Why do men think women should accept being cheated?

Question

Why do men feel that his wife or girlfriend should accept the fact that they cheat. Someone said, "You shouldn't worry about that, I come home to you every night. As long as you are taken care of you shouldn't care."  Why do men cheat then don't want their significant others to do the same? They constantly worry about who their wife or girlfriend is talking to. Lastly, I want to know, If a man cheats does this mean he does not love his wife or girlfriend?

Hoshi-Reed · Accepted Answer

Why men cheat - Lust, depression, seeking sexual release without emotion, biological drive to spreed seed, take your pick. (I believe in an open marriage because I dislike giving blow jobs but I feel my dislikes shouldn't mean my husband has to suffer. - to me I find trust and honest to be important - to me it is the lies that annoy me, not the actual sex)

Some men don't see it the same way. Some man sees marriage as a union where he is the provider and the woman the "mother" are the most important. A woman places importance on the emotional most the time. Cheating to a woman implies breaking trust/honesty and fidelity. To a man, if he honestly still loves the girl - and yes sex with other than significant other doesn't mean they no longer love the person, it isn't a break of faith to him since they still have faith in their partner as a good "mother" they are willing to provide for. (It is why many religions allow for polygyny; widows and orphans were married off so that they could survive/women "need" man (held the jobs, got the food, provided shelter, etc) but man doesn't "need" woman to live)

As for the lack of reciprocation: The whole thing can really be linked to religion/ancient society. Just look at the religious/social justification for Polygyny but not Polyandry: though a man can increase his chances to procreate with multiple women, a woman with multiple partners doesn't increase her pro creative abilities (it takes the same resources and time); it actually decreases the individual husband's chance to be a father as he has to compete for the same womb.

Just point out the social problem: His thinking can start a war. If every man thought it was okay, then the most powerful/wealthy/attractive FEW would end up with a lot and the majority would end up with none. Unhappy men are more likely to go to war; they have nothing to lose.

ally55678 · Accepted Answer

Honestly I have asked this question on my own forum and I still don't really know the answer. But I honestly believe it's due to a huge lack of understanding, compassion and empathy on the part of the man to understand how his actions are affecting the woman. If he were to put himself in his wife/girlfriend's shoe's he OBVIOUSLY would not like to be cheated on. But some men just don't think period, or consider these consequences. Hence why they might still say I love you. This signals to me an immature man who is lacking fulfillment perhaps in his own life or just lacking a better perspective on himself.

It takes a certain character, as well as a lot of time and effort to make a fulfilling and reciprocal relationship in which both parnters are happy. If he cheats because he isn't getting any or is very horny, he's weak. If he cheats because he finds another woman irresistible he's weak. If he cheats because he's lonely, he's a coward. And finally if he cheats because it just happened (alcohol) he's stupid. Don't get yourself involved in potentially dangerous situations, period. I always apply this last rule to my own life.

A man who cheats is not a man in my books. Men can't fall back on the excuse of being subject to their biological urges, they should be better than that. We've come a long way from neanderthals and cave people. We are rational, thinking creatures who have free will and if we believe that some is wrong, for example cheating than we can rise above it. Essentially what I'm trying to say is MAN UP.

springdragonfly · Accepted Answer

I can't speak from experience, but I don't think cheating has that much to do with love, but more about the pleasure of the chase, of the taboo, of the feeling when you know someone wants you sexually (like some sort of emotional high). I once read something that compared cheating to an addiction, and suggested it fills some sort of void (not necessarily lack of love, but maybe lack of excitement or something like that). Also, I think it has a lot to do with the role models and values someone was raised with. So, I don't think it is always about love, though it can be.

That said, I do not think the cheating related behaviour you attribute to men in general is fair. I know a lot of men who wouldn't do this and I think those I know who might possibly cheat would blame it more on "temptation" and then not understand why the woman they are with cannot forgive them. Suggestions that all a woman needs in life is to be taken care of are chauvinistic, as are attempts to excessively control your behaviour. If you are with a man who is putting you through this, you need to either address the topic directly and work out these problems or find someone else.

sweetecho10 · Accepted Answer

Men tend to have this way of thinking they can do certain things but when it happens to them they get all emotional. It's like they expect you to give them more freedom then they give you and when you challenge it, they don't want to face the fact that maybe that's how you felt when they hurt you. My ex was like that, he thought he could lie to me and talk to other people but when I started talking to other people and not telling him, he got pissed off. Whenever he got mad I would bring up something he did and tell him "well now you know how I felt." Honestly some guys (not all) are just hypocritical.

Irisheyez · Accepted Answer

Not in all cases.  I believe they can still love them but it's not deep enough to want only them...there for they aren't worth the love you give them.  And as for saying things like that....it's probably their way of justifying their problem.  And they figure as long as you know but are taken care of financially and they get you to be ok with that, they are getting away with being with whomever they want.  But anyone believing that statement needs their head checked....seriously.  I'd probably kick a man in the nads if he ever said that to me.

drstms · Accepted Answer

Truth be told, men don't cheat on their girlfriends or wives because they are mature enough to be willing to invest in a lifelong relationship, and seek the rewards that come from that investment. Cheating is childishness that shortchanges both parties, since the woman doesn't have security and the man never gets to experience the satisfaction of pleasing one woman enough to find fulfillment in himself.

Cheating is based on unmet emotional needs and lies, that have more to do with the man being taught that sex is what intimacy is about. Sorry, real intimacy is about becoming one in soul, spirit, mind and body. The physical intimacy is less than a third of what intimacy is about, and anyone who says that it should be accepted is justifying it, rather than standing up to the lies.

