Ex boyfriend doesn't love me anymore but I want him back?

Looking for advice. I was with my ex for 6 months and we fell fast in love, we both told one another we were the one and we talked about forever, marriage and children. I had a ton of trust issues and anxiety, every time I would get drunk I would lash out and call him names but he would forgive me hours later. On Canada day I did the same thing and I asked him if he was done he said yes and left. We woke up that day so in love and then Sunday night he was saying it was over for sure and that he didn't love me anymore. I gave him a month of space and we just spoke again. He said I pushed him away that I destroyed all his feelings for me. That he stayed because he loved me but that's gone now. I fully realize what I have done and I'm in counselling for my issues. I love this man tho and I want another shot, I don't understand that you can promise someone forever but give up like that. My question is if it was meant to be would he not be here? If I was truly his soul mate would he not want to try again? It's brutal that there is so much here and I think if we had another chance we could have what we always wanted. I realize everyone has limits and I pushed him to his. I just figured if I was the one he would never go.
Ex boyfriend doesn't love me anymore but I want him back?
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