Is it true that women "plan" break ups much further in advance than guys?

I spent some time with a longtime galpal of mine last weekend. She's a wonderful woman and probably the only true "gal pal" I have.

Anyway she just got in a divorce a month ago after a 6 year relationship. She told me that she was struggling to "forgive herself" for making the decision to leave her ex. However whenn we met up last weekend she was at probably her most attractive, most confident and most successful I have ever seen her. I found it incredible (and scary) that she was able radiate like this after only being broken up for A MONTH. She also told me she already found a fuck buddy only ONE WEEK after she broke up with her ex. Her ex knows this guy too.

She told me that her ex "was a good man" but definitely not an "alpha". She told me how his quirks eventually drove her nuts. She was is probably more of a "guy's girl" chics I know, but she hinted about some eccentric/hypocritical behavior's I really dislike in women. She tells me that I should be more comfortable and "open" with my sensitivities/emotions i. e. they are not a turnoff to women. However she also alluded to saying this one of the major reasons she dumped her ex (I've been following Corey Wayne about this). It depressed me to hear this feminine double standard.

Anyway her ex was completely taken off guard by this break up (of course). I'm almost completely sure he went on cruise control after they got married and just brushed off her emotional/bitchy moments as no big deal. However I think this was a long time coming (in her mind) and finally she snapped.

Case in point I believe most women usually break up with men LONG before they leave them. They come to a mental decision, make plans (including back up guys) and then look for ways to "justify" the split (pay more attention to a guy's quirks, mistakes, etc). This is a strategy to placate their conscious. Not saying it's completely wrong, but it's really just sad. Most guys usually don't see this coming.

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by the way I completely love and support my friend. This poll might come off as knocking on her, but I support whatever decision she makes. However I'm just more frustrated with this feminine decision making in general.
I think my two biggest gripes about this are the following:

1. Many women (but not all) have the "grass is always greener on the other side" attitude when they get into relationships 2. Being a single lady is very "cool" and "strong" in our modern society. 3. It's completely fine to bash on your ex (who did nothing fundamentally wrong) to avoid feeling guilt.

Sometimes breakups are necessary but I don't like how our society "gives power" to women with this.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I will tell you my point of view, because I have been through this recently. I think women will often be unhappy in a relationship, and do everything they can in order to fix it. However, guys will often brush off her suggestions/wants to talk as 'nagging'. But she has a right to live a happy and peaceful life too. So by the time, she has packed her bag and has her hand on the doorknob, it dawns on the guy that she is serious, and is leaving. He will usually then try to save the relationship, but it is too late. She has already emotionally left it. The nagging, pleading etc has taken its toil! So guys, a word of advice. Listen to your ladies! If your women have a problem, hear them out! Help them work it out, because that's the time to save your relationship! Not when she is walking out the door!

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    • Yeah it's always the guys fault. Why can't women take personal responsibility for anything?

    • @IHateLife keep dreaming

    • @IHateLife We do. I am not blaming men. I am just explaining how women work. Maybe want we need to do ( if we truly love the guy, is agree to work on the relationship when he realises it isn't working for us) e. g. Like when we are heading out the door. And maybe guys need to realise that we HATE nagging, blaming, pointing fingers etc, and that when this happens it's time to address the problem head on and fix it. πŸ˜‰

Most Helpful Guy

  • Well most divorces are instigated by women. You are definitely right and I will go further to say that women will wait for months maybe even year to break up to coincide after major holidays and events such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's, St Patrick's, her birthday, that holiday you paid for, your sister's big wedding, If she will need a date for a wedding or party etc. Also a serious amount of women will wait until they have another guy before breaking up, have found another single guy they like that's single, or a guy they've always liked is finally single and through this they will always have a break in case of emergency backup guy in case they break up with you and end up single in which case the guy she breaks up with maybe the back up guy. I will say that any guy that gets into a long term relationship with a woman who already has a boyfriend or is married is a fool and a dick.
    As for double standards, I personally think it's unfair to condemn people's preferences and choices when it comes to dating as we are attracted to who we are attracted to and can't help how we feel. I've noticed that even the most feminist women will often end up with a sexist alpha male type and myself personally I could never date an obese woman no matter her personality.

