How do you get over someone you still love?

[Anonymous]

How? No matter what you do or you try your best to just MOVE ON with your life and from that person , you do your best to forget them 🤦🏻‍♀️ Shoot you have even tried dating but that LOVE is still there and dam it’s strong ! :(

I guess I really wouldn’t feel this way if he wouldn’t have said to me that he loves me & cares about me and thinks a lot about me still. Sadly our Brief relationship was wrong place wrong time and he went on and moved on to someone who doesn’t appreciate him , truly love him , and has cheated.

I have honestly tried my very best to get over him guys but I can’t ! And I hate that I cry about it , and when I’m with someone who isn’t him all I think about is him. I hate it :/

has this ever happened to you? And if so what did you do? How did you get over the person the person you love? And if that person loves you too?

[EmiliaB]

I think trying to forget someone always ends up making you think about them more.
It;s Ok to still think about them, and it's more than ok to still care, or care for the rest of your life... just as long as long as they are not the only thing you think about 24/7.
If you are just at home going over and over it in you mind, you're never going to move on, but if you wake up thinking about them , and then go about your day with them coming in and out of your mind sporadically, and then then think about them for a little while when you come home, that's most likely an improvement from where you started.
Just don't let it stop you from living your life,. Some people could be doing so many things that they enjoy, but they'd rather spend it thinking about the past, and that is a waste.
It's not going to happen overnight, but the more you go about getting re involved with the things you loved as just you, the less time you will have to think about that person, and then there will come a time where you won't want to keep rehashing that situation in your mind, and you won't want to go back. There will always be times when you think of them fondly and even miss them, but it won't be the same as wanting them back. Almost everyone has felt like the one they left is "the one" and that they won't ever feel those feelings again again, but you do.
Each relationship you have is a different experience, and i believe they are all irreplaceable. I've found, and this is just from my experience, that you never feel the same way about each person who is special in your life. It/s always a different kind of love or affection. It's not about getting someone knew to erase your old feelings, it's just about acknowledging and accepting that what you had is over and being ready for the future, and that will come.
It may even be that he is the person for you after all, and that it will come back around, but that can't happen either if you stay stuck in the same place, Anything is possible if you are ready for it.

[Asker]

Hey thanks for that wonderful advice ! I really liked that and you’re definitely right. I sound like a broken record from my other comments lol but 5 years has been way too long for me. Just recently I took a big hit cause he had said to me that he wanted to be with me for us to be together like we were meant to be and that he loves me too much and isn’t happy with the decisions he made after we broke up. Like getting married and having kid. Part of me feels like “he got what he deserved “ for not waiting for me and to deal with a cheating wife and bad wife and mother but then part of me loves him too much as well. It sucks & it’s embarrassing to feel love for the same person for years.

I had moved on well at least I thought I was but we always end up telling each other how we feel mutually but no action is taken & I’ve tried to move forward I had even plans on moving and getting married myself as well but I think what really messed things up was him telling me he loves me so much and doesn’t want me to leave or get married to someone else & he made all these plans for us and now? He can’t even man up to take action. he said all that so I can’t move on wow thanks ! I can see that now thanks you made me realized that in a way lol. I just overall want this pain and this stupid love and all to go away :( I’m overwhelmed

[EmiliaB]

It sounds very much like part of the reason you find it so difficult is because he doesn't want you to move on. He wants to have his cake and eat it... many people are like this and it is extremely selfish.

If he can be with someone else, why can't you? Someone who truly cares for you wants the best for you. They want to see you happy, even if it comes at their cost. That is love.
Hoping that you will sit at home pining for him is an ego boost, he doesn't have to make a decision about you because he knows you'll always be there regardless.

Do you not believe you deserve better? A good man who sees your worth would also feel that you did.

The proof of someone's feeling are in their actions. If he hasn't chosen you, you have no duty to him.

Would you not want someone who sees you as a priority and not an option?

This man can't have it both ways, it is unfair. l
You don't need permission to move on. It's not down to him.
The fact that he isn't with you now is all you need to know.

[Anonymous]

Stop making them a focus in your life.

You maintain this connection because your mind lingers on them and being in their life.
To get over someone you were so deeply connected to, you have to accept the split and distance yourself so that you can heal. It may be more comforting to have them in your life, still, because change is more difficult to accept, but it's more destructive in the long term.

You don't have to maintain no contact forever, but ideally just long enough so you don't feel like you need them anymore to feel whole.

Break-ups are hard and just about everyone has experienced this or similar, but they managed. Busy yourself and focus on other things. Remove them from social media, block their number, if you do want to get over them.

