I've been cheating on my boyfriend! What should I do

Basically I have been cheating on my boyfriend of 4 years with three different guys. I've been cheating almost as long as we have been together. I seriously break down and cry every time I think about what I'm doing. I'm really not a sh*tty person I just make sh*tty decisions sometimes. I don't even know how it got started. I was dating one of the guys before I knew my boyfriend and we just hook up off and on and one day he just popped back into my life and we were together again while my boyfriend and I were dating as well. We are so used to using each other I think its second nature. He's kind of an asshole but he's the most honest person I know.

One guy is just someone I started having sex with unintentionally. He's married with 2 kids. I met him at a friend's dinner party and we got along really well. We had the same interests and opinions and the opinions we didn't share made way for like amazing conversation and debate. He's a philosophy professor, not that much older - 31, and *amazingly* gorgeous. He told me he hated his life and hasn't loved his wife for years. He came back to my apartment and we talked. Talking turned to sex and I thought it would end soon but no - its been 2 years and some change. I do love him though and he's been talking about leaving his wife and kids for me. Didn't think he was serious but he met with a divorce lawyer and everything. His crazy wife knows about me now and wants to kill me.

Guy three is someone who I worked with during my first internship. That was the convenient part – I could cheat and just say I was at work. We hook up sometimes but not like regularly.

My boyfriend started dropping the M-bomb on me recently. Not like anything serious but he says he can see us spending our lives together. I feel horrible! I just think to myself, oh yeah great, marry the whore its all good. I feel so bad and don't know what to do. The sad part is like all of the guys know about my boyfriend but he doesn’t know about any of them. So what now? I can try to drop the two meaningless ones and deal with the two that I love but even then how do I choose?! What would you do in my situation?

Also do they offer therapy or something for this stuff? It isn't the first time I have cheated and I think I have a problem. :/


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You have made a mess of things and you are burdened with guilt, temptation and indecision.

    If I were you, I would stop dating everyone entirely for six months to one year.so you can catch your breath and let the mess you have made will clear on its own. If you have sexual tension clear it with solo masturbation and physical exertion (exercise) but not in a co-ed health club.

    Do not concern yourself with anyone's hurt feelings or any duties or obligations you think you have. You owe nobody nothing and if you keep doing what you are doing, there will be much sadness and destruction done to those same people.

    Better: Sever everything now. You are presently a time bomb. Move to a new apartment. Maybe even another nearby town. New phone. New cellphone. New friends. New job if necessary. If you don't do this, you will suffer for years and could even contemplate suicide so you can disappear from the mess you made. I say disappear without suicide. Start completely over and start now.

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    • Yeah I'm definitely not moving. No man interferes with my money, my schooling, my friends, or my home. I'm happy where I am and I would never commit suicide. I am not the type of woman who feels like her life revolves around men or that men are even a reason to uproot her entire life. No way. I think you must be joking. Lol

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 16

  • Consider something: if this wasn't an exclusive relationship, you wouldn't even be close to having a problem. In other words, your problem isn't the cheating, so much as the lying, *especially* the lying to yourself.

    You clearly, clearly, don't want to be in an exclusive relationship with your boyfriend, and perhaps not with anyone. Why not just say so? There are men who--with a few reasonable boundaries--would have no problem whatever being in a relationship with you as you are, right now. Your boyfriend might even be one of them.

    What would I do in your situation? Tell a little truth, to him, and to yourself: "I don't think I'm ready for an exclusive relationship right now."

    And while this comes too late for you, but the sooner you have this conversation in a relationship, the better.

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  • You are a sh*tty person actually. At least you feel guilt though, so there's some redeeming quality.

    Why are you a selfish whore though? Why f*** so many other guys so frequently? Why be so damn selfish to want to keep this guy tied to you when you can't even stay committed and loyal to him?

    You should, if you haven't, broken up with your boyfriend by now. Never tell him what you did. Take that guilt as your punishment and don't inflict more pain onto him. You don't deserve a good guy who is loyal and loving when you can't even be the same. And you shouldn't unload some of your burden onto him. If you haven't, break up with him and just say you're not right for a relationship and want to see other people and think he should find someone better. Some of it might be cliche, but it's for the best.

    You have known what to do for years, I'm sure. Break up. Keep it to yourself. Why are you such a slut anyways? Why cheat so easily? What did he do to deserve this?

    And yes, you should go to a therapist, fast. You have serious issues. You should not date anyone, period, until you get to a therapist and work on your issues. And you should never date this guy again, he doesn't deserve the pain you inflict on him even if he doesn't know what you're doing.