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What Girls Said 15

  • What @Poppykate said is pretty spot-on.
    It draws huge parallels with the situation I'm in right now with my boyfriend where I feel like we've been on shaky ground for almost a year now. A 'break up' or talks of it has come up several times and each time that happens, I feel like it just brings me closer and closer to being able to deal the 'final blow'.

    Each time splitting is brought up, the idea of it and being alone starts to feel less daunting. So by now, it's not like I've been 'planning' a possible break up for long but if it does happen, it was in no way a spur of the moment type of decision.

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    • I know right! The guy I broke up with said it come out of no where! I just laugh! We talked on a weekly basis for years, with me saying that I was unhappy and how I needed for xyz to change in our relationship. Do guys expect for us to remain unhappy?

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    • well said. Very much agree.

    • I agree! For me, it was having a third person in my relationship with him... his mother! It sucked! Every major decision we made involved a call to his mother. Trust me! We definitely discussed this issue, and how I couldn't live with it!

  • i was in a relationship where something like this happened~ we broke up in the winter of 2012, but our relationship was over long before that.

    a couple of months before we officially broke up, i was out with some friends one night and one of the guys in our group asked me, "who's your backup"?

    the question caught me off-guard, esp. since i had given zero thought to dating anyone else, but he said that his most-recent ex had jumped into bed with another guy immediately after they broke up and that's what he thought all women did.

    nope, not me. no thank you... although i've been blindsided by someone breaking up with me while i worked to "save" the relationship.

    as for me and the guy... he did a lot of horrible things to me, and so leaving him (while not without its trials) was empowering. maybe that's the case with your friend as well~ you can't save something (or someone) that doesn't want to be saved.

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    • I say about 50% of the girls have a back up. It's been done to me after break ups.

  • I don't think they ''plan'' the break up.. but I think women in general do try to give their best so they think like ''I should've tried this to save the relationship''.. they give hints and they get upset because they kinda know where it's heading.. and when it doesn't work out any way they try to accept it's over in their head and then they try to find ways to tell him it's over.. so it's not like they get over him fast or it's easier for them.. it's just that they've been breaking up in their heads for quite some time and saying it out loud is the last step

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  • Oh ya we plan and know things way before men

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    • At least you are honest

  • Yes it's science that's why women get over breaks up faster then men and men hold it them for a very long time or keep it forever even if there the ones who dumped them

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    • impressive insight for a 14 year old

  • Your friends circumstances aside (I'm not commenting on that) yeah, I'd have to agree if we're the breaker it's planned for awhile before going through with it.
    Every time I've done it I wanted to make sure I was actually making the right decision and not being rash. That's not to say I'd have anyone lined up ready to go, but emotionally and starting to make plans if I had to move or buy new furniture, any complications etc I'd try and cover those before making the jump

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    • did you find yourself "testing" your ex more when after you started coming to this decision?

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    • I haven't seen that. Men dump women just as often, they aren't weaklings vying for attention waiting to be graced upon them. You seem to view men as incredibly weak beings with women overlords.
      Relationships don't always work out; such is life. Sure some people don't do it respectfully but thats across both genders.
      Women are heavily supported by other women because we nurture and look after our friends, as well as being honest about how we're feeling.
      Societal pressure and men in general don't vocalise as much if they're struggling, and how many deep and meaningful conversations do you start with your mates around their break ups?
      And it's socially accepted for both genders to be single. The eternal bachelor with his new woman every weekend? You seriously haven't seen this in every single city?
      Women are empowered when they make that choice because for the majority of time we had to rely on men to survive through marriage or family. Such is not the case now.

