Why doesn't he want a title?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing this guy for about 3 1/2 months and he says he likes me A LOT, and isn't seeing anyone else but doesn't want to put a title on things because of his past relationship. He said she really controlled him and treated him bad. When I confronted him about it and said "I'm not her, give me a chance." He said "I know you're not her but things were going well with her too before we put a title on things." He says "let's just see where things go." is this just bullshit? Cause I feel like he's hiding me. I want someone to say. yeah this is my girlfriend and be proud of me. If he really feels the way he says he does I don't see the big deal. & How long am I supposed to wait before he decides I'm his "girlfriend". I want to bring it up again but I don't want to be pushy. & part of me feels like he's just still hung up on "her" and I'll never live up to her.

[rach1125]

Why is it that people do this all the time? Trust me when I tell you that you are not the only one who has had this problem. If you are with someone and neither of you are seeing anyone else then they are your boy/girl friends. Would he think it was okay if you were with someone else? Would you be able to deal with him being with someone else? I can only assume that you are both committed to each other, right? If this is the case then you are already his girlfriend! Giving it a title is important for anyone to have more security in a relationship. He needs to understand that using the word girlfriend is not going to change anything. It's just calling a spade a spade. I would say that 3-6 months is about the right time for anyone to start having questions about if the relationship moves forward or is you call it a fling and end things. So it is totally normal for you to be feeling this way. As far as his ex is concerned, that's exactly what she is, an ex! Everyone has baggage from past relationships but that is no reason to punish someone else because of them. You are not her and will never be her. He needs to realize that there is a reason that he is not with her and he is with you.

Now for some harsh reality!

In my experience when a guy uses the whole title thing as an excuse, it means one of two things. Maybe he is not over a past relationship completely and is not emotionally ready to open himself up for potential heartbreak again. If this is the case, there is nothing you can do to change that. Wait or don't wait. that is up to you. Or, worse. He is really just making an excuse to have an opening for someone better to come along. Unfortunately he won't know that there is no one better then you until it's too late. I would say that you need to openly talk about this seriously. Let him know that he makes you feel like he's hiding your relationship and that he is not proud to be with you. Then decide if this guy is really worth waiting for. It's easier to be miserable for a while by yourself without him then to be miserable with him. There is always possibility for stronger connection with a guy will be damn proud to call you his girlfriend!