My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years broke up with me. We have a 2 year old son.

[Anonymous]

I love him w/all my heart!...what do I?

I'M SORRY I KNOW MY STORY IS LONG...I NEED ADVICE, I HAVE NO ONE 2 HELP ME!

My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years broke up w/me today. Were both 22yrs old. We have a 2 year old son. I had been living w/him for the past 2yrs at his parents house. This past year was a pretty bumpy road for us. Always arguing w/each other for the stupidest reasons. He of course would always blame me for the arguing and that everything was my fault...as time went by I noticed he became heartless and just say things to me so bluntly without caring if he made me cry. Well Last week he told me that he had had enough and that he couldn't go on arguing like this..so he had a serious talk w/me and said that he thought it was time we had a "break"...from each other for a while. I agreed, of course crying. I felt like he had kicked me out of his house in a "nice" way...so the whole week went on. He would hardly make conversation w/me if any...he would just text me to see how our son was doing or if he could pick him up for a little bit. We had decided that we were gonna take turns keeping him on the weekends...so this weekend its my turn to keep him...(while he go's out I guess) I have tried to keep it together and to try not to make contact w/him but its really difficult considering that we have a son...All he told me this weekend was that he sees' that I have probably come to the point where I have realized what I've done that has gotten us in this position and he sees me hurting because I want him back. He said he hasn't reached that point yet and to give him time to feel it...He said not to think negative of this " break" because he's not trying to look for someone else...that we just need time apart. So I tried not to text him or bug him but I just couldn't help myself for goodness sake! So today he just told me that he's tired of trying so many times and not making any changes. He's completely done w/arguing and SO over it. He doesn't even want to try anymore, That he loves me and I will always b his only love...and hell never fall in love again. Then he said that why I was making it harder to let go if he was sure that I would find someone better for me because I was pretty and that I deserved better...We were both each others first loves; He also said that "at this moment I don't wanna be w/you"...so I gave him back a promise ring that he had given me when we first started to go out. He wanted me to keep it but I said no because he had broken that "promise to one day marry me"...he got upset. And we left it at that.

I'm really broken hearted and I don't know what to do or what to think. and YES this makes it even more difficult because we have a son which he'll come around and see every other day...SO WHAT DO I DO? FORGET ABOUT HIM? MOVE ON? give him time?...i never thought this would happen to me. I just hate myself because I can't stop crying. its like I have a battle with my inner self and my heart which just won't let go. This just happened day... will he come back? ugh. so numb and broken. PLEASE HELP!

[Kiara369]

Your story sounds similar to mine, minus the child and the living together. As much as you don't want to hear this it helped me when some one said this to me, It's time to move on. Trust me I know how hard it is, I've been there myself but eight months later and I am OK. The fact that you have a child together makes it REALLY hard to cut all ties, but by not seeing him or having anything to do with him will make it easier. The more contact the harder it will be. Ask a friend or your mom; someone you trust, to take your child to your "ex-boyfriend" so that you don't have to see him. If you can have that person keep contact with your "ex-boyfriend" so that you don't have to talk to him that would be great, if not then communicate through texting only because it is less personal and it will help you to get de-tached. Another thing to do is to journal and write down past arguments and how you felt at the time, how mad or upset it made you and why. When you start to miss him go to your journal and remember the mean things he said and how distant and heartless he acted towards you. I know you will never stop loving him and he may never stop loving you, but you guys are not "in-love" anymore and the last thing you want is to live another 4 years fighting. Comming from a personal experience you will cry, and it is ok. You will miss him and maybe be mad at him, that's ok too. But ask yourself this, did you know who you were before you met him? It will be one of the hardest thing you will do but hindsight is 20/20

Hope this helps and I wish the best for you and your child.

[Asker]

Thanks for reading my story and for your advice. I really appreciate it. I will try my hardest to do as you said, I was also thinking like you ...to stay away from him as much as I can because seeing him or even txting him won't help me de-tach from him at all ...it would b as if were just mad and not really not OVER with and it would also give me hope of us getting back together.

Thanks again!

[Kiara369]

Yeah no problem. Once again I know what your going through. Be Strong and keep your head high!!! You can do this =)

[brettb]

Yea seriously do the journal thing though. You don't even have to look att ever again once you write what you want down. Its actually a type of therapy that my psychologists suggested I do when I had problems with my ex and it worked. Like she said it will hurt but sometimes you need to get what ur feeling out if you don't feel like talking to anyone. If you keep ur feelings inside you will just be more upset trying to hold back what you feel and that isn't good for ur mental health.

[Kwong]

Hey there, I feel your pain. I am in exactly the same situation as you. Honestly it's scary how similar situation we're in. It has been 2 months since my ex ended it for good with me. He see our child 2 days through the week and every second weekend. It kills me to be without my baby that long, but to also know that whatever they are doing I use to do with them is even worse. Honestly, I have tried everything to try and move on with my life, exercise, met up with friends, read books on how to get over your ex, seen a counsellor. Everything. At the end of the day I want him back, I want my family back. I know this isn't answering your question, but stay strong, be good to yourself and be number 1 for your son. I hope that in time your ex will see how strong and confident you are and want you back in his life. That's what I am hoping for myself. Good luck honey.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response! I'm sorry your going through the same pain as I am! It really sucks to put your child in the middle of all this I KNOW...in the end I'm sure all we want is what's best for our child, and then you think "well is this really what's best for our CHILD or US? its not fair! Good luck with everything!

[brettb]

Im sry to hear that about you and him. I tihnk that you should have a serious conversation again about trying to get back together and if he says no, Hold it together and just be like," ok, well I hope you find what ur looking for." and end it like that. That will drive him crazy. It will make him think that he was the one that screwed up and he will evaluate himself over and over again. And when he you see him to drop off ur kid, do not cry. Don't show emotion to him. Its much much easier said than done, I know but tryy that. Prepare yourself for th worst. I don't care if you didn't even want to hear that or not. Don't let this give you hope in any way. I cacme here looking for answers on my ex some time ago and was just only hurt more because people were given me hope and it still didn't work out between me and her. You need to try and find a new guy one that will be better because obviously trying to do something to forget about him is out of the picture. Good luck with everything and I hope you find sometihng that will work 4 u

[Asker]

Thanks for taking your time to read my "essay"...lol I really appreciate your response!