    • I've been more of a "eternal bachelor" in one way or another. I'm well traveled, have dated and slept with close to 40 women and I don't bow to women who disrespect me (admittedly I took a lot of shit in my early 20s but I got smart).

      HOWEVER it's very rare for me to find a woman I REALLY like. There is much more at stake for a man to open up emotionally and be vulnerable than a woman. That is WHY these break ups are harder for us. A women is much more likely to get support and find a back up man immediately after a break up. Not so for most men. If we act emotional we get labeled weak plain and simple. A heartbroken man is MUCH less attractive to other women vs. a women who just got out of relationship.

  • I don't know if this is the case with her. Sometimes it's the little things that gnaw away at someone to irritate them about their partner and then they are just frustrated with it all. It doesn't mean she had the other guy lined up. There's always some guy willing to fuck. That's not hard to find on short notice like ever. It all sounds really discouraging honestly but that's your friend. Be glad she isn't your lover.

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    • yes, I will say it again I'm not judging "her" specifically, I am glad she is happy. However I thought she was one of the better women out there and even she is't above this crap.

      It confirmed the bs that was pulled on me in my last two break ups. Also thanks for admitting that most women always have a likely fuck buddy around the corner to help them get over this. Much different story for most guys.

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    • I don't blame you! That would scare me too! I hope you don't mind me saying this but are you sure you aren't attracting a lot of shady, ruthless women in your life, including yiur friend, like "opposites attract?" We like being around people who are contrasting of us because they are exciting but look how devious they are! I hope that helps a little? I'm sorry you had to go through that and maybe you should change your "type" if you keep getting these results. Best of luck and love in the futureβ˜†β™‘β˜†β™‘β˜†

    • I was never really attracted to my gal pal (albeit one or two drunken moments). I did hit on her slightly last weekend but she started by laying her head on my shoulder on our way home. Went she came to my place she straight out said "you aren't getting laid..." and I responded defensively "what makes you think I was after that?" I was basically in the mindset that I wouldn't do it unless she obviously put it out there. Even if she did I was planning on having a good talk prior saying that it didn't mean anything. However her attitude CHANGE is what bothers me. She did NOT EVER act that way when I knew her in the past. Ever. I see this is a modern feministic society that is corrupting her. It's just depressing to see authentic women change because of this. The question is how do I find a authentic woman when society is becoming increasing feminized? Anyway best of luck finding a better man. Sorry about how things turned out with your ex.

  • I don't agree. I've only seen guys do this actually. The back up thing without loyalty isn't a typical woman thing. But you can't really generalise everyone of a gender

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    • well both my last exes did this to me. I noticed a change in their behavior 1-2 months BEFORE the breakup. They both started testing more and paying more attention to my quirks.

    • you need good glasses , ones that actually see all sides of the Spectrum ; your are clearly blinded on all angles but the one you want to look to

    • @SENSEI Nah I was looking for different colors. My 2nd to last ex I wanted a "break" from but not a permanent "break up". I loved her emotionally, but I just wasn't feeling the spark anymore. Think it was the time I was going through in my life. I lead her to it, but I regret how I did it (acting like a dbag on purpose).

      Last ex ghosted me completely with no warning. We dated for 9 months and the last month she pointing out my quirks a lot more. I also was too quick with the quickies. She was one of those girls where you had to be circus freak to finally make her climax in bed.

      Anyway it was shitty what she did, but I wasn't really that in "love" with that one (unlike the 2nd to last). I'll get a good pair of glasses.

  • Men do this too. I've seen it happen countless times. It's usually because the person hasn't worked up the courage to break it off yet. Sometimes that takes some time.

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    • Deciding to end a marriage is not a light ordeal. Of course she would give it some thought. While she was considering the breakup of course his quirks would annoy her even more. Because she's thinking about why she wants to end things so she's noticing them more and more until they become all she sees. And as far as finding herself a fuck buddy that is probably just how she is dealing with it. It doesn't mean she had him lined up before.

