Would you take back the ex who cheated on you?

Question

Why and why not?

billbrasky00 · Accepted Answer

In theory, sure, yes, of course. Monogamy is NOT natural. In reality fear is what drives the need for us to commit. I'm scared if you're not mine then you'll leave me if you're free. That's how I've come to think of it at least. Certainly I offer only that as opinion, that's what this is, right? :) However, consider that there are many other great reasons for that.

Avoiding STDs. Hard to plan a life and raise a family if there's sexual promiscuity around and then there is the true potential you fall for another partner. So, ok, like most, but a decreasing %, you choose to be monogamous. Great, I'm in a monogamous relationship to be clear and happy. However, part of why I think that's easy for us is we are totally into checking out and talking about sharing other people (whether we will or won't it helps relieve the boredom of monogamy a lot and makes us closer and less jealous).

Ok, I still haven't hit the main question, but that all was foundational, and I'm sure wildly interesting to you. YES, I'd take the person back if I wanted them back. Why would I not? Because they gave in to temptation? There are 3 things humans need: Food, Sleep, and Sex. If you're not getting enough food at home you're gonna go out and hunt for it. If you're not getting quality of sleep you are gonna need to address that. Cheating can be a sign the sex isn't quality/frequent enough, but to cheat is wrong! However, i think when sex isn't up to par for both people AND it's hard to talk bout - like it is for most couples. That leads to either unhappy relationship and it comes out in other ways, or cheating.

Guys who cheat, women who cheat, it hurts badly the other person. It should not happen. However, if it does, i think it is key to look at why. Is it because the sex isn't good enough at "home" and there's not open dialogue? If that may be true are both partners trying to openly discuss and ensure everyone's getting what they need sexually?

We sure wouldn't be mad if our loved one came to us and said I'm not sleeping well for months and I don't feel well. I need a solution. We wouldn't be upset if they said I'm not getting the food that makes me feel good and I need to try to eat in a better way. Yet for many it's hard to talk sex and that, to me, is a big driver of cheating.

So, if someone cheats, and you think you can talk it out and use it as a sign. If you think maybe you both contributed to sub-par sex. They then handled that in the wrong way, but if you can understand and think they are sorry and you love them. Then try to fix it.

Broken bones come back stronger. However, some people are unhealthy and jerks so ditch those people and go find someone healthy.

My wife has friends who say they only want to have sex a few times a year (birthdays/holidays) with their guys. I told her ok, let's say that's true... and one of these guys has cheated. They stayed together and are working on it. I don't know at all if they talk about sex or what. However, if this guys getting sex 2-3x a year... and asking for more, and told no, then shit... don't you have to at that point talk bout what to do as a couple and if there can be any openness or if needs aren't met then departing?

So look... that's a short novel of an answer, but it's a Sunday morning and I'm a little caffeinated and stoned. Cheers!

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

And give them another chance to cheat on you? If it didn't work the first time, why would it work the second time? Nothing has changed and we will get the same result, so it would be worse than just a huge waste of time. I would be setting myself up to be hurt again.

Espresso-Grande · Accepted Answer

No. Because once my trust is broken it can never be regained or rebuilt. After infidelity, a guy could never earn back my trust because he's already given me one good reason why he can't be trusted.

Every relationship needs boundaries. Staying with someone who cheated is letting them know you're willing to overlook the betrayal. It sends a message that's it's okay to betray you. People treat you according to the boundaries you establish with them.

Once a person cheats, they've shown you what their true potential is; what they're capable of. So underlying doubts about their loyalty will always be there. A person can never prove they'll never cheat again after infidelity. So I'd always judge them based on their potential

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

The guy I dated before did not cheat on me but one of the reasons he broke up was that he liked another girl - I would not take him back - I like another guy now and I can find a guy that is interested and willing to commit to marriage so I don’t need him

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

No. I have self respect, if they wanted to be in a relationship with me they should have not cheated. I don't tolerate disloyalty and quite frankly they will be lucky to get out of that situation without their life destroyed (disloyalty should be punished severly, the only reason why people do this is because their is never a punishment for them and I think that should change). Once they fuck up like that, its done their is no second chance.

If they have changed great, I hope its true, but I'm not going to be the one to find out. I have only so much space on my back, every person only gets one spot to stick a knife, once they have done so they don't get another chance to do it again.

