Deleting text messages? Is this a red flag?

Ok. Every time a specific person calls/text my husband phone, mysteriously all the information is deleted. Mind you, he only does that when it's text messages going back and forth with this woman. He always keep my messages, but I feel like this is hiding something. I would like to know if I'm overreacting or is that a red flag for concern?πŸ˜”


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nah, he's probably discussing a surprise party for'ya.

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    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      Yeah. Surprise I'm cheating... lol

    • Nooo. A birthday cake where a stripper doesn't jump out. Gosh.

    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 26

  • My ex wife did this as well. She was having an affair. Tread carefully!!

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  • Few guys like it clean , no unnecessary mails texts or call details
    Even single people do it too..

    But in your case
    If he don't have a lock and deleting texts

    Something is definitely cooking

    Ur it may be him personal way of preventing you from suspecting him

    But yes...

    You better keep eyes open
    And talk him into it indirectly...

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  • Red flag if he feels its not innocent enough to be left on his phone, marriage seems like a joke now days lol

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    • Exactly. I have a friend who married her boyfriend just so she can say I'm the wife, despite the fact that she knew and had actual proof of him cheating. He does it in her face and she told me about one of the women on her actual wedding day. And of course he still does to this day. My husband brother is the same way. Taking marriage vows before God as a joke is what the world has come to today. Very sad, and hurtful for those that actually still take their marriage vows seriously.

    • lol thats sad, when they're so many dudes out there to lock yourself down to one whose respecting you

  • definitely a red flag.

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  • Definite red flag!!! You need to discuss this with him.

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  • Big red flag

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    • I'm hurting so bad right now πŸ˜”
      Because it has happened more than once. I give you πŸ˜₯

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    • If he won't do a random inspection of his phone then you have your answer

    • Thanks

  • I would think so, considering it's only when he exchanges messages with this woman. If he didn't care if you saw them, why would he delete them? He's definitely doing something that he doesn't want you to know about. I would be upfront and tell him to come clean. If he has nothing to hide, he'll probably not mind you check with the phone company about these texts.

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    • The phone company will only release to a lawyer.

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    • I'm so sorry! I'm not sure what to tell you. I wish I could help. But he's either cheating or considering it. If there was a valid reason, such as he and this woman giving you a surprise present or something, he would have no reason to get upset.

    • @OlderGuy965 yes, that's what I'm thinking. It's like something just isn't right. But I will go about finding out more the smart way.

  • Yeah , if i had a girlfriend or wife did that to me i would think it was a red flag and would wonder why she be doing that I think he owes you a reason on why he does that with his text messages or deletes phone numbers.

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  • Red flag red flag red flag red flag red flag

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    • Thanks. That's what my instincts said.. so sad

  • Or maybe he is just a normal human being who deletes all messages because they don't like to have clutter on their phone?

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    • That could be true as well, and I hope and pray that is the only reason.

  • If it seems to be only a certain one then yes.

    You should consider marrying or dating guys that are loyal if you don't like getting cheated on, in the future.

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    • We are married. And I thought I found one. But I don't think it is wrong for me to wonder what is going on. You are a man and it's obvious you agree with what I am wondering about this behavior. I just had a baby and I know..
      Ok. Thanks for your input.

  • Huge Red Flag

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  • Well I will not just lie and show sympathy to you but you really need to work on trust issues and may be those were important messages but knowing,
    How you will think about it?
    he just spares him the trouble and simply del them

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    • That's actually something to think about and consider AlphaGhost thanks for your input.

  • Does it even matter? If you cannot find it in yourself to trust him you have a serious problem already. You are part of the problem with your stalker attitude, do not check his phone.
    It can be completely innocent flirting, knowing you would overreact he deleted the messages. Yet still he might cheat on you, but like I said does it even matter if you can only live with distrust? I say dump him or learn to trust him.

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    • I agree about the trust issues... But flirting with someone outside of your relationship, that's never innocent, it's disrespectful and a spouse being upset about that would not be an overreaction.

    • Everybody flirts with other people, are you seriously saying you never did it? Also you have natural attraction to people. Cannot be helped. Yet you either choose to act on it or not. Talking with other women and flirting a bit is not disrespectfull at all, only if you turn it into an emotional or sexual relationship it would be cheating. You have expectations your partner can never live up too.

    • If you flirting with someone other than your spouse, that can lead to cheating. It's all the same. In a marriage, flirting is never acceptable just like cheating isn't. But I can see your point of view about the trust.

  • red flag for sure. i think u need to have a calm open conversation with him again and see where it goes. ask him if it would bother him if you did the same.

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  • Yes.

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  • Maybe he knows your looyat his shit guys say weird things we look up weird things maybe don't be so insecure

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  • No i delete grpup messages it too much on my phone after while

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  • Sorry but yes, be concerned. Go with your gut.

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    • Thanks. We have instincts for a reason. I will work on my trusting until actual proof is there in Black and White πŸ˜•

    • I caught my "wife" talking and texting with some dude. I called the wireless carrier and asked for all the numbers that she has called and also numbers that called her. Sure enough, it was exactly what I was afraid of. And because the phones were in her name only, she was able to password protect the account so I had no access to it. Guard your heart and prepare for the worst. Start documenting EVERYTHING! If you can type it, save it to a flash drive. Write it down on paper but don't let anyone find it. We are now separated and documentation is helping me tremendously. Good luck and take care of yourself.