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    • What exactly is fundamentally wrong? He didn't cheat on her? Beat her up? Gamble all their money away on sloth fights?

  • oh, women plan so much more in advance when it comes to relationships. it's not just breakups :)

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  • I was debating about breaking up with my first boyfriend for awhile before I finally did. I wasn't sure if we were just in a rough patch or we were genuinely incompatible. I thought if I held out long enough, things would get better and our relationship would improve. By the time I realized the relationship was truly dead, a month or two had passed. It was at that point when I finally pulled the plug and ended it.

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  • not necessarely. i did it sometimes instatly

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    • I think instant break ups are justifiable if someone did something fundamentally wrong (cheating, physical abuse, etc). I dumped girls for this.

    • yeah. it happens. you can t plan a breakup unless you do love that person and yiu want to find a way to break up without brraking the person... if thay makes sense to you

  • I don't know if women plan longer than guys but-
    women do tend to plan ways ahead thinking of possibility and responsibility.

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  • Women start to leave the marriage emotionally long before they work up the courage to physically leave... many keep hoping something will change but when they don't they leave... I've never know anyone to get a back up guy... a lot of time they aren't even aware of whats going on just that they feel less connected and less connected until they are done then they start looking at options and ways to leave and what not.

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    • "feel less connected and less connected until they are done then they start looking at options and ways to leave and what not"
      eeeehhhhh isn't this actually confirming what he said? if you go looking for options BEFORE leaving ; then getting a back up guy for whatever motive ; sexual emotional or even financiary before leaving that relationships is exactly that ; if your Relationship dont work you pack and leave ; no need for option looking !

    • @SENSEI Yes and no, I meant like apartments and trying to find a way to do it on your own or a place to stay maybe (and they usually leave right around that point if it's conscious to them that that's even what they are doing - some peole don't even realize they are looking for a way out at first and will think they are helping out a friend who is apartment hunting and one day it just clicks). No one I knew was looking for romantic options while in a relationship and most had friends to confide in as far as the emotional stuff went just something was lost in communication with their partner and like I said most people can't see it while they are in it and going through it... they try to talk themselves into it being fine until one day they wake up and just feel disconnected and leave and looking back it becomes apparent that at some point they started to check out. Women not feeling emotionally connected is the same as a guy not getting sex... it just doesn't work. men & women are diff

    • fair anuff

  • I was the one to break up with all of my ex's and yes in my mind I knew that It wasn't going to last a lot longer I would start changing how I would act towards them not seeing them as much etc and a few weeks later I would break up with them.

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    • This is more of what I have observed. During his "fall out period" has any of your exes tried to rekindle anything? That is they sensed something is up and tried to make it up to you?

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    • This is depressing. I feel that women at this point will now "test" guys more and pay attention to his shortcomings so they feel better about break up. Also some women assume the guy already knows what's up (most don't).

    • I do assume they realise and see I coming also, the main reason I don't do it straight away is because I like to make sure that I won't regret my decision. But most of them were really clingy so it had nothing to do with him not paying me too much attention

What Guys Said 18

  • Yes. That's why most women start off like "I've been thinking...".

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  • This is something I have noticed over the years about a lot of females, how they will stay in a relationship until they can place the blame for ending it on the male and they always seem to already have another guy when they do walk way.

    A few months ago I had a female friend that was having martial problems, tell me she was going to divorce her husband and start hinting to me that she wanted to get with me.

    When I played dumb and did not respond to her hints, she backed off and surprise surprise 6 months later she is still with her husband and not talking divorce any more.

    After the hinting, I backed off from her. But a mutual female friend of ours, has told me that she has been running me down ever since and saying I hit on her and she put me down.

    The thing she does not realize, is that everyone she tells this to regards it as a joke. Because they know me, and know why I have a do not mess with married women period rule.