Zealashton · Answer

i would.

have a extreamly long talk first.
then i would meet their parants. and grandparants,
and talk to them about it

if i had a girl friend and she cheated on me

then came back and ask for me to forgive her.
i would say to her, if you wan me back, its for life, and you and me both, get a custum crest seared into our flesh, hot iron melting the skin.
and if you cheat on me while branded, i will beat the fuck out of you. .

cheating is the bigist form of betral, and thus. i would not tolorated for a final time, the explination has to be solid. honesty i would never take be a disloyaled person, ever..

also most people would refuse to get their felsh burned by iron. and thus, it would be a good test, to do see their determination and loyalty. and as a form of punishment on our selves,

Jjpayne · Answer

I would, in fact, i would also take back a partner that cheated on me.

For me, there are clear goals, do they still love me, desire me, do they want to stay exclusive with me and are they sorry for what they did? Do they want to try to make an effort to be faithful?

To me, the second time around when they cheated it would be harder than the first because it would show me that they might not be as genuine with wanting to change. But I'm open to help with their struggles but only to a point

lightbulb27 · Answer

if married yes, and work on it and hopefully fix it. therapy.
keeps going, no, can't do that. kinda complex with kids involved if that's the case.

dating... gotta talk it out and see what happened. prob not.. don't need that pain in life. but if can get through it, I think grow stronger. people do what they do for a reason... find that reason... then assess...

nothing changes without some pain and suffering and struggle... and them wanting to change. if willing to endure with them...

as the bible says... paraphrased. "oh you want to get married... you are going to suffer". why... beause you are submitting to loving another complex and flawed human being for a long time.

V4mp315 · Answer

I can't even think of an answer for this one. I personally have gone through so much crazy bs that now my life has many many way to many ways I see things and how I can relate to many of them people I couldn't before. The main thing for me is that no one should judge anyone cuz no one knows what happened in someone's life for them to take the decision they've made

guesswhoseback · Answer

No. If they were trying to get back I would use it as an opportunity to ventilate everything I went though after the incident. And the end of it I would forgive them but I would wish them the best of luck. Not taking them back.

I have never been knowingly cheated on. But I’m very suspicious that an ex from 6 years ago cheated on me a week before she dumped me (with a guy she met at work).

We were having problems leading up to that. So she had “mentally moved on” but she’s not justified to do that crap.

I never got it confirmed but I’m real suspicious it happened. She also asked me a few weeks later if I could sell her back an event ticket she previously got me as a gift.

She kept on saying “my friend would like to go with me. She would Iike this event”. But I think her disgusting ulterior agenda was to give this to the other guy. I just gave her bucks for it and kept the ticket. That way I felt like I didn’t owe her anything for it.

Larson7 · Answer

I've got to come over here and say hell no then I thought about it and I may have already done that. 14-year relationship one time I don't know if she did anything with them but she went out with. Won't ever talk about it barely even told me about it I had to threaten and do all kinds of maneuver the manipulations which I excel in. That's when I cared more I had brought that situation on myself not by cheating but but with drugs. Kind of lots like I was cheating I was with the drugs. She was gone on vacation or somewhere yeah their parents Connecticut we are in Kentucky. And I didn't answer the phone for a couple days cuz I was on cocaine heroin binge I still don't talk to anybody selfish

Hazelstar99 · Answer

No because I lost my trust. It seems like I'll never be the same person as I was. It's like you want to really believe that they love you but you just don't feel it. It's like all they said were lies and they will lie again and again. When someone can hurt you intentionally, would you be able to stay neutral with that person? It's better that I don't get to know your existence and neither I want you to know. Else, I'll keep on thinking why he isn't reaching out to me.

courtney06 · Answer

No never. I have zero tolerance for cheating. I feel like if they had the audacity to cheat then they weren’t that into me in the first place. I’m also highly sensitive and struggle with mental health issues. It’s simply not healthy for me to stay with a cheater. I understand some people can forgive and take them back, but not me. Cheating is one of the worst things for me. I also find that taking back a cheater unspokenly teaches them that it’s okay to cheat.

veecutie · Answer

NEVER. I would however, give him a chance to date again (but not officially) just to make sure I get rid of all my feelings. I would basically use him, to get over him by being aware how he isn't willing to change and will never do so and will never win my trust again etc. Basically by making sure there are no "what ifs"... what if I would have tried again or what if he had changed... I've done this previously and works like a charm.

John_Galt · Answer

I would never break up with someone that I truly cared about, over one mistake. I’ve never understood that. if it’s habitual, then of course! But when people end good relationships over single mistakes... I don’t really understand that.