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  • Ok, you need to realize that you are doing one of the most selfish things you can possibly do. I agree with ilyurbella, you do not love them like you say because you are hurting all of those men. What you need to do is find out why you need male attention. All of these relationships seem that they are doomed to fail. If you want to save any of them you need to stop talking to the other men. You might find yourself blaming your partners. Something like "he doesn't satisfy me" is just an excuse and is not the reason why you're doing this. You're boyfriends have nothing to do with this because you said this isn't the first time you cheated and you continue to cheat. So don't blame them, it's up to you if you truly wish to fix the problem.

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    • Thank you for agree with me =)

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    • Well if you truly love them then you should be brutally honest with you're boyfriend and let them know. Because the reality is that the longer you hide this from them. The longer you chose to hurt the people you love. So you got to do what either makes you feel good, or what's better for those you love.

    • Ya, seriously, if you really loved someone as in a lovers kinda way you wouldn't cheat on them. I do so hope you get what's coming to you. You're coming off as nothing but a little childish selfihs immature girl in a woman's body.

  • you need to break up with him and leave him forever. don't tell him you cheated just cut all contact. if you tell a man you been cheating the whole time with 3 men then well he is going to be an asshole the rest of his life

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  • You developed these relationships over time, Most people do. Is it really cheating when they came before your 'regular' bf? DON''T call yourself a whore, either, There are plenty of those but not you!

    Obviously you have to tell your boyfriend the truth. If he's a good guy he can handle it. If not, you're better off without him.

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  • Yeah I agree with dudeman, because of you he probably won't ever trust another woman or be able to open up in a relationship. You probably ruined his life

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    • Well that sucks though I don't want him with anyone else... :(

    • And you still can't see why you're selfish after saying something like that?

  • Break up with him. This might be harsh but if he found out that you are cheating on him that will devastate him and if you break up with him before he finds out it won't be as bad for him. Stop talking to the other 3 guys too, its nothing but trouble if you keep on talking to them.

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  • I read it all. Sounds a little like a HollyWood script :S

    I kind of envy you, although you are a cheater. It is because you have the love of 3 men. Thats a lot of love and attention. Fuck. But you are undeserving sadly.

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    • I am not kidding when I say this, but if you can move to another country and start fresh?

      Or confess everything to everyone

      You need to first clear your head. You need some mental peace and stability to take a right decision. Forget your problems for once and do something that will help you relax. Then maybe you can think and take a right choice. How about some apple pie? In my country we dont get it almost anywhere :(((

  • i can't posssibly blame you

    its pretty obvious he is nt pleasing you the way that special person would.

    we have this society that tells us that you will find only ONE person that fits in perfectly with you and blah blah blah. well for someone who has dated many chicks and had intimacy and amazing chemistry with half of them ill tell you that's a load of crap.

    anyone can find (easily) a lot more people who they can feel understood and loved and an amazing chemistry.

    dont blame yourself I think the only stupid decision you made was stay with the guy for so long.

    just end it with him. you are young and have a lot to find out about yourself.

    thrust me itll make you feel less sh*tty about yourself

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    • I must say young man I do believe you are an idiot.

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    • I like the mental gymnastics and I think you proved my point for me

    • You're an idiot... no wonder you're not here anymore.

  • There's nothing you really can do to make the situation better you've pretty much fucked yourself in the process of fucking 4 different dudes at once, lmao. Either tell your boyfriend in which case he'll probably leave you, or don't tell him in which case he'll eventually find out and will probably leave you... but hey, at least you've got three other guys to fall back on.

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  • if you have the sligthest molecule of love for this person leave him. believe me, its the best thing you can do for him if you ever felt the slighest feeling towards him. and you can fuck non-married men from now on. its not the best to destroy families you know.

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    • and please dont mention the word "love" with your filthy mouth. you have no idea what it means. you never showed real love cause you dont have it. and judging from some of your answer here like "geez like i'd ever be affected that much my life doesn't revolve around men" "why do you say i'm selfish" and stuff like that, i deduct you are a huge ass sociopath maybe even psychopath and narcissist. whatever the case is you are a very ill person and guess what il people dont know that about themselves. go to a nut house and ask the inmates if they are crazy. they'll mock you. none of them accepts or realises that.

  • Don't kid yourself. You're are shitty' person right. How do you make a shitty decision continuously for 4 years? You're only thinking about yourself and how it's affecting you. You're destroying multiple peoples lives yet the only one you concern your self with is your own.
    I wonder if you had a serious sexually abusive past and or shitty relationship with your dad.

