I sent my ex a message on his bday and he replied with a "thanks 😘 I've been thinking about you"
i broke it off, but you think there is hope for future reconciliation? Thanks!!!
Most Helpful Guy
Even without the emoticon, saying "thanks, I've been thinking about you" alone would be a clear indication there was more than hope- the emoticon makes it pretty clear as well. However, as Siddhārtha Gautama (also known as 'Buddha') said when discussing the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, while forgiveness is one way reconciliation is two ways.
"Reconciliation — patisaraniya-kamma — means a return to amicability, and that requires more than forgiveness. It requires the reestablishing of trust. If I deny responsibility for my actions, or maintain that I did no wrong, there’s no way we can be reconciled. Similarly, if I insist that your feelings don’t matter, or that you have no right to hold me to your standards of right and wrong, you won’t trust me not to hurt you again. To regain your trust, I have to show my respect for you and for our mutual standards of what is and is not acceptable behavior; to admit that I hurt you and that I was wrong to do so; and to promise to exercise restraint in the future. At the same time, you have to inspire my trust, too, in the respectful way you conduct the process of reconciliation. Only then can our friendship regain a solid footing."
If you broke it off, and you want to return to a relationship that does not simply go a while and then end again- it is important that, no matter how willing he is to forgive, you approach it in a way in which you make things right. Why did you break things off- why do you feel differently now? I was taught by a mature Christian, on the matter of reconciliation, that it is important that one approach one's own faults not by saying "I'm sorry", but rather saying "I was wrong, please forgive me".
If you felt wronged in some fashion, it is important to discuss it and then consider how it is handled. My ex-wife was verbally abusive, controlling, and we were in a power-and-control relationship: when she wanted to reconcile, long after my attempts failed, I recognised she was apologising for the wrong things and not recognizing the areas that truly hurt me the most. If she had just been willing to consider the real hurts, it might have gone differently- but by then the relationship would have only been toxic and hurt our child, rather than helped anyone.
I also recommend any true reconciliation be done face to face. Explore it a little further personally, and then ask if he would like to meet some time to catch up.1