[Nahid1707]

I think you should move on and accept the break up
I’m sorry he cheated but you have to keep 2020 is be all about positivity
Try to enjoy life
Concentrate on college / work
Whichever you have 😊

Moving on and letting go is always the bad part of any relationship.

Yes I agree dating is difficult, you can’t force the new relationship to happen if they aren’t interested!

I’m sure you’ll find someone romantically one day
First you would need to move on and accept it’s over

Feelings can go and fade away
You have to give it time

You have to truly accept that the relationship is over and you would have to be ready to date someone new

[Asker]

I’ve tried moving on. It’s been 4 years already and I can’t seem to move on. I’ve been in bad relationships after him and I briefly dated 4 years ago , and no matter what I do I can’t get over him. I can’t get over him recently when he said he loves me still and that he wants to be with me. We can’t be together because currently and unfortunately he moved on soooo fast months after me. And he is regretting it. He woke up my love for him and hopes. That makes me feel Terrible.

These past 4 years I’ve dated , I’ve kept myself busy and improving myself as a woman but no matter what back to square one to him. I really like your advice by the way. Trust me I would take it but I have already and not working.

Stupid me , 4 years later and I’m still in love with I him. It’s so hard I can’t take it anymore. It hurts :(

[Nahid1707]

I’m sorry and yes I understand 😊

I’m sorry you had bad relationships

Dating is complicated and difficult

I’m sure you’ll find someone who you get along with very good

[Unit1]

Here's what i did...

i got drunk like hell first

then i found a supplier of anti depressants. I gave up on the alcohol to take meds instead

then the supplier stopped supplying me with the meds.

then i went and got myself an erotic sex massage from a very beautiful 20 year old student girl with big tits. Me and her are completely naked and she massages my entire body and my tool. I felt like in heaven again.

that became my effective substitute ever since. I'm paying these sex masseuses my money to treat me like a king 👑
i will become a frequent customer there.

i wish you luck in finding your substitute.

[Asker]

Oh wow that’s very interesting! Lol I’m glad it has helped you and you found your substitute at least !
you are definitely getting treated like a king !

I’ve tried everything ! But 5 years? Wow that’s just so stupid and silly of me lol. It’s embarrassing. I’ve tried different activities , stuff , of course drinking & just distracting myself But nothing at all seems to be working and it’s so annoying cause it’s been years lol.

We always end up back to square one of feelings of love and all this blah blah but we can’t be together deal is getting so annoying honestly ! He should of never made plans for us and said he loved me. My point is I’ve tried. What do you do with 5 years of not being able to fully move forward lol

[Unit1]

Yep. That's the danger of looking back and not getting what you wanted from life.
My "ex" made me fall for her hard too, more so since she was my first.
What you're going through is a normal process. I too thought I'll never recover but i found these substitutes. If you never recover from that, then that's normal too. Learn, that they inflicted this damage to you and they don't even care. Therefore consider them your enemies and unworthy of forgiving. That's what i do. I banned and blocked her from everything on my end. Forgotten history. I will find substitutes be it drugs or sex masseuses. Fall in love with the things you long for but not your enemies.

[Laozi]

I focused my mind on more important things and people. And nothing is more powerful than time. So, doesn't matter how much you love someone or blah blah blah, but in the end, the wounds are going to heal. So, don't force yourself. With time you'll get over it.

[Asker]

So have I. 4 years have been so long though , I’ve put all my energy and time on other things especially for myself but I guess what truly got me was that he told me things and mainly that he loves me and regrets not waiting for me a little longer. He was in such a rush to get married and start a family I guess and he thought I didn’t want the same thing. He was wrong and now he’s dealing with a horrible cheating wife that doesn’t treat him or the kid well. She even left them.

Anyways my point is I’ve tried doing everything you said yes time but that time is been forever now & I’m not to proud of that. I guess the best things for me will be to leave the job I currently work at cause I see him always there and just move cities. These wounds just won’t seem to heal. Thanks for you advice !

[Laozi]

It's not surprising if your wounds aren't healing. If you're seeing him every day, then how's that possible. You should have quit the job very moment when he got married. If you want to heal then move away from him and see how time heals you.

It's been 8 years for me. And even after such a long period, I can't forget her. But it's life and it goes on. So, believe me, time heals every wound.

