope that all made sense.

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  • If a friend is telling you at a time like this "borderline in love" it means it def. wasn't full-on love. Sounds like he wasn't over his ex in the same exact way you're not over him, meaning you're doing the exact same thing to the guy you're with now, that he did to you.

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  • I know this is going to sound harsh, but you're young. Life goes on. Pick up the pieces and move on. You lived your whole life except for the last 3 months without this guy and you did fine. You will do just fine again, you just have to decide to move on. Focus on your new man and the memories of the last guy will fade away.

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  • Sounds like it is a "you" issue. You need someone to complete you which is a wrong feeling. He has the same problem, she cheated on him and the next time she cheats will be easier for her. He was traded so there is someone more important to her in the moment. It may be a bottle of chardony or glass of beer that will make it easy for her to leave him.

    You have a guy and are using him as a place holder.

    The fact that he was about to speak the love word is just mechanics.

    Spend time alone and get to know yourself.

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    • The new guy and myself have our first date tomorrow, so we haven't quite started anything, I just know he is very interested in me. As far as your advice goes, you're fairly accurate. Thank you.

  • You have to learn to look passed the lies. Three months is a long time. It is obvious that he hasn't gotten over his ex, but the fact still remains that he wanted you. Don't think so much about the words because people who make decisions like that are never to be trusted by their word.

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    • It hurts he tried to keep our strong emotional bond. He's not the cheating type by no means, and is such a wonderful person. I don't like to think he keeps me around in case he wants something on the side, but sometimes it seems that way though I know it's probably because he values me and trusts me. :/

    • It isn't an easy situation to be in, but when things like this go south then you have to put your foot down.

    • And when you're feeling like nothing, there is nothing to do but be something :D

  • You need to realize that this guy was ONE guy - he isn't ALL guys, or even many. Most people would never do what he did. Unfortunately, sometimes you just get unlucky with a choice you made, even if you did everything right. I'm not sure there was any way to see this one coming - if the guy hid his feelings/intentions for his ex like that, then there's really nothing you can do.

    But you MUST remember that just because ONE person was incredibly selfish and mean does not mean that most people are that way. In the future, you might want to move a bit more slowly, though, so that you don't get too attached too quickly, before you really know what's going on with someone.

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  • My ex left me for another guy. I loved the person, but I realize life is so much better without her. She wanted something else and in my opinion the fact that he lied about his feelings and just bailed makes it easier to move on. At least you can see through their actions who they really are.

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  • guys face kind of situations everytime (not exactly as yours), i mean girls broke us apart many times but we just accept it and move on but if its a girl who is the victim, it always seems to be a bigger problem.

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  • Well, this should teach you never to have too much trust and faith in another human being. Some is alright, but if you get into a state of co-dependency, things may eventually turn sour.

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    • The biggest upset was him lying about his feelings. Would you be able to possibly tell me why he did this?

    • Well, he is both telling the truth, and he's lying. He's honest in that when he's saying it, he doesn't really care about you much, he's just happy to have his ex back. But he's lying in that when he did feel these things, they were genuine and native and real. In short, he's a fickle beast, with very low capacity for empathy towards other people. Selfish, narcissistic, and malicious. You're better off without him if he can sink to such lows like he's doing. Yes there's good things about him too, but that hardly matters when he has so very much maturing to do.

  • Breakup hurts! But its on us that how we take it..

    Breakup teaches us a leason so that our future relations and the final relation can be best.
    It makes us strong too. So when it gives us these good things then why to remember your ex who wasn't even meant for you.
    You had a breakup that means he was never for you.
    You have a brighter part of your life ahead so leave the darker part of past in past and live in the present cause you must have heard that present is a gift and past is the thing which is gone and is not with you.
    So make your smile your best friend and GO LIVE YOUR LIFE AND DATE AS MANY AS YOU CAN TILL YOU GET THE BEST AND I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!

