What do you think of 'leaving him/her because I love him/her'?

[aialex]

[KAF87]

You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take.
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind and do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind.

I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying,
And I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling,
"make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back
And shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered,
"How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.

^ Hate Me by Blue October

This song was originally intended for his girlfriend and ended up being about his mom. He is refering to the damage his drug addiction plays on others.

The fact is there are many ways to hurt others. Some times it is as simple as having two different paths in life. You can try and change, drag the other person down with you, or love them enough to free them.

I've lived it, when I was younger there was a girl, I wanted her so badly. However she was pure and good, and in a moment of clarity I knew that the darkness inside me would drag her down with me and destroy what I loved about her. I had to stay away for her benefit.

[4pple]

That's stupid. In the image example the guy said he kept hurting her. Instead of leaving her, a good person would've changed themself to avoid hurting her again.
If you love someone you'll do anything to stay with them, and if they don't love you then you'll either respect that decision or you'll try to get them back. But leaving someone because you're too selfish to change yourself and stop hurting her? That's stupid.

[aialex]

Well said *thumbs up*

[KAF87]

I disagree, a leopard can't change it's spots.

Some times you can see something beautiful that you know you want and love but you also know you are toxic to it.

[4pple]

So if you know you're toxic, why don't you change it? Nobody is inherintly bad and with enough effort one can change that, especially if it's a trait thats so bad it puts a relationship a risk and makes someone else feel bad. Being a bad person is a choice, not genetic.

[KAF87]

That's a gross over simplification of how "Bad" works.

Also it isn't as simple as good / bad.

Here is an example:
You meet your SO post College. You two are perfectly happy and share both life direction and interests.
2 years later, he wants kids, she doesn't ever. Should she sacrafice, career, her freedom, and a bit of her happiness to have children for him? Should he sacrifice his dream of ever having children for her? Or would it be best since they love each other to maybe let the other go to be free to have happiness?

[4pple]

That's a difference in expectation from life, not a fundamental part of character that's toxic or harmful to the other person. Having a difference is not the same as making someone cry and feel bad all the time, it's just that, a difference, and either you find a compromise on it or it won't work. You can't compare that to the statement in the image, it's not something that "hurts her all the time", it's just diffrent opinions/expectations.

[KAF87]

Ahh but there are so very many ways to hurt a person. Sometimes without knowing it.

I worked for a man who was a workaholic. His lack of giving time to her ended his marriage.

While some things can be solved with therapy, counselling, and compromise, other issues are simply aspects of who you are.

Toxic relationships can form very subtly and can be hard to leave.

Maybe you can change, maybe you can't, maybe changing destroys who you are, maybe you should free the other person.

It has been my experience that people don't really change, it's an expectation that a lot of women have and it rarely works out. You can grow, adapt and improve but some traits are persistent.

[4pple]

I guess then it's me projecting myself onto others, I've changed so much just for my exes when we were together I don't even recognize myself. But i always considered it worth it because they were happier with me, which made me happier as well.

[KAF87]

There's changing to accommodate some one else. (like sleeping on the left side of the bed when you prefer right)

In any legitimate relationship you need to adjust to fit the other person. However you aren't likely to change core traits about who you are and what you believe.

Can you change who you are at a core level? Yes and there are times people do this and it's a great personal achievement. However you should go giving up who you are for someone else. Doing so basically makes you superficial.

It may be hard to believe but some people are dark deep down. It's not a matter of choice or a few actions in life, it's who they are. Similarly some people are deep down light, that's who they are.

I would never stay with someone if who I was, what I was, or some other thing about me continually causes her pain. It's torture.

[KAF87]

I see this happening some times when parents loose a young child. They love each other, but they are both deeply sad, they can't be the happy people they were, and looking at each other only reminds them of the loss.

[Yasmine007]

I left my ex because I love him.
And because he kept hurting me until it hurt too much and I stopped loving myself.
We couldn't give each other what we want and/or need.
I think we deserved a chance to find everything we want and need (without getting in the way of each other).

[marilynmansonssextoy]

Cracks in her heart through her eyes... hardcore...
xx
~ Mrs Manson

[savalisk]

I think it depends on the context.
I don't agree that you leave someone because you love them.
Maybe you love someone so much but you leave them because you can't spend time with them anymore. As in, two people from two different countries meeting, falling in love but, because of distance, they can't find a way to stay in touch physically.

[boggboss]

Kinda stupid meh just people trying to be cool

[aialex]

Meh. I agree

[boggboss]

Like the guy under me said if u can see that u hurt her just change people are so stupid

[aialex]

Stupidity is everywhereeee

[ShesAmerican]

Lmao. Pussy

[your_ego]

its good. win/win.. im all about win/win