[R3DthatDude]

I still love them. You got to let yourself feel how your feeling don’t stifle. Then after that it really helps to be with friends that you can hangout with. Don’t force yourself to date unless your good or else your bringing left over emotions from previous relationship. It never really goes away, once in a while I reminisce about her, but you I’m not super sad anymore

[Asker]

Hey thanks for that ! I guess my mistake was that I got so angry & hurt when we broke up from our brief relationship & like 3 months after he was already with someone else not only that , they ended up having a baby together & getting married so quickly. We were on a “break” and he ended doing that. So I went on ahead and just force myself to date again , hangout with friends , get stupid drunk and kept myself occupied. I hate that over the course of these 5 years we always go back to square one : “we care about each other , love each other etc” and that he’s in regret now for not fighting harder for me or waiting for me , he regrets being married & having a kid with her and loosing me. Smh he should feel ashamed involving his kid as his list of regrets.
How long did it take you? I’m embarrassed to say it’s been 5 years for me. I’ve tried so hard , I’ve kept myself busy and all but I end up thinking about him a lot and just wanting to be with him and that love doesn’t fade away. It hasn’t especially since he’s said he loves me and wants to be with me instead. I hate that.

[R3DthatDude]

Yea it took me a very long time. Jogging helps me personally. I run like 5-7 miles. The more stressed or upset I am the longer I run. But yea if you dint let yourself feel, it’ll take longer and carry over to other relationships

[ed1na746]

It just really takes a lot of time
But you'll find more important things in a while and that person slowly starts fading from your life. However you will surely not forget them. Just like I said. It takes a lot of time.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s what I thought so too but 5 years has been way too long for me don’t you think? Of course I’ve found important things through that 5 year course of time. Like promotions, become and aunt , traveling , picking up on new hobbies and such but no matter what I do my love for him is still to strong. I even tried dating but that didn’t turn out so well. I don’t like that it’s been this long and knowing he loves me too and cares about me too I know cause he’s said it recently. So that BOOM! Got me and hit me hard. It takes a lot of time buts it’s been too long way too long and it’s embarrassing:/

[ed1na746]

Okay I guess take a risk and tell him in a serious and mature way. Don't jump him with the most overwhelming confession. I don't know yiur situation well but maybe taking that risk is the right thing to do

[daisy77daisy]

I'm slightly in the same situation I'm completely confused and don't know what to do either I cried about my situation last night and today I love him so much I want us to be happy together I want him to become my best friend he says he wants the same then I get messed up in my head the struggle is real

[Asker]

I’m sorry :/ it truly is hurting very badly. I don’t like the part where I feel stupid for crying. I guess I wouldn’t feel like this if he wouldn’t have gotten my hopes up to begin with. We had dated before and it was wrong place wrong time I guess and 2 months later he was already with his now wife and maybe soon to be ex wife. He realized that he made a mistake and should of waited and fought for me harder.

We love each other very much our feelings are mutual. We can’t be together cause he’s married currently still to a cheater and someone who treats him bad :/ I’ve tried so hard to move on but I can’t I love him way too much.

It’s upsetting we can’t have the ones we want and love :/

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar situation. It's been a little over 7 months and she messaged me yesterday asking how I've been. Distance was the reason we broke up. I really want to get back to her but I don't think that would be wise now. I've been having hard times along with breakdowns and harder times are to come. I would've said time will heal it all the end but you said it's been 4 years already in your other comments. I don't know maybe a hobby or some change in your life routine might help. Good luck

[Asker]

Oh wow I’m sorry you going through that , it’s fresh. :/ don’t you just hate when oh they just message you or call you and have the decency to ask how you are doing? Like wow really. 😒 I was in a long distance relationship just like you too he was my friend for years a long time actually and it just didn’t work for us either just like you or was distance. I was going to get married and we had a son even but he didn’t live. Distance and the loss of our baby messed us up. I was like wow I did all this to move on and it got worse !
Long distance is hard but if she wants it just as much as you , you should definitely go for it ! But if it didn’t work out just I know it’s hard but let her go. I’m sure you’ll find someone closer rather than far. :)
Yeah it’s embarrassing but 4 years have been way too long and I’m honestly annoyed and over it. I’ve tried different things but they don’t seem to work at all especially after him dropping the L bomb on me recently & not wanting me to leave.
I think me leaving my current job and moving away will help for good. Thanks ! Good luck to you too ! :)

[Opinion Owner]

Damn you've been through much. Sorry for the loss and everything that happened should've been hard. And thanks for the advice and all. Hope things work out for both of us : )

[Anonymous]

I'm currently in an almost same situation as you. We broke up due to distance and I've cried almost every day since he left my country. But lately I'm starting to exept that it was not meant to be and I can't grief forever. Time's the healer. It will get better. Maybe not soon, but it will!!

