Listen to me girl. I don't care what everyone else says. Love & "chemistry" is almost irrelevant when choosing someone to spend your life with. Love is something you grow deeply and madly into because you have decades to do that, but leading with "love" is bound to cause trouble in 90% of cases. This is an extremely poor foundation. People and circumstances change. 5 years down the line, "love & chemistry" can't keep a failing relationships together. It might actually make things 10x worse, because it fogs you're judgement. Build off similar values and core beliefs is the best way. (Ie. we want kids, we both want to be married in under 4 years, we want to retire early, we're christian, he provides for us) your "desire to be a family" might end up wasting your life and ruining your child's. Partners like this tend to get worse and worse overtime. In 2 years, who knows just how he'll behave? NOBODY should EVER, EVER dictate to grown woman that she can't have social media or needs to be kept on a timer like a dog. He undermines you and thinks that he can't lose you. That's why he behaves this. If he knew you could get up tomarrow and dump his sorry ass he would NOT be acting this way.
Remeber you ALWAYS have a choice. Free will is literally impossible take away from yourself, no matter how hard you try. My BEST reccomendation is 1. Deeply decode your love for him. Sit with it. Why do you "love him" so much that you are putting with this? Are you staying out of fear or because this is the man of your dreams? If you want a happy healthy family, is he in alignment with that plan or is another man better for the job? Just talk with yourself. Sit with this for weeks if you have to. 2. You are THANKFULLY not legally bound to him. Leave. Go to court and take custody of your child. You are a beautiful 21 woman. Take this man as a lesson, nurture your child as best as you can, and move on to something better. It might seem extremely difficult at first because you're shocking your fear response to uncomfortable situations, but like all things it will pass and you will be SOOO glad you chose the life YOU want and the people you want in it. Not whatever scraps of cheap "love" he decided to give you for listening to his demands.
Leave him if he doesn't change
Personally, I wouldn't put up with someone like that for one minute. That dysfunctional, immature, overbearing, jealous, controlling and abusive. He could even have narcisstic personality disorder. I'd tell them to fuck off.
The problem with someone like that is, their behavior is embedded in their emotions. It's not rational. So it's almost impossible for them to change. The behavior will get worse.
Consider this, there can be no love without trust. A healthy relationship is based on mutual regard, respect and trust. So, if he doesn't trust you and he acts like he's your daddy or your boss, he doesn't know what love is. Your compliance with not fix that.
If it were the other way around and it were my girlfriend being like that to me I'd leave immediately. I'd tell them it's over. If they don't accept it I would get my family involved and probably end up with a restraining order against them. And if that doesn't work id resort to a PPO. But only if the restraining order didn't work. Although it would be more difficult for me because I'm not a woman. It wouldn't be so easy for me to get one placed on a woman. As opposed to a woman having either a restraining order or an ex parte ppo placed upon me. Regardless of whether it was needed or falsely applied
Opinion
56Opinion
Love me or leave me and let me be lonely
You won't believe me but I love you only
I'd rather be lonely than happy with somebody else
You might find the night time the right time for kissing
Night time is my time for just reminiscing
Regretting instead of forgetting with somebody else
There'll be no one unless that someone is you
I intended to be independently blue
I want your love, don't wanna borrow
Have it today to give back tomorrow
Your love is my love
There's no love for nobody else
Say, love me or leave me and let me be lonely
You won't believe me but I love you only
I'd rather be lonely than happy with somebody else
You might find the night time the right time for kissing
Night time is my time for just reminiscing
Regretting instead of forgetting with somebody else
There'll be no one unless that someone is you
I intended to be independently blue
Say, I want your love, don't wanna borrow
Have it today to give back tomorrow
Your love is my love
My love is your love
There's no love for nobody else
You're 21Yo and if this loser is actually acting like this right now can you even imagine how he is going to go ballistic in the future. Move back into your parents for a couple of weeks change your address back to your parents and block that overbearing douchebag's Phone Number to be perfectly honest.
Why do you choose to keep digging your self a hole, that you might not be able to get out of? Not worth it! Who would ever think they are worth it? You deserve to be respected. And you need to have the freedom to think for yourself. Hang out with who you want your choice not his. Leave him before he becomes physically abusive. You can find someone else who treats you right.
You can have a kid and still co parent, without having to be together romantically. Specifically for your kid, you should leave because you don’t want that child to think that behavior is normal. You don’t want that child to see his/her mom being mentally or emotionally abused. It starts with mental/emotional abuse first and then it will turn physical. The more you give in to his will, the more he willing to see what you will put up with from him.