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  • Not sure about plan in advance more than men , I planned & executed the split with my ex wife... she definitely should have seen that coming , I went cold on her months before... she was lazy & just complained constantly.. so I got rid.

    One advantage women have is plenty of male options , women are desired by men far more than vice versa , also women have ultra close friendships with each other & well developed support networks... men do not have these in most cases.

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  • There was a point where I was concerned about a relationship I had with one of my best friends. The issue for me was based around the fact that I didn't know if I wanted to marry her. So we broke it off. (got back together a couple months later but still). The point was I had maybe a week's time where things were bugging me or just in the back of my mind, before talking with her about it. I didn't let it build up inside me.

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  • I answered yes. There are a lot of relationship articles and studies about this. Women initiate most breakups / divorces in the U. S., and it is generally accepted knowledge that when a woman acts on her intent to end the relationship that she has already accepted that it is over and has started to move forward from it.

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  • Absolutely yes. I don't know if I'd say much further in advance. But the decision is made before she actually does it awhile beforehand. It's not a decision is made and she does it same day. Guys tend to have a shorter window of time between the decision and actually breaking up. Some (not sure I can say most) guys will go through with it the moment the decision has been made. I've been with girls that the moment I said to myself "I need to end this relationship". If it wasn't that day, then it was the next day I broke up. Think longest I've ever waited was around 2 or 3 days out of scheduling alone, because I think you should break up in person if possible.

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    • It's far more common for a girl to wait a bit, lock down another temp guy (possibly even longterm male option) before breaking up. This could be as simple as a guy that's been hitting on her while you two were together and now she's beginning to give him the idea he may have a shot with her. Then week later she's single and free to do what she wants with that guy.

      It's very rare that a girly quickly jumps onto a new guy that she just met. Most times she met him while she was with someone else and is now just emotionally okay with doing something about it. I don't know if many girls do this consciously, but from what I've seen around most girls tend to do it.

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    • I was lucky enough to receive advice when I was younger that said, "Just be sure to act in a way that you can be proud of irrespective of the outcome. You do what you're gonna do". I'd have to say that's the best thing possible, even when it's hard.

    • I wish I got that advice earlier. I'm a deep thinker which is supposed to be a "good" thing but it's brought me mostly pain in relationships. I guess it's never too late to learn more.

  • I'd say without a doubt. Women in general over think so much more than guys do and women can be indecisive also. With guys, when that thought pops in our head, we usually make a decision right then and there and follow through, where a woman will usually go back and forth a bit before she makes up her mind.

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    • I dunno. I met a very good woman a few years ago that I loved in a every way EXCEPT I just didn't feel that physically attracted to. She was pretty but for some reason it wasn't there. I had to force myself to do it with her.

      With that girl I was very indecisive. I hated myself for not wanting her body (she was crazy about me at the time). She eventually dumped me but I drove her to it. Then she turned into a complete piece of shit later but that's another story.

  • Most women are never really satisfied with what they have, they always need everything to get better and better and better constantly or else they start looking for the door.

    They're looking for a magical wizard to make them instantly and constantly happy. And as soon as they realize you're not him, they feel perfectly fine betraying you, because you already disappointed their impossible standards, which to them is a form of betrayal.

    So they can justify ANYTHING they do to ANYBODY because their own personal happiness is the only thing in the universe that matters to them. I mean these women abort their OWN BABIES. They kill their own children in the womb, how much care or concern do you think they have for YOUR life, YOUR feelings?

    Most women have less than zero care or concern for anybody but themselves, and men who act the same way, usually learn this behavior in response to the behavior of women around them.

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    • And P. S., you're fucking STUPID to call this girl your friend, she's NOBODY'S friend. She is NOT your friend, bro. There's nothing she wouldn't destroy to make herself happy, especially little old you.

      She would set you on fire and watch you burn and then step right over your smoking carcass on the way to whatever new thing she thinks will make her happy.

