My boyfriend won't let me tell him about my past.

[Anonymous]

I have been dating a guy for over a year, we spend 3-4 days/nights together every week and we are very close in most areas. He knows that I have an abusive past (abusive ex-boyfriend, was also raped) but he won't let me talk about it. I have bad dreams sometimes and he wakes me up from them but if I try to talk about them he shuts me up and says he does not want to hear about anything that happened before we were dating. Though that is not true because he is interested in other ex boyfriends and such, but won't talk to me at all about the trauma in my past. I have always wanted a partner I could share this with, someone who would still love me despite those things but he just won't let me. Why is he not interested in this part of me? It make me feel like that part of my past disgusts him or something and I don't understand why?

[Louise123]

Sweetheart, I am so sorry to hear of your abusive boyfriend and all the miserable abuse you suffered at his hands.. You have MOVED ON... THAT is in the past - and that is how your current boyfriend views this. You feel he's not being supportive of you - but I think he feels that he can't really help you with this extremely traumatic experience. If you don't feel you can go on and give this new guy a chance l00% - you really shouldn't BE in a relationship because clearly you are not ready. You need to talk to a professional - a counselor who is educated in this knid of thing. This boyfriend is NOT your therapist - Please don't turn him into one. Obviously, he doesn't want to talk about this past of yours - it does not affect him and his feelings for you. Lots of guys are uncomfortable with strong feelings/issues like this and he may be one. You have to honor his feelings, too. I am sure he feels horrible about the way you were treated - but if you continue to bring up this past of yours... over and over and over.. YOU will push this guy away. He doesn't want the drama - he only wants both of you to be happy. Is he respectful? Kind? Honest? Does he try to make you happy? If he does - you have a good guy. Don't punish him for what happened in your past. He cannot help you get over this, Sweetie. YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP.. OR.. accept that you have started a new chapter now - the other is DONE - and you are GOING FORWARD. NO guy wants to live in the past. Would you want him to keep bringing up his past over and over and over? You would want to MOVE ON. Please work on that. Living in the past will get you nowhere. Hugz.

[Asker]

Very good answer and I definitley understand what you are saying and agree but I do have some issues that I haven't been able to get over stemming from the abuse and since he won't talk to me about any of it he tends to be pretty insensitve about it. Example: I get freaked out when he chokes or slaps my face during sex. He gets mad that I freak out, I feel like if I could explain a little about my past he would understand why and be more patient but he won't give me the chance?

[Louise123]

Did you say he chokes you during sex? What are you doing with this guy? You just said he acts insensitive.... What are you getting out of this? A guy who LOVES you treats you with kindness, respect, love, and honesty. Is that what you get from this guy? Good Lord, Girl....

LOSE HIM. He sounds awful.

[gonaners16]

From reading this and comments on other answers... wow you sure picked a loser for a boyfriend! He doesn't seem to understand that you are a human being. He also doesn't understand that hitting, slapping, and rough sex in general bothers you. He doesn't realize WHY it bothers you because HE WON'T LISTEN. Dump him, and find someone who will really love you and listen to you, find someone who will want to help you get through your past.

[foooo]

If he loves you and doesn't want you to talk about it maybe he's indicatiing you to forget and move on and by talkin abt it, it would always be there in by the way you two. But if you try not to talk abt it, after a time even ull forget it ever happened! If he loves you then he'll probably not be disgusted with your past- maybe he's tryin to stop you from reliving it all the time... also maybe he can't stand the thought of hearin such harsh tales in regards to u... wahtever it is if he loves you try believin in him and workin with him his way and stop doubtin yourself by thinkin he's ashamed of u