    • Thank you for your input. I'm definitely going to take notes and actually have proof before assuming or taking any action. I'm praying this is not happening, but if it is. I'd rather know now than later.

  • Red flag!

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    • I don't know what to do or say

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    • Just ask him plainly, "why are you deleting texts from?" You'll see the look on his face. You'll know instantly.

    • If he gets mad, is that a yes. I don't see myself or anyone being defensive if you were innocent 😩

  • Not a red flag, he probably isn't cheating... Could just be dealing in human trafficking. No bigge.

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  • I dont think there should be secrets between married people. Red flag to me. But nevertheless I wish you the best ❀️

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    • Thanks. I agree. And I'm sure he knows that too. Just don't understand why not just be honest, of it's a mistake, and if it's not, why string me along in the process

  • yeah

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  • Yess it's red flag take measure before it goes out of hands

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    • How do I do that.
      How do I approach it differently this time

  • Nah nothing to worry about

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  • don't let the phone, run your life

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What Girls Said 14

  • Obviously he is hiding something if he's continuously texting her and deleting the text messages. Do you have an iPad or mac? Could enable the texts to go through that- they don't delete on them even if you delete from your phone, you have to manually delete them on the other devices. What an ass.

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    • It would be nice to find out what is going on, because
      Last night we picked up the kids and she didn't know I was in the car she started walking to the car then one of the kids open the door, she seen me and turned around I'm just not going anymore

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    • Exactly. I don't like or do drama, but if it happens again. We will have a problem.

    • Did you talk about it since then?

  • If he deletes all of his messages regularly then that not a big deal. Some people hate the clutter in their inbox. Now if it is convos with a specific person and no one else then yeah I would say that's a red flag. If his behaviour with that one person doesn't match his behaviour with the others then obviously there's something going on, whether it be cheating or him complaining to her or just anything he wouldn't want you knowing. Mention it to him and ask why he deletes them? People want to talk about how you need to just have more trust, but if he is giving you reasons not to trust him then that's understandable. Plus people will say you're over thinking and just need to trust him, but on the other side of the coin if he was cheating or hiding things from you and you just blindly trusted him they would all say you were an idiot for that too so don't listen to them.

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    • Thanks, because this is definitely true. I'm glad someone understand and see that I'm not deciding to be argumentative or accusing. It's actions that is causing me to wonder. So thank you.

  • Yes that is a red flag. He's hiding something because if it was nothing, he wouldn't be afraid of you seeing it.

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    • Yes, usually he doesn't delete his messages, but if it's a back and forth with his baby momma, he deletes all his messages except mineπŸ˜’

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    • I asked the first time it happened and he said he just delete his messages sometimes 😳 right, it just always happens when you talk to her 😲I asked him in a text today, no response and he's home now and he hasn't responded and I don't know if I should even ask if I already did in the text. I swear I'm losing my self, I just had a baby, my emotions are everywhere 😒

    • Well you can either bring it up again or just let it go. But you do have to realize that this is going to eat up inside until he comes clean with you. And what he said about deleting messages sometines is crap.

  • Big red flag.

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  • Or he is just clearing space on his phone and knows there is nothing important in those conversations.

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  • RED FUCKING FLAG

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    • Thanks. I know, but I hate I know πŸ˜”

  • I like to delete my text messages, phone call history, and pretty much anything else. For me though it's because I have OCD and it makes me feel better.

    For the guy your with this does not sound like what he is doing for he keeps your messages, if he was doing like myself he would delete everything. I think asking him might help, don't come at him like you think he is cheating. Maybe just say like you are curious as to why he deletes only her messages or something. If you don't come off as though you think he is cheating you will either get the truth or you will probably be able to tell if is is a lie. For he will most likely try to co. e up with a story rather than say 'why, don't you trust me?'

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    • I did and he still got angry πŸ€”

  • Check his call log on your phone bill. You can see if he's deleting all messages or just the one person.

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    • It's just the one person

  • Girl, go with your gut! Seems fishy to me

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    • l know, it's killing me not to listen to my instincts. Last night we picked up the kids and she didn't know I was in the car she started walking to the car πŸ˜•then one of the kids open the door, she seen me and turned around 😧😧 I'm just not going anymore 😒😒

    • You know this woman?

  • Ask him directly

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  • Definitely a red flag when you have to worry and question if you should be concerned or not :/

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    • True, we have instincts for a reason.

  • Yes! Red alert! Abort! Abort!!!

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    • It's my husband πŸ˜•πŸ˜”

  • It seems shady. You should just outright talk to him, and ask if you can call the person on the other side of the number, right there and then. If he has nothing to hide, he'll let you. But don't let him get away or text anything to the other person first.

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    • True, but I must say, she's the type that doesn't respect her self. I have spoken to her before and she even denied knowing him. Very weird.

    • soo she probably knows he's taken and she's a meanie that's still staying with him

  • The only reason I'm suspicious of his is because it happened to my friend... and yes she found out that he did have something worth hiding.

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    • *this

    • WowπŸ˜’πŸ˜“
      That's what is killing me, because I don't have real proof

    • I know ☹️ I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It may be innocent but I can see why it raises concern. Maybe you could try talking to him about it or encourage him to introduce you two if she's just a friend.

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