    Let me itemize some key points here:
    -You have no intentions of marrying your BF yet think nothing of stringing him along. You've basically destroyed him emotionally already he just doesn't know it yet.
    -You're exposing your BF to an STD from the other partners. Which i seriously doubt is just at three.
    -You don't know what love is, if you loved him you would have never cheated/continue to cheat.
    -You're a party to helping to destroy a marriage. Can you really complain when it happens to you?
    -Seems you only want advice on how to keep your BF and a side dude and couldn't give a fuck who gets hurt.

    Your life revolves around men/multiple men, it does. Look, except for the married dude you can have this arrangement if you're honest with all parties. The fact you can't, proves you know it's wrong. I've heard of open relationships... some actually work.
    Find a good counselor and maybe you can get to the issue of why this happens.

    Nothing is worse than a bitter, middle-aged women that's single because she fucked over every guy that loved her. Don't become that person. STOP LYING, life is easier when you don't lie.

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  • when did you become such a selfish whore

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    • How am I selfish?

    • That's an easy one, why couldn't you break up with your guy 4 years ago? Even after the first time. Because you like him treating you as well as he probably does? Because you want to keep a great guy in your life? Selfish... if you can't see how you're selfish, well then clearly you're an idiot too.

      Wouldn't say you're a whore though. At least a whore gets money for sex. You just give it up. Thus, a slut.

    • yeah you're just a sh*tty person basically and I do hope you can be honest with this guy and tell him youve been cheating on him for the duration of the relationship

  • your and evil bitch and I hope you die a miserable death

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  • The only thing wrong with this situation is that you are manipulating your boyfriend. If you wanna hookup, then hookup nothing wrong with being young, but just break up with him. Have some decency, its not hard. GEEZ!

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    • Well I don't want to just hookup. You don't stay in long term relationships (even if you are doing multiple ones at the same time) because you just want to hookup.

  • you seriously need to talk to a consultant!...i think you are in some deep trouble...socially!

    if you don't change this now...you won't be able to change it ever! and might cry later on!

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What Girls Said 3

  • Seriously, you just didn't cheat on your boyfriend. You actually 1) Cheated on him with three others guys 2) Cheated on the guys too 3) Screwed up your whole life basically and lastly 4) You have the titled of whore over your head now.

    You don't love any of them enough or at all for that point.

    If you loved your boyfriend, you wouldn't have even done this & you wouldn't have done this is over the past 4 years & lied to him about this and not be honest.

    If you loved guy number one *the asshole* you would had simply broken up with your boyfriend to get the honesty you wanted.

    If you loved guy number two *the married one* you would had left your boyfriend, told him that you wanted him to get divorce to be with you & not care what happened because you loved him. And his wife, well soon to be ex wife, has all the rights in the world to want to kill you. Don't act all innocent because you're sure as hell are not. She's not crazy for wanting you dead. She's being realistic because you screwed up her marriage. How do you think her kids feel too? Knowing that their father cheats and the marriage is corrupted?

    If you loved guy number three *co-worker* or even liked him, well you still would have left your boyfriend. You just want sex. That's all. Now you have to pay for this and look into your boyfriend's eyes everyday knowing that you're still lying and knowing that when you say you love him, that's the worst lie ever.

    And yes, you do have a problem. Go to a therapist, talk about your problems, and break up with your boyfriend because he's too good for you or anyone like you.

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    • How did I screw up my entire life? My life is pretty amazing actually except for my relationship with my br. And I do love the two I mentioned. I would know that better than anyone else.

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    • Yeah I'm sure I wouldn't understand being a relationship for almost 3 years. I wouldn't know anything about that.

    • She's completely right.

  • I think you love the penis and while I see nothing wrong with that you need to not be in any serious relationship until those urges are no longer with you. Just have bf's and they all have the knowledge that they are not the only one using your vagina.

    This is pretty much my lifestyle and I do it because I know I am not ready to settle for just one lover all the time. I love the excitement of something new sexually and threrefore do not get romatically attached to any one guy. I do have increditably great sex with most of these guys and they are quite aware that soon after them someone else will be f**king me. Only if and when this attitude with me fades would I ever consider getting into a serious relationship with someone.

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    • Katiesmuff you're absolutely right. The multiple partners aren't the issue as much as the lying and the misleading.

  • why is the wife always the crazy person well as for being a philo proff I think he needs to retake his Ethics class. As for you I'm sorry but I believe in KARMA good luck with that your giveing the good girls a bad rap if you think you have issues try your local mhmr I'm shure they can assist you in any way possible. :)

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    • The wife isn't always the crazy person but this woman is.

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