Why shouldn't a woman, or man, care what their partner is doing, since a cheater is forcing you to have sex with everyone they have sex with. Last time I checked, the only real protection from diseases and other relational problems is respectful, unique, intimacy, limited to one partner. It is a very challenging, and rewarding, experience.

homer · Accepted Answer

It is a wrong way of thinking, if you ask me. But as Ultradramatic said in one of his posts, civilized norms of a relationship are only a few hundred yeard old, compared to tens of thousands of years of the first homo saphines roaming the earth. So it will take a bit more until the evolution is complete. Aside from that though, there are other norms such that I wouldn't wanna be cheated on as much as I don't wanna cheat on others. And I would imagine there are others out there who equally disagree with me, or stay on the exact opposite side of the spectrum. So for them, cheating is as normal as being cheated on. Unlucky for you, you or the person you speak for just happened to run into one of them.

Forgetable · Answer

Well, if you're with a guy who has and or does cheat on you then you're not with a real man, he if he is truly warped to believe cheating is something you should just accept or that it is alright for him to do then you're with a sick individual, not all guys I want to say most but I know it isn't most guys that KNOW it is wrong, to answer your question the kind of person not just man or woman that thinks it is something their partner should just accept is not all their, that is not something that should just be accepted, it's wrong and if they think that way about everything chances are there is more than one thing they are doing that's wrong, and no one deserves to be treated that poorly.

Rafael151 · Answer

I don't think that they seriously feel that the woman should accept it, unless maybe someone they know got away with it. Otherwise, it's something to try when confronted. What have they got to lose? It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love her. But at the same time, if he does love her and he's happy, why would he take risks or cave in when presented with an opportunity? So it becomes harder to believe the love is there. The chance to eventually make a mistake is there, so yes, give credit to those who don't. But I don't accept that if a person cheats once, they will again. The "I come home to you" argument holds no water. "  If it ever did, it was many decades ago. Today cheating is risking two lives - or more.

tex151 · Answer

Complicated  question but  I will try and help you out, to be honest men cheat because it's biological, now I haven't cheated ok maybe once but that wasn't my fault the girl kissed me, but anyways it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't love their wife or girlfriend it's like I said sometimes it just happens and women can be very seductive at times. Other reasons could be problems at home, the relationship is going down hill or like I said it just happens, usually when alcohol is involved. It's just like me saying why do women go for the jerks, once again its biological.

xXbomberboyXx · Answer

Well first off I think its low if anyone cheats. And secondly one of my friends is having a hard time with this right now. His first love tore his heart out and basically left him to die but he took it and eventually pushed through it and found someone else, but 5 months later (even though she's now dating someone else) she realized that she still liked him and tried to get back with him. So now every time they see each other he starts to feel that pain come back and wants to struggles with being true. He loved his current girlfriend but hates how he's cheated on her. So I guess the moral of this story is some guys cheat because of emotions or something deep inside and others just get bored and want something new. But grats to everyone who is strong enough to stay true.

ALWAYSclassy · Answer

I don't think you can love someone and cheat on them. That's selfish and cruel. Men make all these excuses like "Oh, temptation" but that's BS. Women have sexual hormones too...what if your wife met a hot guy when she was out running errands? Would that same excuse work then? No!

If my husband gave me that excuse, I'd let him come home one day and find me "swimming" with the pool boy!

redheadgirl520 · Answer

SOME men think that they have the "Buddha-given right" to sleep with as many women as they want, but then have "wifey" to come home to and rub their stinking feet. That comes from a purely machista standpoint and those kinds of men are usually the worst when it comes to emotions because they are too afraid that they'll get hurt. I hope that what you're describing is not your man! If it is, I hope you dump the loser!

Bdubs8807 · Answer

Sometimes a man who cheats does love his significant other, they just aren't satisfied with them, so they find someone who can. Other times it's just a stupid guy thing. I don't believe that anyone should allow themselves to be cheated on. If you are letting your significant other/spouse do that to you, get out of that relationship NOW! And find someone who will respect you and your relationship. It's not right when guys cheat on their girlfriends/wives/others and anyone who is with a cheater deserves more. I personally wouldn't be able to stand being in a relationship with someone who cheated. It's just wrong.

Deeplove55 · Answer

Well, its called being selfish.  Some men feel like its ok that they mess around on you but you can't do the same to them.  that's not fair at all and that guy is a loser.  if a man cheats period, he does not love nor respect the woman who he is with.  Cheating is unacceptable and you shouldn't put up with it.

mandingo · Answer

Yeah most men don't think that way. That is your typical dominant male bull shit. We are not cave men, we are supposed to get over that and be civilized. But there are always some people dragging ass on evolution.

Confused614 · Answer

I have never cheated either and never will especially when I've been cheated on and I know how much it can hurt I think it does mean they don't love you because if he did I don't think some1 could do that

rthompson79 · Answer

Most guys don't feel this way. You shouldn't accept this kind of behavior. He may still love you if he is cheating, bu that doesn't mean you should put up with it. You need to tell him that what he is doing isn't right, and he either needs to stop or you are gone.

rocket · Answer

They're total fools. Most men don't think that way, only the ass holes.

dprim3647 · Answer

I doubt men love their woman if they cheat. The way we live in these modern times it seems as though the woman are beginning to accept  the fact that their men cheat and there lies the main problem. We need to stand up for ourselves and realize that there are GOOD men. A friend once said to me everyman cheats so we need to adjust our thoughts on the subject. Quite frankly I believe I would rather be without a man that with one who betrays my love.

leiti · Answer

Yeah if a guy cheats on his girlfriend/wife, then he doesn't love her, he just can't face it.

Nut-Meg1453 · Answer

Unfaithful guys are pathetic! Get real men, real men don't cheat!

james2018dean · Answer

A lot of men consider love and sex two different things. Most women dont.

Why do men think women should accept being cheated?

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