Wasn't I good enough? Why didn't he try harder?

He told me I was the one. We looked at engagement rings together, talked about a future, where we would live. I introduced him to my family and friends (first serious relationship) and he did the same (for the first time ever). We even went to a wedding together everyone was so happy to meet me, told me I was beautiful and he was a lucky guy. We lived 2hrs apart so it was a struggle sometimes seeing each other but we did the best we could. He told me he loved me and couldn't wait to take our anniversary trip then two days later we had our first major argument and BAM he broke up with me!!

Since then everything has went downhill! He refused to meet me face to face, ignored me, wouldn't return my calls. I just couldn't understand why he didn't fight for us. Was I not good enough in his eyes? Was the long distance really that hard? What about the love and respect we had for one another? Did I not deserve a fair fight after all that? It's even worse my sister is in an amazing relationship with a guy that goes above and beyond for her. I feel so guilty I am actually jealous of her and instead of celebrating with her I feel pain every time I look at them. I'm so upset that this has happened. Not only am I loosing my sister to her potential husband I feel I have also lost my best friend (him) and I am lost!!! I admit I crossed the line and went crazy during post breakup something's I regret but I am still so lost! I want to move on but I don't even know where I went wrong. I can think of a few things but how do I know for sure if he won't talk to me. WHY DID HE GIVE UP ON ME/US?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The argument you had must have been some sort of deal-breaker. It may well not have seemed a big issue to you, or to any other people, if they knew what it was. But for him, it may well have been. I have a few deal-breakers myself, which on the face of it, seem trivial. But to me, they are important. Thankfully, my lady is perfect, without them ever having to be discussed.

    There is a golden rule for making up that my parents were told, and it will always stick with me. Never part, or go to sleep, without making up, no matter who backs down, or how long it takes. You say you crossed the line, but we don't know what line or how far. It may not be our place to know, either. My guess is it could be personal to you.

    Two hours apart is nothing in the world of true love. I am suspicious that there has always been some underlying issue that he's come across that has never been discussed. I think he might well be using this argument to end the relationship without it ever having been discussed. It does seem like he's being unreasonable not to be able to give you some idea of what he's thinking and what the problem is. It wouldn't cost him but a short amount of time.

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    • Our fights was about me feeling like he disregards me at times.. That particular day I was upset because he hadn't returned my call.. Later that night we talked on the phone and I poured everything in him at once (all the scenarios I felt he disregarded me). I also mentioned the distance was hard for me and we needed to figure some things out.. The next day I called him and apologized. He told me I was petty and that he didn't see his living situation changing anytime soon. He soar it was best we go our separate ways and broke up with me! If he'd lost interest along the way there's no way I completely missed the signs! He wasn't very affectionate or aggressive but that was his personality. I did mention to him I would like more from him in that area! He thought I was petty.. Isn't relationship about growth? Learning how to love one another? All I wanted to do was teach him how to love me!!! That's it.. Was I too complicated? These are questions I need to know from him. He refuses!!

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    • I'm so sorry to be negative, but I think to fret any more will only make your hurt worse.

      Take care, stay safe!!

Most Helpful Girl

  • I just went through the same thing. I was in a serious relationship for 9 months with a guy I was 100% committed too. We had our lives planed out. We were going to get married, live in the house he grew up in, we even had our kids names picked out. Then after a really ugly fight he came up to me said "I'm breaking up with you" then walked out. It was really ugly. He didn't return my phone calls then when I finally did hear from him he siad he doesn't think he could ever date me ever again. I dont even know why he broke up! I had the same thoughts you did. Why did he leave me? Was I not good enough? He promised to marry me, how could he just walk out? For over a month I cried over him and mourned my loss. Then one day I woke up and I realized, I didn't need him. If he came back to me I would say no. Now is my chance to find someone who treats me with the upmost respect. So dont fret! You may have thought he was the one, but if he wasn't, imagine how great the actual guy for you will be! You get to do what you want this time. Forget the other guy. If he walked out on you, then he doesn't deserve you. I know it hurts. Trust me I'm hurting too. But I can promise that over time, the first thought you wake up to won't be him, it will be about who the new love of your life will be. Things get better. Its okay to be sad, but also try to be excited for the future!