SjE78 · Answer

most likely, no... as i wouldn't be able to trust her...
however it would have to be a woman who i felt very strongly about and their reasoning and willingness to work towards earning that trust is first and foremost a priority but personally i won't rate the chances of it working out

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Hell no. You would be enabling them to cheat on you again and you are showing them you are a pushover who has no sense of self respect.

Once a cheater always a cheater. She wants to run off and cheat, fine. But I am dumping her ass and not taking her back. Fuck her.

fireheart105 · Answer

If they cheated on me once then what's stopping them from doing it again? If in with someone then I'm putting 100% of my life into that relationship. If they can't do the same then they're not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. To me dating is testing to see if I can marry you and if you wronged me like that then I'll know I could never marry you

thatchick1010 · Answer

No. They made that choice knowing you will be hurt if you found out. The trust is broken and the one who got cheated on usually take it personally and have self esteem issues. That relationship couldn't ever be the same again. Staying is setting yourself up for emotional abuse
Once a cheater always a cheater

Everything I said is my personal opinion from my personal experiences

Apope16 · Answer

Absolutely. But only for sex. only as a fuck buddy. I couldn't trust them for a relationship. So I would fuck the shit out of them and just continue my dating life. then when i started being with a new partner I would cut things off. so fuck buddy would be friends with benefits until i found a quality girl. They probably would be jealous but too bad.

AdithyaR · Answer

For me cheating is an absolute deal-breaker.
If my partner cheats on me, I'm not even giving them a chance to explain, we're done faster than she can say quidditch.
And I'm never taking them. In fact, they no longer exist to me from that moment on.

ChattyGuy43 · Answer

I've only ever been cheated on by 1 ex and TBH, no I wouldn't actually, even tho she's was a great shag and had a nice body, i couldnt get that Australian accent out of my head, once a cheater, always a cheater in my books. Ex's are ex's for a reason, they fucked up & made a mistake to mess up the relationship so they void off any other right to a second chance.

Rohan-Thanekar · Answer

Mostly NO,,.. Not because i hate them or something. I still respect every single person in my life. It's just that they cheated because something was just not working for the 2 of them. If it's not worked before i won't even think of them in future. They might be a good person now but they r just not the perfect match. If it was a perfect match then they wouldn't had cheated in the beginning.

Elsa143 · Answer

Why will anyone take a shit back from the toilet again? Just flush it !!
Like let it go wherever it belongs.
This is for the liars, manipulative psychopaths, controlling, selfish, pervert and narcissistic people.

jmfillin1 · Answer

Depends on several factors like age and stuff. It would be extremely difficult regardless, but when your 18-19 or young and dumb is a bit different than being in your 30s or so. I don't believe that once someone is a cheater they're always a cheater, though it may often pan out that way. It'd take a lot of consideration, and often times people in adulterous situations often use those instances to hang over the others heads throughout the rest of the relationship.

legalboxers · Answer

Yes. If I loved her with all my heart, yes. For me, I forgive. Im an asshole because I still love my ex who choked me and beat me with her charger cable, who accuses me of lying when I didn't (see my questions posted). In 2020, when you know the world maybe falling apart, (to me I seen many deaths this year with people I know personally, and people who had Covid.. AND DIED FROM COVID, and on Respirators) you do what you can to make sure if you love that person.. make sure they are with you...

bulltaker · Answer

It would depend on where our relationship was at the time, if we were in bad shape, then cheating is expected so yes I would take her back if I felt like we could fix the issues, however, if I thought everything was great and she cheated then no I would not.

Anonymous · Answer

i was young but a girl did it to me a couple times with my so called best friend. it wasn't like some long continued relationship. it was a couple times she didn't come home that night. for some reason i remember just being kinda callas about it. thoss relationships both ran there courses. so to answer your question yes i would yes i have.

hammeronfire · Answer

Never ever!
Anyone who cheats is not worth it. The pain they put me through will never be forgotten. The lies and the games will never be forgotten. The trust is gone. As far as I’m concerned they can both fuck all the way off and I never want to see them again

Alyssa11 · Answer

Hell nah. He took me for granted, abused my vulnerability and now he can go and cry me a river. Good luck finding someone who's down for you, like I was.

Unit1 · Answer

I'm not a cuckold. At most I'll use her for sex only under the illusion, that I have forgiven her.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Like hell!