      You shouldn't ever think she's your friend. How much of a "friend" was she to her ex-husband? That's the one man she promised to always love and protect no matter what, she stood up in front of her family and his with God looking down and she swore a sacred vow to be his very best friend forever.

      How can you possibly expect her to treat YOU any better?

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    • You're damn tootin'.

      I have heard some talk about guys having success finding women who grew up in rural poverty, maybe from 2nd or 3rd world countries, women who know REAL hardship, in other words. I've heard some guys pick up conservative, traditional-minded women at church, (some guys who are atheists or non-religious are now saying they started going to church to find a wife, lol!) I've also heard of finding such women at gun ranges, gun shows, and also working for charities, volunteering at a soup kitchen. Charities like that are a good place to find women who value the lives and well-being of total strangers, even homeless guys who smell like pee, so it stands to reason she wouldn't necessarily be the "cheating type" as it were.

      I don't think we can really redpill men and women collectively in less than 3-4 generations, I think men today just have to try to find a wife who has had less exposure to mainstream culture and propaganda, hook-up culture, Disney Princess culture...

    • thanks for turning me on to Mark Passio bro. I already shared it with my friends and even started a take on it www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a36424-neo-feminism-the-new-world-order-interesting-take-by-mark-passio
      You are right about women having different attitudes in other parts of the world. I spent 3 months in southeast Asia. Women out there were more than happy to hang out with a western man because we have a rep for treating them much better. Those women will treat a man the SAME WAY they treat them. They don't automatically write you off as boring, weak or manipulative if you are nice to them. They don't get turned off by it, but more to contrary. It's how things should be.

      I'm also guilty of the hook up culture. I'm a tall, athletic and good looking guy and I've used that to my advantage at times. Anyway good advice. I need to pull out my 38 and head back to the range more lol.

  • Yes, totally true, women don't just break up suddenly, but if the guy is attentive with the girls emotions there can be a way to counter this thing, break up with her immediately after you notice the signs with no explanation given. 9 times out of 10 she will come back within a couple of days with a cpmpletely changed mind.

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  • That's all women are, a double standard. They don't want you to share your emotions or be a stay-at-home dad or any of that crap. They just want something to complain about.

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  • Bitches be crazy eh? Plenty on this in the manosphere. The term is: hypergamy

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  • i have yet to meet a woman that broke up with her ex witouth having a backup dude already on the side... its extremely common , it happens for multitude of reasons ; unable to pay her own bills if she leaves and end up having to rent her own place on her own ; or she can't take beeing alone so she finds a provisory boyfriend untill she gets a real one again , etc etc...

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    • I say there is a 50/50 chance there is a back up guy. Classy women take their time to mourn and process. Not all girls are that scandalous.

    • When I break up, I go off alone.

  • yeah, but sometimes, guys do it too

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  • If she says that it's just cuz she wants a new guy board with her ex you can tell she is a player no girl sleeps eothva new guy in a week if she loved him ever

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  • Most women today are worthless sluts that will destroy your life. Avoid them like the plague.

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  • guys find it hard to believe that me for example could have a girl pal without getting in her pants

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    • most of the time I avoid the "friends" bullshit with women because they still look for handouts as if they are dangling something. In my early 20s I was sucker for that bs, but I wised up later. However I started strictly business with this chic when I met her 12 years ago. I also wasn't ever that attracted to her (except for maybe one or two drunken moments).

      But what I've noticed that since she's gotten in her 30s she's gotten smarter in all the wrong ways. She's gotten meaner, more sarcastic and feels less guilty for what she does. I'm not saint myself, but it's some women get worse when they get older. It's sad.

  • I don't know but i know I'm pretty bad at them. I always just suddenly decide I'm done out of nowhere and just end the relationship with a text.

    It's fucking horrible i know but on the bright side they get to feel like I'm the bad guy and they'll probably get over it quicker.

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  • most of the time. guys have no clue about this

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