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    • OMG!! It's so good to hear from someone else who is going through this! I've been heart broken before but this particular one has been detrimental.. It's been 3mths since we broke up and almost 30days No contact!! Every single day I think about him, I play our relationship over and over picking bits and pieces and ways I could've done things differently. "Had I not did this or did that".. I am healing (slower than I would like) and I know that day is coming when someone will sweep me off my feet!! But not anytime soon.. I've picked back up some old habits I'm not proud of and am going to be doing counseling soon.. This has taken a toll on me and my surroundings don't make it any better!! He's prob off into lala land talking to another woman by now. It's sick how people are so cold hearted!!! I want nothing more than for him to feel my pain!!

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    • And I can honestly say its also nice to see I'm not the only one going through this. Just remember there is a guy out there perfectly made for you. Its okay to be sad but dont let him hold you down. Go out there and be happy!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • maybe you didn't go wrong, maybe he when wrong , sounds like he was looking for an easy way out if he packed it in after one fight, time to mov on and find someone genuinely interested in the same things you are, but I'm sure once he is finished what ever fling he is on he will be back to you and you will take him back and all will be well until next time and it will start all over again

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    • There won't be a next time. I feel betrayed trusting him with my heart is out the window.. He's just a grown man that hasn't matured! He deceived me into believing a fantasy.. I have been emotionally up and down questioning every little detail.. Where did I go wrong? I know I expressed the distance was hard at times and we needed to figure things out but I didn't expect him to just throw in the towel! I admit I was petty in expressing my feelings that he was disregarding me at times and I poured everything on him at once but I was emotional at the time.. That's the first time I had ever done that and I apologized the next day.. He wasn't having it. He said I was being petty and he didn't see his living situation changing anytime soon and it was bet we go out separate ways. Isn't love worth the fight? After everything you just walk away? You knew we were long distance when you decided to get into a relationship with me, why not fight?

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    • I see that very clearly now.. He had a good one for sure!! Sad

    • That's like. It happens

  • Well what was this ''major'' argument about?

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    • I expressed the distance was hard at times and we needed to figure things out but I didn't expect him to just throw in the towel! I was petty in expressing my feelings that he was disregarding me at times and I poured everything on him at once (all the scenarios that made me feel that way) but I was emotional at the time.. That's the first time I had ever done that and I apologized the next day.. He wasn't having it. He said I was being petty and he didn't see his living situation changing anytime soon and it was best we go out separate ways. Isn't love worth the fight? After everything you just walk away? You knew we were long distance when you decided to get into a relationship with me, why not fight?

    • If you want my honest opinion, I think he lost interest, you had a relationship that was doing fine even the distance between you two. (Also 2 hours isn't that far, for me at least)
      To say that this is a good reason to break up shows that he simply doesn't see you worth his time to travel.

      I am also guessing that he started this relationship thinking he could get you to move closer to him, or even with him. But now seeing how that has failed, he gave up.

      Do me one favor, if the next guy you meet also lives this far apart, don't judge him for what this man has done to you. There are actually some that put effort in these matters.

      Right now get your mind off it, you did nothing wrong, let him contact you if he feels sorry/apologetic.
      And most of all don't take this out on your sister, talk to her about this.

    • My gut told me this! You are so right and I didn't make matters any better when I acted crazy and practically harrasrd him begging to meet me face to face for explaination! I know he thinks I'm crazy! He just shut down and gave me the cold shoulder. It's like being locked out of your house in the middle of winter with no coat on!!! Emotional shut down is worse than anything.. If he was a bad guy who did me wrong all the time I could walk away from this.. But he came off as everything I wanted/needed! I am going to be ok I know it.. Just wish I would have got the respect I feel I deserved through this whole thing!!