TheorionMage · Answer

NOT if her perception of me REMAINS Mr.-good-enough-til-better-comes-along!  "Fool me ONCE shame on you, fool me TWICE, shame on Me."

ohshee · Answer

No. Because first she cheated second she's lying and the going to try to play me as stupid so I don't once that game has happen it would just be better to find someone new

silvermoon84 · Answer

No, because that’s only giving him the green light to do it again. If he’s truly changed and decided he wants to be faithful, let him do it for the next girlfriend. I don’t give second chances

J_Fitz · Answer

No. They proved they couldn't be trusted. Why would I put myself in a situation where I constantly have to worry that my partner is dishonest and possibly going to cheat again.

NyceGuyFinishingLast · Answer

Hell no. Fool me once shame you, fool me twice shame on me. I don't let my feelings cloud my judgement. Just like I would not expect anyone to take me back or forgive me if I cheated on them.

Miristheiss · Answer

No. Why? She'd be dead to me, I'd never want her again. That is an extinction level event for me.  There is no way I could ever look at her again and I wouldn't try.  Break up, move on.

DellBell · Answer

Not a hope! Never gonna happen! They were selfish and clearly didn't respect me enough or love me so why on earth would I take someone back that basically destroyed me in ways?

DrNixel · Answer

thing is mostly they apologize not for cheating but for being caught. so there is a very high chance for them to keep continuing their cheating, there is nothing you can do about it than to just let him or her go. make peace with and know that, them cheating is not because you are inadequate but because of their inadequacy, unless you cheated on him or her first,, then your relatonship will always be based don that.

proNutro · Answer

If he was truly sorry and wanted to make things work then yes I’d give it another chance. If he cheats again then I wouldn’t take him back but I do believe in giving people a second chance.

lokeshdh000 · Answer

Wveryone deserves a chance but you have to be careful and aware of his actions. A Snake already bite you may bite you again and more painful this time. And i will leave the decision on you.

msc545 · Answer

No, they'll just cheat on you again. Besides I could never trust her again so it wouldn't be worth it

Finchie40 · Answer

Nope , cuz I value myself worth and don’t have Sucker written on my forehead , a cheater will cheat again , so why waste my time

TheLawAroundHere · Answer

How would that work? Every time they are out of your sight, you would picture them fucking around on you. At least, that was the only thing i could picture.

thimmslicc · Answer

I've taken him back before.  I know how a cheater moves now.  2nd time around he should be the one to feel insecure.  Exhausting relationship 2nd go around.

spartan55 · Answer

Let's me put it this way, I would be more likely to fight a hippo then take back a cheater. Instant game over for me.

Dargil · Answer

Nope. A cheater is a cheater. Cheating is never an accident. It is a plan. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal.

NMMan · Answer

Never. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Hangry22 · Answer

Nope. If he cheated, our relationship wasn't true from the beginning

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

No, you have lost every ounce of trust I put in you, and I don't trust people as far as I can throw them. How do you expect me to trust you again?

funnygeese · Answer

nope... once the trust is broken it would be hard to earn back. Even if i did take him back then i won't trust him as much and i won't be as open.

postempestas · Answer

Hell no, unless they got raped, which hardly, so no. If he did that he has no love or respect left for me.

virtue2332 · Answer

Yeah I would because if it got to a point that they actually cheated I would have to accept some of the responsibility.

flamiE · Answer

No, if he didn’t appreciate me the first time around why would he the second one? Even if he would I don’t like guys who rely on chances.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

No I don't think so, even if I still had warm feelings for her, I wouldn't be able to trust her like I did before. Without trust and respect, what value is it to merely be in love?

TOB93 · Answer

No. It's as simple as that. Why give you a chance to do something that I would have never thought of doing to you to me another time?

Simplismilez · Answer

Maybe. My ex that cheated is a good guy but ifk if it would be worth it. I do still love him though so maybe if he actually gets help like he needs to I can reevaluate

pajamasam · Answer

No, there was a lot of learning about what I should and shouldn't tolerate in that relationship and I would never go back on that.

DizzyDesii · Answer

When i was 15, yes because i knew no better and he was my first everything. But now that im older and wiser, nope

sabwafair · Answer

You can take her back but she will never be as Special to you again.  You just take her back because you lost you sex.

wilfh1965 · Answer

No because the trust is gone and you will never truly forgive them for cheating on you plus if you're relationship ended badly never go back

Skankhunt · Answer

Absolutely not, because the trust in each other has broken. It's really hard to rstore that, also, you will always feel suspicious, thinking that he might do it again.

jgokgotit · Answer

I'd never take back an ex period, much less one who cheated on me.

Would you take back the ex who cheated on you?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said