Love is trust. How can he love you if he doesn’t trust you? I think he enjoys the power he gets from controlling you. He might not have control in other areas of his life so he tries to control you. Girl, does he pay your cell phone bill? If no, you don’t got to respond to him period unless you want to. Even if he does pay it, you don’t have to do sh**! If you got to ask a whole bunch of strangers if it’s worth it, that’s how you already know it’s not worth it. Don’t ignore the red flags you see.
You might as well wear red all the time, as you love the drama.
Raising kids with such shitty men has never ended well for anyone. You're just going to end up another statistic on the side of the road if you keep going.
Men and women who exhort overt control are usually the type to react violently when the means or subject of control is removed. This is mainly as they mentally invest heavily in it. So like a child getting a tantrum when you say no, or take away, they lose control of themselves.
Get rid of that control freak. Somebody who respects you will not treat you like they own you. You don't need to be walking on eggshells all the time just so he won't get pissed. Do yourself a favor. Judging by your looks, you could have pretty much any guy you want; so why not find one that will treat you right? You don't need to be treated like shit.
Where there is doubt there is insecurity and where insecurity there no personal space in love life. Love life is good but when you have your personal space as well. If he doesn't interfere in your work or frnds then be with him else leave him and find new one.
This is scary controlling.
Sorry but you're going to face a decision soon.
Submit or resist.
I don't know how to convince anyone not to be a tyrant without force so I don't have any real advice.
He's too controlling.
I hope someone else can give you some insight HOW to deal with this.
I’d say to leave if you can safely. This is not a healthy relationship. His insecurity is something he needs to work on. Controlling you by who you interact w isn’t going to fix his issues. No person should ever expect someone else to completely resolve their issues in a relationship, that is soley up to that person to fix them otherwise they will never be happy. I can understand your love for him but you have to realize you can only do so much. After a while he’ll only tear you down w him as well, it’ll drain you. Your son child does not need to grow up in this lifestyle as they will continue to live that cycle on their own love life one day. I don’t think you’re concerned about meeting someone else. But if you are, you should t be, you’re very gorgeous. Good luck to you.
u U have to decide if giving up your free will is worth it as he won't change and start acting normal this will be your reality
This controlling behavior is NOT masculine energy. No it’s height of insecurity. It’s sad (and frustrating) that so many women fall for these guys.
You need to leave him carefully. Be forthcoming that his behavior makes you feel trapped. But say it lovingly. These guys can be very dangerous.
even if you have a kid together, both you and the kid would be better off without him. it's not going to be a healthy relationship.
What a difficult situation. It's hard to imagine him improving on his own. He needs help. A social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist. I don't know which. If it weren't for your child, I'd have said run.
Please encourage him to seek counseling. All of you will benefit regardless of the final outcome.
Leave him.
The codependent in you translates controlling behaviour into care and therefore love.
It's not love its his ego and insecurity. You're a thing not a person to him.
Do some research on attachment styles. I'd put money on you either being an anxious preoccupied or anxious leaning fearful avoidant. Neither are your fault, they formed in childhood. They are your responsibility to change, especially with a child yourself.
This is him being seriously controlling. I've been in a situation like this myself. Dont let him tell you how to live your life and Don't let him stop. you from seeing your family and friends.
Tell him his insecurities are down to his issues and nothing to do with how your making him feel.
It’s sweet that you want to make things work w/ him since you have a kid together but continuing to love someone regardless of their red flags will only cause you emotional harm in the long run and staying w/ someone for “the sake of love” or for the sake of being a family won’t do you much good if your partner remains toxic/controlling throughout the progression of your relationship.
thats scary.
i say don't let anyone take away your freedom or identity or personality.
don't erase your social media. call the shots and tell him off. if you controlled him i bet he wouldn't like it.
time to tell him thank you and good night.
This will never get better, and sadly will get worse, and possibly much worse.
I would leave as soon as possible.
He may end up stalikg you, so be prepared for that as well.
100 % controlling you. and guy that loves you would just tell you how he feels he would never demand for you to do anything I think if you stay with him. Sonner than later your going to start to have more and more problems
Did you try asking him why he is so terrified of letting you talk to other people? it's not ok to control someone, but he may simply be too dumb to know how to handle his fears. If you ever cheated on him, then his fears are founded, but still that would call for a breakup.
Either way though I don't see this ending well.
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