What Girls Said 5

  • You totally skipped over what the argument was about. Maybe it was something worth ending a relationship over, but we can't judge because you held back that information.

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  • sorry for what you've been through but he was not what he pretended to be and you should not feel jealous of your sister its not good

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    • I know it's not good. That's why I feel so bad! But me and her live together so it's constantly in my face all the time. Can you imagine you meet the perfect guy who says he loves you, you're the one for him and takes you to look at engagement rings only for things to end so abruptly with vague explanation? I was crushed like I just lost my better half! Unfortunately my sister was not really there for me because she was too busy with her boyfriend who treats her like an absolute queen! So aside from having feelings of neglect I also experience feelings of envy! How could he put me in this position? Doesn't he care?

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    • One morning I called to check on him because he just got into a fight with his sister. He rejected me and text me really short "I'm busy I'll call you later"! I let it go then about 6hrd later I asked if he planned on calling me back? He said he forgot I had called but still never called me back. I let it go until that night and he still hadn't called! Finally we talke on the phone and I expressed my anger. I was wrong in the fact that I brought up a lot of times he had disregarded me pilling it all on him at once! I also expressed that the distance was hard and how I wanted 2 spend more time with him! I told him we needed to think about how 2 make it work. The next day I called and apologized told him I wanted us 2 work but he felt that things were 2 difficult and it was best we go desperate ways! He didn't see his living situation changing anytime soon and I was also bring 2 petty! But my thing is you knew we were long distance when you got with me. Did you ever plan 2 make it work?

    • sorry but i think he used that argument as an "opportunity' to end things

  • I've been there. Trust me the best thing is to do your grieving and move on. He has made up his mind and you trying to convince him will only cause you more heartache. Clearly he doesn't want you anymore for whatever reason. He is not the one. I know it will take you a long time to feel better but there is nothing you can do. Just remember that you are awesome and you don't want a guy that can't see that.

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    • You're so right! I just dont understand how people can be so heartless.. It's like their so in love one minute and the next cut throat! I am not perfect neither is he! We both acknowledge that.. But our love for one another was strong so I thought!! I think I went to far during post breakup, we'll prob never be friends!

  • Why didn't you fight for him is the real question. Id be willing to bet your sister goes above and beyond for her man. You may just chalk it up to experience and move on.

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    • I went above and beyond to fight for him.. Pretty much did everything except show up on his front door (which I considered), my sister does nothing for Boyfriend he does EVERYTHING for her! I am say the same about my relationship before things went sour. She HAS everything I HAD!! I don't feel good about having envious feelings I want the best for her but I can't help but feel I got the short end of of the stick

    • Perhaps its because your sister deserves it.

    • So I didn't deserve? I know I deserve better than him. He deceived me into believing a fantasy.. My sister just got lucky.. It's a rare few out there

  • Dont base ur relationship on your sisters good things will happen to u in this world u do half to go after what u want and not hold back from. being happy its just like a job u half to make ur life for urself u cannot wait and hope things will get better it would be like u wasted time waiting when u. can be enjoying life with someone if he ignores u give him space but keep fighting for him and showing him u care because 9 out of 10 u will be the only girl who really cared enough to go out of ur way to make him happy and do what others wouldn't do guys do like the chase reguardless of hurt, not interested or still interest the only time u should give up on someone is when they physically hurt u not every person in a relationship is gonna say the right things but were human and mistakes happen i think u should go after what u want in life and see if it pays off

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    • I think it's gone to far I've lost my mind in the process and he's been so cold towards me. I don't even know if things would be the same if we got back together! This whole thing was uncalled for.. I did some pretty crazy things during post breakup and I am ashamed of myself! I just feel like the person I was dating was not who he really was! Either that or he just didn't see value in me anymore.. That's the worst feeling. It really makes you feel worthless!!

    • Ik hun but i dont wanna see u give up on something that makes u happy or could of... I made mistakes to in relationships im trying to fix one with a guy i like a break or space will show weather or not u care about someone ik u might have done stuff that could of hurt him during the break up the best way to fix it is to talk to him about in person

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