He doesn't want me moving closer..

I have been dating my boyfriend for 10 months. My apartment lease is ending soon and my room mates have decided to move elsewhere, so I'm having to find a new place to live. I live in a very expensive city so It has been a challenge finding a 1 bedroom. I had a few options, including a room mate, but the best deal was actually an apartment in my boyfriend's apartment complex.

I told him about my options and when I told him about his complex he got really quiet. He said he didn't think it was a good idea. He said "at this point in our relationship, I think our perception of the distance needed is different". It was really hurtful to me because he isn't taking into account why I'm moving there. He also said "I think if you move over here we'll practically be living together". I understand that we'll be really close, but we both have responsibilities (work, grad school, hobbies) that will keep us apart.

My boyfriend doesn't have a car, so I always have to drive to him. Living closer, would just be nice and obviously the same complex is really convenient. I also want to save as much as possible. I am not moving there to just be with him, I have a lot on my plate.

How should I talk to him about this? He shuts down and I just don't know how to explain my decision and how to explain how hurt I am. This just put up HUGE red flags for me and I've been really down since we spoke about it. I don't want to break up, but I must admit that I'm thinking about it.

--Well, he broke up with me last night. He had been out of town for a week and he literally broke up with me when he got home. I'm pretty sad...

He said we're in different places. I want to get married and have kids, and although he wants that, he doesn't know when. He said he just needs a break in order to figure out what he wants in life and he didn't want to drag me along for the ride. :(


Most Helpful Girl

  • I can't fathom why a boy, who has a girlfriend he's been dating for nearly a year and drives him around, wouldn't want her around. You'd think that nearly living together would be a positive. The only way I could see him not liking it is because he knows/doesn't want the relationship to last and see you around after the fact.

    While you're mulling over your choices (which to me, seems to say, take some space) don't drive him anywhere. If he comes running back to you because of that, you know he's just using you because it's easier than breaking up.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • He feels smothered. Maybe he's a player and has other girls on the side. You've been going out with him for 10 months, that's a while. He should be at least open to the idea. Something's definitely up


What Girls Said 2

  • Believe it or not he did you a favor. He didn't love you the way you deserved!

    For the future...please note that others (or at least me) would consider him using you as his personal taxi driver as a red flag. :) The one is out there...And he will be elated to have you move closer. Best of Luck!

  • He's being a baby.

    You need a place to live - it s none of his business WHERE you live.

    He is being immature- do what you want, he will just ha e to deal with it- talk about narcissistic.

    Also, just to add, he is being entirely irrational.

    Just because you live in the same place, does not mean you have to see each other - I have neighbors I have never met after 2 years of living in the same place.

    If he has a problem with how much time you spend together, than you work that out, he is looking at things from the wrong angle... You guys work out the problems, but you live where you want to live. ;)


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