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  • How to move on? You already met someone else! You're better than most people who get crapped on and stay single for years afterwards.

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  • He sounds a bit unstable. Realize that he has his own questions like this in his head about that other girl. Keep your chin up and don't pass the craziness on

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  • Some people in this world have mental issues. Just pretend he's one of those. Eh who am I kidding, he might be one of those.

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  • I understand how you feel, a girl did a similar thing to me, she played me and hurt me. It is going to hurt, but you will get over it eventually. Try and focus on other things, whatever you do, don't let get you down. I am afraid to say that is one of the bad things that comes to the dating game. I think next time don't try to fall for someone so quickly and take your time to get to know them first.

    Try and do your best and move on, he is really not worth thinking about. I hope you will be alright. good luck

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  • Try and focus on the present. Don't worry about the past or the future, just the now. Otherwise, you'll get bogged down by what happened with that other person, or you'll be come to worried about what may happen with this new person.

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  • make your self more better than him, this is a best revenge and a hope to move forward. GOD BLESS YOU

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What Girls Said 27

  • I know exactly how you feel! There was this guy who promised me that he would be there for me, and that year he got expelled from school, and i was so mad at him!!! It took me almost a year to move on from him. One of my friends had to tell me a few months ago that this guy wasn't made for me, and that i could try harder than him, and that was what i needed to realize that i needed to leave him behind, and i needed to move on. It takes a moment for the brain to realize that you need to move on, but the heart takes forEVER to realize that. But if that guy comes back to you with feelings for you, make him talk to the hand! He's just making you a rebound relationship. Rebound relationships are the worst. Plus with any small nick-nacks (i don't know how to spell it) that he gave to you or love notes, either 1) burn them !!! or 2) put them in the closet or anywhere that you won't be able to see them and figure out later as to what to do to them. I did #2, and that phrase "out of sight, out of mind" is really true!!! Hope this helps!!!

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  • People don't deal well with break-ups. Instead of being honest and straightforward about why we are breaking up, we often lie in an attempt to make either ourselves or our soon-to-be ex feel better. It's part of our survival mechanism.

    In your case, if he told you he never had feelings for you, it's possible that he was trying to make himself feel better. If he justifies to himself that he never cared about you, he doesn't have to feel bad for leaving you.

    Not cool, but it happens. I'm sorry he lied to you, I'm sorry he left you for his ex, and I'm sorry you are still hurting. Try to keep in mind that he was lying, that he did have feelings for you. And remember, it's likely when he was with you he was trying to move on from being hurt by his ex, just like you are with your new guy.

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    • Hahaha so lame and childish no wonder 5 dislikes from people. Wondering how can u have expert icon there when your advise is just pure fuck up lol

    • This is good advice and pretty on point, but it doesn't answer her question of how to move on...

  • I know how you feel because i went through something similar to that... i was dating my ex for 3 years and 7 months. during those 3 years and 7 months we had our BIG downs 4 times (yes little break ups) but the last time we fought he went for a 3 week vacation, and when he came back everything changed the whole relationship changed then 2 days after my birthday i found out he cheated on me with this girl where he went on vacation. but i was stupid enough to forgive him but no longer then Easter day we started arguing again and then a week later i break up with him without asking him what i always wanted to ask him and out of no where my ex starts acting like the relationship never happened but then i found someone new and we're happy together and the relationship is so different that i catch my self sometimes thinking about my past relationship and every time i think about it, it hurts a lot. what i'm trying to say is that i understand you truly loved your ex but don't let him come by the way u and your boyfriend now be happy with this guy and try not to think about the past. the past is past for a reason live the future with your boyfriend now.

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  • How to move on? Know your worth girl!! Know that you deserve better than being a second thought to someone. I know you had strong feelings for him & It sucks that he bullshitted you & led you on. He's not over his ex unfortunately. In time you'll heal. Stay strong! :) You dodged a bullet! :)

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  • Concentrate on the new guy. Anyone who runs to an ex as soon as they come back are not worth the trouble of chasing after. If they truly cared for you that much, they would not just go with someone else while with you.

