I treated her badly, I can't forgive myself and I want to prove how much she means to me.

Hi, To keep it short my ex of 2 years left me a month ago as I cheated on her with my older ex (5yr relationship and we nearly got married - she left me as I wasn't good enough for her) and when she contacted me after 6 months I didn't think and met her.. I guess I never got over her truely.. I even rang my ex and told her that I am back in touch with my older ex and we are over but then I realized 2 days later that my

Now my ex who left me treated me better than anyone ever has and is perfect in every way so beautiful and caring and I think I was always insecure thinking she will leave me one day she is too good for me..

She left me as she is too scared to get hurt and believes once a cheat always a cheat.

It been a month now and we talk every other day but she acts just like a friend like we were never together but she also has my email and facebook passwords and goes on my facebook to see what I'm up to everyday.. she says its purely as she is nosy and even tho its selfish of her she doesn't want me out of her life yet and wants to remain friends.

She calls me when she wants something or just to see how I am doing and I let her and let her keep my passwords as I think if she wants to know my business she might want to give us a chance again but she is adamant she won't change her mind and that I should move on and that she is past caring about us being together now. But if I'm on the phone she will want to know who it is etc so is very curious to what I could be up to. that fact she is curious makes me think it could be a test to see if I stay and wait to prove I can be loyal or she genuinely just wants to be friends and never anything more..I feel like one day she will get with someone else and I won't be able to stay friends but I am now just becuase I am hoping she will change her mind.

I can honestly say if I had the slightest doubt I would hurt her again I would walk away that's how much I love her, I know she is starting to like another guy as she told me that nobody has every treated her how he does and they kissed once when they were out but there are not together, and I know he wants her becuase he has always tried to get with her.

I just hope someone can advise me if I should wait and leave things how they are or change my passwords etc as it is killing me like this. I have said this before and she just says fine I will stop talking to you but then I call her again and never change my passwords and we are back to talking but literally as friends like we were never more than just friends..

I know she is confused but I think everyday that goes by she is getting over me more and more and spending more time with the other guy but me as time goes by my love is growing stronger and so is the hope even tho she cannot be more clearer that she doesn't want to be with me in our conversations.

Is the fact she goes on my fb really just curiosity and nothing more?

Could there be anyway I could prove how loyal I could be if she takes a chance in me?
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she told me last night that she has realized that she wants no1 just to be with her family and finish her studies and then hopes someone will come in her life and love her.. But she still texted me to say please don't leave my life forever..
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She textd me that because I said I can't carry on talking to her anymore because all I will do is hope she takes me back oneday.. I said I could wait forever to prove I can be loyal but she says she doesn't want me to..
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I said I could stay friends but the moment I find out she has moved on it will kill me, but then she says she doesn't want anyone..I really don't want to stop talking to her but if after a month she gets with someone else I think it would hurt me10x more
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I was blunt and said if I ever get over you I will contact you and maybe we can stay friends but please don't contact me, and she said she think we will carry on talking because we have said this before and keep talking.. I really want to wait for her..
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she says after all we went through she doesn't want us to hate each other. I think because she told me not to leave her life forever maybe I still have a chance? Maybe I should stay in touch and prove I want no1 else? she finishes uni in april and I...
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... honestly feel I could wait that long, but all that scares me is if she moves on while we are talking, or is that a risk I have to take after all the damage I caused? She said she will come to see me next week but only if I don't ask her to get back...
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... with me. I guess no1 can answer the question if I should wait or not but I am just scared of getting hurt more and allday everyday I keep thinking about her, I don't want to go mad!

Maybe I should text her what anonymous user said? ...
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..If she does have some feelings for you, even if it's slight tell her you are willing to wait for her and you will be there as long as it takes for her to finally, either let go of you forever or let you back in her life...
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But the way she talked to me yday, it sounded like she has let go of me finally, she said even if I got back with my ex it would hurt her but she would be happy for me...

But again she wants to be friends because she loves me! argghhhhh!
I treated her badly, I can't forgive myself and I want to prove how much she means to me.
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