I treated her badly, I can't forgive myself and I want to prove how much she means to me.

Hi, To keep it short my ex of 2 years left me a month ago as I cheated on her with my older ex (5yr relationship and we nearly got married - she left me as I wasn't good enough for her) and when she contacted me after 6 months I didn't think and met her.. I guess I never got over her truely.. I even rang my ex and told her that I am back in touch with my older ex and we are over but then I realized 2 days later that my

Now my ex who left me treated me better than anyone ever has and is perfect in every way so beautiful and caring and I think I was always insecure thinking she will leave me one day she is too good for me..

She left me as she is too scared to get hurt and believes once a cheat always a cheat.

It been a month now and we talk every other day but she acts just like a friend like we were never together but she also has my email and facebook passwords and goes on my facebook to see what I'm up to everyday.. she says its purely as she is nosy and even tho its selfish of her she doesn't want me out of her life yet and wants to remain friends.

She calls me when she wants something or just to see how I am doing and I let her and let her keep my passwords as I think if she wants to know my business she might want to give us a chance again but she is adamant she won't change her mind and that I should move on and that she is past caring about us being together now. But if I'm on the phone she will want to know who it is etc so is very curious to what I could be up to. that fact she is curious makes me think it could be a test to see if I stay and wait to prove I can be loyal or she genuinely just wants to be friends and never anything more..I feel like one day she will get with someone else and I won't be able to stay friends but I am now just becuase I am hoping she will change her mind.

I can honestly say if I had the slightest doubt I would hurt her again I would walk away that's how much I love her, I know she is starting to like another guy as she told me that nobody has every treated her how he does and they kissed once when they were out but there are not together, and I know he wants her becuase he has always tried to get with her.

I just hope someone can advise me if I should wait and leave things how they are or change my passwords etc as it is killing me like this. I have said this before and she just says fine I will stop talking to you but then I call her again and never change my passwords and we are back to talking but literally as friends like we were never more than just friends..

I know she is confused but I think everyday that goes by she is getting over me more and more and spending more time with the other guy but me as time goes by my love is growing stronger and so is the hope even tho she cannot be more clearer that she doesn't want to be with me in our conversations.

Is the fact she goes on my fb really just curiosity and nothing more?

Could there be anyway I could prove how loyal I could be if she takes a chance in me?

Updates:
she told me last night that she has realized that she wants no1 just to be with her family and finish her studies and then hopes someone will come in her life and love her.. But she still texted me to say please don't leave my life forever..
She textd me that because I said I can't carry on talking to her anymore because all I will do is hope she takes me back oneday.. I said I could wait forever to prove I can be loyal but she says she doesn't want me to..
I said I could stay friends but the moment I find out she has moved on it will kill me, but then she says she doesn't want anyone..I really don't want to stop talking to her but if after a month she gets with someone else I think it would hurt me10x more
I was blunt and said if I ever get over you I will contact you and maybe we can stay friends but please don't contact me, and she said she think we will carry on talking because we have said this before and keep talking.. I really want to wait for her..
she says after all we went through she doesn't want us to hate each other. I think because she told me not to leave her life forever maybe I still have a chance? Maybe I should stay in touch and prove I want no1 else? she finishes uni in april and I...
... honestly feel I could wait that long, but all that scares me is if she moves on while we are talking, or is that a risk I have to take after all the damage I caused? She said she will come to see me next week but only if I don't ask her to get back...
... with me. I guess no1 can answer the question if I should wait or not but I am just scared of getting hurt more and allday everyday I keep thinking about her, I don't want to go mad!

Maybe I should text her what anonymous user said? ...
..If she does have some feelings for you, even if it's slight tell her you are willing to wait for her and you will be there as long as it takes for her to finally, either let go of you forever or let you back in her life...
But the way she talked to me yday, it sounded like she has let go of me finally, she said even if I got back with my ex it would hurt her but she would be happy for me...

But again she wants to be friends because she loves me! argghhhhh!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • There is nothing you can do but say you are sorry. You made a mistake and made you realize how much she means to you.