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    • Would you be able to possibly tell me why he lied about his feelings? It's all just so confusing, and I've been in over 5 relationships, but this one was so odd.

    • He was most likely confused about his own feelings due to being hurt. Don't worry about the amount of relationships you have had. What really counts is the quality of the one you are in now. Don't lose sight of today for what you had yesterday. Yesterday is gone and today is what you have.

  • he could have been scared of falling in love with you because of a previous relationship or something.
    try to move on, it'll do no good dwelling on it.

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  • That sounds bad and i wish i could say its going to be okay but the truth is i can't say that its going to hurt for a bit but time will pass and you will start to feel better just try and have as much fun as you can and don't let this drag you down have a smile on your face and hug some people hugs are Amazing and they make you feel better talk about it with a friend xx

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  • Hey that sounds horible i have been in one of those i was never into u but i was so totally into u monents but urs is cerious i think that u should do some thing to get ur mind of of him take the new guy in ur life to an amusement park or on some fun adventure/date to get ur mind els whair just try to spend as much time as u can with the new guy in ur life just think of this as a next chapter and make it a good one to remember;)

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  • That`s his fault. And when that girl cheats on him again, and he tries to take you back, tell him no. He doesn`t deserve you. And he is stupid. You should keep telling yourself that and find someone who treats you like a princess.

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  • Sounds like what I am going through, 2 months we were dating and I leave for a week and he tells me he doesn't like me anymore and he didn't miss me. I am just taking it day by day.. that's all you can do.

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  • You probley were a rebound but for real he's a loser and he will get his good when his ex cheats on him again and destroys him cuz he obviously didn't learn anything the first time

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  • I know the feeling hun. It's so hard to move on., only time can help you heal. One day you will look back and it won't hurt anymore. Stay strong ! ❤

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  • This is why it's always a risk to date guys or girls on the rebound. I am sorry to hear about you going through this.

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    • Plus all she will do his f**k on top of his face with another guy anytime again soon. His loss, not yours.

  • Girl you deserve someone who will treat you right. Don't sell yourself short. It may hurt for a while but time heals and eventually you will be able to move on. You're worth more (:

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  • I think the ex used sex to get him back.

    Get away and live in another city? and burn all his stuff that he gave you.

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  • I agree with the 1st anonomyous answer, he basically said he was a coward.

    So think of it this way. If a girl does the same thing (goes back to a terrible ex) she doesn't have much confidence/respect of herself. I was hurt for almost a year about my ex and wanted to go back even though he was a jerk to me. I've been realising lately that as soon as i stood up to him he ran away... why? because (atleast to me) he was a coward and maybe he'll be not a coward to someone else in the future but he was to me. I will not settle, you don't settle for that flaky guy. He was weak and lacking you'll realize it soon. You were blind to it because you liked him and it happens.

    Dont feel like you miss him and want to love him he is undeserving of your love and you are not to be played with. Does any person willing to just walk away from a gf/bf deserve there love? No way!

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  • He is a dick head. It's ok to be sad it's ok to realize it hurts for a little but but then u need to move on.

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  • it won't take u long to move on plus u met a new guy he'll make u forget everything don't worry

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  • That girl must of been his first love. You never forget your first love and you never stop loving your first love, you would always care for them no matter what. Which probably means why he went back to her, he was still in love with her when he was with you, having said that he must of had some sort of feelings for you but not as strong as for his ex. His not worth it and I'm sure you will find someone new soon. I know it's hard now but trust me soon the pain will feel less painful and you will be able to be happy again. Hope this helped :)

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  • You can't help you love and its obvious that he is so in love with his ex ever tho she's probably the worst girlfriend ever you have moved on so focus on making the relationship that your in now to work

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