[Asker]

I’m sorry about your breakup. Distance is hard. I too was in a long distance and it didn’t work out for me either, it went from trying to move on to worse lol. But you’re right things do get better , time heals but it’s been years for me and o still love him & I got to love him even more knowing from him that he loves me & wants to be with me. But we can’t be together. I just don’t want to live like this no more.:/ it hasn’t worked it hasn’t been soon time definitely hasn’t healed me

[Waseem94]

What i will suggest from my experience is that don't be too fast in making or breaking relationship. We mostly make judgements on our first meeting, it may not be the same as we think it. Don't be very much emotional as if the other one don't care about you you would be broken inside and out. Control emotions from start and see if your partner feels the same. Its just a suggestion and i know how hard is it to do in real.

[Asker]

Hey thanks for that advice.
Well he knows I love him and I know he loves me still. There’s nothing we can do at this point. We do care about each other very much still. My emotions are just very strong no matter what I end up doing. I just want the pain to end and all to be over. 4 years going to 5 has been way too long already.

[aly34]

If u guys are in love with each other. What's the matter. why r u guys not together.

[Waseem94]

May be you are still best friends and understand each other more than anyone else, forget about the past, think about future and make a long term plan.

[usemeplZ1985]

U never get over the person u loved for year u shared exspenice that are in the past but defines or contributes to relationinalship problems or not but we all never have a perfect relationship it's a commitment lots of work and sacrifice and if u both dont want it saylave to the relationship

[Can_I_Get_a_Do-Over]

I hate to say this, but you don’t get over losing the love of your life. Time will dull the heartache, but until you have a new love, you will not stop missing him. Why don’t you try to get back together if you both still love each other?

[cute_short_nerd]

If you genuinely genuinely love that person, you will never be able to leave them in your past and move on. If you do you might as well say hello to my good friends. Trust issues, Anger problems, Anxiety, Loneliness , and Self hate. Hiiii.

[MindYourEyes]

Honestly I’m still on that damn boat. And it’s been two years. XD doesn’t feel like it’s gone away one bit

[Almostoverit]

Yes. Time, self love, and finding something for you to focus on that's about you. It's part of growth.

[xjxssica]

No i haven’t but i feel like if you feel this strongly about him then U should act on it, you never know. Could you answer mine please? I have no responses and I need help

[unscrupulous]

You dont. You just learn to love them from a far.

[Asker]

Yeah true. For him and I we can only admire each other from a far and knowing the feelings of love are mutual is even worse.

[unscrupulous]

It is one over the hardest things. Try to keep in mind to be happy though. Know that that person want you to be happy and you deserve it.

[aly34]

Time heals. thats the only solution.

[Asker]

True but how much more time is time healing? I’m just frustrated and mad at myself that I’ve let it go on for so long the feelings. 5 years is way too long and I don’t want this no more. I want time to heal me ! This pain is too much :(

[aly34]

Involve yourself in some hobbies. Find a guy. have a relationship. Pray to forget him. try to avoid thinking about him... try to forget him. move on... leave him behind

[Plitty-Tank]

By picking up on hobbies and walking.

[Asker]

I’ve been there and done that. What do
You do with 5 years though? Lol & especially knowing that the person feels the same way for you? He dropped the L bomb on me & told me he wanted to be with me and all this.
Part of me just wants him to live with his stupid regret forever! But other part of me loves him smh.

[bigship66]

Try not to see him for a while

[Asker]

Oh that’s tricky because the only way I bump into him is if we are at the Same store but mostly cause of work , unfortunately we work at the same place that’s how I see him everyday. We don’t see each other at all outside of work or anything like that

[bigship66]

That's hard then

[dany018]

Meeting a new person goes a long way

[Asker]

It sure does ! I’ve tried but doesn’t seem to work lol. That’s terrible

[aly34]

Actually u are not over him coz u r still in touch with him. its seems u guys talk about ur emotions and stuff but he can't be with u. U are wasting your time with him. practically he has moved on. he married and got a kid. u are still standing there waiting for him. u r just hurting yourself emotionally. He has a family now. Just stop interacting with him. find a guy. fall in love all over again with someone else. just leave him. he is being selfish

[Steve37]

You can't until you stop loving them.

[Hotboy_booblover]

Sleep with someone else

[Asker]

Oh I’ve been there and done that. Didn’t work lol and now and days I’m just so focused on myself and work that I don’t be sleeping with anyone lol.

[jimmy2]

Its very hard, in time all wounds heal

[cute_short_nerd]

No. Even if the cut heals, a scar is left to haunt you, it never leaves you.

[charlesH19]

You don't

[BasicBad]

Fk other people

[mykal1123]

You don't

[cute_short_nerd]

I agree.