    Give her a choice:

    -Tell her to look at you, and tell you to disappear from her life if she has no feelings for you.

    -If she does have some feelings for you, even if it's slight tell her you are willing to wait for her and you will be there as long as it takes for her to finally, either let go of you forever or let you back in her life. (NOTE: don't claim this if you don't HONESTLY mean it...)

    Once you get the answer, do accordingly.

    -Meaning, if she says she doesn't care for you, move away and stay away. Destroy contact for a while until you feel you are truly over her.

    -If you think she is lying if she says this, tell her you think she is lying and your feelings won't change, but still do above.

    -If she says she isn't sure, or she still feels something but... Tell her you ask for ONE chance. Don't bow bellow her feet, but do something incredibly romantic for her. Don't beg, but ask, apologize and wait...

    If you do love her after you do all this you should either move on, or wait.

    Anything but that will do harm to you and her.

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    • thank you very much for your help (prettygurl12 too) I have submitted an update as it won't fit in the comment box..

    • Show All
    • sent of her hair already disappeared and you need it just a bit longer. Whisper it in her ear and hold her tightly pressed against you. If she struggles more then 7 seconds, let go, if she loosens her body stay that way for a bit and make sure you pull away first making some excuse to disappear fast.

      Remember anything she once told you she liked/would like to try/ finds amazing. Then go and get it. (She said she'd like to see Paris. Buy mini Eiffel tower, romantic music and ask her to dance.

    • Dressing up as a silly Frenchman won't hurt. (making her laugh)

      If you think you might be rejected for something that can't be done without her consent bareheaded (like a dance) still ask. Getting rejected for something small is the least of your worry right now.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • It sounds like you really screwed up, there, bud. But I guess you should tell her how you feel and be insistant without being pushy. You can't force her to do anything. But you hurt her really badly it sounds like, so I'd be cautious and take it slow.

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  • I recently went through something just like this, but I was in her shoes. I wanted him back so badly, even though he hurt me. But my head said no, no, NO. A sincere apology definitely helps, especially if it is clear that you put time, thought, and effort into it. But ultimately it is your actions that will speak to her. Things might not work out; you might never get her back. But you can honor her memory and your time together by changing. She will always be a part of you if you learn and grow from this experience and treat the next girl as you should have treated her. Maybe someday down the road you can let her know that she is the reason you changed.

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  • You should learn from your mistakes and not do it again. My ex treated me horribly and we brokeup. He thought the grass was greener on the other side. I never heard from him again

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  • I assume she loves you more and have more pain than you of being away from you. She is afraid that you will broke her heart again.

    what she wants from you is an assurance that you won't cheat on her and you love her really. Love and feelings is not a business to give and get something. Just make her feel that she really means a lot to you.

    Text her when you miss her. This will heel her soon and bring her back to you. Just do it only if you are sure that you won't cheat her anymore.

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    • THanks, I am sure! we texteach other now and again but only general stuff, and she always asks me every other day if I'm OK, I told her yesterday that ofcourse I'm hurting but other than that I'm OK and you don't need to worry, she said she can't help but worry as she cares for me.. I will wait but I think I need to set a time limit and then speak to her about us, maybe say a month or 2 from now? I feel I could wait forever but how long do I do that and hurt myself more and more?

What Guys Said 3

  • I would love to help, but there is just to much info up there and a lot of it probably won't help me come to any conclusion. Please sum it up and I will give you my advice.

    -L

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  • I agree with her. Once a cheat always a cheat. I honestly don't think you deserve her.

    However, you can do your best to try and stay friends and be good to her as a friend. More might come of it, but it'll probably be better for you and her if you and she aren't together again. Once the trust is gone, it will never ever be back, at the very least in the same force as it once was. And that (as well as communication) is key to any relationship.

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  • You definitely have a chance, that's why she wants to stay in contact with you. She does want to work it out, but she wants to build that trust again. You only have one shot at a second chance so don't mess it up.. you can get some good info here ==> link

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