I'll try to make this as short as possible. I've been in a few relationships, serious, even. But I genuinely love this man. And he claims to genuinely love me too. We kept the relationship secret. The farthest we went were blowjobs. He never pressured this, I just assumed he'd want to stay with me if I sexually pleasured him. Sometimes in the relationship, I'd get paranoid. I often tried my hardest to be good enough for him, and I apologized over small things. If I felt like I made a mistake, I'd cut. I sound like a typical stupid teenage girl, don't I? We even talked about our future together, and how he wanted to have kids and stuff. But recently, he texted me there's an old friend of his that he's in love with. That's it. Last night, we discussed this on the phone, and he says he still loves me and that we still have a chance of being together, but he admitted he'd probably be happier with the other girl. He tried his best not to hurt me. He never tried to hurt me.
I want him to be happy. I really do. But my entire life revolved around him, being depressed before meeting him. I don't know if I can handle it. I want to keep him all to myself and for him to love me and only me.
I fear that if they get together, I'll end up making his life a living hell with constant guilt trips and such. So lately, I've been considering suicide. Once again, I sound like the stupid typical teenage girl. I don't want to get in the way of their love, but I just don't know if I can handle it. I can't even go 5 minutes without thinking of him.
But he said he doesn't want me to commit suicide and if he goes with the other girl he still wants to remain friends.
I don't know how to cope. My best friend would also commit suicide himself if I did it.
Can someone please give me advice? Thank you...
And I don't know if this is of relevance or not, but perhaps I should include this. He leaves for the military sometime in January.
Most Helpful Guy
Your best friend sounds like he's in love with you.
I'm sorry that you may lose someone you love. It won't be the last time. But it ought to tell you something. You yourself are very loveable. Maybe it feels like he's the only one on the planet for you. That's how love feels. It's magical. But the truth is, he's -not- the only one on the planet for you. You've barely met any men in your life. Masses of them could fall for you, want you, want to marry you, raise kids with you. Yes, it sucks that almost nobody meets that right person immediately. Being a teenager would be the most fun in your life if you had it all under control, but 95% don't. If I was a teenager again, I'd have an amazing time. But as a teen? It SUCKED. Because you don't know how to be a grown up, and you're trying to figure it out, and don't know what's normal and what isn't.
You are loveable. You will be loved again. (And like I said, your male friend who says he'll commit suicide if you do? I'd bet $1000 he has stronger feelings than friendship. Maybe you don't feel that way about him, but this ought to tell you, again, you're going to have options out there).
Most Helpful Girl
I was also "in love" with some guy that was 3 years older than me this past summer. But after the summer ended he decided to find someone his own age. Before i meant him i was very depressed in middle school but never cut or attempted suicide. But after him i didn't know what to do with my life and couldn't stop thinking about him. When i went into high school i realized there are so many people my age that can relate to me way better than him. And now i found a new person to crush on and think about all the time instead of some guy that just wanted nudes of me (which i was smart enough i never sent any) You have to think about the good things in life, like you can find someone else that is not going to randomly tell you when you are dating "i found someone new and i am in love with them now". Don't let that get to you, maybe you just were not meant to be together forever. Dating just a few people is not always going to be it, you might have to date 100 different people before you find "the one", I hope this helps you :)